Heads-up, this fic casts a homophobic hate group as the main antagonists. They're pretty rude, but no worries, their bad karma catches up to them in the end.
Once Sweden's shoulder had healed he was in fact able to finish repairing the roof of the cabin he and Finland shared. However it was soon broken again when Sweden and his wife decided to make the roof the location of their "holiday festivities" (Suppose that's what lovemaking gets called when you're married to Finland) one starry night.
They'd fixed the roof, naturally, and reinforced it that way it could withstand the passionate couple's "Christmas spirit". (In later years, when their child Sealand was living with them, they would make up some bogus story about reindeer on the roof to cover for the noise.) Similar things had happened to their bed, their sofa, the kitchen table and the front porch swing.
Sweden was more than alright with this. More sturdily built furniture was just another happy side effect of married life. Plus house repairs gave him an excuse to wear his historically misplaced blue jeans and symbolic tool belt, which his wife Finland found quite fetching.
On this lovely day Finland's head was resting on his husband's shoulder as Sweden drove a horse drawn wagon into town. They needed a few things to fix their recently broken bathtub. Last night had been the best bubble bath of Sweden's life.
As the horse team pulled them across a dusty road, Sweden stole a glance at Finland. His wife looked so angelic, eyes closed, head snuggling into Sweden's shirt, dress skirt fluttering poetically in the wind. This adorable innocence was just one of the many sides of Finland's personality. The soap-covered sex-addict from last night was another side. Sweden loved both. He loved them all. Sweden just loved Finland.
Sweden was so lost in the memory of bubble baths that he almost didn't notice that the conundrum occurring at the front entrance of town as they pulled up the road. What was all this? He squinted through dust-covered spectacles to try to see what was going on.
Then he saw it.
If he hadn't been holding the reins of a horse drawn wagon he would've facepalmed himself. Not again. Not now. Not with m' wife here.
Finland awoke with a jolt as the wagon turned sharply off the road and started heading towards the side entrance of the town.
"Cuddles?" Finland rubbed his eyes and glanced behind them to catch a glimpse of some kind of colorful something going on at the front entrance of town. "What's going on?"
" 'm sorry m' wife," Sweden replied "St'pid people 're m'king a scene at the town's front 'ntrance." Finland saw that Sweden had returned to his scary expression. Scowling, eyes narrowed, blue lines covering the middle of his forehead... Okay, granted, that's often how Sweden looked when he was happy too, but these were unhappy blue lines. Finland alone had been able to learn the difference.
"Why are they making a scene? You have unhappy blue lines on your face Cuddles, it makes me worried."
Sweden sighed as he pulled the cart to a stop next to a wooden post. " t's...hard t' expl'n. t's n't something y'r sweet eyes sh'ld see." His expression softened as he turned to Finland. He reached over and smoothed his wife's windswept hair. Finland smiled, enjoying the touch of Sweden's strong fingers.
"Cuddles..." Finland took his husband's hand and held it in his own, looking at him with shiny, pleading eyes "Are you sure it's alright? Do you want to talk about it?"
Sweden shook his head "Nh. 'd rather n't. 'd l've t' talk about ya though. How cute ya 're. B't first I need t' get th' things t' fix th' bathtub."
Finland's face glowed crimson like Rudolph's nose as the memory of last night came back to him. "AH HA HA HA! Yah, that one."
"Ya will h've t' help m' test it when 'm done with th' repairs. M'ke sure th' repairs 're str'ng enough," Sweden winked as he let go of Finland's hand, hopped down off the wagon and tied the horses up to the nearby post.
Now Finland's face was blinking red like an alarm beacon "Yah...that sounds fun...I'll go get some groceries or, something..."
Finland caught himself drooling as he watched his husband walk off in his historically misplaced blue jeans. Ah the blue jeans...the sight of those old worn out denim pants snugly fit around his husband's rear end never got old...
He smacked himself in the face "Really Finny! You're in public!" He hopped out of the horse-drawn wagon and walked over to the general store to get some food for the week. Although all he was really starving for was Sweden.
