Skin Deep
Chapter 1
Her stare was haunting.
Her chest bound tightly from the panic, or lack of oxygen-though it was likely an unsteady combination of both. Water consumed her, resulting in what should be a natural instant to fight and find the toxic and delicate air that swirls softly atop the surface, still she drowns above just as easily as down there. Dying isn't a wish, but she does not see the point of taking in another lungful of air that would only exclusively solve immediate problems. Long-term is not resolved by breath, not hers anyway. She's numb, or at least she thought she was, so she does startle when something stronger and more determined then the current wraps it's way around her waist. As if upon instinct, her mouth opens and she tries to breathe- a fruitless effort in a watery grave.
A grave that is not for her, she wants the poison of the world to continue. There is a belief of being immobile, pulled along easily in a slow rush. There is no respite from the pain when she surfaces, air does not travel down but water up. Coughing, spluttering, deaf to it. Her head is throbbing, tears fall but are silent in the wind, just like the vibrations from vocal cords she is not privileged to.
She wakes in such a start that her front temple throbs in an ache that travels to her eyes and lingers until she rests her head, enough sweat is covering her as if she had been swimming. The distress felt with every blink causes the well in her eyes that she clamps shut to rest. It's a reoccurring nightmare of reality-only last year she jumped-she no longer regrets the dive, just the landing.
Bella used to constantly marvel over facts-like how every word we have ever spoken or read or heard was just a combination of twenty-six different letters, that was one she still thought of, how twenty-six measly letters could make or break you. She had- not social anxiety-but the unwillingness to speak to others. Though it was with a dreadful phone call fears were swirled around and dumped in her lap. He'd been working for her dad two months now-thankfully she hadn't had a run in with him yet, as their recently retired housekeeper had dealt with him.
He'd started painting the house last week, peeling off the old and doing things she had no clue about first before he repainted in an exact replica color to what was previously there. She didn't know much of paint or of work and all she wanted was a quick exchange that would be over before it began. Five minutes seems like an eternity when you're waiting for it to flow past you, but also feels as if five seconds have sped past when you dread something that you must do. She spent longer then she should have thinking about what to wear- on how much makeup to apply to seem casual. On if she should wear shoes or not, or to shave.
She was overthinking, though it was nearly six and she knew it had to be done, along the pristine cold tiles she walked, small and clear foot impressions from where her skin pressed against the marble surface was left in her wake. He was out the back now, after only starting the painting yesterday and with the size of the house he'd be at it a week or two. She'd have to pay him for weeks regardless, so she would have to get used to this. Her palms sweat and the perspiration breaks out across her face and back too, the clear slide-in doors seemed deathly now, she felt the blood rush to her face, but these nervous symptoms can be put down to the excruciating heat that clouded around her. Her breath catches and stops, her lungs are held in a deathly grasp. Her feet slide into easy shoes before she steps outside, knowing that the ground would maim the souls of her feet. The money burned her hand and she hopes he wouldn't be able to tell of her sweat, though he'd see it on her. She tries not to shake and to swallow the debilitating knot that formed in her throat.
He was on the fifth step of a ladder, finishing off some detail around a window, all of his supplies had been stacked away and he was ready to go, nearly. All she could see was his near-black hair shine through the small gap in the cap he was wearing, under the sunglasses she could imagine the eyes-though the color eluded her, she hadn't given them much thought.
''Edward?''
The foreign voice caused his grip to tighten around the ladder, he glanced back, confused but imminently retreated back to land. ''Here's your money.'' Her face color darkens and he took the money, staring at her intently.
''Thank you, you're in my art class right? I didn't know you lived here.''
''Yeah um,'' she shook her head, they were in three classes together, though this fact wasn't one she felt she needed to address. ''I moved here a year before you.''
He subtly stared, trying to plant a name to the face he had never given much thought to apart from the obvious. She clearly knew him, though he knew the green-eyed brown haired girl staring at him in a rigid stance had no previous place in his life, a slightly familiar face from his friend's whispers with a distant thought of what happened. ''It's Bella, you can- probably don't know me, I'll uh, thanks, see you Monday.''
