She sighed as she walked into her 15-year high school reunion. She hadn't attended the past 2 reunions. There was such little attachment to this small town. Her parents had moved the second she went into the Chicago Police Academy. Unfortunately there wasn't anyone holding her to this place. There wasn't anyone she wanted to ever see again. She wasn't going to see anyone of them ever again, until she made a silent remark about it at work.
Her boss said everyone had to work all weekend unless they had another excuse, such as a high school reunion apparently. She made that mistake of talking about it with her partner with her sergeant in the room. Her scoff about her high school reunion had suddenly turned into an excuse not to work that weekend. Suddenly she was packing a bag about to head to the middle of nowhere. Her suitcase was late so when she got in last night she had to wear her work clothes out to get a drink.
She walked in the only bar in town wearing her blue-collared shirt and her dark blue dress pants. The police shoes they were forced to wear. Meanwhile, every body else was dressed in their jeans and flannel shirts, cowboy hats taking up half her view. All heads turned as she walked over to the bar. That's when the whispers started, to be clear they never quite stopped. Fifteen years ago she bolted so fast and so far from this place without a word to anybody. Well, that and she was in her uniform.
"Whiskey please," she asked the bartender, who she recognized somewhat.
"Erin Lindsay?" He laughed. "We all thought you'd never come back. We had bets you know. Hey Phil," he yelled across the bar to some guy playing darts. The bartender waved Phil in his direction and the guy came walking over.
"Yeah Chris," Phil stood in front of them. Chris nodded towards her, and she watched Phil's face light up. "Well, well, well, Erin Lindsay," he smiled. "You went blonde on us."
"Yep," she nodded her head. Wishing to be back in Chicago drinking with her partner.
"Looks like Jay won the bet," Chris slapped Phil's shoulder. The mention of his name made her face fall. It's been fifteen years and every time she hears that name her heart aches. He's one of the reasons she hasn't returned.
"Jay bet fifteen years?" She choked out. She watched the two guys laugh and nod their heads.
"He said he had a feeling or something. So you two really haven't kept in touch? We thought he was lying. He's been traveling so much, and won't tell us where he was going so we assumed he was with you," Chris pointed out.
"Nope, I've been working almost 7 days a week lately," she smiled.
"Police officer?" Chris asked.
"Um… detective actually. They needed me on patrol this morning for a couple hours," she took a long drink of her whiskey and emptied it. She pointed to the glass as she swallowed.
"Damn Erin, drink much?" Chris laughed as he poured her another drink.
"It's been a rough couple weeks, and I don't have to work tomorrow," she winked.
"You going to the reunion?" Chris asked.
"No I just wanted to visit," she rolled her eyes.
"The same old Erin comes back to play," he laughed. "Word is Jay'll be home tomorrow morning," he pointed out.
"That's great," she breathed.
"You got a man back home?" He eyed her up and down.
"I got plenty of men back home," she laughed as his eyes widened. "My team is all guys, but yeah I do," she smiled.
"Ahhh, married yet?"
"You ever see me settling down Chris?" She laughed as another drink was finished.
"We've hit that point in the relationship when you have to either tell people or break it off. I don't want to tell people and it's making him angry. We'll see where it goes."
"You didn't bring him down here?"
"Why would I bring him here? I mean no offense to any of you, but I am much different in Chicago than I am here," she smiled and put cash on the table. "Good talking to you Chris, but I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow?" She hopped off the stool and waited for his answer. She watched him nod and walked to her hotel room.
XXX
Erin woke up that morning awaiting the long night ahead of her. She got out of bed and put on the athletic shorts and t-shirt she had in her carry on for emergency purposes. A clear mind was going to be needed for today. She put on her sneakers and walked out the hotel ready for a run. No phone, no music, no clean clothes in her room, a night of small talk and sharing memories, drifted from her mind. She focused at the task in hand.
Running through the small town hoping she remembered the routes she used to drive through years ago. The scenery she couldn't get in Chicago filled her eyes, trees lined her right and cornfields lined her left. Old houses littered the town. She ran from the hotel to her old home, a home that a new family occupied, starting a new life and raising their children in a small town. She then ran to the lake and stopped. The one place that could make her want to come back and live here again. Staying up all night watching the sunrise through the scattered trees.
