Hey everyone! loveboylove here bringing you my first Hetalia fanfic! Whootness for Hetalia! XD I dedicate this to my good buddy YamiHeart (who is the bees knees by the way) for listening to my yammerings about all the fluff and stuff (and not so much sometimes) of Hetalia. Thank you! ^^ Now, I hope you all enjoy. :) / marks mean flashback.
P.S. I don't own Hetalia. *sighs* One day...one day...
P.P.S. I suppose I should warn you that there is a small amount of boyxboy and violence. Fair warning.
I wonder:
How am I supposed to feel when you're not here?
Because I've burned every bridge I ever built,
When you were here.
I hate this war. I hate the stench of all the bodies, the ever present screams of the death camps even when I'm no where near any of them, but most of all, the way my little brother became mad.
Knowing that the insane nation covered in the blood of innocent Jews, gays, gypsies and whoever else is just a puppet to the true mastermind doesn't help because my eyes tell me that this is West and, therefore, West's body committing these heinous acts.
As more snowy fields are slowly drenched a sickening brown and burning with the very fires of hell, I turn and begin to walk away. My black gloved hands reach up the cover my ears as the machine gun fire and cries of agony drag on and on.
When will this end?
I just want to hug you,
But you're 480 some miles away,
What I wouldn't do for a hug.
The tent sat innocently enough. It's only a standard brown military piece of cloth supported by several metal poles. And yet this particular tent is special. Perhaps because tents like these are where soldiers go to get bandaged or stitched up from battle field wounds. Or perhaps the Italian flag that hangs limply in the downpour gives the true purpose of my visit away.
I never say when I'm afraid. I also never say when I'm worried. At least, not aloud. But the silence of the tent sends a convulsive shiver through my body that has nothing to do with the cold of the rain.
The young man rests on a makeshift cot. His auburn hair falls into a normally cheerful tan face, and yet is now pale and still. There's not point of putting a shirt over the sleeping man's chest as it's already wrapped in rolls of bandages.
Stepping closer, the shadowed form of North Italy is thrown into even sharper relief by my trembling hand holding an electric lamp. The man appears even younger then myself, yet both of us have been alive far longer then the nation we are now following to our deaths.
"Feliciano…" I lean over my lover's chest and choke out a small sob. "Why Feli? Why didn't you just run?" A weak hand runs its way through my white hair while tears fall as frequent as the rain outside down both our faces.
"If I had run away like normal, Gil would've been hurt…"
I wish he'd worry about himself more often.
When you're gone
This house is just a home.
I call home in your arms.
April came and left. What a shitty month this year. There is now never any good news on the radio, in the newspapers, or in the letters Feli and I exchange. No amount of propaganda can cover up his words.
He had been in Giulino di Mezzegra on the 28th with a group of thirteen other officers and his leader. A small child wearing the flamboyant colors of a gypsy had been kneeling by the side of the street playing with a small kitten. Feli said her hair had been as spun gold with eyes like warm chocolate.
His leader and entourage had strolled down the street and he had silently prayed for no one to notice the small girl. But no, that was not to be.
The black boot of the most feared man in Italy had caught the little girl around the cheek with a horrid crack. Her kitten had run off for fear of the sudden movement and the sound of fourteen men laughing over childlike whimpers.
"Here Vargas," one of the men had said, "Why don't you put that trash out of its misery." The others had agreed with calls of "Yeah, do it Vargas," and "It disgusts me. Kill it quickly," as Feliciano was handed a gun.
Feli wouldn't tell me exactly what happened after that but the news I gathered since then points to him shooting every man in the party. A shred of news said that the rebel forces of Italy found him holding himself as he screamed in the center of a crowd of bodies.
Why did he have to become the tainted one?
When the night has come and the land's dark,
When the moon is the only light we'll see,
Look at the stars;
Can you count them?
Yes sir,
I miss you that much.
I haven't received a letter in weeks. His brother gave up so America and England welcomed Romano to the Allied side. West says we'll have to invade through the northern side.
Invade? Invade Italy? Invade my Feliciano? I wonder if my brother knows how much I wanted to hurt him then. I almost hate him except I can see the blankness in his eyes. The eyes of a puppet.
The Italian troops easily crumble before the weight of the German army. Does Feli know we're here? He must; the screams of his children are probably echoing around the world.
I have to find him before West does. If my brother finds Feli before I do… Oh God, I don't want to think about it.
