Title: "Hatred and Dedication"
Author: Pirate
Turner
Rating: R
Summary: She hates them all and yet she
has dedicated her life to them. That's just the kind of woman Emma
Frost is.
Disclaimer: Emma Frost, Sean Cassidy, Scott Summers,
Generation X, and the X-Men are © & TM Marvel comics, not the
author. The author makes absolutely no monetary profit off of this
work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
She lays beside him, both unable and unwilling to sleep as her mind traces yet again over the span of her lifetime and all the mistakes she's made. It seems to be one long list of mistakes, but through it all, she realizes one thing. She hates them.
She hates her students, not the Hellions but Generation X. She hates them all for turning their backs on her when she was only trying to protect them. She hates them for abandoning her when all she ever wanted was to protect them and give them hope and a better future.
She hates the only man she ever loved. Like her students, she hates him for turning his back on her and looking at her in hatred. She hates him for invoking feelings in her she never asked for and then destroying the heart he had first caused to feel real hope. She hates him for making her burn yearningly for something she never could have had and for being true to a woman whose death she reveled in, one of many things that causes her to hate herself.
She hates the others just outside the door of the bedroom she lays in every night. She hates the adults for either giving her a chance or for not giving her one, and she hates the children for reminding her of those she had come to think of as her own only to lose.
She hates them all, but most of all she hates herself. She hates herself for being such a fool as to ever open herself up to be hurt. She hates herself for letting go of her old ways where she had once felt no pain. She hates herself for the deaths of her first students and the loss of her second ones. She hates herself for falling in love with a man who never could have loved her in return.
She hates them all and hates herself yet she can not find it in her to hate the one she lays beside. She has seen his hurt and felt his tears and wishes the man she loves could have ever felt such emotion for her. She has held him up when he could not hold himself up and never once been cruelly chastised by him. She has seen him pull himself together when he was crumpled inside for those who relied on him so. She realizes, more than any one else including himself, that he lives despite the pain and anguish that fills his heart just so that others may live through him and so that he can keep his team, his family as he calls them, alive. She recognizes the man he is and the goodness in him and wishes both that Sean would have even just once felt for her as Scott feels for Jean and that she could find the strength in herself that she has given him.
Every night is an eternity inside his arms as she gives him what he thinks he needs and another piece of her dies. She doesn't know how long she can withstand the pain and continue to live on this earth, but she determines once more that she'll help him all she can to achieve a better world for their kind until she can no longer withstand the pain. She hates them all save one for what they've done to her, but she still yearns for a better future for all their kind. The team and family she dedicated her life to is no more, but her dedication to them shall remain forever . . . even she does hate them all.
The End
