I don't believe in fairy tales. My life has been too dark and scary to allow thoughts of "normal people" happy to enter my mind. Which is why, as I try on my gorgeous white dress and look at my gorgeous friends surrounding me with smiles, my stomach drops and anxiety creeps in. I over react as they place a tiny arrangement of white flowers in my hair. And I can't breath once they give me a hand picked bouquet, filled with flowers that mock me and say, "This is it. Forever.", in my hands. I close my eyes and shut out the background noise and I think back to why I'm doing this to begin with. Why I am torturing myself, and going through with a normal person's wedding. Sometimes in life you have to take a moment to accept the choices you make, ignore the lingering doubts and just let go. I, Meredith Grey, am learning how to let go...

"Meredith." I hear my name being said gently, as if it were a caress. The light, so bright, blinded me momentarily. "Mer," Its repeated. When I open my eyes, and they adjust to the light, the vision I see in front of me takes my breath away. It always has. Derek Shepard. My piece of paper husband. I see his stubble he has yet to shave, his kind eyes waiting patiently for me to wake up and his smile. That crooked one sided smile was my undoing the day we met so long ago.

He kisses my forehead gently before getting off of our bed. Derek opens the curtains brighter as I pull the comforter over my head. I don't do bright. And he knows it. He laughs as he pulls away, my refuge from the daytime, comforter. Without noticing how handsome he looks, Derek runs a hand through his wavy black hair and I didn't stand a chance in the comforter war. He won, unfairly using his looks against me. My neurosurgeon husband paces back and forth. "You're making me dizzy." I say, trying to sound grumpier then I am. "Its too early for this nervous pacing stuff. Everything ok?" He stops and looks at me. The love I see in his eyes for me takes my breath away. Its still hard to believe someone like him could love someone like me. Broken and damaged people rarely found their happily ever after's.

He sits down next to me on the bed and sighs in frustration. I wait for him to find his words. Outside our door I hear my room-mates hurrying to get ready to head to the hospital. "I...," he begins. " Have I told you how beautiful you look in the morning?" I laugh. "Have I told you what a great liar you are?" He leans in and kisses my lips. Gently tapping his with mine. I sigh in contentment. This is how I hope we stay. Simple. Happy. Us.

Derek rests his forehead on mine. I try to suppress my trepidition and concern. "What do you think about taking a vacation? Far away from all of this. Just me, you, a hut tub, and those fruity cocktail drinks with the umbrella's inside?" He looks at me with tired eyes. There are bags underneath from the lack of sleep. We just finished working a 48 hour shift and now we have to go back. Life doesn't stop and give you vacation time. No matter how tempting it is. "Fruity drinks, huh? I'm more of a beer and peanuts girl but that would be nice. Not possible. But nice." I smile at him but he hesitates in returning that smile. Something was bothering him. If it was something dark and scary, I could handle it. Like I said I was an expert.

The day flew by. I barley saw any of my friends. I desperately needed a Christina, best friend make my day better with sarcasm break, but I couldn't find her. Patient after patient, I sewed stitches, swabbed cuts, and filled out endless paper work. After a while the words began to blur on the pages in front of me. It was time to go home and no sign of Derek. I searched office after office and he was nowhere to be found. My body ached and I gave up. Walking outside, the rain kissed my cheeks. The sound of it tapping on the roof was almost soothing. I saw a figure in the distance. I could recognize it anywhere. Derek.

He was holding a single red balloon as he walked towards me. Confused, I waited for him to make it underneath the tiny ledge, my shelter from the wet, cold night. His hair drooped down into his eyes. He studied my face, silently. I blushed from the intensity. Derek took my hand as he whispered into my ear, "Dance with me." Holding the balloon and me, we swirled into the rain fast and like children. When out eyes met, we slowed. I put my head on his chest. The love I felt swelled inside me. He kissed my cheek as he gave me the balloon. "Happy Birthday." I hoped the tears I cried were disguised by the rain.

"I completely forgot." He laughed. " I know. Everyone is waiting at our house. Its supposed to be a surprise but I know how much you love those, so I decided to warn you. Oh, and Izzie decorated the house so it looks like a birthday cake blew up in there." I refrained from rolling my eyes. She meant well. "Any chance we can stay out in the rain for a few more minutes alone?" I looked up at him. His eyes so tender and gentle looked down at me. " I am so in love with you." I couldn't respond. My throat was tight with more tears. It was evident in my eyes.

"There's just one more thing I would like to do before we go." In life, there are moments that are so surreal you have to pinch yourself to make sure your awake, that this is really happening to you. Derek got down on one knee. Grabbing my hand he began to speak. " Mer, there was a time when I was numb. Life, day after day, was nothing more then a routine. I saw no end to it, and I didn't mind. I buried myself in my work and that was enough for me. When I came to Seattle, I was so focused on making sure that life didn't effect me, that I didn't care about anything. Then I saw you at the bar. Flicking peanuts and taking shots of tequila. You were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. We've had our moments, where I thought I lost you. Moments I couldn't live through again if I had to. But then you came back to me. And you are still all I see. Only you. And you have it wrong Mer, it was never me that had to pick you, chose you, love you. You had me from the beginning. There was never a choice. I love you more then anyone in this entire world. Please, do me the honor of loving me forever. Be my wife Mer. Marry me." He had pulled the ring out and held it in suspension above my ring finger but I couldn't see it. I was too busy sobbing. And there, getting drenched by the rain, in front of the place that fate had made us meet, I said yes to Derek Shepard because he had said yes to me.