She took off her shoes and her socks. She sat on the dock that was usually used for fishing. Slipping her feet into the warm water below and staring into the distance. She actually missed this place. The familiar feeling washed over her. So many good memories have occurred here, yet so many bad ones.
After the sun had moved to a noticeably different position, she rose and put her shoes back on. She ran past her high school, and back to her hotel. She walked into the lobby and was waved over by the desk clerk.
"Miss Lindsay, your luggage arrived. We've put it in your room already," he assured her.
"Thank you," she sighed relieved. Thank god her luggage arrived and she didn't have to search the town for a dress of some sort.
XXX
Now she stood outside the doors, procrastinating having to meet every body again. She's waiting off to the side wearing her red, one strap, and tight cocktail dress. A dress she hasn't worn since her friend Kim's bachelorette party 3 years ago. She watched pick up truck after, pick up truck, after pick up truck pull up to the curb. All her classmates walked out and into the building without giving her a second look. The trucks slowed and she finally gained the courage to walk in the doors.
She took slow steps, clutching her purse for dear life. Her nerves escalating as she walked up to the guy with the list. "Erin Lindsay?" Erin looked at the man as he scanned the list. Eventually he got to the bottom and nodded his head.
"You're at table 15," he said as he looked at the person behind her.
She continued into the door and saw the beautifully decorated room filled with people mingling and making small talk. She wondered through the venue looking for table number 15. She managed to somehow avoid talking to people in the process. She found the table, it was the outlier, just like she imagined. She saw a couple sitting down and smiled slightly. The long night she anticipated was going to be even longer than she thought. "Is this place open bar?" She asked the couple sitting down. They both nodded and she walked towards the bar.
"Chris," she smiled. At least she already told her story to one person here tonight.
"Whiskey?" He smiled back as he saw her approaching.
"Yes," she sighed happily.
"Erin Lindsay in a dress," she heard someone speak from behind her. "Never thought I'd see the day," she heard him laugh. She looked at Chris with a pleading look. He nodded his head and placed the cup of whiskey in front of her. She turned her head and met his eyes.
"Jay Halstead in a suit. Never thought I'd see they day," she fake smiled. The last person she'd want to see tonight, or ever, was standing right in front of her and she hadn't even had a drink yet. She picked up the glass and downed it. "Chris?" She questioned as she placed the cup in front of him. He laughed and filled her cup back up.
"I gave you twice the amount I should, so I don't want to see you back here until at least thirty minutes passes," he eyed her. She sighed and nodded.
"It's good to see you Erin," Jay stated. "You've grown up," he smiled.
"Well considering last time we saw each other, I hope you've matured too," she breezed by him walking back to her table. She sat down next to the couple she ran into before. They were still sitting in the same positions. "Hi, I'm Erin," she stuck out her hand out to the two.
"We know," the girl mentioned.
"Oh, um…. I don't believe we've met," Erin awkwardly spoke.
"We had English together every year," the girl sighed.
"Right, sorry about that," she took a sip of her whiskey and sighed. She searched around the room. Groups of girls chatting like they used to in high school, the only difference is now she wasn't there. She stood to look for something to eat. Walking around the outskirts of the venue wasn't enough. She was going to have to penetrate the crowd, unfortunately. She walked across the middle, searching to find food.
"Erin Lindsay?" She heard a screech from behind her. She slowly turned hoping to release the cringe on her face.
"Hey Carla," she fake smiled.
"Oh my god, I didn't know you'd be here," the girl looked at the people around her. "Did you know she was going to be here?" The rest of the girls shook their heads.
"It was sort of a last minute decision," she smiled.
"You bring that hunk of a boyfriend? Although by now I'm sure Jay's more than a boyfriend," Erin cringed at the words boyfriend and Jay in the same sentence.
"You know we broke up 15 years ago, why does every one keep assuming we got back together?" She snapped.