She ran back inside before anything else could be said but he thought about it, the name Bella didn't stand out and it's not a name you could forget. Though he did find it odd that he stood still with the image of her retreating form burned brightly into his memory.
She tried not to think much of it, pushing the memory from her mind by the time she'd had a shower and her phone rang.
''Bell honey when I get there you won't see your house once.''
''I leave sometimes, I'm leaving later.''
''I don't think Mike and food count, you're in and out with no social interaction. Go out and explore you hermit.'' Bella laughed, twisting her hair in a towel to dry. The same hollow and annoyingly burning ache she always felt in her chest when reminded of Mike returned.
''Well Rose, I'm leaving the house, aren't I? Why don't you move countries and make friends.''
''Hum, well I'll try, I think after two years I'd have a few anyway-''
''But-''
''Yes but 'I'm not like you, I can't speak to people' you speak to me and Jasper fine.''
''Shut up,'' It was easier for some people. ''You can't dictate my life until you arrive.''
''Oh yes, okay I agree I'm holding you to that.''
It was a mistake, Bella knew that yet said nothing.
''I had to pay the gardener today.''
''Oh dear baby Jesus what a travesty.'' Rose snorted. ''Hun grow a pair, would you? Couldn't have been that bad.''
Bella shakes her hair free from the towel and slowly begins to brush through the knots. ''He didn't even recognize me-so fucking awkward. I hate life I just can't, come down here already would you?'
''Be patient,'' You could hear Rose crushing into food on the phone line. ''just another two weeks and I'm down for good, we'll forget about Fred-''
Bella gagged. ''Don't even mention him.''
The eye roll was practically heard through the line and slapped Bella in the face. ''Fine, no mention of the F word. I'll find you a new guy anyway.''
''Rose no, I don't want shit from anyone.''
''I get you-fuck there's someone at the door-talk later?''
''If I'm alive.'' Her tone is joking, light and full of air, but her stare blank, eyes hard and chest knotted. It felt like an intense boredom, one that consumed and forced your whole body to scream out in protest to the painless anger of a nothingness that scares and cripples. There's an echo of the words 'love ya Hun' that bounce around her skull and allow her eyes to stick themselves open long enough for the air to force them to water.
Headphones are plugged in and music is blasted for the hairdryer to be turned on, she listens and the most amount of emotions she felt that wasn't just anxiety or heartbreak seemed to flow through her. Music could do that, she remembered. The music continues as she departs the three-story house down the gated driveway in a comical sense, the rusty old bike stood out among the copious amount of riches that surrounded her.
But it was familiar, the handlebars were digging into her palms and she loved it, she pressed harder as she passed the 'new' town before her. The path she walked but they never did, the places she hadn't exactly explored for loneliness consumed her. She passed the river she had once explored-and onto the fast food place she had now become a regular with.
The girl who usually works is there, her sagging eyes bulging from their sockets, lifeless straw hair. She had expressions Bella grew to be familiar with, she didn't look at her in the way everyone does-which gave her a strange comfort, their usual daily silent encounters were pointless-yet necessary for one who has no life-who silently craved interaction.
Maybe it wasn't her, perhaps it was this place that brought on the feeling of being in a cage, a room with shrinking walls that only grew smaller with each breath. It brought unease and anxiety, though this brief theory was crushed in one glance. As she left, as she cycled down by the river she forced herself to look into each passerby, a glance from mirrored green eyes, lit up with laughter as a group of friends bellowed past her on the opposite side of the small side street, forced her to realize laughter and happiness does reside here, specifically in Edward, who gazes over briefly in final recognition. She looks on and fights back feelings, feelings she cannot understand; she has passed them countless times but this is the first look and her fears are returned; now that he's noticed her, he can't help but stare.
Hello so I'm going to upload the first three chapters of this pretty fast and then see if people want it to be continued, if so it will be continued, so please review and let me know what you think, thank you! ;)xxx
-BATTM