Finland shook off the distracting fog of Sweden's sensuality and returned to worrying about the front entrance shenanigans. No really, what was going on? Cuddles was a pretty together kind of guy...it must've been quite a thing to shake Sweden up like that.
"…n't something y'r sweet eyes sh'ld see," his husband's advice echoed in his head. Very Cuddles-like, wanting to protect Finland from the evils of the world. But Finland didn't know a lot about what could upset Sweden. Was there some secret soul wound or emotional tender point Sweden had that he hadn't informed his wife about?
Finland stopped in the middle of the general store aisle and turned around. He hurried out the door and onto the street.
He dashed down the dusty central road, heart pounding more from nervousness than from cardiovascular exertion. Something that could upset Sweden, his sweet, strong Sweden, his protector. If it got under strong Sweden's skin then there's no telling what it would do to fragile little Finland.
But he had to know, he just had to.
He stopped just yards short of the town's main gate, panting as he caught his breath and wiped the dust from his eyes.
When he opened his eyes and looked ahead, his first immediate desire was to bury his eyes back in the dust. Instead he stood open-mouthed in horror, shock and disgust.
GOD HATES SWEDEN read the largest of the signs carried by the gaggle of Americans that were standing behind a police line near the main gate. Finland could feel the blood drain from his face as the other signs popped out from behind it.
FAG SWEDEN
GOD HATES FAGS
SWEDEN WILL BURN
SWEDEN'S MOM COOKS WORSE THAN ENGLAND.
"Oh now that last sign was just really low! Worse than England, what a thing to say!" He walked over to the police line and yelled to get the sign-waver's attention "Hey! What are the nasty signs about? Why would ya say something like that?"
"Because it is a message," one of the sign wavers replied "From God."
"But God is all like supposed to be the nice guy and everything. He wouldn't tell ya to write terrible things about such a wonderful guy like Cuddl-I mean Sweden."
"Of course he would. God hates homosexuals, because homosexuality and the enabling thereof are the greatest evils of all."
"Hey that's not true! God doesn't hate people for something like that! God doesn't hate anybody! Except for France, that's why he told Hungary to beat him with a frying pan."
"STOP TRYING TO TOUCH MY ROMANTIC INTEREST YOU PERVE!" Hungary could be heard shouting in the background as she chased after France, swinging at him with her frying pan whenever she got the chance.
Austria was curled up under a tree crying while hugging his piano for comfort. "Why am I a victim of constant trauma!?"
The sign carrying moron wasn't swayed. "God hates homosexuality, and thus hates Sweden. We're doing the world a favor by letting them know just how terrible Sweden is."
"WHAT? No you're not! You're hurting a nice guy's feelings for something that isn't even wrong-"
"HISTORICALLY MISPLACED MEDIA! Sorry, we have to go get ourselves filmed looking like morons because that's what will make God happy!" The group ran off to the other side of the sectioned off protest zone.
"Dude, I'm so sorry about this. This is like totally embarrassing. I feel like I'm going to throw up all ten cheeseburgers I had for lunch today!"
Finland turned around to see an extremely put out looking America, who was also probably historically misplaced. To be entirely honest, nobody even knew what time period it was anyway, so everybody, including the narrator, stopped pretending to care.
"Mr. America? Who are these guys? Can't you stop them from saying these awful things about my husband?"
"Dude I'm totally sorry! They're called the WestboroBaptistChurch, and I can't control them, see?" America held out his arms to reveal handcuffs inscribed with the First Amendment. "My hands are tied. They're technically protected under the Bill of Rights. Trust me, if it was up to us we would totally kick them all out Dude! They totally suck!"
"Hey look, it's our own country!" One of the Westboro Baptists crossed the police line and started whacking America on the head with an anti-Sweden poster. "I bash you with hatred in the name of the Almighty Loving God!"
"See dude? They like totally hate me too. Believe me Dude, I wouldn't wish these guys on anyone."
Finland was confused "Wait, why do they hate you?"
"They like hate gay people dude. So they totally didn't dig it when they found out I'm addicted to the sweet man-love stories Japan writes."
"Really?"
