Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. That belongs to Stephenie Meyer. And if you didn't know this already, then I don't know why you are looking at this page...
Remembering Isabella
Summary: There's a reason we block out the past, but what is that reason? And how long will it be until you remember? When Bella meets Edward, something about him begins to trigger flashbacks that help her to figure out the past that she so easily forgot. But some memories aren't meant to be remembered, because they are the memories that scar us for life.
It's harder to remember than forget...
BPOV:
The day I woke up to brilliant vivid shining lights, the strong intoxicating smell of bleach, plain white walls and matching bed covers and with a sustained mind numbing beeping ringing through my ears, I knew something was wrong.
This wasn't my home; it wasn't anyone else's home. This was a ward. A ward in a hospital that I'd ended up in for some strange reason that I couldn't remember, but the bandage I found on one of my arms and the heavy, dizzy feeling I felt in my head told me that there was something worse going on with my body and brain than the body belonging to the doctor standing next to my bed.
He was dressed in all the overalls as if ready to grab his blades and make an incision in my head, pull out my brain and take a look at how well I'd pull through whatever it was had happened. But thankfully, and not surprisingly, he didn't. Instead he just ticked boxes and wrote notes on me, once in a while glancing up through his spectacles as if to fill in such details as 'what colour hair', and he also took notes on the annoying beeping electric box sitting next to my bed. Stupid box, all smug and looking after my life for a while, making me uncomfortable with it's long octopus tentacles that attached to certain points on my body to measure my 'progress'.
I wasn't insane, just a little uncomfortable and annoyed at the fact that I couldn't move across the room and out the door without the electric octopus box bleating in a frenzy about not being linked to me and the fact that I didn't even know why I was here. I felt like a mental patient, honestly that's all I can relate it to – Everyone telling you to rest and take it easy as if you were insane and forgot to do these things when in a hospital and the nurses asking you if you remember your name, age and how many pets you have. Easy! Isabella Swan aged seventeen with no pets and never had any at all.
Of course, I thought it was easy. I was the one on the edge of insanity sat on my bed all forgetful about half my life whilst the doctors gave me pained looks and treated me like a fragile ornament. My moms face said it all though, the wide open mouth and horror filled expression at me slipping up somewhere in my answers. I couldn't understand though, I'd answered the question correct…hadn't I?
My mom and I shared one of those knowing looks then. The type of look that after you share it you know that life is going to change after the situation and you know that your mom is thinking something heartbreaking and wrong – Something that you couldn't imagine her ever thinking in the first place. I must have really slipped up in my answers.
That look half prepared me for when I got out of hospital.
Finding my moms car outside in the parking lot and sitting in the front seat, my head dizzy with loss and lack of memory of the interior and smelly pine tree that dangled from the front mirror. I didn't remember any of this, but that was because I had suffered from memory loss after an accident that the hospital had left my mom to talk to me about. Oh I just couldn't wait to hear about it.
My mom climbed in through the driver's door and gave me that look again before twisting the keys in the ignition and reversing out to join a building queue of traffic, following them along the road until it forked out in two directions. I knew this road, it was just a few blocks down from my moms house, her friend lived somewhere along here with their dog that liked to tackle me whenever we went there. Yeah, I remembered, see I couldn't have been that bad.
When we got home, my mom looked…afraid. She got out the car and walked around my side to open the door for me. I got out and stood next to her, trying to follow her gaze to see what she was so scared about or what had caught her attention. Nothing about our street seemed daunting or scary. It was just as normal as ever. Well, except for the fact that there were flowers in the next door neighbour's garden now and a big fat gnome with a wheel barrow where there used to be the remains of a scarecrow.
We went inside, my mom locking the door behind us and pulling out my chair for me to sit on, her arms dithering pathetically at her sides as she tried to pour herself a cup of coffee, only pouring me a glass of water from the tap. She then took a seat opposite me, staring into her coffee mug for a while, leaving me to take in the surroundings of home, or at least what had changed about it.
The walls were dull and the wallpaper was thinning, peeling away as if someone had disagreed to the colour and angrily pulled it away from the walls, the couch across the room, opposite the large flat screen that looked so out of place, had a large indent in the cushioning where someone had obviously spent too much time there. Beer cans were littered over the coffee table by the couch and flat screen along with fast food boxes and wrappings that were plagued across the floor there. The kitchen area was better, a little piece of heaven in the house, all bright and clean, glistening – just how my mom loved her kitchen to be, just how it had always been.
