-o-
Hint
A Fairly Odd-Parents fic
Written
by:
Megawacky
Max
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Author
notes:
My second FoP fic. Once again, my eternal thanks
to my beloved Eve13, who this time not only helped me with my
grammar but also aided me with suggestions and corrections for this
story.
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Chapter
One
One
lump before dinner
It was a dark and stormy night.
Thunder boomed over Dimmsdale, broken by scattered lightning and offset with sudden gusts of chilly wind. Rain was falling as if Niagara Falls had moved into the city.
Something was taking place in Timmy Turner's room. Flashes of stormy light cast ghostly shadows through the open windows. There was a boy sitting on the floor, staring down with a tense scowl and scheming his next move.
Timmy grinned insanely and leapt to his feet. His index finger darted forward, where two magical beings floated gently.
"This is over!" Timmy yelled. "Over, you hear me? Now it's my turn!"
The boy raised a fist, lightning and thunder appearing for the sake of suspense. The magical beings known as Cosmo and Wanda moved back a little, sharing a worrying stare and trembling slightly. Just as Timmy's fist trembled as he threw down the dice.
"Hah!" said Timmy. He moved his figurine on the board and smirked triumphantly: "It was Sgt. Pepper, in the Strawberry Field, with Lucy's diamond necklace!"
Cosmo and Wanda gasped. Cosmo then checked his notes and said, "Jinkies, you're right!"
"You've won!" smiled Wanda.
"Yes!" shouted Timmy as he raised both arms in victory, then withered like a flower in winter. "How boring!"
Timmy sighed and sat on the floor.
"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, but with this weather there's not much you can do," cooed Wanda.
"Yes, my parents told me I shouldn't use the TV or my videogames in this weather if I don't want them to get ruined by a lightning bolt, blah, blah, blah," Timmy admitted, annoyed. "Are you sure I can't wish the rain to be gone?"
"Nuh-unh, sorry," Cosmo said. "We've been forbidden to mess with weather since your mom was the weather newscaster."
"Right, but… not even rain?" asked Timmy, hopeful.
"I'm sorry," apologized Wanda, then brightened up again. "Why don't we play 'Hint' again?"
"It's so boring!" scowled Timmy. "I've won the last thirty games, and no wonder; you don't like board games and Cosmo always gets them confused."
"I do not!" scowled Cosmo. He took the dice, threw them, smiled, and yelled, "Jumanji!"
"See?" murmured Timmy. Wanda just nodded in agreement.
"Maybe I didn't say it loud enough," said Cosmo, and repeated: "JUMANJI!"
There was a loud poof and Cupid appeared in Timmy's room.
"Hey, it worked!" cried Cosmo, thrilled.
"Cupid! What are you doing here?" asked Wanda.
"It's not Valentines Day," scowled Timmy. "Where were you when I was near Trixie?"
"Trixie?" asked Cupid. "Didn't you mean Tootie?"
"No, no, no!" Timmy panicked.
"Neeeeevermind... I am here to invite your Godparents to a private dinner in my brand new mansion," smiled Cupid, handing over a couple of pink cards to both Cosmo and Wanda. Cosmo took his and beamed.
"Hey, cool! 'You are cordially invited to Cupid's Private Dinner to witness an astonishing announcement. Come tonight to Cupid's Mansion at All You Need Is Love St., Penny Lane, Fairy World. You may bring a guest'." Cosmo examined the card and felt disappointed. "Hey, this doesn't rhyme…"
"What is this announcement about?" inquired Wanda.
"Oh, it's top-secret!" Cupid smiled, raising his chin in a proud gesture. "It involves next Valentines Day and, I must say, the chance of selecting a lucky boy or girl who will have a fool-proof Valentines Wish, but no more hinting about it."
Timmy immediately thought on Trixie Tang.
"If you wish to know more, then come tonight to my Mansion. See ya!" and Cupid vanished.
"Well, a private dinner! That's some event!" smiled Wanda as she read her card over again.
