Star Trekkin' by The Firm

Aka the most disturbing thing I have ever watched.

Star Trekkin', across the universe
On the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin', across the universe,
Boldly going forward, 'cause we can't find reverse.

It was a nice day on our favorite star ship. Every senior officer was currently on the bridge. In the middle you could find Dr McCoy who was currently starring at the wooden lock in hi it was lifes Captain's lap. He had carried it around the whole day, hoping to get some jokes on it. This was of course due to his last evaluation as a commanding officer that had shown that he apparently had no humor. The Captain wanted to fix that badly, which had only made things worse.

It was in this moment that Uhura informed everyone that there were apparently Klingons on the starboard bow and called the Captain by his first name. Trying to ignore her size-shifting earrings, Jim turned to his first Officer to ask for an analysis of the situation. He was rather flustered to learn that it was life, but not as they knew it. Since when were Klingons an unknown lifeform? Right then Uhura found it appropriate to repeat her last statement, as to remind Spock of the situation they were in.

Kirk, irritated by his First's behavior, asked McCoy on his side to give him a medical update on Spock state. McCoy answered quickly that it was worse now, and that he was dead. This let to Spock and Uhura repeat what they had already told him. Inspired by his crew's irrational doing the stated that they would come in peace and shoot to kill to nobody in particular.

The people around him decided to repeat their phrases once again, before the saucer turned into a giant pizza. Things were getting worse. Relatively creeped out, Kirk called his Engineer. It was Mr Scott who quickly answered that he couldn't change the laws of physics, without waiting for what Kirk had to say. It was that they came in peace and that they should shoot to kill of course, followed by the request to be beamed up by his Chief Engineer. McCoy told him that somebody was dead, Spock spoke yet again of his newly found life signs, all of that followed by Uhura remembering them of the Klingon thread.

Scotty called again. He had decided that the Captain couldn't be beamed away since he couldn't change the script. McCoy interrupted by telling that it was even worse, since it was physics. It was just then that Kirk decided that he wanted Warp Factor nine. Scotty was that the engines would blow up. This was a serious thread, even worse than the Klingons, since the saucer-pizza had already been cut in half, with the cheese hanging in between the two parts.

Before he turned off his alarm clock Kirk had to check if he had still a potato for a head. Of course, it was not. Sighing, he rolled himself out of bed. It was a good day to test Murphy's law.