"Well we haven't seen you, and he's always gone," Carla reasoned.
"Don't you think if he was 'more than my boyfriend' I would have come back by now?" Erin explained. These girls weren't the smartest in high school, and obviously nothing has changed.
"Never thought about that," Claire shrugged. "Oh look there he is," she pointed to Jay who was making his way over to them.
"Damnit," Erin mumbled. He arrived and stood next to her, his arm grazing hers.
"Ladies," he smiled. She looked up at his face, that damn smile. She let her eyes gaze down his body, his muscles looked more defined through his dress shirt. "Erin Lindsay in a dress every body," he pointed towards her.
"Never thought we'd ever see the day," Claire laughed.
"I've worn dresses before," she snapped eyeing the girls surrounding her.
"Erin, you wouldn't even wear a dress to prom," Claire laughed again.
"I didn't go to prom," she countered.
"Because the school wouldn't let you go if you didn't wear a dress," Jay responded. "Believe me, I was there for that conversation."
"Whatever," Erin turned and walked in the direction of the bar. "Hey Chris, give me a to go cup will you?" She handed her cup to him.
"Leaving already?" He laughed.
"I've seen enough, talked enough, this is just something to get me out of working this weekend again," she shrugged.
"If you say so," he handed her a plastic cup filled with whiskey.
"Did you just give me you number?" She pointed to the phone number on the cup.
"I gave you my number in case you get into trouble out there. I would've give it to you on a napkin, but I know you won't lose the cup," he explained. She smiled and nodded.
"Thanks Chris," she began to walk out of the doors and wandered the town again. It was different than the morning run. The morning was peaceful and beautiful and quiet. Something she wasn't quite used to. Tonight she felt the same emotions the night she left fifteen years ago. She continued to walk to her favorite place, the lake.
She placed her cup at the picnic table on the sand and took off her shoes and stockings. Picking her cup back up, she continued to the dock. Sitting in the exact same place as that morning, she looked around. The moon reflected brightly off the surface of the water. Stars filled the night sky. Living in Chicago she didn't get to see much stars at night due to the amount of lights. She sat and stared out in front of her and continued to drink her whiskey.
Her last sip went down her throat as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She jumped at first, but felt the familiarity of his hand and relaxed slightly.
"I knew I'd find you here," he said as he sat down and rolled up his dress pants and put his feet in the water close to hers.
"What are you doing here?" She asked.
"I was going to ask you the same question. What are you doing here Erin?" He sighed.
"What, you made a bet that I'd be back in 15 years. So here I am, congratulations you win," she crossed her arms over her chest and looked out across the water.
"Who told you about that?" He sighed.
"I ran into Chris and Phil last night at the bar. They told me a lot of interesting things," she looked at him, hurt in her voice and hurt on his face.
"Like what kind of things?"
"That the town had a bet on when I'd come back. That the entire town apparently thinks we're engaged, because you leave so often and never tell people where you're going," she watched him shrug his shoulders.
"I never told them where I was going because I didn't want to. I didn't think they'd take it as far as assuming I'm with you. Chris told me something too," he countered. He waited for her response, but all he got was the raise of an eyebrow. "Told me you have a boyfriend back at Chicago. I'm happy for you," he sighed.
"You're not happy for me," she laughed. "I can see it in your face, you have that stupid puppy looking face that you get when you're trying lie. As for the boyfriend part, we haven't gotten there yet," she returned to look at the lake in front of her.
"Still the same no commitment Erin Lindsay," he shook his head.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Her anger began to build.
"It means that even though we were together for four years you never allowed it to progress into any type of commitment. And when it came to looking like it might have had to turn into one you couldn't handle it," he shot back. She needed to hear how much he was crushed by it too.
"I couldn't handle it? You ran, you ran so far so fast I didn't think you were ever going to come back. The second I told you was the second we ended. I'm not the one who was afraid of commitment," she screamed as a tear ran down her face. The wounds she thought she stitched years ago, pulled open so fast the pain was too intense.
"I was scared," Jay whispered as he saw how emotional she got.
