Idiot's Guide, How To: Bump Start The Enterprise NX – 01

Disclaimer: Not maine. I just borrow them, run them round feilds in the rain and put them back again. Honest!
A/N: As promised, the humour returns! I blame this on my dad, all the detail on how to bump start an space ship is his fault. :P


'Not again!' Archer exclaimed form his seat on the bridge. 'Trip, this is the 3rd time this week!' Once again, Enterprise was dead in the water. Impulse engines were dead and the warp drive wouldn't engage.

'You know, you could alway try to bump start it.' A disembodied voice suggested from somewhere near the ceiling.

'Who said that?' cried Archer, jumping from his chair. 'T'Pol, if this is another one of your jokes!'

'I assure you Captain, this is nothing to do with me.'

'Look, I'm right here!' The voice said, sounding a little annoyed.

'Where? Who are you?' Archer looked around in confusion.

'Right here!' Suddenly a young woman dressed in tattered jeans and an Ireland rugby shirt appeared in the Sit. Room. 'Y'know, I woulda thought, being the authour an' all, that manifesting myself within the story would be easier than this!'

'Who are you?'

'Didn't you hear me? I'm the authour. Jeez! Characters these days.'

'So it's your fault the engines keep stopping?'

'No, that's not me. I blame it on Shrekster, nothing to do with me. I can't help it if she enjoys making Trip crawl into tight spaces to fix things. Not that I blame her... Anyway, about getting you going again. I think you should just bump start the impulse drive.'

'Why are you here anyway?' Travis finally spoke.

'You speak?'

'Only when someone else is writting, I don't think Berman and Braga like me that much.'

'Oh. Anyway, I'm here to get you guys going again. It no fun writting about you all sitting in space doing nothing, counting space dust.'

'So you're just gonna show up, bump start the ship and go back to writting about us getting hurt?' Archer asked, sounding more than a little annoyed.

'No, no, no! I keep telling people, that was not my fault! I can't help it if I get inspired by evil plot bunnies and TV advertising. I ressurected him again anyway! See!' She pointed widly at Reed.

'Ok, OK, calm down. So, how do we bump start the ship?'