They say your first love is the worst. I agree.

My name is Kara Danvers. My first love was Lena Luthor. It was the closest feeling to ecstasy I could ever reach. Better than flying through the clouds or lifting an airplane about to crash.

They say your first love is the worst. The heartbreak of crashing down after the high of your first love hurts. The entire world falling around you, and the person you desperately want to catch you, doesn't. You lay there, broken, realizing the love of your life is the one who brought your world down around you.


Present day

"Hey! Pony-tail, get in here NOW!"

Kara rolled her eyes, and managed to pick herself up off of her chair and walk the short distance to Snapper's office. She never carried herself with the pride and confidence she once had, instead simply scuffing her feet with her shoulders slightly rounded. She walked as if it was a struggle to even hold herself up anymore, and it was. She only got about two hours of sleep every night. Even aliens need eight hours of sleep, but her dreams were her worst enemy. She couldn't sleep for more than twenty minutes without dreaming about her eyes, her touch, her smile, and the eventual heartbreak that all that lead to. Kara woke up every morning crying, exhausted, and numb.

Today was no different. Kara woke up in tears, put makeup over the bags under her eyes, got her stuff, and went to work, skipping breakfast. She barely even eats anymore. Although she needs to consume twice as more calories than the average human male, she ignores her hunger because it is one of the few things she can control. As a result, most of her Kryptonian physique has withered away, leaving her "skinny as a rail" as her sister Alex would put it. Kara was happiest when the love of her life was there, and they were eating. Almost all the restaurants in National City remind Kara of her. Even the thought of pot stickers makes Kara want to sob.

Kara stepped into the office and looked at Snapper expectantly. The only thing she does anymore is going to work, then coming home and laying in bed. She is fairly decent at being a reporter, needing a distraction most of the dark nights she fears her dreams too much to go to sleep.

"Took you long enough. I need you to go and interview Miss Lena Luthor about the President's Amnesty Act for aliens. You think you can handle that?" Snapper says, not even looking up to acknowledge Kara.

Kara felt the little amount of happiness stowed away in her heart melt out of her body upon hearing her name. The name that curls the super in on herself every time it is spoken in the news or whispered by someone in the office. The name that brings Kara to tears at the feeling of her heart clenching every time. The name that makes Kara want to vomit from the feeling of numbness consuming her once again.

Kara slumped her shoulders, feeling the bit of effort she put up that morning whoosh out of her. Her eyes immediately started filling with tears, and she averted her eyes to a random object near Snapper's head, hoping whenever he decided to look up he wouldn't notice Kara's distress and point it out.

Taking a shaky deep breath in, she answered, "W-when do you need it by?"

"Friday." he answered. "I don't care when you do it, just make it good and on my desk by Friday morning, you hear me pony-tail?" He finally looked up and leveled Kara with the infamous Snapper glare, and Kara kept her eyes on the calendar posted behind his head.

It was only Tuesday. Kara decided not to face the eventual fresh waves of heartbreak upon seeing her until tomorrow.

"Y-yeah. I'll get right on it, sir"

Kara wheeled around and walked out of Snapper's office before he could comment, quickly making her way to the communal bathroom to pull herself together as best she can. She walked in, and realizing nobody was in there, locked the main door and slid down the back of the door. She let herself unleash the tears she had been holding in, pulling her phone out of her pocket. Tears kept falling on her phone as she attempted to text Alex.

Kara: I have to interview her.

She hit send and tossed her phone on the floor next to her, letting herself succumb to the waves of heartbreak crashing over her.

Kara used to be happy. Her life was full of color. She was that bubbly blonde that always made sure everyone had a smile on their face. She radiated happiness, and everyone around her couldn't help but be happy while in her presence. She even made the notorious Lena Luthor a joy to be around. But once her and Lena broke up, a cloud seems to always be following the blonde. When she used to bound into the room with a beaming smile, she now shuffles in and stands in a corner. Kara felt like she was constantly trying to keep her head above the waves while everyone was on a boat just out of reach. It was almost too much, and she barely got through the days. The only thing that gets her out of bed every day is the looming threat of being fired if she doesn't show up, which means she wouldn't be able to pay rent and therefore be homeless. Kara doesn't remember how it felt when her life was full of color, she only knows the dull grey that her life had become.

She heard her phone buzz from a text, but Kara ignored it until she felt numb from crying, her eyes running out of tears. She quickly wiped her eyes and decided to go cry in the comfort of her apartment.

Kara got up and went to the mirror to see the extent of the damage from crying. Waterproof mascara is definitely a lifesaver. Kara fixed a few flyaway hairs and went to unlock and walk out the door. A few of her coworkers were standing by the door, and they all glared at Kara when she walked out. Kara didn't care, she was already numb from hearing her name. She put her head down as she walked to her desk to collect her things, and then opened and read Alex's text while shuffling to the elevator.

