Unlovable
We walk together around the forest by your house and it's wonderful. I reach out for your hand and you look at me, annoyed, but let me grasp it anyway. I smile at you and you smile back in that broken way.
You are beautiful.
It's so fun, spending time with you. We like to eat at a little cafe that we discovered while walking around a shopping center nearby. Their food is delicious. You told me that you can't believe that you lived so close to such a great place for so long without even knowing it. I want to reach over and hug you when I see you happy.
Because more often than not, you are absolutely miserable.
You call me a bitch. Tell me that you can't stand me. No matter how great of a time we have, you almost always end the night terribly. And it hurts to say it, but you break me down.
Yes, even me.
I've tried everything in the book. I tell you that things will be okay. That you're an amazing person. That I love you. What more can I say? What more can I do?
You ask me why I was interested in you. Why I wanted to be your friend.
I tell you why I fell in love with you.
You are beautiful. Not in the physical sense, but in the way that you attract others. You're kind. Not in the way that Yuki is, but in your own unique way. I have caught glimpses of a soft soul underneath all that armor. You hiss and spit and jump out of windows, but that isn't all of you.
I rest my hand against your warm face and your breath catches. I kiss your soft lips and you melt against me. I tell you that I love you and you start to cry.
I know you think that I don't care about your problems. About your pain. Or at least a part of you does. But I do.
There are times when I have hated Yuki myself. He is kind, polite and soft-spoken. He has only ever been a gentleman to me. So why is it that I can almost see the devil in his eyes when he calls me "Honda-san"? He's my friend and I love him. So...why?
Then again, you have expressed your own secret hatred towards me as well, and who says you can't love and hate someone at the same time? We are all human, after all.
I see it in your eyes. You're afraid of happiness. Afraid to smile. But I also know that you like to smile. And you want to be happy.
I can't help you be happy, Kyo. I can only believe in you and pray.
Deep down, I hope that you're praying for me, too.