"And I wasn't?" She wiped the tears from her face and looked at him. "We were 17 Jay. We were turning into the stereotype. I wasn't ready to be a mom, and I knew you sure as hell weren't ready to be a dad. I was just going to take care of it without even telling you. But I thought he'd understand, we'd get through this together. I was wrong, I was so wrong," she wiped another tear and brought her legs out of the lake and brought her knees to her chest.
"You weren't going to tell me?" Jay cried out. She could hear the tears in his eyes but still refused to turn around and respond. Instead she just nodded. "I'm glad you told me," he admitted. He daringly took his hand and rested it on her shoulder. "I'm sorry I was such a stupid kid back then. I was selfish and I should have thought about how you felt too," she relaxed to his hand on her shoulder and placed her hand on top of his.
"As soon as I came to terms with having the baby. I had it all planned," she turned her body towards him. "I was going to put him up for adoption. Ask for pictures every year on his birthday to remind me of how much he looked like his father. I knew you'd eventually come around and I'd have the pictures to show you," he wiped her tears from her face. "It all happened so fast," he pulled her into his arms. "It was like nothing I'd ever heard of. The cramps felt like somebody was stabbing me in the back. The amount of blood I saw could've saved a couple lives," she sobbed into his shoulder. Eventually picking her head up off his shoulder and looking into his glossy eyes, "and you weren't there for me. The only time I had ever needed and wanted you there, you didn't show up."
"I didn't know, your dad never called me," he wiped her tears. She looked into his deep blue eyes, shocked.
"He didn't call?" She questioned as he shook his head. "I told him you were the only person I wanted to see," she sighed.
"I didn't know you even miscarried until I knocked on your door a couple weeks later and your parents told me you went to college up north," tucked strands of her hair behind her ear. "I couldn't believe it, you always hated the cold. It wasn't until you're parents put the house up for sail, that I knew you went to Chicago," she leaned her forehead against his. "I thought about going to see you. But I figured you didn't want to see me ever again. So I declined every time my job told me to go to Chicago."
"He really didn't call?" She asked still surprised.
"He really didn't call," he shook his head.
"I really wish he called," she wrapped her hands around his back.
"If he called you wouldn't be some badass detective up in Chicago. You'd be stuck in this little town and you wouldn't have gotten your escape you always wanted," he brought his lips up to her forehead. "I wouldn't be this proud of you."
Erin pulled away from him and stared at his face. She moved her hands up his back and to his shoulders. She leaned forward and captured his lips. All of her pent up emotion and feelings towards him these past fifteen years being expressed through the kiss. The love she still felt for him, the anger at what she thought he did, the anger at what he actually did, and most of all the love she held onto because of him. Her lungs began to burn and she pulled back and looked at his wide-eyed expression. "I still love you Jay," another tear fell from her face.
"Thank god, because I just accepted a promotion located in Chicago," he pulled her closer and felt a laugh escape. "Talk about perfect timing huh?" He smiled and felt her nod. "What time does your plane leave tomorrow?" He asked.
"Early, I have a baby shower I have to go to at 1," she sighed.
"Well we better get you back to bed," he stood and pulled her up with him. He took her hand and they both carried their shoes in the opposite hands. "Have I told you, you look super hot in that dress tonight?" Jay kissed the top of her head.
"I know, it's the perk of having a job that you need physical activity to perform. I gotta beat the boys at something," she laughed. They walked hand in hand to the hotel room. She opened the door and smiled. She pulled him through the door. Slowly unbuttoning his dress shirt to reveal a t-shirt below it. "You're killing me Jay," she sighed.
"You sure? I don't have anything on me," he reminded her.
"I've taken care of that problem. I need to feel you," she leaned up and kissed him before peeling off his t-shirt.
"You've taken care of it?" He eyed her. He watched her nod.
"IED, now kiss me," he leaned down and kissed her. His hands reaching around her back and pulled down the zipper of her dress. Her hands went to the button of his pants. She took a step back pulling him with her. His pants inched down his legs as he continued to step, eventually he stepped out of them. He pulled the dress off her shoulders and let it drop to the floor.
