SELF-REFLECTION
AN: I redid this chapter because I wasn't happy with it at all. It just didn't work with the story I want to write. So I changed some things and added on. Now it flows much better, so here you go the new chapter 1.
Kagome's POV
Staring out at the horizon, the dark sky lit up by a sliver of the moon, she thought back on the previous day. So many things had gone wrong; so much damage had been done. There were things that she could never reverse nor take back. If only she could turn back the hands of time, and redo everything. Maybe then, she wouldn't be alone. She wouldn't be so consumed by guilt so strong at her irresponsible actions.
1-Day Ago . . .
It had been a normal morning. But I felt it from the start, the moment I had awoken. That it was time. The battle of all battles awaited us in a little while and I was prepared to save those I loved. I stretched in my sleeping bag, looking around for the rest of the group. Nope. Nobody was in sight they probably had all gone about their morning rituals since we had returned to Kaede's village.
All the Shikon no Kakkera has been collected. We have one-third while Naraku has the other two. I sat there looking up at the ceiling of the hut for a good while, thinking back to all the times I had in the Sengoku Judai. With Inuyasha and the gang. Sigh. Oh yes! Inuyasha another memory, that was both good and bad. All the times we had meant nothing... well at least to him. I'll cherish those memories to the end of my dying days. I've learned to let go of something I can never have. I still love Inuyasha but now more of sisters' love than a lover's.
After four years of traveling through Japan for the Shikon no Kakkera, I've gotten better. No longer am I the weak little girl I was when I first came through the well. Now I am a woman, I'm 19 years old and I don't need Inuyasha to protect me. I've been following shugyo, kobu jutsu and aikido ki causing me to strengthen my miko abilities as well my body. Living with Inuyasha and a whole year of no family and future can do that to you. Now I'm able to put up spiritual barriers, even Inuyasha can't penetrate. I can harness my spiritual energy and turn it into physical objects. I don't even have to carry my bow and arrows with me, now I can form it with my pure energy. I've even made many attacks, again living with Inuyasha and a whole year of no family and future can do that to you. I've dedicated my time into strengthening my abilities and self so that I will be to fufill my destiny.
I've also obtained a powerful katana called Ken no Misogi, meaning "Sword of Purification." This katana could rival both Tetsaigua and Tokijin. It can blend my spiritual energy with the power from the katana causing the power to increase dramatically. This katana is one of the rare kinds for only mikos. Toutosai was been gracious enough to bestow it upon me at the beginning of my training year. Never mind about that anyway.
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I straightened my posture, deciding a bath was in order. Detangling myself from the sleeping bag, I folded it up, placing it in the far corner of the hut. Collecting my bath supplies, I left the hut and immediately turned left and headed straight for the river.
NORMAL POV
Reaching the river, Kagome stripped naked; forget modesty that was so age 15. She slid into the water, and let the cool rush of the water soothe away her troubles. Relaxing in the water for a few minutes, she let her mind go blank. After a few minutes she decided enough was enough, mustering up some courage she dunked herself into the water and held herself there. Resurfacing, she proceeded to shampoo her hair, wash herself and then rinse off again.
Suddenly the wind picked up and Kagome glanced up at the sky already knowing who it was. Kagura looked down at Kagome and began to land. Gracefully jumping off her large feather, she walked over to the riverbank; she took a good look at Kagome. The powerful Miko she saw in front of her was nothing like the slip of a woman she used to be. It still surprised Kagura how much Kagome had changed. If she had left in between the time Kagome had matured and returned now, she would never have recognized her, even her scent had changed.
When Kagome had finally tapped into her powers full potential, it had caused some drastic changes in her both mentally and physically. She stood at least a good 4 inches taller. Her hair, which had been a dark brown, was now almost an impossible black that shimmered an amazing blue in the sun. It had grown to her lower back after the transformation, almost surpassing her buttocks.
Her skin had become a pure white ivory color, sitting in the sun for hours on end, couldn't even make her skin go a shade darker. Her eyes were one of her more obvious changes. When an individual looked at her eyes instead of finding the typical brown, they encountered a striking steel blue enveloped in fluttering thick eyelashes. The most intense part was if she became angered her eyes would become a darker shade of sapphire but if she was happy, they became azure. Hey, when they said that the eyes are windows into a person's soul, they sure as hell weren't lying in Kagome's case.
