Title: How to be Brave
Rating: R
Pairing: Beca/Chloe
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer, characters unfortunately do not belong to me.
Summary: Sitting in the hospital, on what should be the joyous day of bringing their baby into the world, events unfolds that force Beca to reply the events that got her to this point. And hope that when the past arrives at the present both she and Chloe have a future with their baby.
A/N: I couldn't decide which story I wanted to tell more, so I decided to merge both stories into one. There are kind of two stories going on in this fic, the present which takes place five years after the events of the movie. And the past, which explains how both Chloe and Beca got where they are at the beginning of this fic. I really hope this isn't too confusing. I tried to make it straight forward. Also, I got inspiration for the Title, from the song A Thousand Years pt. Two. I'll probably use that song later as well. Please enjoy.
Chapter One – Present Day
" Did you call her?" The slightly shrill note that took over her best friends usual bubbly tone made Aubrey increase the pressure she was currently putting on the gas pedal increase by double. The red head occupying her passenger seat clutched her swollen stomach and grimaced in pain.
" She's going to meet us there." Aubrey knew that Chloe wanted nothing more than to have Beca with her. And for the first time Aubrey didn't take that fact personally.
" This isn't right. It's too early Aubrey." Chloe said panicking. The two had been working on the nursery, unpacking the many things that Chloe had gotten at the baby shower that they had held just a few days earlier when Chloe's water had broken.
" It's going to be okay Chloe. I promise." Aubrey said weaving in and out of traffic trying to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. Chloe wasn't due for another month, but her pregnancy hadn't exactly been smooth so the doctors warned that she could go into premature labor.
Aubrey walked with Chloe through the elevator doors of the maternity floor and barked for someone to get them a wheelchair. The nurse behind the registration desk looked up at the two women, a look of understanding at the panic that Aubrey had. She helped Chloe into one of the wheelchairs that they had on hand and shot a look at Aubrey, managing to convey in a single glance that her panic wasn't helping the situation at all. When the nurse went around the desk again and picked up the phone she had a short conversation with someone on the other end when the automatic doors leading into the actual ward opened and Chloe saw a familiar face.
" Hey there Chloe." Chloe looked up at the nurse, who she knew to be named Sarah, and tried to smile.
" Hi Sarah." Chloe greeted.
" Let's get you checked in. Where's Beca?" Sarah asked looking around the waiting room and not finding the brunette. Chloe glared at the nurse, perhaps it was the pain, or just the general anxiety of the moment but Chloe knew that Sarah had a crush on Beca. It had been obvious enough when the two had come to the hospital for their tour. They had even joked about it when they got home. Chloe didn't find it every amusing now.
" On her way if she knows what's good for her." Aubrey grumbled. Sarah glanced at Aubrey wondering who the blonde was but not worrying about it enough to introduce herself.
" Why don't you call Chloe's parents and when Beca comes in will you send her through these doors please." Sarah instructed before wheeling Chloe through the doors. The truth was Chloe would rather Aubrey have come with her, Aubrey had always been there to take care of Chloe ever since they were in kindergarten. The idea of not having Aubrey there made the whole thing worse.
" Can she come with?" Chloe asked.
" Sure." Sarah said watching Aubrey come over and take Chloe's hand.
Beca arrived just as they were getting Chloe settled into her room and changed into a hospital gowned. When she appeared in the doorway she was out of breath as if she had sprinted all the way from the studio. Brushing passed Sarah and Aubrey, Beca stood next to Chloe and took her wife's hand squeezing it gently.
" It's too soon Beca. Too soon." It was all Chloe could think about. She was only eight months pregnant, this wasn't supposed to be happening.
" It's going to be okay love." Beca said reassuringly, not really knowing how she was able to make her voice as steady as it was.
" The doctor is on his way, he's going to check Chloe out and make sure everything's okay." Sarah offered.
" See, you're in the best hands possible." Beca said comfortingly shooting a glance at Aubrey. The blonde began making the calls to everyone that needed to be there, mainly Chloe's parents and Beca's dad. She would call the Bella's when things were more settled.
