Chapter 1 - One door closes, another one opens

A/N: Hi there, FiascoWay here. No I'm not lost; this story is a collaboration between myself and Thorntons. Binary Switch has its origins in a short story she shared with me some months ago. I was so excited by the possibilities that I all but begged to be given the chance to contribute and flesh it out into a more lengthy piece. What you see is the final product, a hopefully amusing Mentalist romp in five chapters. In terms of Thornton's works this can be considered a loose sequel to Pipe Dreams.

This collaboration was undertaken in the true sense of that word. Instead of alternating writing chapters as seems the common practice, we decided to collaborate closely on each one. After numerous edits and changes, the writing is intertwined to the point it's hard for me to recall who did what.

What is certain is the concept and plot of the story belong to Thorntons and I've just done my best to adorn some of the details. While working on Binary Switch I was overwhelmed by my collaborator's generosity of spirit. It must be hard to allow someone else to tinker with your creation but (at least from my point of view) we managed to work together in complete harmony.

In reading this story I hope you're as open minded as Thorntons was to my ideas. We neither of us are the strictest adherers to canon but we definitely write from a place of love when it comes to our favourite characters. I've rambled on enough, please enjoy.

***WARNING*** A few reviewers suggested this story needs a warning. This story makes reference to lesbian relationships and lesbian sex (non explicit). If this upsets you please don't read further.

It all started with a cat and an ordinary ginger one at that; Felix had been found at a crime scene a little worse for wear, his owner having expired under mysterious circumstances. With no immediate neighbours, and Felix not being the sort of cat used to roughing it, pickings had been sparse for the pampered puss. So it wasn't surprising that he attached himself to the first person who gave him any attention.

Always a sucker for a lost cause, Lisbon found herself being followed from room to room as they checked out the crime scene. Tripping over it she shouted out irritably, "Can someone do something with the damned cat!"

Jane appeared from nowhere, and bent down. "Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty."

Kitty regarded Jane like he was a week old sardine. He arched his back and rubbed against Lisbon's legs, eliciting a chuckle from the snubbed consultant. "Sorry Lisbon, cats pick their owners and this one's picked you."

Lisbon huffed, and picked the cat up to check the name tag. "Umm, Felix. Well I suppose we can't leave you here and it's too late to get you to the animal shelter. Let's see if anyone can put you up for the night."

Everyone had an excuse. Allergies, no pets allowed, too many pets already... Cho claimed cats gave him the heebie-jeebies. Hours later when Jane and Lisbon wrapped up their business, the cat was still firmly attached to Lisbon. With a long suffering sigh she bowed to the inevitable.

As Lisbon drove home she glared belligerently at the cat basket in the passenger seat. She wasn't exactly in the mood to form a new attachment, especially as the one she'd been hoping for had fallen at the first hurdle. Despite their rapprochement, Jane and Lisbon had fallen back into their old ways, their deep friendship had failed to translate into anything more meaningful.

Although they were as comfortable with each other as two people possibly could be, Jane had shown no inclination to pursue a more physical relationship. It wasn't as if they hadn't tried, the odd fumble and chaste kiss had felt plain awkward, and for all their good intentions they still hadn't progressed past first base.

An exploratory weekend getaway pretty much confirmed that they were going nowhere fast. Despite Lisbon's best efforts at seduction, nothing happened that would have been out of place in a Victorian novel. Even when she draped herself alluringly over the pillow, impressive décolletage displayed to best advantage, Jane just looked on apologetically.

He wasn't immune to her charms on an aesthetic level, he just lacked the wherewithal to act on it. Lisbon knew the moment was lost when Jane toddled towards bed carrying a cup of tea, his pyjamas primly buttoned up to the neck. It didn't take a genius to work out a night of passion wasn't on the agenda; in fact the only sparks flying that night came from the static off Lisbon's satin negligée.

However much Lisbon had wanted it to happen, she couldn't ignore Jane's obvious reluctance. He'd been getting increasingly agitated ever since he saw the shared bed. Maybe it was timing, maybe it was never going to happen, but for her own sanity she had to put it behind her. There was no point mooning around like a lovesick teenager, otherwise they would be back to square one. They had their friendship back and that must count for something, regardless what happened there was no way she was jeopardizing that again.

Of course Felix made his home with Lisbon. Truth to be told he was an undemanding companion. Though a life-long dog lover, Lisbon found she made the switch to the softer species with ease. It was nice coming home to something other than an empty house. It was only in her darker moments where Lisbon mused on the fact the clock was ticking ever faster and the only thing that aroused the new man in her life was a box of Friskies.

Unfortunately the role of a lonely cat woman wasn't a good fit with the demands of an FBI career. The feasibility of her feline obligations was soon called into question when the usual cat sitter was rushed into hospital. Obliged to work out of town for a case, Lisbon had to call in Carol from the gym.

