Chapter one: Chris
Becca lay back on the couch; her body absolutely exhausted. She kicked up her feet onto the worn plaid material and sank even lower into the cushions. Her shift had run late at the pet store and she'd been running around like crazy trying to organize some pay check for the store's rent or something; the boss wasn't awfully particular. Her hand flopped over the edge of the couch and she felt a cold nose rest in the curve of her palm. Casper licked her fingers until she gave in and petted his head.
Casper, Hunter's dog…
Hunter…
Chris.
Three years. Three years since he'd said goodbye that final time. Three years since he'd given her that heart-wrenching final half smile. Three years since Chris had said goodbye, delivered his final smile, taken his brothers and left her life forever.
Don't think about it. Don't think—
But Becca was already crying. Silent tears streaking down her cheeks like rain over a stone statue's forever frozen face. At least Hunter's shift had run later than hers at the postal office he worked at. So he didn't have to deal with her sobbing again. Not that either minded. Though they'd lived together now as friends they'd grown apart in recent months. Hunters job was getting pretty serious and he was getting longer hours for higher wages. And now Becca was suspicious that Hunter was developing feelings for her in more ways than what friendship counted for. With time she guessed she might be able to love Hunter back, possibly have some kids together and finally be happy. But right now her heart ached for only one person; one who was never coming back. The tears came harder and faster now, at the thoughts of having a family with Hunter not the one person she actually believed she could have a future with; until her chest was quaking with sobs. Right now she could do with one of Hunters hugs. The thought of hug made her feel a little better. She tried to imagine smelling his cologne, feeling his piercings and muscles as he wrapped his arms around her. With bleary eyes she sat up and took a tissue out of the box on the coffee table. She wiped the tears away, wiped her runny nose and stuffed it up her woolen cardigan sleeve. She glanced around the place she now called home. It was small. The kitchen and living area were one in the same plus a bathroom fused with laundry and a bedroom for her then another one for Hunter. It was cozy and rustic. There was a leaky spot on the ceiling and mice and cockroaches in the cupboards but it was still a place she could calls hers.
Home.
She remembered what home meant three years ago. Living at home with her mother and Quinn sleeping over most nights. Now all that had changed. Her mother had moved out, back with her bastard of a father, surprisingly. Hunter was never quite patched things up with his grandparents. And the Merricks house was empty. She'd been there a few times to see if they'd returned at any point but the dust was only getting thicker. The tears came again and she didn't bother to try to stop them. She'd given up a long time ago to shove down the grief and loss and feeling of total abandonment. It was her and Hunter on there own now. The other Merricks could still be out there somewhere but Chris… he was gone. Casper padded away over to his bed in the corner of the tiny room. Becca flopped an arm over her eyes as if it might stop all the problems of the world getting to her, if only for a little while.
Was that the back door opening?
No. It wasn't. Now along with depression and an eating disorder she was going crazy and hearing things.
Casper started panting and walked across the floor, his nails clicking in a way that indicated he happy.
"Hey boy."
Hunter was home early.
Hunter?
No. He never leaves work only.
He never leaves work without texting, early or not.
And her phone was there, sitting silent on the coffee table.
Plus his voice is only that husky after a late night out with their old friend whiskey.
"Is nobody home?"
No…
He was dead.
He couldn't possibly be standing in her living room…
"Becca. It's me… I'm back."
Her eyes flashed open. Shivers tingled across her skin in the way it had when she heard that one voice. But that one voice was gone; dead. Footsteps sounded and Becca imagined a figure circling the end of the couch. A shadow crossed her body and she began to shake. This hallucination was feeling far too real.
"Becca." She moved her arm off her face to look at what should have been wall. Instead her heart momentarily stopped and her blood ran cold when she laid eyes on the drop dead gorgeous, blue eyed, dark haired boy she'd been in love with. The same boy that left her when he died three years ago. Christopher Merrick.
"Bu– but you're dead."
He stared on emotionless as tears streaked her face. "You're dead. I've tried to deal with your death for over three years now and have nearly killed myself in the process. Why would my subconscious do this to me now? It's torture." She sobbed, semi screaming at the face of her dead boyfriend.
"Go away!" The hurt and pain washed over her all at once like a tsunami and she completely broke. Whether he was real or just a figment of her imagination she didn't want to see him. He was the soul individual that had caused so many feelings that had confused her and left her broken.