"Isabella," my mom's voice was hoarse. She took another sip of coffee to calm the ache in her throat as I tore my gaze from the kitchen to look at her. "Would you understand if I told you that I don't want you to know what happened to you? Because, for one I don't think I could bring myself to tell you. Two, I don't want you to be dragged down by your past. And three, I don't want the past to scare you. Can you understand that?"
What was she saying? That I was to just go along in life not knowing why I couldn't remember half of it before I was seventeen, but be cool with it too? Was she insane or was I just hearing things wrongly now? This was like one big screwed up nightmare day.
"Bella, this is for nothing but your own good. I want you to go and write like you always wanted to. I want you to go and become that grown up writer that mommy will be proud of. If I told you about why you can't remember it all then it may help you move forward easier? The stuff you don't remember, you haven't remembered it for a good reason. I wish I could have the same advantage as you do."
She was confusing me, my head aching in so much pain, but I nodded anyway, agreeing to let it go. I was certain I could find out later if needs be. If I remembered the basics then surely I could forget about it, move on. My mum had mentioned it being an advantage that I'd forgotten, and my mom wouldn't lie to me.
I sat in silence for a while, trying to remember basic information that I'd need to get through my life without the block in my memory affecting me. My best friend was Sally. Who could forget her? With her long golden brown plaits and her huge smile that lit up the room. She was great and I'd known her since I was young, when we'd ride our bikes together down the road and across the dirt path where all the older kids would go, thinking that we were so big and cool. And on Wednesday nights I'd go to hers to study and sometimes we would do our school project together and put together presentations.
If I could remember that much detail on other things, then I was okay, right? Or not…
"Bella, I'm sending you away to live with Charlie." Charlie – he was my dad, I think. "You need a clean break and to get away from all this at home. The opportunities in Forks are better for you and everything is ready for you as soon as you get there. Honey, I know this may be confusing for you right now, but it'll all be okay. It'll be great! You'll love it there once you are settled."
I remembered those last words from my mom as I sat in Charlie's police car, driving down a tree surrounded road in the wet clouded over place that is Forks. I kept telling myself that this was for the best, because that was what I was told. And when you can't remember much, that's the best thing to do, believe your mom is telling you what is best and following what they think is best for you. Most of the time, although as a kid you hate to say it, moms are usually right and I had a good feeling that this time she was more right than I ever remember her being.
The first night staying with Charlie was okay, we didn't talk much, but he wasn't a big talker. He kept giving me scared glances across the table as we ate the meal I'd cooked him. I was pretty proud of remembering how, to be honest – even I thought it looked complicated as I put the ingredients in the pan, but my hands seemed to guide the way around the kitchen, instinctively knowing what to do.
When I went upstairs to go to bed, Charlie called a goodnight from the couch as he watched a game. I called goodnight back and found my way to my room where I remembered it being. I used to come here in the summers as a kid. Everything was still in place, just how I liked it. Charlie hadn't touched a thing.
In the morning I had school, so Charlie knocked at my door to wake me and I fumbled around in the darkness of my room, feeling groggy and unwell. My head still ached and the bandage on my arm covered up the itch that I so desperately wanted to get to. Stupid hospital restraints they put on you. I was just not in the mood that morning, but I did somehow manage to get ready and presentable for my first day at Forks High School. Well, presentable as possible when feeling like the dirt caught in a car wheel.
Charlie had bought me a truck to welcome me to Forks, which I was highly grateful for, but he still insisted on driving me to school and picking me up for the first few days. I didn't complain, knowing that I'd probably crash that truck from lack of attention due to a throbbing head.
I took my medication out of my bag on the way to school and popped two pills, like instructed, into my mouth before swigging a drink of water from the bottle I'd put in my bag this morning. They tasted disgusting, but I was hopeful that they'd do the trick, if anything.
I waved goodbye to Charlie and made my way into school to get my schedule and a map of the school which helped me to locate my first lesson – English. I pulled up my hood and made my way there, managing to get a few glances and 'oh my, you are Chief Swan's daughter!' type of reactions. Yeah, I am – thanks for pointing that out as if I wouldn't remember anything. Oh wait, I don't remember much, so they were half way there.
