Riza's List
Authors: OTP and MoonStarDutchess
Oneshot
Disclaimer: We don't own Fullmetal Alchemist and gain no profit from this fanfiction.
Riza Mustang had a horrible case of insomnia and nothing to do as she sat up in bed. She'd tried warm milk to help lull her with failed results. She couldn't take sleeping pills because of adverse reactions. Exhaustion from a bout of rough sex could work but she wasn't in the mood.
She heard a snore and looked beside her. Roy snuggled down into the covers, sleeping like a baby even though the lamp was on. She pursed her lips and looked around the room. When she spotted a notepad on the bedside table, she picked it up. She took the pen out of the spiral holding the book together, and clicked the top of it. After a short bit of thinking, she got an idea and began making out a list.
-/-/-
Things I Would Do To Roy If He Cheated
1. Pistol whip him: (Strike that out) Rifle whip him: It's much bigger
2. Get Hayate to bite off his happy place.
3. Cover him in so much paperwork that he gets paper cuts all over his body.
4. Get pictures of him as a baby, naked if possible, and photocopy. Use the blackmail I have on Havoc to get him to put them on all the desks in HQ. Note: Added bonus is that I get revenge on Havoc for that April fools joke with the dog shit.
5. Get pictures of him naked now and photocopy. Use the blackmail I have on Breda to get him to put them on all the desks in HQ. Note: Added bonus is that I get revenge on Breda for that April fools joke with the rotten fish heads
6. Tell all the women in Amestris that Roy's actually gay and he's married to me as a cover…Hell; tell the gay guys this too.
7. Throw him in the fountain at Central HQ and tell everyone that after ten years he is finally going to bath because he's over his fear of water.
8. Hang his pink "doggie" boxers on the flagpole at HQ beside the Amestris flag.
9. Clean out his closet leaving only his shirts and his planned military issued miniskirt demo. Note: Not the one I wear when I want to get him hot and bothered.
10. Replace his black pens with pink frilly ones that only write in pink ink.
11. Replace his gloves with oven mitts.
12. During our summer barbeque give him an apron that says hot head or useless on it.
-/-/-
She yawned and glanced at the clock before focusing back down on her list. Before she knew it, she'd drifted off to sleep.
-/-/-/-
Riza awoke to the sound of a familiar laugh. When she opened her eyes, Roy was sitting up in the bed. The notepad was firmly in his grasp, and a huge smile draped upon his lips.
"Roy! Give me that!" She reached for the notepad, but he held it right out of her gripping range.
"No, I'm finding this very interesting. "If I cheated? Love the number nine about getting me hot and bothered." He threw the notepad over his shoulder and pinned her to the bed. He lowered his lips to her neck and kissed it a few times before rising up and running his tongue across her lips. "I would never cheat on you, you know that."
Riza nodded. "I was just bored and couldn't sleep. Now that you woke me up, I'll never get back to sleep."
She tensed when a mischievous grin appeared on his face. One of his hands smoothed down the sides of her body, then shifted and groaned when that same hand slipped under her shirt. "I'll help put you to sleep."
Riza laughed. "Even without the clothing in number nine?"
Roy leaned closer to her and moved her legs so they twined around his waist. "Riza, you don't need a miniskirt to get me hot and bothered. In fact, you need no clothing at all." He pulled the blankets over the two of them and proved his point.
