AN: Recently, I've read the Suzumiya Haruhi novels on baka tsuki, and I'm surprised that there aren't that many fics about this. This seems to be the sort of thing that screams "write about me!", but since there haven't been many stories, I'm taking a shot here, so...
"…is that so?"
I kept my calm composure, but I was churning uncomfortably on the inside. If she could read my mind, then she'd know how bad of an idea it was.
"I don't think that's necessary."
"But it is."
She beamed at me, showing all of her pearly white teeth. For your information, the owner of this cheery singsong voice was none other than my prestigious carefree mother. Normally, she would ask how my day was and ecstatically make dinner, so it was understandably awkward for me when she suddenly butted into my personal life. Come to think of it, this was probably the first time she and I ever had a serious conversation.
"A date would be good for you! I mean, have you even thought of anyone who you could get into a serious relationship with? Huh?"
Well, as matter-of-fact, I could name a few.
The ever so adorable time traveler, Asahina-san, comes first to mind. Without her angelic appearance in the Literature Club room or her heavenly tea to warm me up after school, my life in the SOS Brigade would cease to exist. Having her as a girlfriend would be incredible if it didn't make me the happiest man in the world! I can imagine her serving me tea in her maid outfit in every morning and asking me how my day was after a long tiring day at work. Even thinking about it makes me feel like a can lift up a hummer.
Next, I suppose, would be the expressionless alien, Nagato. Going out with her wouldn't be so bad. Pleasing her would be easy, not to mention cost-efficient. I could just take her out to the library to read. And, if you ignore the completely bland personality, she is, in a sense, pretty.
And then there's Haruhi…never mind.
"Yeah, sort of."
I answered honestly. She pouted at my answer and replied,
"You still have to go. If you want to back out of this, you can tell her yourself. I've already set up a date with her parents, and she's really excited to see you."
Excited? I highly doubt that. She's probably as thrilled as a child who's just witnessed her pet turtle getting run over by a pickup. This girl was most likely pressured by her parents to go. Speaking of which, where was my dad? Perhaps he could reason with her.
"Huh? He's working late tonight."
Damn.
"The date's tomorrow after school in the park. Make sure you'll be there on time."
Wait, tomorrow? Isn't that a little too soon?
"It's not like you have anything planned, do you?"
She asked, blinking her eyes at me.
"Actually, yes. I have club activities."
I said, pulling out my trump card, if you can call it that.
"And…what, exactly, does your club do?"
Damn.
"Well…we go around town and search for…out of place things and…fix them."
This wasn't completely a lie. As stated by the chief herself, the purpose of the SOS Brigade was to find aliens, time travelers, and espers and have fun with them, but we mostly just hang around the clubroom and have Haruhi's definition of the word "fun", which usually ends up with me being worn out to the point of collapsing.
"Just skip."
She said simply. She stepped out of the room cheerfully and left me with a huge burden on my shoulders. My sister, who had been watching the conversation from the sidelines, hopped up to me and smiled.
"Shut up."
I said, lightly punching the top of her head.
Oh, if only skipping were that simple. Having the chief sit directly behind you is clearly a disadvantage, so confronting her is unavoidable. I can already guess the amounts of unspeakable punishments she has in store for me. Then again, no decent man would knowingly stand up a woman. Whoever would do that would surely deserve to be death penalized. If anyone did that to poor Asahina-san, I would join in on the mob to mutilate that guy. And plus, this is the least I could do for my parents, since they've never once complained about me or my mooching. What I should do is obvious, am I right? …jeez, I guess I'm only halfway decent.
As I pondered about this, Shamisen walked into my room and nestled onto the foot of my bed. Turning my head, I decided to ask for help.
"I don't suppose you have any ideas."
I said. The calico merely tilted its head and yawned.
To my bitter disappointment, tomorrow had approached like an oncoming train powered by Haruhi's enthusiasm. Today, the trek up to school seemed more steep and treacherous, giving off a foreboding feeling. That would explain why I was walking so slowly up the hill. It wasn't like I was scared or anything.
"Yo, Kyon!"
I felt Taniguchi slap my back. Despite what you might think, I was certainly not going to ask that lecher for advice. Shamisen has way more insight.
"Is something wrong?"
He asked. His cocky tone and idiotic smile made it seem like he enjoyed seeing me frustrated.
"What do you mean?"
"You seem a little sluggish today. Don't tell me being Suzumiya's package boy has given you arthritis already?"
He said, jogging backwards. I looked forward, hoping there were some rocks he might accidentally trip over.
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
Taniguchi shut his eyes and sped up his pace, all the while, keeping a smug expression on his face.
