gonna be a 2 chap fic. first takes place in gethsemane/redux, second will be in in s5 with mulder and scully talking. this is shorter than I meant it to be but the next chapter will prob be longer. thanks for reading! Enjoy and please review!
fyi: suicidal ideation tw
Mulder's sitting on his couch, blankly staring out at the wall as the TV murmurs and mutters from behind him. There's something clutched within his hands. The room is almost pitch black, and would be if not for the weak glow of the TV and fish tank.
It's his fault. Completely and utterly his fault that she is dying of cancer.
The one person he cares the most about, the only one person that has been by his side - is dying and the only person to blame is himself. As he thinks about it he begins to cry. Silent tears of morose misery.
Everything he lives for is coming down.
Everything is falling down around him, crashing violently to the floor.
He fells trapped underneath it all. There's no escaping it. No escaping the truth. How horribly and sickly ironic. That the truth would destroy him and leave him in such a state.
Part of him can't even believe this is happening. How could this happen? Is it even happening? It doesn't feel real. It can't be real. It just can't be real.
But it is real. So painfully real. An the other part of him knows so.
The TV is on but he's so distraught that he cannot even hear it. All he can hear are his thoughts, which are louder than life. Loud and painful. It's all been a lie and he's losing her. The truth hurts so much. His whole life he's been groomed to fill a purpose and to extend the lie. And Scully is dying. That's the worst part. Losing her. He's not sure how or if he'll even be able to continue without her. She's saved him a thousand times over in a million different ways . He can't loose Scully. Especially if it is entirely his fault he is losing her. Which it is.
He closes his eyes, which are raw with pain. Tears are rolling down his face. Mulder clutches that something in his hand.
It's a gun.
He opens his eyes stares down at the it. It's never felt so tempting before.
Mulder just wants this all to go away. To go away and stop. He's been hurting for far too long.
Maybe this is the only answer now.
