The Apparation Test
Rating: RGenre: Humour
Summery: Harry is ready to take the Apparation test... sort of. After dealing with Partingson, an insane druggie, he lands far away from his target. And he's with the last person he wants to see... sort of. Slash. R & R!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I never will. If you think I do, check with your doctor. Your medication needs to be changed. However, Partingson is mine, along with all his insane limb-removing wizard drugs. Steal him and die. Unless your name just happens to be J.K. Rowling and you like Partingson and wish to place him in a future Harry Potter novel. In that case, please e-mail me to ask permission and I will send a full character description. Also, I expect recognition. I want to see my name in either acknowledgments or dedications, thanking me for the character. If you do not, believe me, I will get you in a lot of trouble. I'm not stupid, like most humans. I will see you in court.
Thank you for reading
this. I have only two chapters planned so far, but we'll see. The
rating is more for the second (or third?) chapter. The first is more
of a PG. Read some of my other stories. Like It's Mandatory!
(Pro-Hermionians advised to stay away). And review them! The less you
review, the less I write.
Chapter one:
Prattling Partingson
"Don't worry, Harry."
"Yeah, it's easy!"
"We passed. So can you!"
"You're the famous Harry Potter! You'll be the best Apparater ever!"
Harry Potter was on his way to his Apparation test. Fred and George Weasley were Apparating circles around him, trying to keep him calm.
"I'm sure you wont splinch yourself."
Er... maybe not trying too hard.
"Fred! George!" Harry yelled, trying to catch one of them. "Stop! You're not helping!" He grabbed George's arm, but Fred skipped out of reach.
This continued all the way to the Apparation building.
They walked into the largest waiting room Harry had ever seen. It was all chairs, except for a desk in the back and a door next to it. The twins grabbed some seats while Harry signed in. Five minutes later, a frazzled looking Lavender Brown emerged from the door with a strange looking man close behind. They shook hands and Lavender left quickly. The man picked up the sign-in sheet and his eyes popped out of his head.
"My stars!" the man exclaimed after chasing his eyes and popping them back in (Harry figured it was either some odd spell or a serious medical condition). "Oh I must be reading this wrong. No, this is right. I can't believe it! I am going to test the famous Harry Potter! Oh, this is something to tell the kids, if I had any, that is..."
He continued rambling on as he scanned the room. He easily picked Harry out of the large crowd of five people.
"Harry Potter!" he cried out. "Come! Come!"
"Come on, Harry," George said, snickering softly and pulling on Harry's arm.
Harry reluctantly followed the man into the back room. He looked the man over. The man definitely looked odder than he acted. The age was hard to determine, but mid-thirties seemed right. His hair looked like somebody had glued a muddy brown mop to his head and gave it a bowl cut. His eyes, which were the color of dead palm tree bark, darted quickly. They reminded Harry of Mad-Eye Moody's magical eye, except that they didn't go in the back of his head. He was about average height, maybe a bit short. And he was fat. Not Uncle Vernon size, but still large. He looked like a lumpy Santa Claus without the beard. He wore a light brown business suit which was a bit too small for him. It made his fat bulge oddly. He had a white shirt and the most repulsive tie Harry had ever seen. It was neon orange with thin baby puke green stripes.
Ugh.
"Well, well, well. Harry Potter! Not nervous, are you?" The man talked a mile a minute, barely pausing to breathe. "Of course you're not! You took down He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! An Apparation test should be nothing to you! Nervous. Pffft! I should be carted off to Azkaban for suggesting such an absurd idea! I-"
"Oy, Partingson!" Fred yelled. "Harry came here for a test, not a rant!"
"We had the same guy," George muttered to Harry. "There is a reason he is called Prattling Partingson."
"Okay, all right, let's go!" Partingson yelled, throwing his fist in the air. He then dropped it and had to yell at Fred for stepping on it. Harry wondered if there were any wizard drugs that made one utterly insane and able to remove limbs. He made a mental note to ask the twins when they were far away from Partingson.
A half an hour later, Partingson was ready to start the test.
"Okay, Harry Potter, stand on this X," Partingson instructed, wildly waving his arms around. One flew off and landed on the other side of the room. The room was rather large, so while Partingson was retrieving his lost limb, Harry stole this opportunity to lean over to the twins and ask about this odd, odd man.
"Ol' Partingson is addicted to Quinors," George said.
Harry just became more confused, so Fred explained. "Quinors are wizard drugs. They are very dangerous, and very illegal. How Partingson got some is beyond me. They cause you to have excess energy and random limbs fly off at odd times. That makes Quinor addicts easy to spot. I don't know why Partingson hasn't been caught. Charlie had this guy the first time he took the test and he was hooked back then, too."
"He was thinner then," George added. "He- YEOW!!!!!!!!!" George clutched his face. One of the buttons on Partingson's shirt had popped off and flew at a tremendous speed right at the redhead's eye.
"Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man, I am so so so sorry, Partingson yelled running over. George let out a string of words that Molly would have killed him for. Fred fell over laughing. Partingson looked extremely guilty. He pulled a small a small blue pill from his pocket and popped it into his mouth. Instantly, he perked up. "Now, come on, I hardly think that is worth all this fuss. You won't die from a little pop in the eye. And what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger! Shoosh! Harry Potter needs to concentrate for his test. You can't make Harry Potter fail just cuz you want to make a little noise!"
George glared with his good eye, but stopped screaming. Fred led him off to the side, still snickering softly.
Partingson turned to Harry. "Okay, Harry Potter, here is the map. This is the target. This is the place you don't want to land in."
Harry looked to where Partingson was pointing. His heart instantly dropped to the floor (not literally. Partingson is the one on Quinors, not Harry).
"Why is my target near the Malfoys?" Harry asked.
"Cuz that is a wizards only community," Partingson explained. "We have been having some trouble with people who have targets too close to Muggle communities."
Fred snickered and muttered, "Ron."
Harry rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fine, let's just get this over with."
"Okay, Harry Potter! Stand right here and you know what to do!" Partingson said, and stepped back.
This has got to be the oddest test I've ever heard of. Harry thought and popped out of the room.
The first thing he felt was water. As he struggled to find the surface, he felt legs. His head instantly shot above the water. He heard a girlish shriek and felt a fist slam into his nose.
"What the hell?!?" the person screamed. "Get the hell out!"
Harry shook the water from his eyes and found himself face-to-face with Draco Malfoy.
Well, that was the first chapter. Hope you enjoyed it. I sure loved writing it. I think Partingson is the oddest character I've ever created. He's so kewl! I'm not sure if he'll appear again, but let's hope so!
Okay, review, review, review! I can't stress that enough. I'll dedicate the next chapter to who ever reviews this one. After all, they are the reason I updated! It's all for you, the reader! Let's see how many reviews I get now. Y'know, I do that for all my stories, so if you want your name in a chapter, review. Please no flames, they hurt. If you don't like it, don't read it. And no "constructive criticism". I don't like those. I write my story how I want it, not how you want it. If you have such great ideas, write your own damn story. (yes, I'm stubborn. live with it.)