Having started out as gym buddies, they'd tentatively progressed to friends in a more general context. As careful with her friendships as with other relationships, Lisbon had been the one moving slow. She felt a moment of guilt in response to how grateful Carol sounded to be minding the cat. Maybe she needed to work on letting her guard down more easily.

A few days later Lisbon and Jane were back in Austin enjoying case closed drinks at Fagan's pub. Jane hadn't peeved off too many people for once, and Lisbon was more than happy to unwind in his company.

Sitting at the bar with Jane beside her she observed his habitual flirting with the hot young barmaid with amused detachment. Lisbon was never entirely sure whether he realised how devastating his charm offensive could be. No wonder the woman was positively drooling; by the way her eyes were devouring Jane it was clear she would have liked to pour herself as his next drink. As it was she was dangerously close to dangling a prominent part of her anatomy in his scotch.

Lisbon's eyes drifted across the woman's tanned flawless skin, fought the pull of her impossible cleavage and came to rest on Jane's face. He was smiling broadly at some weak sally but his eyes were free of desire. No pupil dilation at all. She shook her head in wonder, what was the matter with the man? It might have been the tequila talking, but even Lisbon wasn't immune to the bimbo's charms. She blinked at the thought, then ordered another shot.

Soon afterwards they called it a night and split a cab home. Lisbon waved Jane off and then made her way cautiously up the path. The door opened before she had time to fumble her keys. Lisbon took in the scene. Felix was happily comatose on her couch while Carol looked immaculately groomed in a tight fitting dress and elegant heels. An ice bucket and bottle of champagne completed the ensemble. Lisbon distractedly wondered if her friend had been expecting company.

Still pleasantly buzzed from the bar, Lisbon was slightly less inhibited than usual, and mindful of her vow to open up more, expressed her gratitude with a hug. It took her sozzled brain a few seconds to realise it was reciprocated with decidedly more than a platonic embrace. Lisbon's eyes widened in surprise when one of Carol's hands cupped her derriere, while the other sent a tingle along the back of her neck.

For a second Lisbon stood at the precipice. Was this really going to happen? Flashes of her failed romantic interlude with Jane and his indifference to the siren call of the opposite sex passed through her mind. What the hell, it was infinitely preferable to a lonely night with Leonard Cohen and bottle of red. Throwing caution to the wind, she allowed herself to follow in the footsteps of Sappho.


Lisbon woke up bleary eyed to find a warm, heavy mass on her chest. She was about to shove Felix off when realisation dawned it wasn't the cat. Ohmigod. She was in bed with Carol from Strategic Analysis. Carol of the soulful blue eyes, vibrant red hair and gym toned body. Carol who wore her heart on her sleeve, and forever looked like she was dying for the chance to shower someone with affection. She'd started out as a gym buddy (really she should have seen the signs), then casual friend and cat sitter and now was clearly plumping for something more.

Lisbon raised a cautious hand to brush some of Carol's errant hairs off her face. The analyst in question murmured happily and nestled more deeply into her breasts. She repressed a sigh and looked around helplessly. The articles of clothing wantonly discarded throughout the room dispelled any lingering doubts of what had happened.

Not to mention a sudden flash of recollection. Oh, Sheepdip. As if to add weight to her realisation Felix stalked into view and cast a reproachful glance at the woman usurping his rightful place in the bed.

Lisbon fought down a rising sense of panic. She was in her own bedroom; there was no decent way to disentangle herself from the situation without some sort of deep and meaningful conversation. Something told her the intense and passionate Carol wouldn't see this as a casual fling.

Practical minded as always, Lisbon started weighing up her options. She could break things off as gently as possible but was that being fair to herself or Carol? Given her pitiful lack of a love life was she really in a position to allow stuffy social conventions to rule her actions?

A life in law enforcement had exposed Lisbon to a broad spectrum of human behaviour. While some cops reacted by becoming even more prejudiced, Lisbon had gone in the other direction and grown more open minded. Cutting her teeth in San Francisco had no doubt helped that process. Now it was just a matter of taking that attitude and applying it to herself. Well, why not? The reality was Jane had spoiled her for more ordinary men and she was likely to wither on the vine before he looked her way.

Carol was warm and intelligent and clearly interested. She didn't mind admitting it was nice to be looked after for once. As for more intimate matters, if last night was anything to go by there were some unanticipated fringe benefits. Comparing her two most recent partners there was a lot to be said for Carol's ability to play her body like an accordion, in contrast to Pike bouncing up and down like a faulty toaster. If only she could shake off the nagging suspicion that were he so inclined, Jane's virtuoso skills could make her sing like a Stradivarius. It was too bad he was a dedicated soloist.

