The Hidden and Hurting Heart
~Loki POV One-shot
This is quick sketch I wrote up one day from Loki's perspective, so sorry if it's a little rough around the edges. It could be set anywhere, but originally I was thinking this was set when Loki's in his cell in Asgard during the events of Thor: The Dark World. This is also my first time posting on FF, so I apologize again if the formatting is skewed.
Thanks!
~Earial
Disclaimer: I do not any these characters. Marvel does. Well, technically Disney...
Do they care at all? No, how could they, after what I've done? They all think I'm without remorse and don't see anything wrong with my actions. I do, though. Remorse is a bitter pill to swallow, but it's slipped into my meal nonetheless. Guilt and shame reside in this heart, but I've spent years burying it, and most of the time I can convince myself it's not there.
People won't to attack you if they think you're indomitable. They also won't extend grace. Even if they did, I couldn't accept it; they'd know how truly fragile I really am. I can be strong, but not enough to have my barriers ripped from me to confront them with nothing, nothing, to hide behind. Standing face to face, knowing I'm so far beneath them, I have to shield myself. If I don't all the longing for forgiveness and acceptance will come rushing out and I can't afford to let those feelings show; they make me weaker.
I've depended upon myself for so long I can't ask for help, I'll crack like bone against iron. I wish to go back to how it used to be, but it is useless to wish for things that will not happen.
So, my 'family' can't ever know how I yearn to laugh and joke and be together again; they cannot suspect I'm vulnerable. All I wanted was to make Odin proud. I thought I was normal Asgardian princeling. What a joke. How would you react, discovering that your firmest beliefs are but ash and impossible dreams? Would you do any less than I, realizing who you truly are? I simply did not stay ashamed of who I was, a monster. One such as I cannot expect comfort or family or friends... or love. Just pain, revulsion, and hate.
Why should I 'repent' when I know I can never be to him what Thor is? There's nothing good left to fight for, so I fight for evil. Even if I wished to help them, would the let me? Would they trust me? No, of course not. The one thing I'd give the best blood of my twisted heart for rejects and shuns me. So why hurt myself further by asking? Throw up those walls, and I'll survive. I always do. As long as they don't know how terribly I want to be with them, I'll be alright. Just alone, always alone.
Thanks for reading! Constructive criticism is appreciated. :)