I managed to survive until lunch, which was good. A girl called Alice was in my Spanish and Trig class so she offered for me to sit with her at lunch. She was like a pixie as she skipped into the canteen, pulling my hand to lead me into the lunch queue. We both got our lunch on a tray, mine only consisting of an apple and juice box – my stomach still felt queasy. Alice then led me over to her table, making me sit right next to her as if I was her new toy and she wouldn't let me out of her site.
"Do you like it here so far?" She smiled and took a bite out of her apple, cocking her head to the side slightly. "It's not the best of weathers, but we make do. You should get yourself a raincoat by the way. I saw you this morning when you got out of your truck and you were soaked within five seconds." She giggled and then a frown spread across her face. "You don't talk much, huh?"
"Sorry, I was just…I don't know," I laughed and she smiled at that, so I carried on. "It's cold here too. How long have you lived here?"
"Not too long, just around two years? We had to move here because of my dads work – my brother Edward and I. He usually sits with us, but he's ill at the moment, came down with a nasty cold bug after we went on a camping trip at the weekend."
"Oh, that sounds nasty."
"He'll get through it. He's strong. You'll probably like him, everyone else seems to, I can't quite figure out why though, he can be a right pain in the ass sometimes." She giggled again and took another bite of her apple, breaking the skin and crunching away.
We sat alone at the table whilst other people filed in, taking seats and getting their lunch, all looking busy and so aware of everything, knowing everyone, even knowing me. And I hadn't even spoken to the majority of them. I watched as a blonde girl walked in, earning wolf whistles from a few guys at the far table as she made her way straight over to us. My initial reaction was that she looked intimidating, being so stunning and perfect, but when she smiled and Alice smiled back, I figured that there wasn't much to be scared of.
She took a seat and turned to me, "Hey! Oh, you are the new kid Isa-"
"Bella, Rose. It's just Bella," Alice smiled knowingly. "It's like people calling you Rosalie all the time. You know its cooler when it's shorter. Just like a dress, nobody wears ankle length dresses anymore and you know it!"
"Whoa. Alice. Cool it," we all laughed at Alice's ranting and then Rosalie turned to me. "Sorry Bella. And sorry about Alice, she's weird and can relate anything to clothes."
"It's alright," I laughed.
Rosalie took the second apple from Alice's plate that I'd been wondering about and ate it without a complaint from Alice; it was obviously for Rose in the first place. They both seemed to just gaze off into space for a while, not really feeling the need to talk or just not knowing what to talk about. Alice had already asked the basics such as where I was from, why I had a bandage on my arm, my birthday, my favourite hobby etc. And Rose probably didn't feel the need to ask. Maybe she just knew that I'd been asked it all before and would get info from Alice later. Or maybe she just wasn't bothered.
When two boys walked into the canteen, one big and stocky with dark hair and the other thinner, but toned and with blonde hair, both girls let out a sigh, resting their chins on their palms, their elbows leaning on the table.
"Feast your eyes on that man candy," Alice sighed. "He's just so gorgeous."
"You can say that again Alice," Rose agreed.
"Hey!" Alice slapped her arm playfully, "I meant Jasper!"
"Well I meant Emmett!"
Confused, I decided to break into the conversation. "But who is who?"
"Well," Alice said in a tone that could only mean she was going to dive into a full on explanation. "Jasper is the better looking one. Ow! Rosalie!" She growled as Rose kicked her under the table and fired her a dirty look, but allowed her to carry on. "As I was saying, Jasper is…the one with the beautiful blonde hair and the well structured face. He plays guitar and is just so talented that any woman is bound to just drop to their knees for him, begging to be his or for him to just kiss their hand. Oh, and he wears sunglasses a lot, but he's cool – definitely a charmer."
If she had been talking about Jasper before I'd seen him then I would've imagined someone else. Sure, Jasper was hot and good looking and I wouldn't mind if he was interested in me – but he wasn't my type. But it seemed as though Alice was head over heels for him.
"Whereas Emmett," Rosalie broke in, smiling wildly, "Is the handsome, dark haired and well toned one. He could whoop Jaspers ass any day. He is particularly good at anything sport related and has been known to have taken a certain someone on a date in the past," she smiled so proudly that nobody could doubt that she was referring to herself.