England's here. I see him as he shoots down the man directly to my right. I dive behind a ruined wall and scan the battlefield. Civilians are running towards the Allies protected part of Italy even as German soldiers advance. I suppose that's where Arthur's army is instead of being here.
A grunt of pain alerts me to England's position. I look over the wall to see him kneeling on the ground clutching his arm. A man with a staff is crouching over him, binding the wound with a white cloth as two Italian soldiers guard them.
It's Feli with one of his infamous white flags. I wonder if he was waving it, trying to get West's forces to stop hurting his people before Arthur got shot? He's putting England's good arm around his smaller shoulders now and wrapping his thin arm around the other in support.
My heart aches. I want to help him. I don't want to be here, just watching Italy try and protect everyone. I'm worse then useless because I'm the enemy. But I can help guard the two nations as they struggle towards Rome. I can at least do that for him.
I level my gun and begin to walk forward, but then, one of the soldiers protecting Feli and Arthur is falling to the ground, shot. No. I rush forward and see a streak of blond hair rushing the other soldier and shooting the man in the head.
It's West. He's upon them before I can take a breath and knocks England away. Feli's crying. He's begging the blond to leave them alone, to stop hurting his people. "Please Ludwig please, for the love of Mary just stop! I give up, I surrender, just please stop!" His screams are drowned out by the gunfire and death cries of those around him.
All he ever wanted was peace.
And ever has it been that love
Knows not its own depth until
The hour of separation.
The war is over. But why am I still so hollow? West and I are now divided by this wretched wall. The people over here are starving. Children lay in the streets like they used to when the plague first swept through Europe. Everyone is either dead or dying.
Where is Feli now? Is he missing me? Does he even know what happened? I hate this not knowing. My thoughts aren't even my own now; Russia's made sure of that.
There are walls all around me. I haven't heard any news since this cell was erected around my side of Germany.
I think…I might be going mad. That's a scary thought. But if I go mad, then would Russia's torture hurt less? I need something solid to hang onto. Something good, something that could combat this nothingness.
Do I have something like that? I reach into my pockets. It's difficult to move now, Russia got mad at me so he threw me in that old stone cell. In the middle of winter. But then, it's always winter to me these months. Or has it been years?
Wait, pockets, right. My hand brushes up against something warm. I jerk back, then reach back to grasp the thing. Pulling it out, I see it's a brown stone. A…stone? Why does it feel so familiar…?
/"Hey Gil!" Feli laughs excitedly. "Look at this! It's so cool ve~!"
I jog over to see what he found. "What? What's so awesome?" The day's warm and the sky is a super awesome shade of blue. Kickass day. Gilbird was sitting on my head earlier but then flew off and is now sitting on Feli's shoulder.
I kneel down next to him as he holds out his hand. "Look ve~! It's the same color as my eyes!" he giggles happily. I take hold of his hand and examine what he found. It's a brown stone that actually is the exact color of his golden brown eyes. But what was more unusual was that…
"It's heart shaped," I say, curiously. Lifting the stone up from his palm, I examine it from all sides. Yeah, defiantly heart shaped. Crazy.
His smaller hand reaches over and slowly clasps my fingers around the rock. I look towards his face and see him blushing and averting his eyes. Grinning, the awesome me leans over and whispers into his ear, "So, does that mean that I can keep your heart?"
Growing even redder, Feli buries his face into my shoulder and shyly nods. "Only if you can keep it as safe as I'm keeping yours."
I feel like my smile is going to split my face in half. Nodding, I tilt his face up towards my own. "Of course," I murmur before meeting his lips halfway./
Tears patter softly onto the warm heart of my love. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to see him. I want to see his smiling face and eat his food and hold him in my arms and sleep in the same bed and know that he is SAFE and HAPPY and know that I am the cause of it. Because I love him.
I love you, I love you Feliciano Vargas. I love you so much.
Ich liebe dich...
mein Herz...
Would that I could
Only be with you now.
Because not being near you
Is worse then the millions of wars I've fought.
I no longer want to die for you.
My greatest wish is to now live by your side.
I'm sorry baby,
Looks like tonight,
I'm won't get home until late.
Wait up for me?
This has gone through absolutely no editing which is awesome by the way. XD Please review and tell me what you think! Oh and I apologize for the German, I used Google translate. If it's wrong, let me know so I can fix it! ^^
Later!
-loveboylove
Ich liebe dich mein Herz. I love you my heart.
