"Mello had always been called an 'angel', her deep blue eyes and light blonde hair portrayed it perfectly, but she always knew she wasn't the angel in her story."
Hey, I'm actually back on here. This is going to be a dark one, I already know. I'm not entirely sure how it's going to go, but I'm planning that now I've done this.
Parts of this are based on true things, parts are my imagination gone wild, you sort through it and decide which is which.
This story will include a lot of dark things, severe child abuse, self-harm, violence, disturbing imagery, gun play, bulimia, delusion, misanthropy, death, self-mutilation, religious abuse, child sexual abuse, slight gore, self-abuse, psychological disturbance, animal abuse... And a lot of other things I can't think of at this moment.
If anyone feels like beta-ing for me, pm me, I'd love that.
Once again, Mello is female in this.
Prologue
It was like something from a film, or a book perhaps, a game even. Something of a miracle that such polar opposites, yet so similar, became what they did.
Mello is as fiery, malicious, loud, and prone to tantrums should her way be denied as Matt was soft, comforting, welcoming. His fear of... Well, everything, and self-doubting nature was the opposite of Mello's fierce tornado-like confidence.
She was constant in the way that she'd always be something new. Where Mello would go weeks without touching an informative book, or viewing anything informative at all, then suddenly fly into an obsession that she must know everything on a subject immediately, Matt would constantly seek out some knowledge, even if it wasn't directly there.
Despite their differences, no one else could calm her savage temper as quickly as he could with a few words, running his self-manicured fingers softly through her hair and holding her to him even when she struggled like a wildcat. In a similar fashion, no one could comfort him in the same way Mello's confident psychological understanding and loving care for him could. No one was entirely sure how it happened- except them perhaps. Their worlds had two parts, the parts where they were only thinking of each other, and the time they were actually together.
They shared as much of their emotions as they could, Mello told him of her fear of the world, of everyone, and in return, he told her how much he was hurting. Mello told him how much she was struggling to hold on, and he told her how afraid he was of letting go of the boundaries he'd clutched to for so long. She confessed her need to be controlled, to be mastered, and he replied that he was terrified to take that control, lest he misuse it.
Mello lived in a permanently shut world. Even when you were in her private world as deep as you could be, she'd still have you locked out. Though, only Matt had ever got to that point, and he intended to someday get behind the locks and bolts. Matt's world was a constantly open door, if it had a door at all, with a locked room at the back, that only Mello had the key to, that only she could see into the darkness and find him in it. She was sure there was more, another locked door, another place she didn't know about, but she couldn't find it.
Her temper was always burning under the surface, and it only took a small thing to spread gasoline, and set her off, it was something Mello's known for, and she loves it. One of the only things they argue about is over Mello's temper, and she hates it. When she isn't winning a debate, she'll always be quick to use whatever she can to turn things in her favour, whether it's showing off her nymph-like beauty to bewilder those who oppose her, or using some manipulation to persuade her opponent, or simply demanding she is right, and that she can't be anything else.
Matt however, was always perfectly happy to admit defeat if it had been well won. If indeed, he was in the wrong, he would apologize profusely, and learn from it. Mello had tried to be more like that herself; to not be so self-righteous, and perhaps let someone else have their way, but it just depressed her, as much as that annoyed Matt. One of the only things he didn't like about Mello was her need to be right, her insistence with it, even when she was definitely wrong, and she hated that he wouldn't let her get away with it.
'You're not always right, Mello,' he'll say. 'I know.' She'll reply, and says it again for good measure. 'I know.' 'Then why do you always have to be?' And she never has an answer, and she probably never will. She'll apologize, and then she'll let herself fall against him and she'll cry. He'll simply hold her, not knowing what to do. Eventually she'll fall asleep, sometimes there's more conversation in between, sometimes there isn't. He's awake longer, feeling her chest rise and fall steadily with breath as she sleeps against him. Sometimes he gets up, plays games, reads, writes, anything. She doesn't usually wake up, and eventually he'll go back to their- her bed, and sleep, or just lay with her until she wakes up.
She'll forget about it by morning, and he'll be left with the guilt of it that she always tells him not to keep, but he does anyway.
Sometimes Mello thinks she should hate him, she thinks what they have can't be possible, she thinks of leaving. But she loves him too much, and Matt loves her, too. He loves her, and he knows her better than he knows himself, and he knows Mello knows more of him than anyone, including him, ever will.