"A Valentines Wish!" moaned Timmy. "Oh, I wouldn't mind having a fool-proof wish to use with Trixie. I know you can't mess with True Love, but perhaps a fool-proof wish could!"
Wanda's smile flickered. "Timmy, sweetheart, even that would be playing with an advantage…"
"And what else would you expect! Would Trixie ever pay proper attention to me normally?"
Wanda opened her mouth, then closed it. "All right, you have a point."
"Jumanji!" Cosmo yelled at the card. Everybody ignored him.
"It says we are allowed to bring a guest," said Wanda. "Maybe we could bring Timmy, and then he'll be told of the announcement along with us?"
"Or we can invite Phil!" said Cosmo, showing up his shiny nickel. "Gleam if you mean yes, Phil!"
"OR, we could bring Timmy!" Wanda stared dangerously at her husband, who cowered and muttered a lame "Yes, sweetie…"
"A dinner at Cupid's Mansion," smiled Timmy. "Well, that should be much better than another game of Hint."
As for giving a clue, thunder and lightning sealed his words.
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PLUM! Cosmo, Wanda and Timmy popped up in front of Cupid's Mansion. They were dressed elegantly.
"Jumanji!" yelled Cosmo.
"Quit that, moron!" complained Wanda. "Now, let's go in…"
They rang the doorbell at the gates. A melody that sounded like birds chirping cheerfully was heard. Seconds later, Cupid answered.
"Ah, Cosmo, Wanda! And Timmy too, I see. Come in, come in… You are the first ones to arrive," he said, allowing his guests in the house.
The mansion was huge. Being one of the most popular Fairies had its advantages. Timmy looked in awe the splendid lobby, very wide and tall and with a main staircase leading to the upper floors. Everything was painted in tones of pink, but since Timmy was used to that color he actually liked it.
"Please, make yourselves at home, be comfortable!" said Cupid.
"Thanks!" said Cosmo, and burped. "What?" he said in response to his wife's deadly stare.
"The rest of the guests shall be coming soon," added Cupid. "In the meantime, why don't you explore the-"
The bird doorbell was heard again.
"Oh, excuse me, please!" said Cupid, and vanished. His guest remained in silence, admiring the surroundings. Cosmo burped again and made noises with his armpit.
"Would you stop that, please?" irked Wanda.
"He said we could feel at home!" Cosmo protested.
"You have to have manners, don't you see? We're hardly ever invited to events like this, and when we do you end up spoiling it all!" Wanda said, perhaps a bit more loudly that she should.
Timmy noticed his Godparents were heating up.
"Hey, listen…" he said, but Cosmo spoke louder.
"What! Me? Why you blame me of everything?"
"Why not, you see someone else around?" retorted Wanda.
"Ah! You mark my words!" said Cosmo, pointing an accusing finger at her: "One day you will be bonked on the head, and then don't you come looking for my help!"
"Hah! Why would somebody bonk me on the head?" protested Wanda. "If I ever get bonked on the head it'd probably be because you hit me by accident!"
"JUMANJI!"
"And QUIT that!"
"Quiet, quiet!" said Timmy. "Somebody's coming!"
Cosmo and Wanda turned immediately to the entrance gateway and smiled like a couple of morons (Cosmo looked natural). In that moment, Cupid returned with a couple of guests.
"You are the second ones to arrive," he was saying. "How could I ever plan this important dinner without the merry presence of the Tooth Fairy?"
Cosmo and Timmy gasped. The Tooth Fairy appeared at the entrance wearing a breath-taking cyan dress. Wanda was about to protest, but she also gasped when spotting the Tooth Fairy's guest.
"Wandissimo!" she said.
Wearing tight black jeans and equally tight white shirt, Wandissimo the macho fairy bowed to Wanda, taking her hand and kissing the back of it.
"Ah, Wanda! What a pleasant surprise!" he said. "Will you be joining us for dinner?"