Her lips had become more full and pouty, with an unnatural shade of red to them. Sultry, that's the word. Her face had become finer, more regal and angular. Her chubby, childish features had disappeared; her face gave her a sense of regal ness. Her breasts had gone from a teenybopper B's to D's to her annoyance. Her stomach was tight and toned, not a piece of excess fat in sight. She'd even become more curvaceous; her hips were more rounded, her thighs tighter, her legs unbelievably shapely and long.
Her once sore and calloused feet had become small and dainty, delicate was a word that came to mind. No amount of travel could change their appearance. Her scent had even changed; Inuyasha had remarked that she smelled of an oncoming storm. That when she was angered it became a thunderstorm, and when she was relaxed/happy, the scent of light rain. But the strangest of her changes was the "tattoos" that had appeared. The symbol of Yin-Yang surrounding her navel, and on her back the symbol of Amaterasu, the Shinto deity of the Sun, which was exactly what Kagura, had been staring at. Deciding she had wasted enough time she went straight to the point.
"Today's the day." Said Kagura. "I'm sorry to say that I cannot stay for long. Naraku . . . " chills ran through Kagura's spine. "Naraku wants me to gather all his minions and allies. Round up all your allies quickly and quietly. Naraku still does not know that you have allies for this battle. He expects you to just have your group and Kouga's. He'll get one hell of a surprise today. I must go."
And with a nod of both their heads to signify their understanding, Kagura was off. Kagome turned her back from the spot Kagura had occupied a moment ago, and waited for Inuyasha to replace it. A few moments later she wasn't alone, but Miroku, and Sango had followed Inuyasha to the river.
"What the hell was she here for!" yelled Inuyasha. When he realized that she was naked and wasn't even going to attempt to cover herself, he blushed and averted his eyes. Kagome sighed. She was a complete beauty, envy to all women. But that didn't change Inuyasha's mind.
"As I had thought this morning, when I had awoken. She came to tell me that the battle has come and today is the day." She spoke sadly knowing what this would mean. Everyone looked shocked. Kagome had gained numerous more abilities when she had finally tapped into her powers. She was now said to be more powerful than Midoriko herself. Myouga had even come up with the theory that Kagome was the reincarnation of Midoriko not Kikyou. Since the Shikon no Tama come back to the world through Kagome's body as Midoriko. Kagome was now considered a prophetess/priestess/guardian of the Shikon No Tama; she was one powerful woman.
The group looked at each other once more before heading back to the village.
- END FLASHBACK -
Stopping the memory from continuing she gave a moments pause, the guilt was too much.
'It had all gone so wrong, and it's my fault. How could I have been so careless?'
Closing her eyes, she replayed the events of that fateful day over again in her mind. Anguish filled her to the brim, grief over took her, pain shot throw her limbs but the most overpowering emotion was the guilt she felt, it knocked the breath out of her body.
Becoming dizzy for a moment she placed her hand on the God Tree to steady herself. She felt light-headed from the strength of the emotion, grabbing large gulps of air she tried to regain her composure. She couldn't let it eat her alive, she just couldn't.
But the pain was so powerful, the guilt so strong, how could she go day by day with the knowledge of the havoc she had wreaked? The lives she had killed? 'Innocents' flashed through her mind. They had all been innocents and she had committed a grave sin, a horrible crime.
Tears slid from sapphire eyes as they stared at the breaking of dawn. Hues of gold, red, orange and yellow splashed across the sky as the sun finally revealed it self after hiding away in the far horizon.
'It's so breathtaking, beautiful.' At those four words her mind was lost in the memory of the morning Inuyasha and her and sat on the grass and watched the sun rise.
-- FLASHBACK --
Kagome crept from behind the God Tree, and towards the unknowing hanyou sitting meters away on the grass. Keeping her breathing as slow and quiet as possible, she kept her footsteps light as she tiptoed closer to him. 'Right foot… quiet, quiet… yes there we go… left foot… slowly, ever so slowly…' CRUNCH! 'DAMNIT, blasted twig, where the hell had that come from?'
