I Don't Understand It
A/N: Legally I don't own or have any affiliation with Degrassi or Epitome, just the idea.
The title for this story comes from a line said by John-Boy Walton to his father in The Inferno episode (about The Hindenburg disaster) of The Waltons, which I also have no affiliation with.
I want to thank Halawen for her continued support and help with this and all my stories. Go read hers if you haven't before.
Things to know:
The BBQ is at Owen's house and occurs the day after his graduation
Clare and Eli didn't get back together after Cam's death so he doesn't know about Asher or cancer
This story is a lot of conversation rather than action, but this is needed.
Ch 1. The Shock of Sickness
(OWEN)
"Why?" is all I can say as I look down at the girl lying in my arms in the hospital bed asleep. She had already been through tests in the emergency room, and was now set up in her own room, but no one really told me anything, but let me sit with her.
"Owen?" a voice in the room questions making me look up from the still beautiful but pale face. Standing just inside the door is Drew, with a teary eyed Bianca.
"What happened?" Bianca whispers, unable to get any louder through her tears.
I have to take a deep breath and look down at the face lying on my chest before I look up at two of my best friends. "You're gonna want to sit for what I have to tell you," I tell them. "We were outside dancing together in the backyard, and there weren't too many people outside at that point, and then she fainted in my arms." I hear Bianca gasp. "So I carried her up to my room, laid her on my bed and got her a drink of water, cause I thought she just fainted from the heat. It is late June after all," I get out before I'm interrupted.
"It wasn't just the heat then?" Bianca asks, and her voice is a little stronger now.
"No, she said it wasn't. So I gave her a few sips and got her to wake up and she smiled up at me. Did you know how bright her blue eyes are? They look like an unending ocean, but like they were searching my soul." I stop talking and smile at the memory of her waking and looking up at me. Drew and Bianca must have noticed my smile.
"Never looked close enough for that," Drew comments with a laugh.
Bianca smacks his arm lightly. "You like her don't you?" she asks looking at me, and I know I'm blushing. I nod slightly and I'm about to answer her and continue with what happened when in walks a nurse, who is looking slightly panicked. She looks at the bed and then the chart in her hand again before she says anything, and I can see we all look slightly more worried now.
"I just got on shift and saw her name on the chart and rushed right in," she tells us. "I didn't even know she was sick."
"I'm sorry, but are you like this with all your patients, or is this a special circumstance?" Bianca questions. She gets snarky when she's annoyed, and it comes out even worse if she's upset. "Cause if you don't have specific news on her condition, then get out, because you're interrupting a very important story," Bianca finishes glaring at the young nurse who looks only a few years older than us, and now looks shocked on top of panicked and upset.
"Bianca," I say in a semi-harsh tone to my friend. "I'm sorry about that. We're all just on edge waiting for news," I tell the nurse.
"Thank you," the nurse tells me, "but it's alright, I'm just as worried as you all are. My name's Emma Nelson-Mason and I've known Clare since she was little. My husband and I are both friends with her sister Darcy, and think of Clare as a little sister, and we aren't the only ones. As she's gotten older we haven't had as much chance to spend time together though," she tells us, and reaches out to shake each of our hands.
"I'm Owen, this is Bianca and Drew," I say motioning toward them both. "I'm glad she has some family around even if you aren't related. I didn't realize she had a sister, just her step-brother Jake."
"Ya, Darcy moved to Africa when Clare was starting grade 9 at Degrassi for personal reasons and after the first year decided to stay," Emma tells us and this worries me a little. "I'm glad she has the three of you, although I'm surprised Helen isn't here being her bitchy, controlling self," Emma comments and we all laugh a bit. "I have to get to work, and call my husband about Clare, but if I find out anything on her condition I'll let you guys know," she tells us.
"Thanks, and I'm sorry for the remark," Bianca tells Emma.
"It's alright," Emma says with a small smile toward Bianca before she leaves the room.
