ME: A/N: This was inspired by a Broken and Unreadable comic known as ,"Troop TV." That, and the whole fandom whining about Commander Sarah Palmer, with special attention paid to her, "Egghead" comments. I feel I may as well inform the fandom. Note: Real life people will appear, but since Arnold Schwarzenegger appeared in the Simpsons movie it's okay. As will OCs of CJ Timm; check his work out.
"WHAT DO WE WANT?" Yelled a rabble-rouser.
"PALMER GONE!" Replied the roused rabble.
"WHY?" The rabble-rouser asked again.
"BECAUSE SHE'S AN UNREALISTIC AND BAD MILITARY CHARACTER FOR CALLING SCIENTISTS, 'EGGHEADS!' THAT'S JUST ONE PROBLEM WITH THAT CARDBOARD CUTOUT!"
*MEANWHILE IN 343 LAND*
"I'm glad you could make it, Karen," said Frank "Frankie" O'Connor, Franchise Development Director for 343 Industries for the Halo franchise at 343 Industries.
The English writer smiled. "It's always a pleasure, Frank. I hear you people have been dealing with some bloody morons."
"Yeah," added Commander Sarah Palmer. "Mainly about how I'm supposedly an unrealistic and needlessly abrasive military officer character. Even though I was an ODST Lieutenant-before someone turned me into a Lance Corporal, then a Corporal in line for a promotion to Sergeant. Because a would-be Sergeant is a much better candidate for leading the Infinity's Spartan-Fours than a Lieutenant-you know, an actual commissioned officer." The brunette glared at O'Connor before saying, "Or make it so that an entire military branch lacks formal ranks, even though I gave orders throughout Spartan Ops."
The Scottish man held up his hands. "Hey, there's only so much I can do! At least I didn't have you run around in a mini skirt like on Star Trek, or have some corporation with a private army capable of taking over an entire planet over tax issues. Which, of course, doesn't hurt their bottom line at all by cutting into their profits in order to build and maintain said army." O'Connor paused then said, "Yeah, George Lucas, way to come up with a plausible threat for the Prequels!"
"Perhaps we should bring in some people to point out Halo's positives under Three-Four-Three Industries," Karen declared. "The Misriahs with Fireteam Majestic!"
The Chief Executive Officer of Misriah Armory, Spanner Misriah walked in, along with his daughter, Lieutenant Commander Natalia Misriah, and the five members of Fireteam Majestic.
"Hello, ladies!" Said Paul DeMarco, the team's leader.
(Role: Cocky, self-proclaimed ladies man. Probable virgin despite all claims.)
"If only this was Star Fleet, ma'am," Anthony Madsen, Majestic's sniper, told Palmer.
(Role: Comic relief. More effective than DeMarco at his role, though still an unsuccessful flirt.)
"The Hoya train runs on whole grain, baby!" Hoya, CQC expert, shouted. "WHOO!"
(Role: Obligatory team muscle. Also black and thus token minority; still isn't killed off pointlessly or treated patronizingly, which is a bonus.)
"Oi, Frank!" Said Tedra Grant, Majestic's scout.
(Role: Token female. Also foreigner given her Scottish accent.)
"Glad you invited us, sir and ma'ams," Thorne thanked the Franchise Development Director, author and Commander.
(Role: The audience surrogate since he's a white North American male and asks questions like Watson from Sherlock.)
"Mr. Misriah, any positive points you'd like to share about Halo under Three-Four-Three?"
"How about the fact Lasky actually wears a vest unlike Captain Keyes?" Spanner stated. "You know, since the galaxy's filled with aliens gunning for humanity, making protection for officers-who do their subordinates no good dead-important."
"Or how the Warthogs now carry jerrycans with water," Natalia added. "You know, so the vehicles can convert said water into hydrogen, which is important in a combat situation. And so we can get water from a river or lake in the field into the Warthog, instead of using our canteens or hands or something even more ridiculous."
"Many people have complained about me not representing a realistic special forces CO," said Palmer. "Any response?"
"Yes, ma'am," Thorne answered. "We actually tried working on the dialouge for Spartan Ops with the Red vs. Blue crew and some US Marines in order to make it more realistic. Problem is we got thirty seconds before it became way too obscene to broadcast."
ME: Palmer's job is not to be nice to scientists who can't even pack sidearms in a war zone. Filled with aliens that will try to kill them regardless of whether they're armed or not. And if you watched Generation Kill or Band of Brothers (even though Dick Winters actually complained about the increased swearing compared to real life for the latter), she's downright polite for not calling them, "POG-*** *****es," or anything, for that matter, harsher than, "egghead." 343 watered it down.
And Star Trek and Star Wars (at least the Prequels) have worse plot holes than Halo.
Who caught the reference?