" I'm scared Bec." Chloe whispered leaning into Beca. Beca felt completely helpless, she didn't do well in situations like this. She was always the first to panic, and Chloe was the voice of reason. But now Chloe needed her to be strong and Beca didn't know how. Aubrey went to the other side of Chloe's bed and took her friends hand.
" Don't be, you and my little God…baby are going to be fine." Aubrey had been a little peeved when Chloe refused to tell her what the sex of the baby was. Even though it was already predetermined that Aubrey would be the Godmother to their baby no matter what its gender. Aubrey assumed that meant that she would get the inside scoop on the gender at least.
When the doctor arrived Aubrey was asked to wait outside, which she did reluctantly while Chloe was examined.
" I'm Doctor Bradley, I'm the doctor on call tonight." She seemed nice, she greeted them both with a pleasant smile and a firm hand shake.
" I'm only eight months." Chloe said.
" We're going to monitor you and the baby closely. When I examined you, you were only barely a centimeter dilated which means that you are in the latent phase of labor. I know this is probably the most unhelpful thing to hear, but we're just going to have to be patient and wait and see." Dr. Bradley said. " I want you to try and relax, rest as much as you can. You're in for a long road Chloe. I'll be back to check on you soon."
Once alone Chloe looked up at Beca, her blue eyes wide with worry hoping to find some reassurance in Beca's face. It was then that Beca realized she couldn't be scared, she needed to be strong for Chloe.
" This is really happening." Chloe mumbled as if the realization finally hit her.
" We're going to meet our baby soon." It had taken Beca a long time to wrap her head around being a mom. It was never something she had grown up wanting, or thought that she would ever want. But it was something that Chloe had wanted for the longest time, and over time, and a lot of talking about it Chloe had convinced Beca. Now Beca wasn't ashamed to say she was looking forward to being a mom. " You should rest Chloe."
" I can't. It's too uncomfortable to sleep, and I'm too nervous. What if something's wrong with him?"
" Him?" Beca whispered. They had talked about learning the sex of their baby. Chloe had wanted to know whereas Beca had wanted it to be a secret. Chloe had done a good job up until that moment of not telling Beca.
" Oops."
" A boy huh?" Beca asked. She was going to have a son. " Figures. Boys are so impatient." Beca was rewarded with a small laugh and a promise that Chloe would try and get some rest. Beca sat down on the uncomfortable cot that they had set up next to Chloe's bed against the wall. It reminded Beca of her freshman dorm room back at Barden. Leaning against the wall and pulling her knees up to her chest Beca watched Chloe laying with her eyes closed, every once in a while grimacing, she found herself reflecting on how she had gotten to this point in her life.
Five years earlier
They hadn't talked in exactly one week. And it had been Hell for Beca. But it had also been one week since Chloe had told Beca that at the end of summer she would be moving to New York. The rational part of Beca's mind knew that she had no right to be mad at Chloe. But the emotional side, the side Chloe had brought out of her, demanded that she be upset. Chloe couldn't move over a thousand miles away. The idea of it made it difficult for Beca to breathe. Chloe had become her person, the one person who was beginning to restore her faith in people.
So Beca, being emotionally stunted reacted the only way she knew how. Distance, Chloe was leaving in five months she might as well be gone now. So Beca planned on removing Chloe from her life now, because at least then it would be on her terms. Stupid, Beca was well aware of that. But it was the only way Beca knew of to keep herself from complete destruction when Chloe was gone.
It wasn't that Chloe hadn't tried communicating, Beca's phone rang off the hook with all the calls, texts, and emails that Chloe sent. But Beca had ignored them. Some she hadn't even opened or voice mails she hadn't even listened to. She never left her room except in the wee hours of the morning when she knew that there was little chance that she was going to run into anyone that she knew. Even Kimmy Jin had given up on getting Beca to leave. She had just found another place to stay while Beca moped.
