Title: I Surrender Who I've Been (For Who You Are)
Part 1 of ?: Sedated
Genre: Romance, Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Drama
Rating: T, for language and possible sexual situations
Word Count: 689
Characters (Fic): Bellamy Blake, Clarke Griffin, Monty Green, Marcus Kane, Raven Reyes, Lexa
Characters (Chapter): Bellamy Blake, Monty Green, mentions of Clarke Griffin
Summary: Of all the connections forged since The 100 landed on the Ground, theirs was the strongest. Based in survival, built upon trust and shared responsibility, furnished with respect and absolution. They saved their people, because that's who they were. They saved each other because that's what they deserved. They will never stop saving each other, together. Bellarke.
A/N: I've recently become obsessed with this show (finished Seasons 1 & 2 in a weekend), and after watching both seasons, and listening to music I just kept getting so many ideas for Bellamy and Clarke. I started off with just making a list of songs that I felt reflected their relationship and the struggles they've faced and then I began to write bits and pieces of scenes. Some of these scenes are being used for this fic.
So this first chapter is kinda short, just getting you into the setting and mood of where things are starting off for this fic. It takes place after the Season 2 finale. It follows canon up until that point, but may differ from Season 3 because I have a feeling the writers are going to take the show in a very different direction than I am with this fic. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! xoxoxoNelly
Disclaimer: I do not own The 100 or any of it's characters. Lyrics are from "Sedated" by Hozier, I don't own those either. Fic title comes from the song "Turning Page" by Sleeping At Last
"Any way to distract and sedate
Adding shadows to the walls of the cave
Sedated we're nursing on a poison that never stung
Our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it
Somewhere for this, death and guns
We are deaf, we are numb
Free and young and we can feel none of it"
– "Sedated" by Hozier
An anger was festering inside of him. An anger that resonated within many members of Camp Jaha.
His anger was directed specifically at Lexa and vaguely at the Grounders. If it hadn't been for Lexa's betrayal, for her severing of their alliance, then he, Monty and Clarke wouldn't have been forced to make such a devastating decision. They wouldn't have had to take so many innocent lives. Clarke wouldn't have been so consumed with guilt and self-loathing that she decided to leave. Bellamy wouldn't have been left alone to deal with the aftermath of the torture conducted on his people, those who he swore to protect, those who he had saved at such a high cost.
However, Bellamy didn't have time for his own anger, he didn't have time to wade through his emotions and deconstruct his guilt. Not when he was kept so busy with his everyday duties around camp.
There was one thing he made time for.
Like clockwork, every other night, he met Monty at what had come to be known as Raven's Gate.
The two young men leaned against the metal walls of the Ark's debris, a bottle of moonshine shared between them, strong enough to dull the ache that ate away at them every day.
Some nights they talked for hours, others they didn't breathe a word. On the hard days—days where Monty had to face Jasper's accusatory gaze and hateful silence, or days when Bellamy was faced with an issue or conflict that he knew Clarke could have resolved but he was helpless to amend—Monty would bring two bottles of moonshine, one for each, and they would drink until they couldn't remember why their day had been so terrible.
Some nights, Bellamy got so lost in the haze of the moonshine that he dropped his guard in front of Monty, and he confessed all of his worries and insecurities about the responsibilities that had been thrust upon him. Responsibilities that once upon a time he had asked for, and now he would give anything to discard them. But he knew he had to keep on shouldering these responsibilities—he had made a promise.
On other nights, it was Monty in the confessional. He spoke about how distraught he was over losing Jasper's friendship repeatedly and how their bond seemed doomed on the ground. He confessed that he didn't regret altering Mount Weather's system to irradiate Level 5 because he knew he had to save his people. He wasn't blinded by love for Maya, he knew that the lives of his people were more important to him and that he only had the one chance to get them out of there.
Neither of them regretted their decision at Mount Weather. But they didn't know how to reconcile who they are know with who that had once been, before the Mountain Men took the 47 hostage, before they landed on this godforsaken planet they now called home.
A friendship developed between the two men that was completely unexpected. But together, they carried the burden of three hundred plus deaths, caused at their hands. Between them was an understanding so deep and respected that they knew they could depend on one another over anyone else, even those in their close circle of friends.
They leaned on each other, because the ones who they would've otherwise leaned upon were no longer there to give support. Jasper and Clarke were both lost to them for the time being, maybe for forever, they had no way of knowing.
"Where do you think she is?" Monty asked one night, clasping his own bottle of moonshine as he stared out into the depths of the forest that surrounded Camp Jaha, where hidden dangers and enemies lay.
Bellamy heaved out a breath, which condensed into a wispy fog before his lips. Winter was fast-approaching. Their first winter on Earth.
"Honestly, I have no idea," Bellamy breathed slowly, trying to control the sudden pounding in his chest, "but wherever the hell she is, I hope she's warm."
Monty nodded slightly, keeping his eyes focused on the trees, "yeah, me too."
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