-Cause I don't stand a chance in these four walls.
I wish I could say "I wish I'd never met him". I wish I could hate him. More than anything sometimes. Wish I could put all the blame on him. But I knew that that wasn't possible- because more then anything; more than overly protective and scarily possessive, James had been honest with me. From the very start.
So as I lie- clutching my middle in a desperate attempt to keep the hot blood pouring out of the fresh bullet hole that had been blown in my fucking stomach I can't hate him. Somewhere deep in the panicky haze of my mind I'm worried about him.
My poor James. Poor baby.
He'd never get over this.
Finding my dead bloody corpse- it would fucking kill him. It would mangle what was left of that big heart of his. The one that was already full of bullet wounds and stabbed punctures and IED shrapnel. The one he tried to pretend he left back in Afghanistan.
Liar.
He was such a good liar.
I had been such a good liar.
Had been.
Had been….
I was an afterthought. A past tense. I laugh, that adrenalin clouding my head, and it feels like choking. Turns into wheezing.
Fuck.
Doesn't that mean internal bleeding? I thought to myself.
And doesn't internal bleeding mean I'm completely screwed? I remember my doctor of a grandfather instilling that in me. Bleeding on the outside? Bad. Bleeding on the inside? Even fucking worse.
At least it didn't hurt anymore, I couldn't really feel anything. Not the sticky blood oozing between my fingers or my feet that kept twitching. It was like a cold numbness eating me from my toes up.
Sit up. I know I should but every time I try I fall back because of the flair of pain. Grab my phone. Call for someone. James.
James.
"James" I croak into the emptiness of the parking lot.
James and his arms and the way his voice sounded when he was sleepy and his dark eyes- ones that intimidate everyone else but that I had always teased him looked like they belonged to a chocolate lab or something. And that's what he was. A loyal dog.
My loyal six foot tall lap dog.
The tears that had been leaking from the corners of my eyes steadily start to pour, and if I wasn't so fucking numb, I think I'd probably be sobbing.
I was so scared. Not only of dying(I'd been scared of the impending doom of death for years now) but of never getting to see him again. Of the last time him seeing me being this version of me. Covered in a layer of heavy crimson.
"Oh my god! Oh my god! Hank! Call 9-11!"
I can hear the person that's found me, voice laced with a Texas twang, but I can't manage to turn my head to see them until their face is hovering right over mine.
Oh. Mrs. Connely. One of our neighbors who lived a few town houses over. The one with the gaggle of Pomeranians.
The last thing I was going to see was her large, teased, red hair.
I sob again.
What the fuck? What kind of cosmic karma was this?
"Okay hon- you just keep breathin' okay? The ambulance is coming. Keep on breathing" The womans hands flail a little, as though she doesn't know where to touch me. Where to place them.
I barley know her- only knew the older lady and her older husbands we're into show dogs and into talking about show dog competitions- but it feels good that she's here.
I didn't want to be alone.
It's almost comical, I had a shit ton of friends. Family. Family friends. And yet I was sprawled out on the pavement with a woman thrice my age that I didn't even know.
Then- it's like being unplugged. Like standing up too fast and not being able to stop spinning and I'm gasping hard trying to keep above the water that was fighting to engulf me.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Didn't she know that I'd hardly breathed since the night I'd met him?
Okay guys so I'm most def still working on Born to Die. I've gotten a couple chapters drafted out for it and they'll be up soon! My love for James Valdez is unending. Especially in the new season ughhhh. He's so…warm. You know? I love the way that they made this sharp shooting , leather wearing bad ass such a understanding gooey baby. It's beautiful really. This story will be a collection of one shots. Another James/OC, but a very different OC. Hope ya'll like it!
