Ed Darkwood, paranormal therapist

Clinical notes

Patient: Della X

Problem: relationship troubles

Sometimes I just want to slap a patient. I mean, Della is a beautiful, smart, and talented young woman with so many options in life. There are many young men who would love to date her but she comes to me with the most ridiculous problem. I am not making this up.

Della is in a romantic relationship with both a vampire and a werewolf. So, I just sit back and listen to her go on and on about how she loves them both… blah blah blah.

Well, my patience wore thin at one point and I just couldn't stand it any longer.

I interrupted: "You know Della; there are normal men out there! You don't have to date these weirdoes! I… I… I mean, do you even hear yourself?"

"Right now, you're asking me to help you decide between one dead thing that crawled out of the grave and wants to bite you on the neck and another guy who's going to chew up your furniture and give you fleas!"

At that point she burst into tears and ran out of my office. I doubt I see her again.