Finally alone and on his way to London, Bertie felt numb. The slow motion of the train and the landscape going by slowly before his eyes helped him gather his thoughts. What a dreadful day so far...

So many emotions. He was however so hopeful this morning. He woke up engaged to the woman he loved and respected so much. What a wonderful life he and Edith were going to have. He was already quite confident when he arrived at Downton Abbey. He was sure Edith was reticent to accepted his proposal due to his situation as a simple agent. Now that he had inherit such a big estate and title, nothing will restrain her to say yes.

So little he knew of the real reason of her hesitation. "Marigold is my daughter", with only these few words did she made all the happiness in his life disappeared. A shameful confession her sister made her admit other breakfast. He then knew that he couldn't marry her. Not that the fact that she had a child out of wedlock made her less precious to his eyes, but he felt so hurt and betrayed. It is not what he expected of his future wife.

How could she not trust him with what must be her biggest secret? She didn't love him enough to tell him, she didn't trust him. What else can she has left out? He felt also quite angry. She and her family made him feel like a fo'ol. They all knew, but they all preferred not to tell him, they let the pathetic Bertie in the dark.

The only thing he could do was leaving. Even that wasn't easy, the walk towards the car felt like eternity, part of him wanted to stop and turned back, but it was also quite impossible to forget the deceit at this time. He was determined, he will not marry Edith, he will most probably never see her again. His heart sunk at this idea and it made him so sad. He begun to remember all the wonderful time they shared : their fist dance, their first kiss, the delight in her eyes when he proposed... Maybe she did love him... But then why didn't she tell him...

For his part, he never loved somebody so much before, and he knew that it will take time to get over it... He was quite mad about her... He must be quite mad now also, still thinking about her even after her deception. He has to forget her, but it wasn't so simple right now, he still felt the warms of her lips from the day before, the smell of her perfume while they sat on the sofa in London seconds before he proposed. How is he supposed to go to Tangier, pay homage to his cousin, arrange a service, become the next marquees of Hexham when he was such a wreckage inside. He will have to face his family, his friends, the all world like nothing had happen, when his soul was in pieces. He wondered how long he will have to endure this torture.

Oh, How everything was so easier this morning when he woke up... How easier his life would have been with Edith at his side. To make his long journey to Tangier less painful he decided to let this bitter sweet thought take over him, at least for the time being.-

It will be soon three weeks since Bertie and Edith broke off the engagement, and even if she was still quite sad, she was resolute to go forward in life. She had been in London for some days now to prepare the last details of her plan : she will now live and work in London while Marigold will go to school.

-"Good morning Lady Edith, how was the meeting with the advertisers yesterday" asked jovially Mrs. Edmonds as soon as Edith enter the office of the "Sketch"

-"Very well, they are extremely pleased. The sells are increasing each month and they are really happy of the work we are doing so far."

-"That's really nice to ear, I will relay this to everybody".

-"How are you doing with the next issue, more ideas?"

-"The next issue is almost complete, but what do you say about expending Mrs. Cassandra Jones column next month, could you have a word with hmmm "her" ? Wondered Mrs. Jones playfully.

-"I surely can" answer Edith with the same malice in her voice.

-"Are you staying in London or are you going back today? If you have nothing planned tonight, some of the girls are going to have a drink after work to celebrate Audrey engagement, do you want to come?"

-"What a wonderful idea, of course I will come".

-"Perfect, it will be at Rules, around 7"

A slight sadness cross her eyes at the mention of the place but she quickly regain her posture, smiled at Mrs. Edmonds and bid farewell. She then spend the rest of the afternoon like she's been doing the last couple of weeks, keeping busy with planning her life away from Downton.

She then met her employees at Rules. She didn't bother to change, these ladies where quite simple and themselves came straight from work.

She never came back to Rules after the failed first date with Bertie. She felt quite melancholic for a moment, but decided it wasn't the time to feel sad. They were here to celebrate a happy announcement. Life was going on.

They were all quite happy, talking work, life, and gossiping away. Edith was outside of her comfort some, but she began to get used to it.

After a while Mrs. Edmonds took Edith aside, two drinks in the hand:

- "Are you feeling OK, you seem quite distant this evening?" Asked Mrs. Edmonds while giving one glass to Edith.

- "Am-I? Well I suppose it's this place, it remind me of somebody..." Answered Edith evasively. - "Ooh I see... Well a broken heart is not so easily reparable..."

- "What? What do you mean?" Asked Edith shyly sipping from her drink.

-"Well it's quite obvious that you still aren't over Bertie. I can see you try to cover it, but you are not the first one it happened to."

At these words Edith let down her wall and for the first time since the break-up, confess her distress to somebody else. Without giving away the details of her secret, Edith revealed to Mrs. Edmonds why she couldn't find the courage to tell her secret to Bertie. How afraid she was of Bertie despising her and living her, if and when he would found out the truth. She wasn't afraid of her family discover it, even less her sister, she didn't care that she will think less of her. But she couldn't bear the look of deception on Bertie face.

Of course she waited too long, it was her fault. But having him breaking with her so quick after he found out the truth, seeing him living to take his train without a single look back to her, it scrolled up all the previous heartbreaks she had in her life.

Sir Anthony living her at the altar, Michael disappearing without a trace. How could a man so sweet, so sure of himself and so in love with her, do the exact thing she dread he will do if she told him her secret.

He said that he could not marry somebody he couldn't trust or trusted him, but it was never a question of trust, only shame and weakness ... She would have like to find the words, have time to explain herself, but he left and it was quite impossible now.

-"Are you sure there is no hope of him coming back" asked Mrs. Edmonds trying to sound hopeful .

-"I'm afraid not. In the beginning I had this wild dream, that he will surprise me at the office or the apartment, telling me that all was forgotten, wanting me back... But I know now that it is all but a dream. I know he is back from Tangier now. He must certainly concentrate in is new duties. With time he will find a wife, a respectable one without any flaws like me, he will be happy..."

Mrs. Edmonds looked at Edith with sympathy:

-"Don't despair..."

-"... Oh no I won't don't worry, cut Edith with a smile... I haven't before and I will not now".

[I have an another chapter almost finish, hope to have it ready tomorrrow]