Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I'm just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn't going to get you anything but tears.

Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. Feel free to back out if that's you.

Author's Note: So, I have feelings about the Rogues, particularly how Infinity War continued the MCU's trend of ignoring the betrayals of the brute force while punishing the intelligent characters for existing. Now I have a fic collection for storing those feelings. This will be updated from time to time, but with other angry Avengers oneshots that will probably not be connected. You have been warned.

Submitting Info:
Stacked with: Hogwarts (Term 10); MC4A
Individual Challenges: Click Bait It; Yellow Ribbon; Yellow Ribbon Redux; Metahuman MC (x3); Team Logic; Seeds; The 3rd Rule; Lovely Triangle; Advice from the Mug; New Fandom Smell (Y); Short Jog; Neurodivergent; Quiet Time
House: Hufflepuff
Assignment No.: Term 10 – Assignment 8
Other Hogwarts Challenges: Auction [7.1] (Avengers AU); Pinata [Medium] (Friendship); Insane Prompt Challenge [879] (Friendship); Scavenger Hunt [76] (Write an AU from another fandom.); Gym (Marvel)
Word Count: 1715

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Legal Back Alleys
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"I'm here to strongarm you to that gala thingy," Jessica announced as she walked through the doors of the lab. Tony looked up from his work but didn't remove his hands from the depths of the suit. Jessica rolled her dark eyes. "Apparently, I'm the only other person in our little gang willing to put up with your shitty ass attitude who isn't also fucking you. And because I'm a good friend, I'm gonna warn you that Murdock was chatting up your CEO."

"Was Nelson or Page around? Preferably Nelson," Tony replied. He started untangling himself from the circuitry. "Nelson is the official Devil-wrangler, right? I know I'm rich and all, but I still would rather not replace furniture again. Pepper's control hasn't been the best the last few weeks. Stress."

"That's one fucking label to put on it," Jessica said drily. She rolled her shoulders in that half-shrug she does when she wants to punch something. It was her normal response whenever anything related to the Rogue Avengers was brought up. She gave him a look over. "You look like shit yourself. It's not too late to ship those fuckers back to Fuckville. Seriously, Stark, I really do think you have a strong case to have them assigned to whatever is going to be the American superhero version of Minot."

"You've been hanging out with my Rhodey, Jones." Tony started the process of securing the lab. It was a precaution that he used to not take, but the thought of the Rogues anywhere near his work made him twitchy. Friday was a good girl and he had given her all the tools she needed to protect herself and fulfill her duties, but a part of him would never forget how many times his former team hadn't been stopped by closed doors and warnings. To distract himself, Tony decided to fill the void with words. "You should probably tell him that you have designs on his girlfriend, though, because it's not cool to pretend to be friends when you have ulterior motives."

"Fuck you, Stark," she snarled so venomously that he found himself freezing despite himself.

For a moment he was stuck on the thought that Jessica had a lot in common with any version of super-soldier out there. Then she snapped her fingers in front of his face before pointing directly at her eyes. The unspoken acknowledgement of the impending panic attack she was interrupting as quickly as almost triggering it was actually really nice. This was why she was his favorite.

"I get the need to push people away—I fucking mastered it myself—but compare me to those backstabbing traitors again and I'm gonna lock you in a room with that quack the female Ross brought along. I might do that anyway. Talking about your problems is supposed to be healthy or some shit."

"Did you just threaten me with therapy?"

"Yep," she confirmed with extra emphasis on the pop at the end. She crowded close to him and linked arms to literally strongarm him from the lab. He waved a hand to indicate to Friday to lock the rest down. "And for the fucking record, while Carol is definitely the Cap I would love to tap, I'm currently off that particular market. Trish says thank you for that prototype. That's really why I agreed to come to your dungeon, Dr. Kinky Shit."

Tony barked out a laugh as the lab went dark behind them. Because Jessica was a good friend, she put up with Friday playing the Beach Boys' Good Vibrations the entire way to the residential floor. Because he didn't want to get on Pepper's bad side, he had Friday cut the music before the elevator doors opened. Sure enough, Murdock was settled on the loveseat next to Pepper talking about different types of civil suits.

That's not flirting.

That was Pepper looking like she was planning a hostile takeover. To make Tony's sense of dread worse, Nelson was in an adjacent armchair, fully participating in the conversation, and Karen Page was perched on the couch on the other side of it with her ever present notebook in hand. This really wasn't flirting.

Oh, no. Oh, not good. Not good at all.

They were plotting.

"Pepper, enchilada of my soul—"

"Not for all the shoes in the world," she replied before continuing her discussion.