"Yes, she will," snapped Cosmo, floating past Wanda and bringing Wandissimo with him. "With me, you see."
"Ah, yes, Cosmo," grinned Wandissimo. "How are you?"
"Quite fine. And if you don't mind…"
The doorbell rang again. Cupid apologized to his guests and disappeared one more time.
There was a slight tension in the air as the guests were left alone. Cosmo felt Wandissimo's calm grin as an invitation to kick puppies. Timmy walked around, looking worried. Wanda floated toward the Tooth Fairy.
"Hello," she said, looking over her shoulder. "My, why is Wandissimo with you? I thought you and Jorgen…"
The implacable smile of the Tooth Fairy vanished. "Oh, but I meant to invite him instead! Only I could not locate him. And since, well, he insisted…"
They stared at Cosmo and Wandissimo. The latter just kept grinning, something he knew made Cosmo angry, and so far it was doing a great job. Timmy walked over to the female fairies.
"This is not good," he said. "With Wandissimo around this will surely become an interesting night."
Wanda sighed. "Well, at least it can't get worse…"
"What is the meaning of this!" roared a brutal, booming German-accented voice from the entrance gateway. Timmy, Wanda and the Tooth Fairy's hairs blew to the front with the explosion of sound.
"Oh…" said Timmy without looking back.
"… Not…" said Wanda without looking back.
"… Him," finished the Tooth Fairy without looking back.
They turned in time to see Jorgen Von Strangle, wearing a black tuxedo and heading toward the Tooth Fairy.
"Where were you?" he asked her. "I've been trying to contact you to invite you to this dinner! I even pulled one of my teeth to catch your attention!" he protested, opening his mouth and showing an empty slot.
"Oh, my!" said the Tooth Fairy, sending a hand to her mouth. After a couple of seconds she said "Did you remember to put it under your pillow?"
Jorgen's eyes widened in surprise.
"That seems to be a big space in your mouth, señor," smiled Wandissimo, approaching. "I suggest a gold tooth. Muy macho."
"And I suggest you explain yourself!" Jorgen returned to his old self… less one tooth. "Why are you taking my lady to this dinner?"
"Oh, yo, señor?" Wandissimo smiled and buffed his fingernails on his tight chest. "It happens that your lady invited me."
Jorgen sent a quick glance at the Tooth Fairy, who scowled and put her hands on her waist. "Well, I tried to find you first, but you were nowhere to be found."
Jorgen shifted uneasily. "Ah, yes, I was pulling my tooth…"
"Oh, now, now," said Cupid, floating down graciously between Jorgen and the Tooth Fairy. "Let's not worry about these small details, lady, gentleman. By the way, did you bring a guest, Jorgen?"
"Yes. Him," Jorgen pointed to the gateway, where everybody glanced … and then gasped.
"Greetings, fellow Fairies," smiled Anti-Cosmo, sipping from his cup. "Tea?"
"Jorgen, why did you bring an Anti-Fairy!" Timmy panicked.
"Because he insisted," said Jorgen, avoiding Timmy's eyes.
"And because he had no-one else," smiled Anti-Cosmo, sipping again.
At that, Jorgen's lip quivered. He fell on his knees, his hands covering his tear-ripping face.
"It's true!" he cried. "I have no friends! I tried asking other Fairies but they ran away at the sight of my bulging biceps! I had to choose one of the Anti-Fairies!"
"My pleasure," grinned Anti-Cosmo.
As the Tooth Fairy hugged Jorgen at the sound of "Oh, poor big teddy-combat-bear…" Anti-Cosmo approached the others.
"Good evening, then," he said, his smile never fading. "Ah, yes… Timmy Turner. Wandissimo. Cosmo… Wanda," his eyebrows rose as he spoke her name with a strange emphasis.
"Hey!" said the other three males, annoyed.
"Hmph!" said Wanda. "How is Anti-Wanda, then?"
"Oh, opposite of you, of course. i.e. she's a twit, but a twit I love. Not that I wouldn't, I don't know, exchange her for a better deal?"
