*This is my first story...I do not own anything, I am just a huge fan hoping to pay homage.


The blackness in the sky was just beginning to fade, thousands of stars started to dim. The moon hung low, giving barely enough light to make out the silhouettes of the large trees that lined either side of the worn gravel road. A cold wind gusted through the night, leaving a crispness to the air. Jesse shivered slightly, the wind cold enough to carry through his hoodie and mist his breath. The only sound that could be heard was that of his sneakers thudding dully on the road as the gravel kicked up behind him. His legs began to ache with every step he took, unsure if it was simply from the cold or from how long he had been walking. Jesse glanced over his shoulder; he was unable to make out anything that laid behind him, the road was completely masked in darkness. Turning his attention to the road before him, Jesse shoved his hands deep into his pockets hoping to obtain a bit of warmth as he wrapped his arms around himself.

He hadn't expected it to be as cold as it was, otherwise he would have brought something warmer. The chill had definitely began to set in. As much as he wanted to turn back, he knew he had to go on. It was only a few more feet. Squinting, he could just make out the rod iron gates that encased the small San Jose De Armijo Cemetery. With a sigh, he quickened his pace, knowing if he didn't hurry up, he would turn around. It had been almost six months since his aunt Ginny had died and yet this would be his first time going to her grave since her funeral. Oddly though, it seemed to have little or no effect on him. He remembered standing emotionless as they lowered her casket into the ground; around him, his family sniffled and wiped their eyes, while other sobbed loudly. He couldn't find it in himself to muster much of anything other than emptiness.

Jesse quickly made his way across the small cemetery, dodging sporadic white grave stones that shone eerily in the moon light. His heartbeat quickened as he approached his aunt's grave, a lump seem to be lodged in his throat. He had avoided this for so long, making excuses upon excuses of why he couldn't go. He was good at that, or so he was told. He always had an excuse for everything they said, though none ever seemed good enough. An excuse of why he was failing classes, why he was caught shoplifting, why he was never sober, or so they said. Try a little bit harder, his parents said. Apply yourself, the school said. Be a pillar of the community, the courts said. He never seemed to listen; to be what they said he should be.

His steps slowed as he approached the large Arizona Ash tree that marked the location of his aunt's head stone. Stopping a few feet away he felt his stomach lurch, the contents of his stomach turning causing him to gage. He brain raced, he had to do it, to many excuses. He owed it to her, to say goodbye.

"Jesus," he muttered a loud.

Pushing himself forward, he stopped just to the left of the gravestone, the branches of the Ash casting shadows in front of him.

In Loving Memory

Ginny Anderson

Loving sister, daughter & aunt

August 30th, 1965 - September 24th, 2000

Four days after Jesse's 16th birthday she had died. She had waited, like she had promised. She always had kept her promises to him, even though his seemed to always fall short. Ginny had held on, refusing to let go. Celebrating his birthday with him, her smile never leaving her face. She had stopped her chemo by that point, radiation treatments long before that. Ginny's blonde hair had finally began to grow back, she had become comfortable enough not to have to wear a scarf anymore, though she had never been inclined to do so even when her hair began to fall out in front of Jesse.

"Now sweetheart, you know that they love you," Ginny said softly as she slowly sipped the Sprite that Jesse had poured into her wine glass.

Lazily Jesse traced his finger around the glass of whiskey that sat before him, his eyes locked on the table. "Yeah, sure," he muttered.

Sighing slightly, Ginny shifted uncomfortably. It had taken her all day to put together the small birthday celebration for her nephew. Even though she was weak and obviously tired, she refused to let her pain damper his birthday. She had ordered in several dishes from the local Chinese restaurant that Jesse seemed to favor and had made him a birthday cake, decorating it with white and blue frosting. Adam and Melissa had reassured him that they would be there with Jake, only to have called shortly before dinner apologizing that they would not be able to make it. That the music instructor that they had been on the waiting list for, had finally called stating he would be able to take Jake, though he needed to be there tonight.

"You know," Ginny said smiling, "You haven't opened your present."

Jesse gripped his drink and quickly downed it, the burning it left in his throat quickly washed over his entire body. As he set his glass down on the table, Jesse slowly looked up at his aunt. His blue eyes were glassed over and blood shot. He had made quick work of the bottle of whiskey that his aunt had brought out for his birthday, the bottle that he had promised that he would only have one drink out of. But like always, Jesse had negated on his promise, though Ginny had not said anything. She never did, his short comings never being pointed out by her ever. Leaning back in the chair he gazed at his aunt. In the past 6 months her cancer had spread fast, no longer located just in her lungs but now in her lymph nodes. Even though she had stopped her treatment, she had continued to grow gaunt and frail. No longer able to do much for herself, most of the household chores fell on Jesse. But she never complained, not once.

Closing his eyes, he ran his hands through his hair. He was being selfish, he knew that. Forcing a smile, he placed his hands behind his head and looked at his aunt.

Jesse's hand slid his hand into his hoodie pocket and grasped the cold pocket watch that been the last gift his aunt had given him. Pulling the watch out, he ran his thumb over the smooth case, smiling a little. Such a simple gift had meant so much to him. Growing up he had always loved the watch, never missing the chance to play with it, letting it dangle and spin on the gold chain. Though his mother never seemed pleased to see him with it. He might loose or break it. It belonged to his long dead grandfather that he had never met.

"Jesse," Ginny had said as she slowly stood up and carefully made her way to him. " I want you to know no matter what, I will always be here with you. That I'm proud of you, no matter what happens. Life can only be what you make it, no one else can control the outcome but you. Promise me Jesse, no matter what you will take care of yourself. Promise me that you will take care of yourself."

Tears rolled down his face. It was the last time he had seen his aunt. He had left shortly after and spent the next four days on a bender. Not once thinking of his aunt, only the drugs that seemed to continuously flow. It hadn't been till his friends dropped him off at his aunt's house, still spinning from the continuous partying that he had found out that she had passed. It had been his fault, he hadn't been there to check up on her. To make sure she was ok. His parents had been angry, yelling and screaming. He had promised to look after her, to make sure that everything was ok. He was a disappointment, a low life, an addict, everything except their son. The only saving grace had been the fact that they did not want him to come home and had allowed him to say at his aunts.

Kneeling down, Jesse placed the watch inside the empty flower vase that was part of her headstone. He didn't deserve it. He knew that. Leaning back, Jesse fell back against the dark tree. Slipping his hand once again into his pocket, he pulled out the bottle of pain medication that he had of his aunts. His mother thought that she had disposed of them, but he had always kept a bottle hidden. As awful as it was, the pain medication and the anti-nausea medication helped when he came down.

Opening the bottle, Jesse dumped the pills into his mouth and swallowed. Leaning his head against the tree, he closed his eyes.