She pulled her knees up and buried her face into them with her arms surrounding herself like a shield. The end of the couch dipped under the weight of someone sitting down.
"Becca, please. It's me, Chris."
Cool, smooth fingers touched her knee. Laika shied from the touch and flung herself off the couch. The figure with her dead boyfriends face stood with her, wearing entirely black it was like his form was a shadow. Crying, Becca ran for the doors, blindly stumbling and slamming them as she went. But the figure that claimed to be Chris was quick to give chase. He stopped the doors before they shut and caught her soon enough. His hands came down on her waist as she crossed the threshold into her bedroom. Their momentum became unbalanced in the little space they had to stop and they toppled over. The shadow figure spun Becca mid fall so she landed on her back with Chris pinning her to the spot. He had a knee on either side of her hips and his hands pinned her wrists beside her head. The blinds had been drawn and no lights had been switched on in Becca's attempt to flee.
"Leave me alone." Becca sobbed. "You're dead I know you are, just leave me alone."
The shadow of Chris looked emotionless in the gloom. It had the same burning blue eyes, dark unruly hair and defined jawline that she remember. His biceps seemed stronger and larger than when she'd seen him last. The face was still his, but slightly different to when she'd last set eyes on him. When she last saw him he was eighteen and willing to sacrifice himself to save her, his family and the young, Guide they all sort of adopted as a brother. It looked like he'd continued aging these years; he would have been twenty-one this year.
"Bex, stop fighting me, please." His tone was sad, begging, longing even; like he'd been searching for her for a long time.
"You died I know you did." She choked out around her sobs, struggling to free herself. "You're not real anymore." However the weight she felt pinning her down told another story. He leaned down close. Close enough that when Becca breathed in, she caught that all too familiar scent off his clothes. That clean, sunshine-y cologne that just made her want to melt inside.
"Yes I did. For you, my brothers and Hunter. But I'm back, I was in such a state of unrest that heaven let me back to see you. Becca I am yours. I am your Guardian Angel." His voice was still that gorgeous deep, hunky tone and whilst Becca stopped struggling the few last tears continued to silently roll down her cheeks.
"Go away. Please just leave me. I don't want this torture anymore. You're not real." She whispered. Chris sighed sadly and deeply, an leaned even lower so that they were nearly touching. And pressed his lips to hers. He held them there for a second, maybe a heartbeat longer then drew away. Already she missed their softness and warmth even if she was only imagining.
"Can you honestly tell me that wasn't real?"
"No… I… –it wasn't." she swallowed. He was just a hallucination, a pigment of her imagination; a dream. That's it, she'd fallen asleep on the couch waiting for Hunter to come home.
Chris groaned like he was losing his patience.
"So what was it then?" He growled. "I haven't stopped thinking about you for so much as a second since I left you. I sacrificed myself for you, what more can you want for me? You think it's been easy for me? My brothers are out there living their lives, Gabriel and Nick are doing there thing and Mike and Hannah have a kid! All while I've been trapped in heaven watching you fall deeper into depression. Then I'm finally let down to walk the earth as an Angel and you can't stand the sight of me! You're hurting me more than the Guide that took my life!" He shouted.
Becca was crying again. "Chris, I can't have you. You can't be mine and you can't love me when you're dead."
"I can. Bex, I can. I'm here to be yours."
"If you're real kill me. End my torture so I can be with you forever." Sobs heaved her chest, making her tiny body shake with the force of it. It caused Chris the deepest pain to see her like this. To see her in this much grief. For a moment he thought about doing it. Ending her life to spare her the pain. But no. She was a fighter; a fighter with a life worth living. She could push past the hurt. Like she pushed past the pain of Drew. More liquid splashed onto her face. Not only her tears but his. They diffused together and he bent down to press their lips together again. Her mouth was salty from the tears and her sobs echoed into his body. He cupped her chin and deepened their kiss with a flick of his tongue across her lower lip. It mustn't have been only him who remembered that she liked it when he did that because she whimpered as their kiss grew intense. Hot, feverish, as if they were about to be broken apart again, never to be put back together. As Chris pulled back he noticed her final state of peace, she'd fallen asleep at the touch of his mouth. He gently lifted her frail body into his arms and moved her back out to the couch where he'd found her. Only he was leaving her for Hunter to find. Casper was waiting patiently by the back sliding door for a departing pet before Chris ran away into the night; to where angels rest.