"Dude it's no surprise Man. That's like the new American way, to be eating a cheeseburger while slurping on a milkshake and reading some steamy yaoi. Yuri if I'm feeling sensitive. But Dude, those always end so sadly!" America got teary at the thought as the Westboro Baptist continued whacking him on the head.
"So n'w ya know..." sighed a familiar deep voice from behind them. Finland turned to see Sweden with his shoulders slumped and his eyes glues to the road. "I s'ppose I sh'ld've known ya would w'nder about it. Sh'ld've j'st t'ld ya, so ya wouldn't have to see-"
"Hey! There he is! There's Sweden!" The Westboro Baptist stopped whacking America with the sign, hopped back into the protesting zone and got the rest of his groupies chanting "God hates Sweden".
"...th's..." Sweden sighed "H're, l't's leave." He took Finland's hand and started to walk away.
Finland yanked his hand back "No way! I can't let them say all these bad things about you!" He ran up to the edge of the protest zone and shouted at them "Hey! You all stop that right now! Don't say that about my husband!"
Silence struck the mob for a second.
"Your husband?" one of them repeated.
"Yah! He's my husband and you need to stop harrassing him RIGHT NOW OR I'LL-"
"Then you're a hellbound filthy whore like he is, you faggot piece of sh-"
Sweden's hand was clenched around the protestor's throat in a choking death grip "Ya c'n say wh't ya w'nt about me, but d'n't ya dare ins'lt m' wife." Cuddles took him and threw him on the ground.
"Sorry Sir," a couple of cops appeared and grabbed both of Sweden's arms. "You're technically not supposed to touch them, see? We sympathize with your feelings Sir but we're going to have to keep you in custody until the protest is over."
The chanting from the sign-waving morons was growing louder. The world was watching now. Really. There wasn't a single country that didn't have their eyes fixed forward, anxious to see what would happen next. Even Hungary had stopped chasing France around with a skillet for a moment to stop and watch.
Finland stood in a daze. This truly was nightmarish. His husband was in police custody and a group of insufferable bigots were slandering the love of his life. And the law forbade anyone from so much as touching them.
Then it clicked. Santa's eyes glowed the color of cherry cobbler.
Forbidden from touching them...
...But NOT from hurting them.
"Miss Hungary," Finland heard himself say "Could I please borrow your skillet?"
Hungary, who had briefly returned to bashing an already unconscious France over the head with the frying pan, stopped again and smiled at Finland.
"Oh of course! Anything for one of the co-stars of my favorite fanfiction," Hungary beamed as she handed the frying pan over.
"Thank ya," Finland responded, eyes fixated on the protest zone "Now..." the red glow in his eyes burned brighter "It's time to give these Westboro Baptists a little EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT!"
Finland charged across the police line and whacked the nearest protester upside the head. The others tried to retaliate with their protest signs, but Finland used agility to dodge their attacks and countered by bashing each and every one of them in the face.
Unfortunately, the gravesite in the middle of the protest zone served as an enemy regenerator, replacing each Westboro Baptist Finland destroyed with two new ones. Soon poor Finny was surrounded, and despite the fierce bravery with which he was wielding the frying pan, the undead members of the homophobic cult simply had Finland outnumbered.
"M' WIFE!" cried Cuddles in horror somewhere in the background. Out of the corner of his eye Finland could see Sweden break free of the grasp of the two police officers, but then fifty or so more cops came and held him back.
Finland wearily whacked away at the growing wall of Westboro Baptists, wondering if this was really the end. Then, the sky darkened and a gigantic, majestic figure emerged from the shadows singing-
Hell is where
Liechtenstein is your self defense instructor
Poland is your chess coach
America is your dietician
And Japan has stopped producing manga...
At the appearance of the Roman Empire all fighting had ceased. The Westboro Baptists whispered nervously among themselves about the giant man that had just appeared in the sky. Had that been…God? He looked so…friendly. And he hadn't said anything about hating gay people.
Maybe that meant he liked gay people. Maybe they should picket God? Make signs that said "God hates himself"? That didn't make much sense. Then again, nothing the WestboroBaptistChurch did ever made much sense.