"They both seem pretty cool," I smiled politely.
"Cool?!" Alice gasped in horror. "They are more than cool! They are flaming hot men with a passion for more than just girls, porn and sex! They are hot, decent, lovely…Oh, so lovely men."
"Agreed!" Rosalie smiled, high fiving her best friend.
Well, at least they were decent guys that didn't just try and get you in bed.
"How come you've never dated Jasper, Alice?" I asked curiously.
Alice just stared at me in a 'you should know' way, but the truth is…I didn't know. I didn't know a thing about dating besides the fact that when you like someone you generally ask them out.
"Don't be so silly Bella," Alice laughed and then frowned sadly, shaking her head, "I'm way out of his league and everyone knows it. Plus, it'd be embarrassing to get turned down by one of your brother's best mates and the hottest guy in the school."
Alice's comment earned her another kick from Rosalie under the table.
"Oh. So do they both sit here usually?"
Both Rosalie and Alice nodded, smiling broadly.
"We get to feast our eyes on their hotness up close at lunch time, every lunch time, and of every school day. Honestly, it's the only reason I'm still hanging around this school," Rosalie smirked.
"How come they aren't sitting with you today?" I asked, watching the two boys walking out from the lunch queue and back out of the canteen, not holding trays but, just taking bites out of the fruit they'd picked up, as they walked.
"It's a Monday. Monday means soccer practice," Rosalie sighed. "I hate Mondays."
Charlie was there in his police car after school, drawing me more attention than I really needed at the time as I walked over to the passenger door. Some kids called out to notify me, yet again, that I was Chief Swan's daughter and some smart-ass' made a siren noise as I opened the door and climbed in, which seemed to irritate Charlie more than me.
"Good day?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said without really thinking. "Yeah, it was thanks."
Because, that was the best day I could actually remember that was recent that was good. I had made two funny friends that had helped me to maintain a normal, standard school day for a seventeen year old, gawking at boys, discussing girly topics, laughing at embarrassing tales. And I hadn't once thought about life at home or why I was in Forks instead of at home in Phoenix. I hadn't even thought about Sally, which made me feel slightly guilty.
When I got home I went straight to my room, sitting at the desk and working through an assignment that I'd been given that day, managing to get a fair way through before I decided to go down to make Charlie and myself some dinner. I didn't know how he'd made it through life before I got here. He could barely cook, but I didn't mind. Cooking took my mind off things and it made me feel better, plus it was a way to say thanks to Charlie for letting me live here with him to help me move on in life.
I made our dinner and we sat and ate it quietly, not really finding the need to fill the silences with random conversation. Then I returned to my room to continue with the assignment which I managed to complete by the end of the evening, giving me a clear head and feeling tired as I climbed into bed, surrounding myself in warmth as I drifted off to sleep.
EPOV:
Fucking colds. You think you are as healthy as a fruit and then suddenly you go rotten. Rotten fruit, that's what I felt like. I constantly held a tissue to my nose and was having to consume at least a pint of water an hour to keep my throat from aching unbearably.
Ill – I hated the word. It was weak, feeble, everything I didn't want to be, yet I was.
I found myself wallowing in self pity most of the time and just lying on the sofa, too weak to do anything. I was too tired to be awake, but too awake to be able to fall asleep. I was drifting through an agonising state of conscious and unconscious as I lay and stare at my ceiling, following the patterns with my eyes and smiling to myself at the little amusement I had. I was so bored, but nobody was here to even talk to me. Carlisle, my dad, was at work in the hospital, Esme, my mom, was at the nursery teaching kids how to count to five and my sister, Alice, was attending school, the place I wanted to be.
Now don't get me wrong, school was a pain and not the most fun of things, but I'd rather be Alice at school, socialising, having fun or learning, than Edward at home with a cold, sore throat and only having mind numbing telly and ceiling patterns as amusement. How was I supposed to know I'd get so ill after one measly camping trip that I'd been taking on a regular basis since I was little? My mom thought it was because I didn't drink enough water. Thanks mom, blame it on the only drink I do drink. Sometimes it's almost like people just have to find something to blame – anything. Even water.
When Alice got home I grabbed my tissue box and wrapped a blanket around me like a cape before descending down the stairs to see her and ask about school.