I look down at Clare still in my arms asleep. I know about her parent's divorce and her mom marrying Glen Martin giving Clare her former boyfriend Jake as a step-brother. I had only met her mom once, and she seemed a little bitchy but I thought maybe it was a bad day, but from the way Emma spoke, maybe that's how Helen has always been. But Clare always seemed happy and could deal with what came at her positively, especially when it came to her faith. But from what Clare and what little Emma just said, maybe there's more to Clare's past and her life then I knew. I mean, I didn't even know she had a sister.
I look up into the quiet room and break the silence. "Did either of you know about Clare's sister?" I ask them both. Bianca shakes her head at me.
"I remember Adam once mentioning Clare having an older sister, but at the time I didn't really know Clare so I didn't think much of it," Drew says. "As she was never around, I just figured she was away at school or something, not living in Africa."
"I wonder what would have made her move to Africa? Especially just when Clare was starting high school and could have used her older sister," Bianca speaks up and I look at her. "What? Just because I didn't have an older sister doesn't mean I don't know how much having a sister, especially at that age can mean to a girl," she says somewhat defensively.
I realize now that I want to learn more about Clare's family and past. As she can't tell me right now I think Emma would be the person to talk to.
"So how about more of that story?" Bianca speaks up, knocking me out of my thoughts.
For a moment I have to remember where I left off. "Right, she woke up and I really noticed her eyes for the first time," I start, smiling again. "But I was worried about her, and I asked her to tell me what was going on. She told me she needed to start at the beginning, which meant grade 10, and would get to why she fainted as the story went on. So I held her as we lay on my bed and she told me about meeting Eli and their connection," I role my eyes as I say this. Her rebellious reaction to her parent's divorce and dealing with Eli's issues with hoarding and Julia, which I knew about, but only as school gossip. She told me about Eli crashing his car for her, and writing that play about him, Clare and Fitz. Plus how Katie made the play Clare's newspaper assignment for the year which was quite awkward."
"Ok, I'm sure everyone at school knows parts or versions of all of that stuff between Clare and Eli, but I didn't know Katie made Clare do the play to be on the paper," Drew says interrupting me. "But shouldn't that stuff have tipped Clare off to something not being right with Eli? I mean he crashed a car, he hoarded. Adam told me he shot Julia's photo for crying out loud."
"Love is blind, but Clare did break up with him knowing something wasn't right, which is why he crashed his car," Bianca points out to her boyfriend.
"You're right Bianca, love can be blind when it's not right," I tell my friends before I continue with the story.
(Emma)
"Gaea, I need to make an important phone call before I come on shift," I tell the front desk emergency room receptionist as I walk by the desk.
"Alright, but don't be too long," she tells me with a kind smile. "I'll be off soon, but I'll be back before your shift finishes tonight," she tells me. She could see the look of sadness on my face I'm sure, which is why she let me make the call after I left a sleeping Clare and her friends. I headed into the employee locker room, and took my phone out of my locker, finding Spinner's name to call him before moving toward the coffee maker. It rings twice before it's answered.
"Hello beautiful," Spinner answers when he picks up.
"Spin," I start with a shaky voice as I think about Clare.
"Em, what's wrong? Are you alright? What's going on?" Spinner says very quickly, with an edge of panic in his voice.
"No I'm alright, it's Clare, Spinner, she's here in the hospital and she's very sick. I saw her name and rushed right to her room when I arrived, but could only stay a few minutes before I start my shift. I told Gaea I needed to make an important phone call before I started my shift though. Will you call Jay, Peter and Lucas and let them know she's here please," I tell my husband as I sit on the couch with my coffee before I spill it because I'm now crying and struggling to see.
"Of course I'll call them. But I'm coming over as soon as I'm done. I want to check on you and Clare. How is she?"