The sky cleared and the fighting resumed. Finland's courage and energy had been refueled. Different strategy now, Finland had stopped trying to kill his enemies one by one and was now using the skillet as a shield as he shoved his way through the undead mob. He was just a few feet away from the gravesite, but there were so many of them that it was like trying to force his way through a human wall. A mean human wall, one that liked to hit Finland with protest signs.
Got... to... keep... going... Finland stumbled through the signs as he tried to keep his focus on the gravesite The constant bludgeoning was leaving him woozy and dizzy, but his resolve remained steadfast. Got... to... keep going... for... Cuddles...
Just as it seemed like all hope should be abandoned, the sky darkened again and Roman Empire reappeared, this time strumming a guitar while sitting on a boat surrounded by bodacious babes.
Heaven is where
The Nordics get way more screen time
And we have about ten episodes dedicated
To Sweden and Finland because
They're the cutest couple in Hetalia...
Just as suddenly and mysteriously as he appeared, Roman Empire vanished.
"Well, that was rather esoteric," Austria huffed, pushing his glasses back up his nose.
In other episodes the warring sides had just given up fighting after their conflict had been interrupted by Roman Empire's serenade. But in other episodes they hadn't been genuinely furious like Finland presently was. So despite the fact his enemies were stuck in place, dazed in post Roman-Empire glory, Finland pushed them over and smashed the gravesite enemy-regenerator into pieces. The Westboro Baptists dissolved into thin air, and all the town was quiet.
Finland stood panting for a minute, holding the frying pan and shaking with rage. Then the red glow left his eyes and he stumbled backwards, dropping the skillet as he collapsed to the ground with exhaustion.
Since the protest was over, the town's police force released Sweden and let him run to Finland's side. With tears in his eyes he lifted his wife off the ground and cradled him in his arms.
"F'nl'nd…" Sweden sobbed softly, pressing his forehead to Finland's cold, lifeless face "Why?"
North Italy slid onto the scene "No! Santa! This can't happen. Santa needs pasta!" Before Sweden could object, Italy took an entire vat of pasta and turned it upside down over their heads.
Pasta = +500 health
Finland has been revived!
Finland is now Level 22!
"Huh?" Sweden turned his head quizzically to the side, not fully comprehending the temporary genre switch.
Finland uses "GLOMP" against Sweden's sad mood.
IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!
"M' wife!" Cuddles exclaimed in joyous relief. Finland laughed as his husband lifted him up into the air and spun him around.
"Aww…" the watching world sighed in unison as Ms. Hungary switched on her smartphone camera.
Sweden set Finland back on his feet and hugged him. "Ya st'd up f'r me..." he observed with quiet awe.
"Well yah, of course!" Finland beamed as he returned his husband's hug. "I mean not only are you my handsome husband who I love and stuff, you're also such a sensitive, sweet guy that you just deserve to be stood up for, ya know?"
Sweet...? Sensitive...? Deserve...?
...deserve to be stood up for...
Sweden's eyes widened and the narrative was taken through an epic memory portal of flashback-ness for some character development.
For Sweden, the trouble had all started in second grade.
School and life and everything had been okay before that. He was a quiet kid, so he didn't have bunches of friends. However he was tall and strong for his age so the other boys often wanted him on their sports teams during recess. No close bonds, but friendly enough company. The teachers appreciated his silent, serious and studious personality, so life was pretty peaceful for chibi-Sweden.
...until the day of that one assignment.
...that picture assignment.
The teacher had asked them to draw a picture of their future home and family. Sweden had, in all innocence, drawn himself standing next to his house and holding hands with another boy. Nobody in particular, just some nice guy with a friendly smile that Sweden would like to marry someday.
Interestingly enough, Sweden's imaginary spouse had looked vaguely like Finland...blonde hair and brown eyes... Maybe a coincidence, though probably not. But Sweden didn't know Finland at the time.
...Maybe if he had then things wouldn't have turned out the way they did.