He released their lips and gazed down her body. His thumb rubbed up and down the lone stretch mark on her stomach. He leaned in again to kiss her. He picked her up off the floor and laid her on the bed.
XXX
"Ahhh, Erin. Answer your phone," Jay groaned from beside her. She woke from a push at her side. She opened her eyes and heard the ringing. She climbed out of bed and crawled to where she had dropped her purse the night before.
"Hello?" She answered. "Mike I can't talk about this now," she shook her head. "I have to get ready and go to Kim's baby shower. I don't exactly have the most…" she stood off the ground and walked to her suitcase. "No, but…" she grabbed a pair of underwear and a bra and made her way to her bathroom. "Fine Mike, then we'll end it," she shrugged her shoulders. "Great, I'll see you Monday," she threw her phone on the couch and walked into the bathroom. She started the shower and climbed in. this weekend has been one hell of a roller coaster.
She felt the cold air as the door opened and closed again. She smiled as she saw him peak around the curtain and step in. "So you work together?" He murmured as he kissed her shoulder.
"We're ex-partners, worked together while on patrol. Thought we'd see where it went. Turns out it didn't go anywhere," she smiled as she ran her hand through his hair. "I like that we're adults now," she smiled.
"Adult is a good thing sometimes," he smiled and kissed her lips.
"Mmhm, but I got to hurry up, my plane leaves in 2 hours," she kissed his cheek.
"How about I come back with you?" He smiled. "I can meet all of your friends, you can show me around Chicago, help me apartment hunt," he reasoned.
"As tempting as that sounds Jay," she sighed. "Mike's going to be there today, and it's really Kim's day," she noticed his pout and ran her hand down his face and kissed him. "I would totally bring you otherwise," she continued.
"But if I come with you we can do more of this," he persuaded as his hands dropped from her back and over her butt.
"We could," she smiled as he kissed her. "Fine you can come to Chicago, but I reserve all right to deny you the baby shower."
"Fair enough," he smiled and pecked her lips. He pulled away and got out of the shower. "Okay, I'm going to go pack some stuff, I'll meet you outside in 20 minutes," he laughed and ran out of the bathroom. She laughed to herself as she finished her shower.
XXX
Jay and Erin made their way out of the airplane and through the airport corridors. Bags being pulled behind them, and hands interlocked at their sides. "How are we getting to your apartment?" Jay questioned as she continued to walk to the doors.
"Lindsay!" Jay heard a deep voice yell from ahead. She released his hand and walked closer to the man, pulling him into a hug.
"Hey Ruzek, how's Kim doing?" She asked, Jay standing awkwardly behind her.
"She's doing good. She's getting anxious though. Who's the goof?" He looked towards Jay.
"Oh right, Jay Halstead this is Adam Ruzek. He's the other half of the baby for the baby shower today. We're also partners at work. Adam this is Jay," she introduced the two men.
"Jay, Jay?" Adam asked as he shook his hand.
"Yeah, that Jay," Erin insisted.
"He coming to the baby shower?" Adam eyed Jay up and down.
"I was thinking about letting him come. What do you think?"
"I think it'll give Kim someone other than me to yell at," Adam exclaimed excitedly. "Bring him."
"Yell at?" Jay questioned confused.
"You're a real dick you know that," Adam pointed out.
"It was a misunderstanding Adam," Erin pushed him towards the exit. "We talked it over. Turns out my dad is the asshole. Let's get to this party," she smiled and grabbed Jay's hand again.
"How much did you tell them?" Jay looked concerned.
"They were my first real friends when I moved up here. All three of us went to the academy together. It just so happens 5 years ago they get together without telling me," she punched Adam's back.
"Hey, you've always been so anti-relationship. We didn't want your negativity to ruin it," he sighed as he stopped walking by his car.
"I resent that, but when they grew the balls to tell me, I told them about you and what happened between us. They know almost everything except the minor details," she explained as she pulled Jay into the backseat with her. She laughed when she heard Adam groan.
"Just please don't make out," Adam said as he got into the drivers seat.