"Thank you Spinner. She's in room 219 and she's got a few friends with her, but they're all very scared right now, and haven't been told much, and I don't know very much at the moment either. I don't know where her mom and step-father are. But I think she needs family right now and at the moment the group of us are the closest thing she's got, with Darcy still in Africa. Maybe you should try calling Jake too. He might know where her parents are."
"Alright, I'll make the phone calls, and then I'll be over, you get to work. I love you Emma," he tells me and blows a kiss through the phone.
"Thank you and I love you too Spinner," I tell him, blow a kiss back and hang up. I pour my coffee in the sink and toss the cup. It had gotten cold while I spoke to Spinner, and it never tastes all that good anyway. Then I put my phone in my pocket before entering the main hospital to begin my shift.
I deal with a few patients in the emergency ward, and doing my job the best I can, hoping that Clare will be alright. When I get a moment, I check Clare's chart for the name of the doctor treating her so I can talk to him. After all, her friends deserve to know what's going on, especially if her actual family isn't around. I see it is Doctor Evans. I don't deal with him often unless I'm transferring a patient up to his ward, but the few times I've spoken to him, he's been very kind, and has a good bed-side manner. Much better than some doctors I've worked with.
I put Clare's chart back, without looking at it further. I'd rather hear any news directly from the doctor working on treating her. I'll speak to him the first chance I get, but I hope he'll be down to check on her again soon. Now I need to get back to work.
(OWEN)
"So as Clare had to deal with Eli's weird play, as well as his bipolar diagnosis and him going on and off his meds with Imogen's encouragement, Clare was also trying to figure out her relationship with Jake. He went from the mean little boy who threw frogs at her, to being her boyfriend, along with Imogen's craziness. Did you guys know, that Eli was jealous of Jake so he wanted to plant his meds in Jake's bag and tipped off the cops, but Imogen believed she could have Eli if Clare was out of the way, and planted the drugs in Clare's bag and Clare was almost arrested? Eli told the truth, but still."
"Wow, that is seriously messed up," Drew started, "Adam told me about Eli's diagnosis, but I didn't know he stopped taking his meds or that Clare was almost arrested due to he and Imogen. I'm glad he told the truth, but Clare seriously deserves better, and I really need to keep a better eye on my brother. I mean Clare and Eli accepted him right from the start when most people didn't," and I remember my reaction when I found out. I look over at B and see she feels just as ashamed as I do. "But I don't think that Eli is a good influence or safe for Adam to be around," Drew continues, "I need to talk to him when he gets back from camp with Connor."
"Ya I think talking to Adam would be a good idea, but Clare did tell me through her story that Eli will be attending NYU this fall and will be leaving this week for an internship there. Actually, she told me they got back together over Christmas break, but he was smoking weed with Jake, and then read her diary and was jealous of her past with Jake. Plus he's been so focused on NYU that he didn't ever see what was happening in her life. But when he found Cam's body in the greenhouse, he wouldn't talk to her, took MDMA with some niner chick first at a rave, and then again, ran through the halls and hugged Mr. Simpson naked, and blamed everything that went wrong in their whole relationship on Clare."
"What a jackass!" Bianca jumps up, interrupting me, calling into the quiet room, where the only other noises were the sounds of the machines Clare was hooked up to. "I can't believe everything he put her through. I know they didn't get back together after that final time, because Clare told me, but what did you mean that Eli didn't pay attention to what was going on in Clare's life cause he was so focused on NYU? Is that what all this is about?" Bianca asked, motioning around the hospital room we were in and Clare still lying in my arms. I understand what Bianca is feeling as I had much the same reaction when Clare told me.
I open my mouth to continue, when I see nurse Emma and a doctor, along with a short guy with a buzz cut, a tall guy with dark brown hair and Lucas Valieri walk into the hospital room together. I'm hoping Emma and the doctor have good news. I am shocked and almost dismayed wondering what in the world Lucas is doing here and have no idea who the other two are, although as soon as they enter, the guy with the buzz cut puts his arm around nurse Emma, so now I'm curious if he's her husband.