Beca's days consisted of making mixes, her emotional turmoil seemed to bring no shortage of inspiration for her music. She only left when she knew there was no chance of running into anyone, the grave yard guy at 7-11 knew her really well by now. He didn't even raise an eyebrow when she brought what seemed to be an endless supply of mountain Dew and Red Bull to the counter.
Draining her latest can of the carbonated, caffeinated beverage Beca used the excuse to stretch her limbs. Her arms cracked as she did so. She was about to return to her music when a loud knock echoed through the small dorm. Pulling her head phones off her ears Beca cocked her head trying to get a better determination of if it was their dorm officer delivering something, some notice or whatever. Or if it was someone actually visiting. Her question was answered by a second louder knock.
" Beca open up!" Chloe's voice rang out into the dorm room and cut through Beca as if there were no door between them. Feeling panic seep through her Beca sat paralyzed in her office chair. The door was locked, only she and Kimmy Jin had keys.
Except.
There was the telltale sound of keys sliding into the lock and the click of the lock releasing. Beca turned away from the door as it swung open. But in the reflection of her computer Beca saw Chloe. For several minutes Chloe didn't say anything. Probably because she was waiting for Beca to say something, until finally the silence that consumed the room felt like it was suffocating them.
" I think I've put up with this temper tantrum long enough." Chloe stated walking into the room and closing the door behind her. Had this been any other situation Beca might have thought this was comical. Seeing Chloe standing looking rather upset, it was such a rarity for the red head to get upset about anything. The only time Beca had seen the red head upset, truly upset about something, had been with Aubrey before they had all sorted out their issues before the ICCA's.
" Then what are you doing here?" Beca asked pretending to be busy working on her mixes.
" Beca, you can't keep avoiding me. I know that you're mad…"
" Watch me." Beca interrupted, she didn't want to talk about how mad she was that the one person that she had opened up to was leaving, she didn't want to talk about how much the idea of Chloe not being in her life made her insides ache in such a way that nothing could numb it even a little.
" Why?" Chloe asked.
" You're leaving. Why do you even care?" Beca fired back slamming her mac book closed and standing up. When she turned around she kept her gaze cold.
" You're mad that I'm leaving. I get it. But seriously Beca, that doesn't mean that we stop being friends."
" Maybe not in your idealistic view of the world. But news flash Chloe, in the real world that's exactly what it means." Beca's words were harsh. Chloe's always optimistic view of the world had always been one of things Beca found most endearing about Chloe. To attack it felt wrong even as she was speaking the words, but Beca had to. She had to push Chloe away so that Chloe would realize that it was better if they sever ties now.
" So that's it then? You're just going to push me away?" Chloe challenged mostly because she didn't think that Beca could do it. In the past few months the two had gotten remarkably close. Aubrey was still Chloe's best friend, had been since they were in Kindergarten. But Beca was easy to talk to, even if all Beca ever did was listen to Chloe as she talked.
Most people had their preconceived notions of who Beca was. And Beca was more than happy to allow them their assumptions. So long as it kept them away from her that was all that mattered. But with Chloe that was different. Beca was different. She smiled more, talked more, allowed Chloe to hug her and invade her personal space. She was just different.
" Pretty much." The words knocked the wind out of Chloe. It was as if Beca had physically struck her. Even early on in their friendship Beca had been stand offish and defensive. But she had never been outright mean.
" Why are you doing this?" Chloe asked her voice breaking. Beca cringed, she hated that she was actually causing Chloe pain. As much as she wanted the distance, hearing the pain in Chloe's voice was more than Beca could handle.
" I have to." Beca whispered looking away from Chloe, averting her gaze as if that made it somewhat easier to handle. She was pushing away the one girl who had never done anything but make Beca feel like she was someone that mattered, someone important. Beca had always viewed it that Chloe had taken pity on her, it had been the best day of her life really when Chloe had leaned forward, dangerously close and whispered that they would be fast friends. Most people would chalk it up to drunkenness, and Chloe was plenty tipsy. But Beca realized then that Chloe meant it, they would be friends, whether Beca wanted it or not.
" Why?" Chloe pressed. She was always pushing Beca to open up more. Probably because she was the only one that could get away with it.