"You sound like it's happened before," Jay laughed.
"It has," Erin whispered. "But to be fair, I was drunk."
"Drunk Erin Lindsay is my second favorite Erin Lindsay," Jay kissed her forehead.
"Oh yeah? What's your first?" Erin smiled at him.
"Naked Erin Lindsay," Jay whispered into her ear and heard her squeal.
"We're here," a miserable Adam said.
"Thanks Adam. Do you mind telling Kim while I put our bags in my trunk?" Adam groaned and continued into his house.
"Hey Kim," he announced as he walked further into his house meeting eyes with the love of his life. "Erin brought a date back from the reunion," Kim's eyes popped up from the book she was reading.
"A date?" She was confused. "Our Erin Lindsay brought a date from her hometown?"
"Not just any date. Does the name Jay Halstead ring a bell," he sat next to her.
"NO! Jay Jay," Kim screamed.
"Yep, it's disgusting. They're disgusting. Like touchy, feely, whispering, disgusting," he groaned again.
"Our Erin Lindsay was touchy feely with a guy?" She asked surprised. All of a sudden they heard giggling from the front door. "And giggly?"
"Hey Kim, how's baby Ruzek treating you?" She asked looking over to the couple on the couch. Kim still surprised from what her husband just revealed.
"So Jay huh?" Kim eyed Jay intensely.
"You didn't tell her?" Erin asked Adam.
"I did, I told her that you brought Jay," he reasoned.
"I mean about the misunderstanding. I thank god every day you're more capable of handling a gun then talking," she laughed. "Kim, my dad never called him," she looked at her best friend.
"Really?" Kim searched her best friend for any lies.
"Really. I hope it's okay I brought him," Erin walked over to her friend, pulled her up off the couch and hugged her.
"Of course it's fine. The more the merrier," she smiled and stuck her hand out to Jay. "It's nice to meet you Jay," she smiled and he took her hand.
XXX
They arrived back at her apartment after the baby shower. She placed her shoes at the door, her keys in the bowl, and walked into the kitchen. She pulled out two beers and handed one to him.
"That was exhausting," Jay yawned.
"For you, yeah it was. I mean you met at least 20 people today. Most of whom I work with," she laughed.
"I need to sleep," he pulled his shoes off, followed by his shirt.
"Hmmm that's not a good idea," she mentioned. He walked towards her and began unbuttoning her jeans. Her hands halted his movements.
"Erin is that you?" Nadia called from down the hallway.
"I have a roommate," she whispered and picked up his shirt off the floor, footsteps getting closer and closer. "Yeah, it's me. This is Jay," she pointed to Jay. "He's from back home, so he's going to be staying here for a couple days. Until he finds an apartment for work," Erin explained.
"Oh um… hey Jay. I wanted to talk to you about my sister coming and staying a few days. Her and her fiancé aren't getting along, so it thought she could stay here a couple days. But it's fine she can get a hotel or something," Nadia nervously explained.
"Oh no it's fine. Jay's sleeping with me," Erin winked and walked out of the kitchen towards her room.
"Hey," Jay stuck his hand out to Nadia. "She's um… We're um… yeah I'm going to follow her," he tried to explain the situation. But he wasn't quite sure what the explanation was.
"I get it," Nadia smiled.
Jay walked and grabbed the luggage bags from the front door. "Er?" He called not quite sure which room she went into.
"In here," he heard her call and followed the sound of her voice. He opened the door and found her in her underwear lying on her bed. He dropped the bags and locked the door. Stripping as he continued towards her. He laid on the bed next to her and placed his hand on her stomach.
"I just have one question," he stated. She raised her eyebrow waiting for his question. "What are we?"
"Jay you really want a label?" She asked and watched as he nodded her head. "Let's just say were in limbo. We're more then boyfriend and girlfriend but less then fiancé's. is that good enough?" She watched his smile grow.
"That's perfect," Jay leaned down and kissed her. He eventually made his way on top avoiding pressing all his body weight onto her. "I love you," he kissed down her face.
"I love you too," she smiled.
