AN: Do not, I repeat DO NOT read this. It is actually the worst thing ever.
Tony Stonem was asleep. This was strange because it was a dark and stormy night. The Sturm was so loud that most people would have woken up. But still Tony slept and dreamt… The dark dreams of the damned!
A figure dressed all in black, wearing a mask, with a burka thrown over it for good measure and holding an SOC-field emmiter (Some Other Cunt) stole into Tony's room. The figar began speaking to itself mentally.
"At last," it said, creeping over to Tony's bag, "Oiyl beabel to hav moy revenge!" The figure rooted around inside Tony's bag and pulled out… HIS PACKET OF CONDOMS!
"Eventually the swanker el have to pull these out, the dark figure said, examining the condoms, "and wen ehy dus, he'l find theyvabeen FOOKIN SABOTAGED!" The figure then pooled out a needle (that probably had pot and aids on it (kids don't do drugs)) and poked tiny holes in the condoms!
"OH NO!" cried the studio audience, but Tony couldn't hear them because he was asleep!
"AHAHAHAHAHAH!" laughed the figure actively. "Now you will have unprotected sex Tony! Moy revenge is compleat!"
2 months later:
"Tony, we need to talk."
Tony was surprised that Michelle was interrupting him, as he was in the loo for 2000 milliseconds which was a well understood sign that someone was rubbing one off, in this case, Tony. Annoyed at having lost his concentration, he zipped up and came outside.
"What is it Michelle?" he asked.
"Tony, I'm pregnant."
"WAT!" Tony yelled. He looked down at his dick with a look of RAGE! "Dick! How could you do this to me! You traitor!" Tony's dick couldn't reply, his mind was pane.
"Yes Tony" Michelle continued ignoring his bizarre outburst," I'm late and I just took the test and it says I'm pregnant. Look I'll show you."
As Michelle went to get the test suddenly the window opened completely silently. A man began to sneak in, unnoticed by anyone. He was wearing a bizarre cross between a wetsuit and Kevlar, which somehow managed to look completely awesome and not like a cheap Batman ripoff. He was also wearing a black helmet and goggles that completely masked his identity. But that didn't matter as no-one could have noticed him anyway as HE WAS INVISIBLE!
"Look Tony here's the test," said Michelle, completely failing to notice the invisible person in the room.
The invisible person was very sad but he knew what he had to do. Because of his time travelling nemesis Michelle was no pregnant with Tony's spawn. The child would grow up to have the most terrifying and evil of all the powers people would have in the future, unsurprisingly as Tony's child it would be the demons and would turn everyone into headcrab zombies!
"I know now what I must do," said the man. "Tony and Michelle I'm soooooooooooooooo sorry about this."
Tony and Michelle looked around in surprise, the man had spoken outloud and they had heard him even if they couldn't see him. All of a sudden Tony was pushed over leaving Michelle standing on her own!
Suddeny the man appeared in front of Michelle, with his left shoulder hunched forwards.
"FALCOOOOOON" he bagan to cry, "PAAAAUUUUNCCCHHH!"
And he Falcon Paunched Michelle in the stomach and she had a miscarraige.
The black suited man lept out the window to flee the scene. He pulled of his mask, revealing his eyes full of tears for what he had just had to do. It was…
FUTURE SIMON FROM MISFITS!