Lisbon stopped battling with herself and relaxed. Maybe there was no need to tie herself in knots over this. Her obsessive need for control hadn't exactly served her well in her CBI days. For all the pains she'd taken to reign in Jane and stay on top of things it had ended in a wrecked career and a barren personal life. Maybe it was time to just go with the flow and see what happened.

Public displays of affection would have to be right out, however. After having her dalliance with Pike aired as office gossip there was no way she was going to endure an even more thorough scrutiny. She could just imagine Fischer's faux shocked response before she stampeded a path to the water cooler to be the first to spread the news.

Abbott would likely limit himself to an amused smirk before looking worried as to what ramifications it would hold for the team. Cho, on the other hand, might pop his eyeballs out in an attempt to maintain his deadpan. And then of course all eyes would turn to Jane… Lisbon shuddered. There was no way she was going to go through that.

For all her determination to take back control of her life there was no way she would cut Jane adrift. He was a fixture in her life, always would be, but she was damned if she knew how to deal with this. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Jane, but she wasn't cut out to be a nun. He had to realise she wasn't going to hang around forever waiting for him call time on his abstinence.

The following Monday it was a nervous Teresa Lisbon who pecked Carol on the cheek before making her way to the car. Fortunately her cat sitter with benefits was a cycling fanatic which avoided an awkward conversation around car-pooling. Once she'd parked at headquarters Lisbon took a second to check her appearance in the mirror. After an extensive recreational program with Carol she had to make sure there wasn't a big 'L' branded to her forehead. Jane would no doubt pick up on something but there was no need for the whole office to get wind of her broadened horizons.

Jane's head pivoted as if on a swivel as Lisbon breezed past. Something was up. His friend wore her habitual frown but it was contradicted by the spring in her step and a general air of relaxation. His first suspicion was that Pike had somehow returned to hit a home run, but that was quickly discarded. Marcus' card had been well and truly stamped and Lisbon was no hollaback girl.

A reconnaissance mission in the guise of a tea run furnished further data points. No male scent, though there were some new floral tones to Lisbon's aroma. Interesting. A hotel rendezvous perhaps? The return pass to the couch ruled out that possibility. That tuberose/gardenia mix wouldn't be found in any high end hotel and Lisbon wasn't the type to have an assignation in some seedy motel. A place with mints on the pillow was the minimum standard. Curious and more curious. Time for some light banter.

"Morning Lisbon."

Teresa shifted slightly in her seat but didn't look up from her email. "Morning Jane."

"Good weekend?" Jane probed.

Lisbon executed a half turn and raised an eyebrow. It was rare for a Jane conversation to be so banal. "It was OK. How about yours?"

"Oh, same as always," Jane responded distractedly. Lisbon turned back to her computer and Jane openly studied her from behind. She was definitely hiding something, but over the years her poker face had improved markedly. He was completely stumped.

Puzzlement turned to introspection. Really, who was he to pry into Lisbon's private life? If he was any kind of man at all then he'd be part of it. He harshly suppressed the urge to sigh. It was monstrously unfair to Lisbon. He couldn't be what she needed and yet he couldn't leave her free to find that with another man. Look what had happened when he'd left the field free for the gormless Pike. However much he rationalised that episode, his jealous lizard brain felt no regret at the outcome. Lisbon had deserved better, Pike was a compromise too far.

Any hopes their weekend away could resolve their dilemma were ill founded. Unfortunately while Lisbon had appeared certain of what she wanted, he or more specifically his libido wasn't on point (so to speak). After years of suppressing that part of himself it appeared to have gone into permanent hibernation. He was still haunted by the nightmare of trying to seal the deal with Lorelei. He'd almost had to resort to taking a little blue pill; for a while there it'd felt like threading a needle with a wet noodle. There was no way he could risk such an outcome with Lisbon.

He focussed once more on his friend. She'd forgotten about him and was engrossed in her work. There it was again, that aura of contentment. Who? How? Jane racked his brains. Maybe it was time to apply some De Bono theory, think outside the box.

It was just possible he was completely on the wrong track. Lisbon's contented glow didn't have to come from a sexual encounter. Maybe she'd enjoyed a re-watching of Thelma and Louise with a tub of her favourite ice cream. Or maybe (a less charitable part of him thought) she'd read a particularly satisfying chapter in her latest management theory book.

He took a moment to analyse the vibes further. No, much as he would like to believe that, there was a decidedly sensual quality to Lisbon's mood. Who had come recently into her life, or what…? Bingo! He snapped his fingers in realisation. Lisbon flinched guiltily and spilled her coffee but Jane didn't even notice.

Of course! It all made sense. Could Lisbon's happiness be attributed to Felix? The soothing qualities of owning a pet were well documented and what could be more sensual than stroking a contented pussy?