"Do you have any news on her condition doctor?" Drew asks, knocking me out of my thoughts, as I was still focused on the three guys who came in with Emma and the doctor.
"Not really at this time son. At the moment we need to take her for some more tests, but when we know something definitive I will personally be back to tell her family," he tells us. "I'm sorry, but we need to move her, so I'll need to ask you to move off the bed now," the doctor tells me. I gently life Clare's upper body and shift so I am no longer under her, before gently placing her head back on the pillows I was leaning against, before getting off the bed completely. It's then I notice another nurse and two orderlies have entered and begin moving Clare to a gurney to take her out of the room. Once they have moved her and left the room, I go to the bathroom. When I come out I sit on Clare's bed again, and the others have found places to sit or lean against the walls within the room.
"Hi Lucas and Emma," Bianca says once the room is quiet. "Hi, to you two also," she says with a small wave to the two other guys who came in with them.
Emma smiled, "Bianca, Owen and Drew, I would like you to meet my husband Spinner, and this is his best friend Jay, and you already know Lucas I see. They along with our friend Peter, are like older siblings to Clare.
"It's nice to meet you," I say with a wave to the older boys, as Drew says hi to them also.
"Hi," Spinner says with a smile.
"Hey," Jay says.
"Hey B, Owen, nice to meet you Drew," Lucas says coming over giving me a high five, and Bianca a hug, before shaking hands with Drew.
"I didn't know you knew Clare Lucas, especially to be like an older brother to her," I comment.
"She babysat for Izzy, and was friends with Jane and Mia. So I got to know her, but we didn't become closer until that summer, after Spinner and I resolved our difference. Then I became another older brother," he tells us.
"Oh, I called Peter and Jake, and both said they would leave right away, and get here as soon as they could," Spinner tells us all.
"Good," Emma says.
"So, not that I'm complaining about Clare having more and new friends, because I'm sure she could use all the friends she can get right now, but where are Adam, Alli and Jenna, or even Eli?" Jay asks us all.
"Well, Adam's my little brother and he's away with his friend Connor at summer camp," Drew tells him.
"Oh ok, ya, Connor did say he was going away to camp this summer," Emma mentions, and we all look at her. "My step-dad is Mr. Simpson, his Godfather," she tells us, and now I really want to talk to her more about Clare's past, but don't get the chance to when Bianca speaks up.
"Alli got sent away to an all girls private school by her parents after the last time she got in serious trouble at Degrassi and after Jenna had Tyson with KC and they gave him up for adoption, KC moved to BC, and Jenna went to live with her brother. Their friendship was never the same after Jenna stole KC from Clare," Bianca comments. She had never really gotten along with Alli, especially when it came to Drew, and didn't ever get to know Jenna beyond reputation.
"Wow, I guess we've missed more about Clare's life in the last year or so, than we realized," Jay comments offhandedly, looking at the others. "So, what about Eli? And how did all of you become friends with Clare?"
"Actually, I was just telling Drew and Bianca about Eli and Clare. Let's just suffice it to say, they are done, it didn't end nicely, and he's leaving for an internship at NYU later this week before starting there this fall. But, as this year's gone by Clare's been spending more time at Adam's, and with Drew being his brother, Bianca being Drew's girlfriend, and the three of us being best friends, we've become good friends with Clare too and she and Bianca are super close now," I explain to them.
"Ya, she's probably the closest girlfriend I've ever had, which is why I want Owen to continue telling us what Clare was dealing with earlier this year that Eli didn't notice," Bianca says looking back at me.
"I'd like to hear this too, but my break is almost over, so I have to get back to work, but will be back in later. Probably on my lunch break," Emma says and then kisses Spinner before saying goodbye, which we return, before she leaves the room.
"So what's been happening?" Lucas questions.
