Oneshot in Max's POV. I had this rant once with my friend and she got mad at me, but it's cool because I got the idea for this! Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride. I never will own Maximum Ride. I never have owned Maximum Ride. I might own Maximum Ride in some parallel universe, but there is no way to scientifically prove that, so for now we'll just assume that I don't own Maximum Ride in a parallel universe either. But just you wait, my friends. As soon as a parallel universe machine is invented, I shall send my evil army of ninja penguins out on a special mission to prove that this disclaimer is indeed false in some parallel universe currently unknown to mankind. Just...you...wait...

Anyway, on with the story!


I sighed with happiness as I inhaled the rich aroma of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies.

Yes.

We were once again at my mom's house.

We can't help it. With all the food, attention, and down time we get, we love visiting my mom.

I, Maximum Ride, was sitting on my mom's couch watching T.V. with Mr. Rock. He had his arm around my shoulder, and Angel was laying with her head in my lap. We were all scarfing down hot, gooey cookies.

Yup, it almost sounds normal, doesn't it?

Well, except for the flying, talking dog singing along with Phantom of the Opera, the fact that Angel currently looked like a giant blue bird of paradise, and Iggy and Gazzy sitting in the corner fiddling with one of their bombs.

So yeah, we really haven't changed much since the last time you saw us.

I sighed again.

This time because Nudge and Ella walked into the room still in the middle of their heated argument. They'd been at it about something since the morning, and I figured this would be a good time to step in.

"What's up, guys?" Just play it cool, Max.

Both Nudge and Ella started shouting about fashion ending the world or something.

"Whoah, whoah. One at a time, guys."

"Nudge said that I have no sense of fashion!"

"And Ella said that I'll end the world someday!"

...

"Okay..."

"Tell her she's wrong," they both said together.

"Well, I'm sure neither of you were were serious."

"Yes I was!" This was also together.

"Did you rehearse this or what?" Angel asked, leaning up on her elbows.

"No!" they shouted simultaneously.

"Uh!" This was just Ella.

"Max! Say something!" Nudge yelled.

"Jeez! Okay, you wanna explain what you're arguing about?"

Both of them started arguing at the same time again.

"Whoah! One at a time."

"Fine. Okay, so Nudge and I were in my room looking through my closet, and Nudge said that I had no taste in clothes!"

"...Okay, and this bothers you why?"

"Uh, you don't get it! She insulted my womanly instincts!"

"...Right."

"And then I told Nudge that it didn't matter that I had bad taste if she blew the world up someday because of doing something utterly and completely stupid."

"Ella, that was rude."

"Hah! See? She's on my side!"

"I'm not on anyone's side. Although..." I drifted off in thought.

Nudge and Ella looked back at me.

"I could see Nudge doing something like that..."

Nudge's expression darkened. Really, that should've told me to stop, but I must've missed it becuase I continued.

"Not utterly, completely stupid, mind you, but something stupid enough. Like, walking down the street, and crossing the road without looking both ways. I always have to remind her to do that."

Angel turned around to look at me.

"I can see her getting hit by a pickup truck, and then me running out into the middle of the road toward her body screaming! And Fang running to stop me and both of us getting hit by cars! And then Gazzy would be walking by and see all of us on the road and start crying, and he'd run out in the middle of the road too, and he'd get hit by the amulance coming for the three of us!"

Nudge and Ella were just staring at me. Angel turned back into a human as she sat up.

"And Iggy would've heard him crying, so he would've run out too, and he could get hit by the police car! And he'd probably have, like, 10 bombs in his pocket and they'd simultaneously blow up and probably set the ambulance on fire! Ha! And when it blows up, all the cars around it would catch on fire, including the fire truck which would've come too!"

By this point, I was cracking up. Nudge was shooting daggers at me.

"And the whole thing would cause the biggest traffic jam ever, and first thing anyone knew, there'd be too many cars piled up on bridges and ramps and they'd break, and millions of people would, like, drown in rivers or fall into ravines. Everything would be so chaotic! Especially when the Golden Gate Bridge falls into the river from the weight, and the waves and flooding would bring down hundreds of skyscrapers in the city, and when they fell, they'd cause the San Andreas Fault to start an earthquake and the whole western coast would collapse into the ocean, and there'd be this enormous tsunami that would totally wipe out Japan, and China, and all of Asia for that matter! It'd cause planetwide panic! Anyone left alive would starve from food shortages because there wouldn't be any imports, and the economy would crash, and money would lose its value, and humans would go mad and kill themselves and animals would rule the world once again!!! And all because Nudge got run over!"

Wow! I was on a role here!

Just as I was thinking this, I realized that Fang, Angel, Total, Ella, and especially Nudge, were giving me looks that screamed 'crazy.'

"...what?"

Ella just shook her head and walked out of the room.

Angel laid back down in my lap.

Nudge gave me one of her worst death glares and stomped out of the living room.

I turned toward Fang.

"What'd I say?"

"It's okay, Max. It's all okay." He turned back to the T.V., patting my shoulder.

What's the moral of this story?

I really should shut up sometimes.


Whee! Hoped you liked it! Review if you want, yada yada, critique if you want, yada yada. But I have one important question for you, my readers: What idiot put the 's' in the word lisp? Are we, as normally speaking human beings, mocking those who have lisps? Should we just call it 'lip?' I think that's stupid. How about we just find something else to call it? Why don't you drop by and answer my dire question? Why am I sitting here talking to you about lisps and their 's''s? Anyway, bye. :)