"Foggy, my favorite avocado—"

"She scares me more," Nelson interrupted before spitting out a string of words that might have been Latin, except it wasn't any Latin that Tony knew. As a last-ditch effort, he turned his gaze towards Karen. She rolled her eyes but passed off her notebook to Nelson before pushing him out of the room towards his bedroom.

"Friday knows what he's wearing," Pepper called out just as they left the living room. "Don't let him turn it into a debate."

"You've been assigned to be my babysitter now?" Tony teased as yet another of the women filling his life now manhandled him. "Because I can tell you that it never ends well, for anyone."

"You know what? Jessica and Betty have been plotting with Pepper to make you actually go see Dr. Samson," Karen said with the particular edge she normally only used forcing Murdock to stay in bed after a fight landed him in yet another dumpster. "If you keep talking like that, I'm going to just be more on their side than I already am."

"Why does everyone want me to see a therapist?" Tony whined. Karen shooed him into the closet. Friday helpfully rotated the chosen suit forward. Apparently, Pepper really wanted to make a statement as she had chosen an entirely black ensemble. The only spot of color seemed to be the elaborately folded pocket in Iron Man red.

"Because you're long overdue, Boss," Friday answered. "You're actually scheduled for three days from now, but Doc has agreed to keep his schedule as open as possible, in case of emergencies stemming from the Rogues' unpleasant return. Jonesy likes him."

"Well, if Jones likes him," Tony grumbled as he put on his suit. He just needed cufflinks to finish off the look. "I don't need to be coddled, you know."

"It's not coddling to support a survivor who is being forced to confront and play nice with his abusers, Dr. Stark," Karen announced as she presented him with a pair of cufflinks from his jewelry box. It was the set he had made after Rhodey had dared him to see how small he could make the ARC reactor. The distinctive blue glow would also disrupt any long-range listening devices in his vicinity, a fact which annoyed the tattered remains of SHIELD. He exchanged a toothy grin with the blonde as he put on the cufflinks.

For all the agents he had personally had to save after the Info Dump, there were still a surprising amount who were still willing to trust Fury and Coulson to take care of them. Even then, the habit of abandoning operatives to their fates had sent more than one into the arms of the newly-created Strategic World Observation & Response Directorate. SWORD operated under the supervision of the UN Security Council, and as such followed the UN policy of accountability and transparency.

Whereas SHIELD had immediately returned to its shady ways of handling things, especially where metahumans were concerned, SWORD helped protect people on a global scale. They provided ways for metahumans wanting to help their communities to do so in a way that kept everyone as safe as possible. Being registered with SWORD had kept more than one person from being conscripted to work for SHIELD or be tagged like a criminal for the crime of being different.

Tony had been called in to decommission the Icebox when SWORD had been made aware of the prisoners being held there for experimentation. He shuddered at the memories. Thank Tesla that the Accords hadn't died in the wake of Rogers' little temper tantrum. Tony didn't even want to imagine what the world might be like without the Accords. Ross had tried to push something through Congress before he had been replaced by the incoming president's choice for Secretary of State. The Super Human Registration Act had been the stuff of nightmares, truly everything that Rogers had accused the Accords of being but on super serum. It had been shelved due to international outcry, and Thaddeus Ross had finally been forced to accept full retirement.

Not before arranging a final parting gift for Tony and the Avengers Initiative: the US probations of Rogers' little band of rogues and their return to US soil.

That was what tonight's gala was about: welcoming back the Rogues and showing the world that they could be re-integrated into the Initiative.

Tony personally had his doubts, because he had to still be their least favorite person. Those doubts were nothing compared to the members who had joined the Initiative since it was taken over by SWORD. The avocados were clearly cooking something up with Pepper; Jessica wanted to punch the lot of the Rogues and rip Maximoff in particular into tiny pieces with her bare hands. Claire had been tweeting Luke creative uses for the objects in her vicinity ever since the pardons had been announced. The USAF crew (especially his Rhodey-bear) had been planning out the training schedules for the duration of the Rogues' probationary periods. Tony was fairly certain that they had a betting pool going on which Rogue would violate the terms first, but he was not allowed to join, which was rude but understandable.

No one wanted to play cards with him either.

"Can you tell me the plan that those three are cooking up at least?"

"Of course, Dr. Stark," Karen answered saccharinely. The dread returned to drag a finger down Tony's spine. "They're planning to drag those monsters down a legal back alley and beat them soundly with the broad side of the law."

"Why is that so scary? I don't think that should be so scary. Karen, you scare me."

"Good," she said before tweaking his nose and leaving. Tony sighed a bit wistfully at her back. Nelson and Murdock were very lucky men, even if they were scheming with his ex.