Chapter 1 Going Home

I wasn't special. I grew up being constantly reminded of that fact. Even though I've heard so often, it still hurts. Every day I would wish (I couldn't even bring myself to deny the childish action) that things would change, that the pain would stop . . . but it never did.

A new year at Hogwarts had begun. Proud parents watched their children board the train, and every face there seemed to radiate happiness. As I watched, a sick jolt of desperation struck my stomach, leaving me breathless for a moment. Where they all stupid? Did they think that of the refused to believe it, it would just go away? Just because they put on smiles and ignored it did not extinguish the fact that Lord Voldemort was back. The cruel, horrifying, fact. It was almost unbearable to watch people be so happy when this . . . this . . . horror was upon us. I could have screamed in frustration. Why didn't they believe Potter? How could they be so ignorant?

I pushed the feeling away, forcing my pain-riddled mind to concentrate on walking like a proper Malfoy. It was hard to walk straight with my back burning from my latest punishment but it was made slightly easier by the people unconsciously swerving out of my way, like I was some terrible disease they might catch if they come into contact with it. Misery settled in my gut, of course they didn't want to be near me, I'm Draco Malfoy, the arrogant jerk who doesn't care about anyone but himself.

'Even Draco says he's back –' 'Don't be stupid Pansy, Draco may be a talentless, heartless prat but he's not stupid!'

I turned round, catching sight of the two talking. Amusement ran through me. Talentless, was I? I guess that why he ended up with Madam Pomphery for 2 weeks the last time we had an argument. And heartless? Just because I turned down his offer for sex.

'Not interrupting, am I?' I drawled lightly from behind Pansy, smirking as she jumped. My two 'Best Friends', Pansy Parkinson and Theodore Nott, and when I say 'Best Friends' I mean fellow classmates that I spend my time around in public. I should have known.

Pansy at least had the decency to look ashamed, Theo on the other hand was a whole different story. I was quite impressed. He looked down at me calmly with his deep blue eyes, smiled and replied:

'Not at all Draco, how was your summer?'

He had grown a lot over the summer and the 2 inches he now had on me was remarkably irritating. I decided to let him comment slide though, bringing it up would only make him believe that he had bothered me and Malfoy's never got bothered. However, I'd get my revenge soon.

Pansy had changed dramatically since the last time I seen her. She had gained a side-fringe which covered most of her left eye and a thick layer of make-up had appeared on her visible skin. I couldn't help but smirk at the pathetic attempt to make herself prettier, but in all honesty, I did think it was an improvement, the more of her face was covered the better. She's have her glamour up as soon as we arrived at Hogwarts.

We met up with Crabbe, Goyle and Blaise Zabini (they now all towered over me, except for Pansy) and they exchanged summer memories as we walked towards the train. I didn't feel up for sharing my summer just yet so I listened patiently to Pansy's long-winded story about her holiday to Florida, nodding in all the right places. Just as I was building up the will-power to get on board, I saw two almost mystical blue eyes staring at me. I forgot what I was doing and stared right back, forgetting my manners. A girl with dirty blonde hair and a thin but pleasant face was staring straight at me . . . surly not . . . a friend of hers must be behind me or something, but just as I went to turn away she smiled.

At me.

I was numb with shock, why would someone smile at me? Why would anyone want to smile at me? I couldn't help the small, quizzical smile back at her and the slight blush that rose into my cheeks before I could stop it; she seemed to beam at me before the smoke swallowed her. It was imaginary, surly, a fragment of my imagination but even so a thrill of hope swelled in my chest. Maybe I wasn't hated that much after all, but who was she? I went to go after her but Pansy's arm suddenly yanked me on board and all I could think about was the sudden surge of pain ripping my muscle apart. Someone rammed into my other arm and fire raced up it as well, Pansy was still pulling at my other. I was trapped. I tried to yank it out of her grip but I only succeeded in angering her further causing her to jerk me around a corner. My arm bent awkwardly and I heard a small crack, lost in the racket inside the train.