"HEY!" repeated the other three males, now really annoyed. Anti-Cosmo got the message.
"Fine, fine," he said indifferently.
"It seems we all are here," claimed Cupid. "This private dinner was meant for only a very few, well-selected representatives of the Fairy World. And their guests, of course. Dinner will be served in half an hour. In the meantime, I invite you all to enjoy yourselves. Explore the Mansion! There's a recreation room right across that hall."
Cosmo and Timmy did indeed look in that direction.
"I shall summon you for dinner in half an hour. Until then," said Cupid, and disappeared.
The guests remained in place, staring at each other for what could be called looks of truce, not that it meant they would keep the truce for long.
"Well, I could deal with that recreation room," Timmy broke the ice. "Maybe there are videogames," he said, not much convinced.
"I will go check if Cupid has enough floss in his bathroom," claimed the Tooth Fairy.
"I shall see if I find a mirror big enough," said Wandissimo. "I haven't stared at my hermoso self for twenty long minutes."
"I'll go look for something to read," said Wanda, a bit exhausted. "There should be a library around here somewhere…"
"Oh, I'll go check the porcelain," said Anti-Cosmo, smiling. "You can't have a proper tea without proper cups."
"I'll be watching over every one of your minuscule movements," warned Jorgen.
They all stared at Cosmo, the remaining guest who hasn't announced what he was going to do.
Cosmo noticed the attention he had gathered… stared at nothing in particular, smiled… and said:
"Jumanji!"
-o-
Everybody had disappeared to the places they had claimed they'd be. Wanda sighed and tried to find a room with books and a good armchair to relax in and have a nice read.
She explored a bit the main halls, realizing the Mansion was indeed big. Nothing interesting so far. Wanda entered and went past several rooms: the living-room, where she spotted Wandissimo staring at his reflection on a wall mirror, the dining-room, where Anti-Cosmo was indeed examining a cupboard full of nice teacups; the bathroom, where the Tooth Fairy was replacing Cupid's toothpaste and mouthwash; the side hall, where Jorgen was lost and looking for Anti-Cosmo; and finally the recreation room, where Timmy was complaining about a boring game of darts.
And she still couldn't find the library. Door after door, she only found random rooms with random content, and time was running out. Oh, well, she'd have to do without reading. Maybe she should—
There was a strange sound from behind. A shadow covered Wanda. She turned and gasped.
"What are you—!" she cried in panic.
There was a loud banging noise… immediately followed by the sound of a body hitting the floor.
-o-
"Where is Wanda?" asked Cupid as he sat at the head of the dinner table. Everybody heard the dinner bell and hurried to the dining room, except for Wanda. "It's been ten minutes already. Has anybody seen her?"
They all agreed one thing: Wanda had visited all of them in different rooms.
"You don't think something could have happened to her, right?" asked Timmy.
"Nah, she knows how to take care of herself," said Cosmo, smiling widely.
"I wouldn't want to think something actually happened to her!" said Wandissimo, adding over-acted movements and gestures. His shirt ripped and vanished with two particularly exaggerated motions. "Maybe I should look for her…"
"I wouldn't mind slipping away as well," grinned Anti-Cosmo. Jorgen sent him a dangerous glance.
"Then I will go with you, little being," he boomed. "You almost escaped from me when I was supposed to watch over you before."
"Hey, hey, hold on! She's my wife, and if you worry for her then I worry the most!" retorted Cosmo, his smile vanishing.
"Then please hurry up and find her, will you?" said Cupid, "Dinner will be delayed…"
All the guests left the table simultaneously, and crowded into the main lobby.
"We will have to split up in order to search widely," said Anti-Cosmo.
"What, and let you alone, on your own? No way!" protested Jorgen.
"And I don't want to let him alone, either!" said Cosmo, pointing accusingly to Wandissimo. "He'll probably take advantage if he finds Wanda first!"
"Calm down, everybody!" said Timmy, annoyed. "We should stay together until we find—!"