"Kagome, relax I knew you were coming the second you left the hut."
"Oh…" she murmured, walking forward she sat down on the grass next to the figure in red. Looking up at the breaking of dawn, a gasp escaped her lips at the sight. Of course she had seen it before, many times actually, it was just in Sengoku Judai without the interruption of tall buildings in the picture, the beauty of what she was seeing increased tenfold.
"It's so breathtaking, beautiful…" Kagome whispered up at the rising sun.
"You." Inuyasha whispered back. Kagome turned her head to look at the silver creature.
"What do you mean you?"
Grunting he gave her a terse reply, "You. It reminds me of you."
Kagome stared back at her friend; did he just say what he really said? A smile spread across her lips. "Thanks." Rearranging her legs so that she was sitting on her behind instead of her knees, she leaned into her friend, nestling herself into his side.
Inuyasha glanced down at her, a blush emerging from his cheeks. Moving his arm to wrap it around her, he pulled her closer and turned his head back to watch the sky.
"Kagome, I may be a jerk sometimes but that's just me, I can't really help it. I grew up with no one; I've always had to defend myself. You helping me, I'm not used it. I don't mean to be so rude to you, what I'm saying is…I'm sorry."
Kagome smiled into his haori. The fact that they were supposed to be mad at each other didn't matter anymore. She forgave him the second the argument was over, she'd always forgive him. And the fact that he was saying sorry for his actions and trying to explain them to her, made her feel better.
Deep in her heart, something was made; it blossomed from a bud and grew filling her heart. It stifled any other feeling she had at that moment, grabbing her full attention. It held her heart in a vice-grip not allowing it to escape. It tainted her soul, with its warm essence. This feeling was love, love for Inuyasha.
Staring at the sun as it finally rose to the top of sky, taking its rightful place. She knew this feeling, even though she had never felt it before she just knew it, knew what it meant. She wanted to give her love, even if she wouldn't receive it back. But little moments, words, and actions like these were what made it worthwhile.
'Inuyasha… I love you.' She wanted to speak the words so much, just whisper them in his ear and let him know he would never be alone again. She would always be by his side caring for him, if he would just accept her and the love she would give him.
Closing her eyes she let the feeling of being so close to him imprint into her mind. She inhaled his scent letting it fill her heart, the heart he now held even if he wasn't aware of it. Giddy happiness filled her and she couldn't suppress the grin that spread across her young face. She loved him, she really loved him.
Nothing would take the love she felt for him away, no action he could commit would stop it from growing. Her love would fester and blossom within her heart.
"It's a thief in the night
To come and grab
you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of
the mind
It can control you"
"Huh? What does that mean, Kagome?" Inuyasha glanced back at her, puzzled at the words she had just sung.
"Nothing Inuyasha, nothing important." She smiled at her little secret, maybe she'd tell him one day, one day soon. But for now, it was her little secret, a burden she was happy to carry.
-- END OF FLASHBACK --
Silently laughing at her own naivety, Kagome squashed the memory pushing it back into the far reaches of her heart. She was so naïve back then, only she would have been so oblivious to what everyone else saw in him.
She had carried around that memory after afterwards as if it were a medal, a badge that no one else knew she had been awarded. That feeling she had been awarded, the love she had felt for him, she would never feel again. It wasn't her right when she had caused such chaos and destruction.
Making a vow to herself, Kagome stepped away from the God Tree. She would never love again, and if she did. If the Kamis were generous enough to allow such a gift to given to her, she would not take it. She would keep her distance from anything that even resembled the feeling. She owed that to Inuyasha for what she had done.
It would be her punishment for the crime she had committed. No grand jury was needed to force her into taking responsibility for her commitment, she could do it all by herself.
Collecting the last of her focus she scanned the area she occupied for any other persons. Stopping when she came upon the aura of a demon, it seemed it was trying to keep it hidden, but it was familiar. Searching through her mind for a face to go with the image, her blood went cold.
Rage over took her. It was him.
Translations
Aikido- Rigorous daily training for overall purification
Kobu Jutsu- Art Of Weapons
The song in this chapter is Rihanna's – Disturbia
