Okay, so I know that I said that I was done writing until next summer. But the thing is... it's way too much fun. So while the stories will be few and far between, hopefully I'll be able to post when I have some free time.
Anyways, I got the idea for this story from a few different places. It's a lot different from my other stories, but I think this will be a fun challenge. Please tell me what you think!
Dear Natara,
You wore a white dress today. I swear you were the most breathtaking thing I've ever seen in my entire life. You looked so perfect and beautiful that I wanted nothing more than to take your hands in mine and confess everything. My devotion to you. My love for everything you are, everything you stand for. I barely stopped myself.
When I saw you in that dress, to say I was speechless would be the understatement of the century. I couldn't form a coherent thought, let alone put words together to form a sentence. I'd only ever seen you in a dress once before, at the charity event we were semi-undercover for. I had thought you looked beautiful in that red gown, but compared to your beauty today... you might as well have been a Halloween witch. No offense.
I couldn't help but think of a wedding dress. I envisioned a wedding. Our wedding, actually, but that's not fair. I know it's arrogant, thinking that you would ever look at me romantically at all, never mind agree to become Mrs. Fallon. Still, it was the first thing I thought of. You looked so radiant and beautiful like every bride should, except you were only getting married in my imagination.
You should have seen the church, Natara. It was packed, filled to the brim with people who care about you. People were crammed into pews and forced to stand on the sides. Some even had to stand outside the doors, and were craning their necks to try and catch a glimpse. Everyone from the station was there, and your mother was crying. I'm pretty sure I even saw your dad sitting next to your mom and Neha. And of course you were the focal point for everyone's attention, especially mine, in that flawless white dress.
Is it wrong for me to say that I was jealous when they handed your flag to your mother? Is it wrong for me to wish that they had handed it to me instead? If I had been the one that your flag was handed to, that would have meant that we were married. Am I wrong for wishing that? I think I am, especially since I'm the reason today happened in the first place.
They got the bastard who did this to you. I hope you know that. He tried to run, but it was an idiotic move. It was a crime scene and there were cops all over the place, the fatal flaw in his plan. They found him while I held you, and then when they took you away I charged over to him and you know what I did. I punched him so hard that I knocked him out. I broke my hand, too. It wasn't enough, though. I wanted him to suffer as you had suffered. Only there would be no comfort for him in the arms of his partner.
Kai was the one who stopped me, of all people. He was the one who brought me back. He told me there was still hope for you. I wish he had been right.
I remember the time at the hospital, when you were in surgery. Everyone was there. Captain Yeong, Ken, Amy, Kai, Neha, your mom, and a ton of other people. I was led by an intern to a room to clean myself up. She left almost immediately, and Amy found me about twenty minutes later, waving my arms around in front of the sink, trying to turn it on. Apparently you step on a button to turn the water on.
There was so much blood on my hands, but I didn't want to wash it off. I could only stand there, staring at my hands covered in your blood. A few hours before, it had been running through your veins. What if it was the last living part of you I ever saw? I cried as I watched the rose-colored water circle the drain.
I remember when I got to say goodbye to you privately. I got to hold you, but you were cold. You were cold even as my hot tears fell on your face. Even as I pressed my face against your neck. You looked so calm and serene that, if not for the absence of your chest rising and falling, I could have believed you were sleeping.
People keep telling me that it was just your time, but they're wrong. They weren't there. They don't know what happened. They didn't see you jump in front of me. I did. I saw you take the bullet that was meant for me. I watched you crumple back into me. I fell with you, and I found out later that people thought I had been shot too.
Why did you do it? How did you know? I've gone over it and over it in my mind, and I know that I saw you start to leap in my direction a split second before the shot. How did you know what was going to happen?
Why did you leave me here alone?
I'm being arrogant again. As far as I know I was your partner and your friend, in your eyes. Nothing more and, thankfully, nothing less. I could have told you before, but I didn't. I had at least a thousand opportunities. And yet I didn't take advantage of them.
So, keeping our tradition of horrible timing, I guess I'll tell you now.
I love you, Natara Williams. I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you with all my heart and all my being. I love you and I miss you. But it's more than that. I miss the life you missed out on, the life we never got to build together and now the life we never will. You probably think I'm being ridiculous, and I wouldn't blame you. It's not like I ever had you, to be able to miss you properly. But in a way I think that's worse. I don't get to have memories of our time as a couple, because we never had that time to begin with.
That's my biggest regret. I never told you while I could. I was a coward, and now it's too late. I had a million chances to tell you everything. I wasted so much time. I could have told you. I should have told you. I should have told you when we were looking for your sister. When we rescued you from the Collins mansion. When we were in the woods. After Tasha died. That night we talked about everything, the night before Zero turned himself in.
I'm telling you now. I know it's not enough, but it's all I have.
Love you always
Mal