"Hey Sweden!" one of his classmates peeked over Sweden's shoulder to look at his drawing "Is that your wife you're drawing? She looks kind of like a boy."
"Yah," replied Sweden, unaware that this was anything unusual "He 's a boy."
The classmate gasped "Huh? YOU want to marry another BOY?!"
"N't r'ght n'w," responded the ever-sensible Sweden "'m too young. M'ybe s'meday wh'n 'm old'r."
The classmate's eyes brightened with malicious mischief "YOU'RE GAY!"
"Huh?" chibi-Sweden was confused.
"HEY EVERYBODY! SWEDEN IS GAY!"
The whole class was paying attention now, including the teacher who stomped over and stared at the classmate with a frown.
"What did you say?"
"He's gay," the classmate responded in a small voice and pointed at Sweden.
"Penny, that's not kind. You shouldn't say such unkind and untrue things about your fellow classmates."
"BUT it IS true!" Penny insisted "He drew himself holding hands with another boy and he wants to marry another boy. It's true! I saw it."
"Oh..." the teacher turned to look at Sweden's picture "I see..." she squinted and tried to think of a solution to the situation.
The teacher cleared her throat and went into lecture mode "Now Penny, it's not nice to call people names, no matter what they draw. I'm sure Sweden just didn't understand, that's all." She put her hand on Sweden's shoulder and smiled "Now Sweden, you don't REALLY want to marry another boy when you grow up, do you?"
"Why n't?"
"WHY NOT?" the teacher took a couple of deep breaths in and out to regain her composure "Well Sweetie, it's like this. You're a boy-"
"Yah," replied chibi-Sweden "I kn'w th't."
"So since you are a boy, you should marry a girl, right?"
"N't r'lly."
"Sweden, Sweetie, two men can't get married."
"Mmph. 'n m' country th'y'll be 'ble to."
"Sweden!" the teacher was shocked at the normally quiet student's insubordination. She shook her head and tried to fake a smile again "Oh, I bet you're just in a silly mood today Sweden. Here, your wife almost looks like a girl. She just needs longer eyelashes, see?"
Before Sweden could stop her the teacher picked up a black crayon and added long eyelashes to his future spouse's face. "All better!" she smiled as she set the crayon down and walked away.
Chibi-Sweden stared at the paper in disbelief. NOT all better. All WORSE. His smiling spouse now looked like a skank-ho villain lady with too much mascara. Without a word chibi-Sweden picked up his drawing and tore it to shreds. Then he tore it into tinier shreds. He wanted the shreds to be so small that he wouldn't have to see what the teacher had done to the drawing of his imaginary dream boy.
Sweden still didn't get what it was all about. So he wanted to marry another guy when he grew up. So what? No big deal, right?
Chibi-Sweden's peers didn't see it like that. When he walked into class the next day someone had written "GAY" across his desk in red crayon. He tried to cover the word with his lunchbox, not wanting the teacher to see it and get involved. If he just didn't say anything, didn't respond, his classmates would forget about it and leave him alone, right?
Wrong.
The other kids started scribbling on his assignments, tripping him in the hallway and excluding them from their recess sport sessions. Then the upperclassmen got word of it, and the harassment only got worse. Sweden had his glasses stepped on, his face smashed onto a mountain of fire ants and his shoes stolen and tossed over the fence.
The worst day though, was when a group of sixth grade boys got a hold of him at recess and stripped him down to his pink cartoon cloud and rainbow boxers. (The print on these boxers didn't help chibi-Sweden's case, by the way.) (Although they were adorable.) The boys laughed as they poured glue over him and threw him in the sand. One of them took the laces off his shoes and used them to tie Sweden's hands behind his back.
All because a seven year old had drawn a picture.
Sweden remembered vividly blinking the sand out of his seven-year old eyes and gazing at the blurry crowd of laughing onlookers. Not a single one of them objected. Not a single person stood up for him, no one.
That's what hurt him most. More than scrubbing off the glued-on sand after school until his skin was red and raw, the memory of being completely abandoned shattered him. Hadn't he been a good classmate? A good student? A good sports buddy? The kids who used to quarrel over who got him, the tall guy, on their team at recess had laughed and cheered at his demise.