"Clare told me that a few weeks after she started her co-op at The Interpreter, she was working late one night on her article about Eli's play with help from her co-op boss Asher and while they were working together he kissed her," is all I get out before the room erupts with angry voices.
"WHAT?!" yell out Jay and Lucas at the same time, and look ready to kill. Now I'm almost afraid to continue telling them what Clare told me, but I was furious when she told me too.
"Why didn't she tell us?" Spinner calls out, but doesn't get a response.
Bianca looks at me. "How old is this guy?" she asks.
"I don't know for sure, but at least in his thirties," I answer her, but loud enough so they all hear me, and the guys look even angrier.
"I'm guessing that wasn't everything though, was it Owen?" Drew asks, and they all get quiet again.
"No, Clare was shocked by the kiss and left immediately. The following day Clare talked to Asher who played it off as an honest mistake while going through a terrible divorce, and apologized. Clare accepted the apology, and thought that was it. But then Asher invited her on a great experience at city hall, and she accepted. The day went fine, but when they arrived back at The Interpreter in his car he assaulted her, touching her inappropriately, and when she tried to get out he grabbed her ripping her shirt."
"And now he's going to die!" Lucas says, in a more menacing voice than even I've ever heard him use before.
I can see everyone around me getting more furious as I tell them more, but I continue anyway because they need to understand. "He spoke to her, then he let her go and she was scared. She tried to go to his boss the next day, but got fired because he had shown his boss the emails Clare had sent him when she first started about being excited to work with him and he could say that she had sexually harassed him."
"She got fired from her co-op?" Bianca queries, "but she kept going every day didn't she?"
"She was hurt and embarrassed, and didn't want to have to tell Ms. Oh about what happened. She tried to find another intern who had been harassed by this guy," and I realize now I am refusing to say his name because it makes me angry every time I do, "but she wasn't able to, or they wouldn't talk to her. So, she realized when she couldn't go anymore she'd have to hide at school to make it appear she was still attending, so she hid out in the storage room, but Dallas followed her in."
"Hold it! Who's Dallas?" Jay questions, stopping my explanation.
"He was the captain of the Toronto Ice Hounds hockey team with Owen, that transferred to Degrassi this year, and was billeted at my house," Drew tells him.
"Well, Clare was upset, so Dallas gave her a beer. She got kind of tipsy and told him what happened and he kissed her. She got mad, slapped him and left, only to run into Jake and Katie in the hall." It's now I notice Jake has entered the room and heard some of what I just said.
(JAKE)
I had a great time at graduation yesterday with Katie by my side, and Clare in the audience even though she's been sick recently. I drove her over to Bianca's after graduation so I could go party with Katie, Mo and Marisol, knowing Clare would be staying at Bianca's place last night, and be with Bianca, and probably Drew and Owen yesterday afternoon, and then the girls would be going over to Owen's early this morning to help set up for the grad BBQ his parent's threw for him and his friends. I got home this morning going straight to sleep, and was woken up early afternoon to my phone ringing.
"Hello?" I answer tiredly.
"Jake? It's Spinner. Emma went into work and found out Clare has been admitted at Toronto Western hospital," he tells me. I've only met this guy about three times, so it takes me a moment to register what he said.
"Is she alright? What happened? Why am I just hearing about this?" I say, freaking out while trying to remain calm, and find out what happened.
"All I know is she has been admitted and is very sick according to Emma. She has some friends there keeping her company, but your dad and step-mom aren't there and we felt she needed some family, so I will be headed over there with Jay and Lucas, and I already called Peter who said he'd leave right away. Emma is there but has to work. And I called you as soon as I got off the phone with Emma, after calling Peter as he has further to drive," he tells me, and now I'm wondering if Bianca is with Clare, and who else is with them. I've heard of these other guys Clare thinks of as older brothers as she's told me, but I've never met them.
"I was asleep when you called as I was out with some friends after my graduation yesterday and got home late so I didn't see our folks. But I'll get up and leave right away to get over there. Thanks for calling me Spinner."