"Ah, well, don't be late for school."
He turned around and started running, but not before giving off a totally random remark.
"Remember, it's going to rain in couple of days!"
Honestly, who the hell would care about that?
As I sat stared out at the cloudless sky from my desk, I knew it was a fairly nice day, and that sometime after school, there would be a mysterious girl out there waiting for me. Though I saw it unfair that I had to go on through with this, I had to wonder, exactly what kind of girl would this be? Obviously, she had to be respectful if she agreed with her parents to go on this blind date, and the fact that her parents put her on a blind date would mean she was soft-spoken and had little experience with relationships. Then again, it could be that this girl is loudmouthed and annoying, and that no guy would ever go out with her, so her parents had no choice but to set up this blind date for her benefit. And I just happened to be the unlucky sap that was picked up.
Jeez, there should be a law against this sort of thing.
The last bell rang, and so, Haruhi shot out of the classroom like nuclear powered rocket to god-knows-where. I, however, wasn't as enthusiastic and wondered whether or not I should even show to today's meeting.
Sigh. This was a lot more trouble than I anticipated.
As I stood in front of the clubroom, I mentally prepared my next to nonexistent speech. The Literature Club door never seemed as intimidating as it did now, with the dozens of scratches left from Haruhi's foot. The hinges looked a little worn, like it was going to break any day now, but, nevertheless, I grabbed the doorknob.
Well, here goes nothing.
"Hey. I got stuff to do. I'll see you guys tomorrow."
…it sounded a lot better when I recited it in my head.
I looked around the clubroom and saw Nagato reading her latest thick foreign novel, Koizumi happily laying out a board game, and Asahina-san already cutely dressed in her maid outfit, carrying a trey of teacups.
How I wished I could stay for a cup, but I can't. I'm very sorry.
To my surprise, Haruhi popped her head from behind the computer at the back of the room and stared intently at me.
Crap. I didn't think she'd come here this early.
"Well, I guess I'll be going then."
I closed the door and silently made walked down the hallway. I had not made it three steps out before Haruhi busted out and dragged back into the clubroom like some sort of bloodhound. After pushing me in, she closed the door and beamed at the rest of her subordinates.
"All right, we have to spawn a sequel to our first movie and make a band by this year's cultural festival. Now, we've still got the costumes, guns, and the camcorder, so shooting the movie will be a piece of cake, but the band's going to be a little trickier. Koizumi, you'll have to learn to play the drums."
"I'll get right on it."
He said obediently. Is there anything he won't do for her?
"Mikuru-chan, you'll play the tambourine, and Yuki will play the base."
Asahina-san cutely sighed, relieved to be playing such a simple instrument, and Nagato didn't seem to be listening at all. Not as if it mattered. She could learn to play an instrument in less than three seconds if she wanted to.
"Now, as for you and I, we'll be on guitars."
She looked up at me and smiled with the intensity of thousand suns.
"…I'm sorry, I can't-"
"Don't worry, I'll teach you."
She assured, patting me on the back. She didn't even bother letting me finish that sentence.
"No, not that," I said, "I have to go."
"Why?"
She asked. Haruhi shot a glare at me, as if I was declaring mutiny on her. If that were possible, I would've declared it a long time ago.
"Well, you see…"
Surely, she could understand if I explained it to her. And, maybe if I said it lightheartedly, no one would take it seriously. Eh, who am I kidding? I'm screwed.
"I have a date."
I said. The atmosphere suddenly grew heavy. Koizumi's plastered smile instantly became stiffer, Asahina-san dropped her trey, spilling its contents all over the floor, and, though it was probably my imagination, Nagato flinched. Honestly, was it really that shocking to realize that I may have a life outside the SOS Brigade?
"…I won't allow it."
I was surprised to hear her say that.
"What do you mean?"
I asked.
"This person will distract you from your duties as a member of the SOS Brigade. I order you to break up with her and come here at once."
That's a little selfish, don't you think? And shouldn't you ask about my predicament before barking around orders?
"And I won't allow anymore recruits into this club, so don't think you can go over my head and sign her up."
Yeah, if I ever got a girlfriend, the last place I'd want her to be would be here.
"Do you hear me?"
She asked, glaring up at me. I glared back.
How self-centered could she be? She can't just expect me to drop everything and listen to her with the snap of her fingers. Though the world might revolve around Suzumiya Haruhi, my life does not. As small as it may be, I still have my own personal life, where the most important person is me. I am thinking reasonably, am I not?
"…this is absurd."
I said, lifting my gaze. I walked out the door.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
I said, making it pretty damn clear that I wasn't coming back.