Alex: I'm getting off work now. I'll be there in 15.

Seeing that Alex sent that over twenty minutes ago, Kara quickly walked home. She didn't want to keep Alex waiting and she felt a new wave of fresh tears against the back of her eyes. The numbness consumed her heart, and all she wanted to do was curl up in bed and never get up.

Kara mentally smacked herself for telling Alex about the interview, not wanting to cause the girl to leave work and check on her again. The pair were never separated anymore, Alex either at Kara's or vice versa. Kara had pretended to be okay several times in order to let her sister have quality time with her girlfriend without Kara there. No matter how much Alex tried to convince Kara that she doesn't mind being there for her, Kara always feels guilty when her sister leaves with a tear soaked shoulder.

As soon as she opened the door, Alex was there. Kara collapsed into her arms, sobs overtaking her body. Kara cried on Alex's shoulder, her stuff abandoned at the doorway. "Oh honey…" Alex murmured into Kara's hair while she scooped Kara up and carried her over to the couch, wrapping a blanket around the both of them. She never once let Kara go.

"I'm here. I'm always here. I'm here, I'm always here…" Alex repeated over and over, holding Kara while she fell apart in her arms once again.


Fall of Freshman year of College

Kara and Lena were in Lena's dorm room curled up on her bed, watching the movie Me Before You. They were both sitting side by side, their arms and legs periodically brushing the other when reaching for popcorn or shifting positions. Lena was the one to suggest the movie, thinking the romantic movie would be a good fit for her and Kara's relationship. They had been dating since October of their senior year of high school, and now they were well past the halfway mark of their first semester in college.

"I don't understand this movie, Lena." Kara mumbled around a mouthful of popcorn. "The guy is a jerk, and the girl is like a puppy. This is going nowhere!"

Lena looked over at Kara, seeing an escaped popcorn kernel resting on her shirt. Lean reached over and grabbed it, popping it into her mouth. "Patience, darling." she said, and turned back to the movie. She held in a giggle at the annoying huff from the girl next to her and placed her head on Kara's shoulder.

About an hour into the movie, after pausing twice to make more popcorn, Kara was bouncing excitedly on the bed. "LENA! This is such a good movie! They are so CUTE together! But obviously not as cute as us!" The bubbly blonde said while grabbing for Lena's hand and intertwining their fingers, deciding touching Lena was more important than the fourth bag of popcorn she was thinking about making. Lena simply squeezed the blonde's hand next to her and focused her attention back on the movie.

Once the credits began rolling, Kara was a mess. She was trying to hide the fact that she was crying from Lena. Lena knew she was an absolute sap when it came to romance movies, hence why she picked the movie, but she got the sense that wasn't why Kara was crying. She didn't want Lena to know that the thought of losing someone so close to her was one of her biggest fears, even more so than her favorite take-out place discontinuing potstickers.

"Well that was sad…" Kara mumbled out. Lena stopped the movie and looked over before Kara could swipe away the tears running down her face.

"Oh Kara what's wrong?" Lena asked, immediately pulling the blanket covered girl closer to her. She gently wiped away Kara's tears and kissed the crown of her head. Kara turned toward Lena and wrapped her arms around her, burying her nose in the nape of Lena's neck, mumbled "it's just a sad ending."

Lena then asked her, "are you sure that's all you are sad about?"

Kara then took a deep, shaky breath, and leaned back from Lena's loving embrace.

"Lena, I know we have only been t-together over a year, but can I tell you something?" Kara nervously asked, grabbing Lena's hand and playing with her fingers, refusing to look up at her girlfriend.

Lena used her other hand to gently cup under the girl's cheek and tilt her head up until she made eye contact with Lena. "Darling, you can tell me anything. You know that." Lena said with a soft smile. Kara glanced down at her smile, and slowly leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to her lips. After a minute she pulled back, and took a deep breath.

"Okay... do you remember that day when we talked about biggest fears? And I jokingly said running out of potstickers is mine? I-I lied... So many people left me in my life, my birth parents, my cousin Clark, My aunt Astra, and I t-think its safe to say I'm terrified of people leaving me. I-I'm just scared that one day you'll leave me too... I know that's ridiculous, we have only been together for a year and-" Lena cut Kara's rambling off with a searing kiss, one that left them both breathless once they broke apart.

"Kara," Lena started, and Kara immediately closed her eyes, ready for Lena to confirm her biggest fear was about to come true. "Kara, I love you. I promise I have no intention of ever leaving your side." Lena said, and smiled when she saw her girlfriend open her eyes.

Kara let go of one of Lena's hands and held up her pinky finger. "Pinky promise?"

Lena laughed, and wrapped her pinky around her girlfriends. "Pinky promise."