"No problem, you're her family more than anyone, and we thought that's what she needed right now," he tells me before he hangs up.
I get up and shower quickly, because I need it after last night, and then get dressed. I head downstairs and grab a water bottle and apple from the fridge. I'm about to grab my keys off the table when I see an envelope sitting there with my name on it. So I sit, planning to quickly read the letter inside it before I leave. I open the letter, reading it and am shocked by what I read and I can't even speak for a moment.
"How the hell could they do this?" I scream into the empty house, getting angrier by the second, and then I picture Clare lying in a hospital bed, and am now furious. I put the letter in my pocket, as I have no idea how to deal with this news right now, and try to calm myself down before I go see my sister. I sit for about 5 minutes, and then get in my truck driving to the hospital fast, but without breaking any laws. My little sister needs me, now more than ever, so I can't get in trouble driving to get to her.
I arrive and go in to the receptionist at the desk. Spinner didn't tell me which room Clare was in and I forgot to ask, so I ask this receptionist.
"I need to know the room number of Clare Edwards please."
"Are you family?" she asks, getting on my nerves.
"She's my step-sister," I tell the receptionist in annoyance.
After a moment checking her computer she responds, telling me, "her room number is room 219." I look at her a moment as I don't know where I'm going. "Take the elevator there in the corner up to the second floor, and turn to your left toward the main hall. Go to the right down the main hall, and you'll see the numbers by each door."
"Thank you," I say as I rush toward the elevator, going up to the second floor, and follow the directions she gave me, finding Clare's room. I stop, taking a breath before I enter, to find Owen sitting on the hospital bed with Bianca and Drew sitting in a chair together by the bed. Spinner is sitting in a chair by the wall, with two other guys leaning against the wall beside him, but I don't see Clare anywhere.
I walk in to hear Owen telling the others, "…mad, slapped him and she left, only to run into Jake and Katie in the hall," and I know he's talking about Clare dealing with losing her co-op because of that lousy pervert of a boss she had and telling Dallas.
When he finishes speaking, and I see he's noticed me I speak up. "Where's Clare?" I question as she's the reason I'm here.
"She was taken for tests a little while ago," Spinner tells me. "Jake Martin, this is my best friend Jay Hogart, and this is Lucas Valieri. They both think of Clare as a little sister, just like Emma, Peter and I. Jay and Lucas, this is Jake Martin, Clare and Darcy's step-brother," he introduces us.
"Thank you all for being here for Clare," I tell them all as I shake both guys' hands and they nod. "I know she appreciates it." I turn to Owen now. "What happened?" I question my former classmates.
"The four of us were at the BBQ my parents threw at my house, and Clare and I had been dancing when she fainted. I took her up and laid her on my bed and got her water. She awoke, and I was worried so I asked her to tell me why she fainted, because she said it wasn't the sun. She told me about what's been happening in her life, both before she became friends with us, and since then. She got most of the way through the story, but didn't get to telling me what caused her to faint before she started having a seizure. I picked her up told my parents where I was headed, and yelled for Drew and Bianca to follow me, before rushing her here," Owen tells us.
I knew she was getting sicker, but had hoped that the medicine she had been getting would help her deal, and the seizures wouldn't start for a while yet.
"Thank you all for bringing her here so quickly. So have you been told anything yet?" I ask as I lean on the wall on the closer side of the bed Owen is sitting on.
"No, the doctor that took her for the tests said they couldn't tell us anything until they had some definitive answers," Bianca responds to my question.
"I guess Clare had been telling you about Asher Shostak before she started seizuring?" I comment to Owen.
"Yes, and so I was explaining to these guys that part of the story, but I'm sure you heard where I got to," Owen says.
"Ya I did. Do you want me to continue what I know about that situation?" I ask him.
"Sure," he tells me. "I'm sure you have more details about what happened next then what Clare was willing to tell me."
Chapter 2 will be posted March 22