" It'll be easier when you leave, if whatever we have is done." Beca said an air of finality to her statement.
" Is that really what you want?" Chloe asked inching forward. Her gaze intensifying and Beca knew she was pinned. Chloe took in Beca's appearance, the brunette looked like she hadn't slept in days. And she felt an enormous swell of sadness wash over her knowing she was at least partly responsible for it. Beca had abandonment issues, Chloe knew this because they'd talked about it. Chloe also remembered promising Beca that she wasn't going to abandon Beca. All of this had been spoken in jest but Chloe realized standing there that Beca felt as if she was being abandoned.
" I knew better than this. I knew opening up was a bad idea. But you were so…convincing. Please, just go." Beca said suddenly. There were words that were dancing on the tip of her tongue but she refused to say them.
" I'm not leaving until we talk about this Beca." Chloe said firmly.
" Look its whatever, you're moving away. I get it." Beca said with a shrug. Her other defense, when sarcasm and her biting tongue into work then usually apathy worked.
" Don't do that Beca. Don't make what we have sound so forgettable." Chloe knew whatever she and Beca had was worth more than that. It was a weirdly deep friendship that only seemed to make sense to them.
" And what do we have Chloe? Huh?" Beca demanded.
" We have what we have." Chloe replied cautiously. It had never been something they had broached before, it was a lingering question that had always been the topic they didn't discuss.
" Descriptive."
" What do you want us to have?" Beca stared back at Chloe for several long, suffocating moments. Looking like she was about to say something. But didn't.
" It doesn't matter now. Because you're leaving."
" Do you think this is easy for me? Leaving everything that I've known for the past four years for a city I don't know. Surrounded by people who don't know me? Don't understand why I'm so bubbly all the time?" Chloe demanded finally letting her anger boil over. It was the first time that Chloe had let her anger actually manifest. And it was really the only Beca that could bring this out of Chloe. With anyone else Chloe would always managed to keep her calm. Beca had a way of getting under her skin in ways that was nerve racking and at the same time something she wouldn't trade for anything.
" No one understands why you're so bubbly all the time." Beca grumbled.
" But you accept it. God Beca, I'm terrified. And you shutting me out is not any easier on me." Chloe said exasperated.
" I have to."
" Why?"
" Because you've destroyed me." Beca said finally. Her eyes flashing at Chloe and Chloe saw tears shining in Beca's blue-grey eyes. " You've completely, and irrevocably ruined me. I was fine before. I thought I could go along just fine without letting anyone in. And then you had to just appear and turn my plan on its fucking head. And you made me feel things. And now you're leaving."
" What did you feel Beca?" Chloe asked curiously. Desperately even. She wanted so bad to know what Beca was truly feeling. Sometimes she got the feeling that Beca wanted more from their friendship, that there might be a mutual flirtation instead of it just being on Chloe's half. Chloe had always wondered if she and Beca could be more than just friends. But it was impossible to read Beca.
" I can't." Beca said turning away, feeling her heart pounding in her chest. Beca had spent months convincing herself that it was a stupid crush, that there was no way in a million years that someone as wonderful as Chloe could have feelings for her. " Please Chloe, let me let go of you before this tears me apart." Beca pleaded hoping that Chloe would take pity on her. But it just wasn't Chloe's style to just let Beca get away.
" Beca…"
" I can't do this without you Chloe. You make this whole college thing bearable." Beca confessed, though it sounded downright painful just for her to admit it. This was the most honest confessions Chloe had ever gotten out of Beca.
" You have the other Bella's." Chloe offered.
" They aren't you." Beca mumbled sounding more like an indignant child than the self-proclaimed bad ass she was. Crossing the distance between them Chloe gathered Beca in her arms in a tight hug. Beca would have struggled if she thought it'd work, and if she didn't enjoy it so damned much. Chloe had managed to get Beca to actually enjoy her hugs. No one else's, just Chloe's.
" I'm not going to disappear out of your life Beca I promise." Chloe whispered against Beca's hair.
" Don't." Beca whimpered pushing Chloe away half-heartedly but still pushing Chloe enough that the red head stepped back.
