Johnny's Thoughts before he died

I'm dying. Johnny Cade thinks as the nurse asks what she can do to make him more comfortable. I'm dying, there's nothing anyone can do to make this better. But instead he just reluctantly shakes his head. The nurse turns to leave and he remembers something.

"Wait, nurse? Could you give me a pen and paper?" He asks, wincing in pain. She looks at him crazily, wondering why on Earth he'd need to be writing anything right now, but returns with what he requested a minute later. He - attempted - to smile gratefully.

He wrote and wrote until he couldn't anymore, there was so much he wanted to say but he physically couldn't do it. So he ended his note to Ponyboy with one request, to make sure Dally knows there's good in the world. Johnny's always heroized Dally, and he knew that none of the gang understood why. Sometimes, he didn't either. But now he had all the time in the world to think about it.

Dally's real. "So real it scares me," Ponyboy said once. And it's true. Dallas sees the world like it is, no innuendos or shades of gray. Simply black and white, cold hard fact. He's like Darry that way. Dally doesn't have an imagination, he's always got enough to worry about without imagining things. They'd most likely be bad things, anyway. I feel sorry for him, and that's the last thing he wants. He doesn't like pity. But I love Dally, and I want him to know that someone does.

Johnny faintly remembers all the times Dally and him sat in the vacant lot, listening to eachothers problems and comparing them. There were countless times, and most the gang didn't know about. Nobody ever really knew where ol' Dallas was. He was secretive that way, always out and about. Always had to be doin' something. Probably because if you're bored or got nothing to do, you find yourself thinking. And thinking about his life would just kill him. Being alone with his own thoughts would of been enough to kill Dallas Winston.

But Dally opened up to Johnny, and talking about things with him seemed to make him feel better about them. Johnny was a good man and listened real well, and that was a rare quality in a greaser.

His thoughts drifted to Dally, taking the charges for Two-Bit breaking the windows. Dally, growing up roaming the streets, seeing things no young kids should ever see. Experiencing things that no one should in a lifetime. Dally, in jail when he was ten. Being caring enough to risk his life to keep me from getting hurt, going through hell to keep me outta trouble..and I end up turning myself in, letting him down, hurting him..making him worry about me.

Feeling a pang of guilt, Johnny wanted to cry. Maybe when I'm gone Dally won't have as much troubles, everything will be easier for him. He'd only have himself to worry about, not himself AND me anymore. Maybe this will be a good thing for him.

Just then, Dally walked through the door to the hospital room with Ponyboy. He began telling Johnny all about beating the Socs, Johnny didn't catch a lot of it, but when Dallas said he was proud of him, it made his life.

He's proud of me. Dallas Winston. Proud of me. Why me? He's made me who I am, he should be proud of himself.

But Johnny couldn't help glowing over the fact of that. It was all he wanted. He was complete. Now he could finally let go..well, after he told Ponyboy what he knew ONLY Pony would ever understand. To stay gold. Ponyboy and Dally are gold. I hope wherever I go next, I can be gold, too. And then, he was gone.