"Ew!" She exclaimed, stepping away from me as I stretched my arms out to hug her, looking like Frankenstein trying to be Superman as I wobbled towards her laughing. "Get away from me! You are a disgusting, human, freak! If you even touch this shirt I will kill you before any illness even got the chance!"
I laughed and gave in, letting a yawn overtake my body for a while as she slammed the front door and trudged over to the couch.
"Seriously Edward, I do not want that cold."
"Sorry Alice, I just wanted to say hello." Then I pulled that smooth move that Alice was weak for. The innocent puppy eyes and frown that made her little sturdy steel heart melt into mush and caused her to feel bad for whatever it is she had done. "Edward," she dragged out the d so it sounded whiney and annoying, making me hate my name whilst she did this. "Don't pull that face on me."
With that she walked over and hugged me, her short height only allowing her arms to wrap around my waist. The hug didn't last for any longer than two seconds though, she was out of my arms and across the room quickly, coughing and spraying the air with body spray as if it were her wall of protection, her own brand of pepper spray against the evil of colds and coughs.
Once she'd passed her overdramatic phase in the corner of the room she went and got me a drink of water and herself a drink of juice before sitting on the chair opposite the couch I sat on, keeping a fair distance.
"The new girl is sitting at out table by the way," she smiled at me happily.
"The new girl?"
"Yeah, Chief Swan's daughter."
"Oh, right. Her." Because everyone knew of her, not being sarcastic, but it was true. Charlie thought highly of her and as soon as he got the phone call, the whole of Forks was informed. Not intentionally, but Chief Swan just couldn't stop talking to people about it whilst he was at work and the people he told passed it on etcetera. It was quite an event in Forks, the land of the rain and miserable weather, to get a new person moving here. Not many people were eager to.
"What is she like?" I asked out of pure curiosity, because if she was anything like Rose or Alice, well…Let's just say there's only so much a guy can take on the subject of shopping, hot guys, fashion, girl topics and more shopping at lunch times.
"She seems pretty cool," okay, good start. "She wouldn't tell me why she is here though – she said that she'd rather not talk about it. Even has a broken arm, it's all plastered up. It makes you wonder doesn't it?"
I nodded, not really agreeing. If she didn't want to talk about it then so be it. It was her business, not mine, but of course Alice thought otherwise, she'd obviously want to know why. Not to gossip around, that wasn't what Alice was like, that was more like Jessica Stanley. But Alice could just be a bloody nosey cow at times. There was barely any privacy when it came to Alice and her friends.
"You know, it sounds like you've been smoking again. Your coughing is pretty bad." There she goes, nosey little Alice trying to squirrel her way into your business. Of course, she knew a lot, way too much, but in her being so nosey I had learnt to work around it and stop her from figuring out stuff. I'd learnt the skill of lying.
"Have you started smoking again?" She didn't even dance around trying to guess, she just asked me flat out. Confident was a definite tick in Alice's personality boxes.
"No," Lie. "Why would I start again?"
And so the best way I've found with lying and Alice is to question her back, because it makes it sound like you are shocked that she'd think such a thing and it makes her do the thinking instead of me stumbling around looking for a good excuse.
"I don't know," she shrugged lightly.
"See, I'm not that stupid," I laughed and finished my glass of water. "I'm going to go upstairs now, get another dose of sleep."
"Cool, okay." Alice smiled and skipped off to the kitchen whilst I climbed the stairs.
And guess what I did when I got into my room? I locked the door, swung open the windows and lit a cigarette, because to be honest, I needed one. The fear of being deprived of them again due to Alice's nosey manner was too strong and I needed to calm down before I slept.
Luckily my room overlooked the back of the house so if my mom or dad pulled up to the house they wouldn't see me smoking.
After a much needed cigarette and a cool breeze on my face, refreshing me but also making me get goose bumps and shake like a blender, I climbed into bed, aiming to be well enough to go to school tomorrow and meet this new kid.
A/N: Okay, so I know they haven't met yet, but they will soon. Edward is a bit dark in this story, which makes me squee. Sorry if the chapter was pretty long, the future chapters may end up the same way, but I hope that is cool with you guys? This is my first proper Fan Fiction and I made a video for it on YouTube too. (See my profile page for the link) New chapters should be up at least once a week or just as often as I can upload them. Reviews and PMs are greatly appreciated!