It must be that nobody stood up for him, chibi-Sweden concluded, because he didn't deserve to be stood up for.
Sweden's parents did transfer him to another school after that, but it was too late. The emotional damage had been done. He never really smiled after that day. The internal loss and emptiness left him with a perpetually scary expression on his face.
People didn't bully him at his new school. Instead they avoided and feared him. This made him feel more pained and empty. The stony Sweden facade locked away his true personality from then on out.
...Until a cute little Finnish man with warm brown eyes, soft blond hair and a sweet smile rediscovered Sweden's soft side and named it "Cuddles".
Sweden had figured hypothetically that if Finland ever saw him being harassed he would've stood up for him. But actually seeing his wife go through that whole ordeal for him had taken a thorn out of Cuddles's heart that he had forgotten was there.
...deserve to be stood up for...
Cuddles clutched his wife closer as tears started streaming down his face.
"...th'nk ya. Th't means...th't means a l-" Sweden stopped, too overcome with sentiment to speak further.
Finland turned his head to the side. "Cuddles," he used the sleeve of his house dress to dry the tears from his husband's face "I think there's a lot more I need to learn about your back story. Maybe we should go home now so we can talk about it, yah?"
Cuddles lifted his head up to face Finland and nodded. Finland took Sweden's hand and the couple walked back to the horse drawn wagon.
"Dude, I totally don't get why they're riding in a horse drawn wagon when there is totally technology like smartphones and stuff available!"
"Because you can't ride home inside of a smartphone, duh. What do you want them to drive home in, a pair of blue jeans?"
/
"...'nd th'n they all grew up 'nd became th' z'mbie minions 'f Fred Phelps." Sweden ended the story of his homophobic classmates. "...'nd th'n ya killed th'm w'th a frying pan. Th't w's attr'ct've."
"That's such a crazy story!" Finland exclaimed. They were snuggling under the same blanket while holding each other on the sofa. "I didn't know people that scary existed!"
"W'll they don't 'nym're," Sweden pointed out "Th'nks t' ya." He leaned down and kissed Finland on the forehead.
Blush rose up to Finland's face like pink flowers "Yah, that's very true. But still…" Finland frowned "It makes me sad that you were hurt like that. That nobody showed you even the least little bit of love."
"Nh," Sweden pulled Finland closer to him " 't doesn't h'rt me 'nym're. N'w th't you're h're, I feel like 'm th' m'st l'ved man 'n th' w'rld."
Finland turned and looked at him "Really Cuddles?"
"Yah."
Finland smiled "I'm so glad!"
Sweden smiled back at him. He stared into his wife's bright brown eyes, thinking about all of the ever-more-interesting sides of Finland's personality, and loving every single one of them.
"Hey Cuddles?"
"Yah?"
"Can I ask you why exactly you needed enough cinderblocks for a bomb shelter and bulletproof glass to rebuild our bathtub?"
Sweden chuckled internally and turned away.
"No really, do I need to be wearing tank-proof armor to my next bubble bath? Seriously Cuddles, sometimes ya make me very concerned."
"Nh, don't n'd t'nk-proof armor," Sweden turned back to his wife and winked "Ya c'n wear me."
Beautiful reader people! Thank you very much for all the kindness and support you showed me on the prequel. I hope this silly sequel helps you smile. Reviews help me tremendously, so please write one if you feel so inclined! I live to please the people, so please tell me what I can do to maximize your reading pleasure in my future stories.
Now concerning the animation of the prequel: Right now I am working on an intermediate step between text and animation by drawing a bazillion pictures of scenes and stuff. When I have finished this stage, I will post these pictures as a slideshow music video thing and put the link at the end of "Warm" for those who are interested. My art style is kind of cartoonish and simple but I think it will suffice to make an amusing animation for my fellow fantastic SuFin fans.
I have a couple of ideas for other SwedenxFinland stories, but I'd like to know a little bit more about what exactly you all like to read first. So please, my darlings, speak to me! Let me know how to best way to...entertain you... ; )
Love all around!