"Aaaahhhhh!" yelled the Tooth Fairy all of a sudden, startling everybody. "Look… there!"
She pointed at the nearby sofa. There, laying on it, was Wanda.
Unconscious. With a large lump on her head.
"My wife!" cried Cosmo. "She was… bonked on the head!"
"All right, who did that?" snapped Jorgen.
"Not me," said Timmy.
"Don't look at me," smiled Anti-Cosmo.
"I wouldn't dare!" claimed Wandissimo.
"I wouldn't do such a thing!" sniffed the Tooth Fairy.
"Jumaaaanjiiiiiiiii!" wept Cosmo to the ceiling, falling on his knees and extending his arms in Wanda's direction.
Cupid appeared at the wail and noises and gasped upon spotting Wanda on the sofa. He hurried to her side and checked her pulse.
"She'll be fine, but that lump will keep her out for some time," he confided.
"Who did this!" Timmy yelled, angry, turning to the guests. "Who bonked my Godmother on the head?"
They all stared at each other. Suspicion saturated every pair of eyes.
"I suspect Anti-Cosmo," said Jorgen.
"Well, I suspect Cosmo," Anti-Cosmo said, smiling. "He's so dumb he probably bonked his own wife by accident."
"Yes, I also suspect Cosmo," said Wandissimo, his eyes revealed other, more meaningful reasons.
"Hey, hey! Well, I suspect Wandissimo!" said Cosmo. "Or… Or perhaps Anti-Cosmo… Right?"
"I don't like Anti-Cosmo much, and Wandissimo seems too good for what happened," said the Tooth Fairy.
"Well, you were jealous of Wanda," said Wandissimo with a smile.
"How dare you!"
"Yes, I heard you whisper you wanted that dress she wears…"
"Oh, yes?" said Jorgen. "Then now I also suspect Wandissimo for putting my beloved one in evidence!"
"Jorgen!" said the Tooth Fairy.
The suspects flew like wild geese in winter. Timmy looked around. Everybody suspected everybody else, and the only witness was laying on the sofa, out cold.
"SILENCE!" yelled Timmy. They all obeyed, save for Cosmo and one last cry of "Jumanji!" before remaining quiet.
"Listen," said Timmy, "we won't get anywhere if we complain like this! We need to perform an investigation, okay?" and the idea crept into his brain. "Right!" he said, "this is just like 'Hint'!"
He looked around. The Mansion. The Guests. The Dinner. The Victim… All they needed now was…
"Cosmo, I wish I was a Private Investigator!"
Cosmo raised his wand and with a large ELEMENTARY, WATSON puff of smoke, Timmy's clothes changed. He was wearing a brown overcoat, brown hat, and bubble-pipe.
"Adequate," Anti-Cosmo conceded.
"Attention, everyone," said Timmy, walking around and blowing bubbles. "I am Private Investigator Turner."
"Can we call you 'PIT'?" wondered Cosmo.
"No, you can't. Now, I am resolved to discover who made that lump on my Godmother's head. I shall give you a chance to redeem yourselves. Tell me who did it and I shall be merciful."
"HE (SHE) DID IT!" cried everyone, pointing to everyone else.
"Right," sighed Timmy. "Nobody leaves this Mansion until I solve this."
That was a grave mistake. Jorgen's hand rose up unwillingly, producing his huge wand out of thin air and casting a blast of light that gleamed on every window and door of the Mansion.
"What was that?" asked Timmy, startled.
"How witty of you!" yelled Jorgen. "You accidentally cast a Security Wish and I was forced to grant it! Now all the windows and doors are magically locked until you solve this mystery, puny little kid!"
Timmy gulped at the stares of hatred coming from everyone. "Okay, okay! Then I better start with this, uhm… Who did you say suspected?"
"HIM (HER)!" they all said, pointing at two different suspects each.
"Right," said Timmy, sighing. "This is not gonna be easy…"
-o-o-o-
(To Be Continued...)