" Don't what?"
" Make promises you won't keep."
" I haven't yet." Chloe said a small smile pulling at her lips.
" That's what everyone says. They promise that they won't leave. They say that they care about me, and that it's different because they care. And then they disappear like everyone else." Beca knew how it went. She had never known someone to actually stick around. Her father left when her parents divorced. Leaving like he was going to the store and never coming back, no goodbyes, no explanations. Just the echoing of the front door closing.
" I'm not like them Beca." Chloe insisted softly. Knowing there was nothing she could say that might convince Beca she meant what she said. She didn't know much about Beca's past. For all their nights spent talking Beca still opened up very little. There were monsters in Beca's past that Chloe wanted to hear about.
" You don't know how much I want to believe you."
" So have a little faith in me. I know you haven't had the best experiences with trustworthy people. But I'm not asking you to have faith in people. I'm asking you to trust that I am not going to let you escape out of my life."
Beca felt her stomach tighten at Chloe's words and heat rise to her cheeks. Chloe always made her feel like that.
" Let me escape huh?"
" Well maybe you'll stop answering my calls, or my text messages. Like you did this week." Chloe said. There was sadness in her tone breaking Beca's heart. Especially when Chloe dropped her head, looking down at the floor hiding her face from Beca's view. Until Beca reached out and used her hand to lift Chloe's face allowing her to look into Chloe's eyes.
" Never." Beca said with such honestly in her voice Chloe believed her. It was amazing how quickly the change had come. Five minutes earlier Beca had been ready to send Chloe out of her life forever. And now here she was, promising that she wouldn't let that happen. In the back of her mind, Beca wondered if Chloe had done that on purpose. She would have challenged it if Chloe's face hadn't been so close, her lips parted just so. Their bodies were almost touching, Beca could feel the warmth of Chloe's body though they weren't even touching. How Beca had never noticed it before during their many hugs was beyond her. But those moments lacked the intensity of this one.
Tilting her face into Beca's hand Chloe smiled softly, enjoying the contact. They moved closer, inch by inch without even realizing it. Beca guided Chloe down towards her lips. When their lips finally met it felt like an eternity had passed. Chloe's lips were soft against Beca's, somehow Beca always knew that they would be. For a moment Chloe's lips just lingered on Beca's waiting for reassurance that this was what Beca wanted. She didn't have to wait long when Beca leaned forward pressing her lips harder against Chloe's. It seemed like all the encouragement either of them needed to open the floodgates to all the flirtation and the tension that had been building between them all year and letting it wash over them.
Reaching out, Chloe placed her hands tentatively on the curve of Beca's hips. Even through the haze of everything that was happening Chloe was acutely aware that Beca wasn't keen on people invading her personal space. If she was uncomfortable with the closeness she made no attempt to stop their kiss. Like most things in her life Beca's kisses were tentative, like she wasn't entirely sure of what she was doing. But when Chloe parted Beca's lips, deepening their kiss by slipping her tongue deftly into Beca's mouth the smaller girl brought her other hand up around Chloe's neck to keep their lips pressed together.
Hearing the soft sounds of encouragement Beca was making, Chloe pushed Beca back against her desk desperate to keep hearing those sounds. Chloe had always guessed that Beca would be a good kisser, she didn't know how she knew it, and maybe a lot of it was wishing she might one day find out. But now that she was actually kissing Beca, Chloe was sure that there would never come a day where she would say she didn't want to kiss Beca. What Beca may have lacked in experience, having only had a few encounters with kissing in High School, she made up with in knowledge of Chloe. Chloe had never experienced a kiss like this one, not one that had the power to make her knees weak.
" If I had known me leaving was all it took to get a kiss from you I would have left months ago." Chloe teased once their kiss ended. Beca looked away though she made no attempt to move away.
" I can't talk about you leaving. It hurts too much." Beca whispered.
" Then we won't talk about it. We'll take the next five months as they come." Chloe replied pulling Beca into a tight hug. Smiling triumphantly when Beca returned her hug.