I could barely breathe; I was scared that if I did I might have screamed, in the sudden pain. I couldn't think straight! The change was so quick and so sudden, from curiosity about a now meaningless girl to this agony that I almost tripped over Pansy's feet in front of me in her effort to keep me moving.

'Over here!' Came Goyle's surprisingly soft voice.

Finally! We managed to get an empty compartment, (Goyle chased two second-years out of it) and I hurried in, managing to shake Pansy's hand from me. I let out a small whimper of pain as the blood returned to my arm and I knew that Pansy had broken it. My friends didn't seem to notice my moment of weakness for which I was incredibly grateful for. The bandages on my back rubbed painfully against the sensitive skin there as I put up my trunk, and something hot and wet ran down it. I clenched my jaw shut to prevent another lapse of weakness. Damn, I'd have to change the bandages again at Hogwarts. I sat down quickly, hoping that it hadn't stained through on my shirt. I thanked Merlin that I had worn black today. I tucked my arm carefully around my stomach, trying not to jostle it. I sighed unhappily.

Voldemort showed as much consideration for me as he did far any of his death-eaters, these gashes and bruises was a reminder from him that I was soon to join his ranks. I don't think I've ever hated someone so much in my life. Why did my father think I'd want to serve that- that thing? I suppose my father didn't care, did he? As long as the Dark Lord was happy, I didn't matter. Frustration lifted its ugly head and began to thrash inside my chest; I knew it wouldn't be contained for long.

My attention was caught by a large group of redheads outside, they were impossible not to notice; The Weasly's. With Potter and Granger alongside them. They were other strangers there to and I knew they were probably there to protect Potter. I rolled my eyes, what did they think? That He would just turn up here, out in the open? Reveal himself when the Ministry of Magic was conveniently ignoring his return? No, the Dark Lord was much smarter than that.

I could just about make them out through the thick smoke. I caught a glimpse of a huge, black dog almost tossing Potter to the ground and my Father's voice rung vividly through my head. Sirus Black, Potter's Godfather. I felt a huge surge of jealously and desire thunder through my veins, leaving me numb for a second. Potter had people who cared, who loved him, who would risk everything just to see him off at the Platform 9 and ¾ and I had no one. I immediately felt furious with myself. It ran through my body like lava, burning ever other emotion out of my system. This just made me angrier. Potter always made me feel . . . like . . . well . . . like this. He always brought out this reaction, this sudden rush of intense emotion and I hated him for it. Malfoy's weren't supposed to show emotion. Emotion is a weakness. Loathing swelled up in my chest and I glared at the back of his head hatefully, as though hoping it would burn a hole through his head if I glared hard enough. I watched as the Golden Trio jumped onto the train as the whistle sounded. Watched as they waved happily to the Weasly family as the train shuddered to life. Watched as the animagus bounded after the train until my eyes started to tingle uncomfortably.

'Come on Draco, we have to go to the Prefect's compartment.' Pansy's shrill voice broke through my pondering. Damn I'd forgotten. Irritation itched at the back of mind. We could off just went to the Prefect's compartment, but no, Pansy thought it would be fun to fucking break my arm trying to find this one. I got up silently furious and followed her out, pausing to watch the platform go out of sight. A small smile graced my features and even through my anger I couldn't help but think; it was good to be going home.

The Prefect's compartment was extremely spacious, obviously enchanted with an undetectable extension charm. There seemed to be four sections, one with each house colour decorating the area. We were the first ones there, so we took our seats and waited.

After a while of awkward silence, Pansy leaned up against my uninjured arm, clinging to it with her sticky, manicured hands, obviously not understanding the term 'personal space'. Disgust welled up inside me, why was the only one who wanted to touch me her?

'I've missed you.' She breathed. I suppose it was supposed to sound seductive, but bile was already rising in my throat.

'I guess that's why I got all those letters from you during the summer then.' I replied scarcastically.

But this didn't seem to stump her in the slightest. I felt one of her hands trail down my arm and onto my thigh, her lips touched my neck.

This was getting ridiculous, anyone could walk in at any moment. I lifted her hand not unkindly and removed it from my leg, turning my head to get her to stop molesting my neck.

'Now is hardly the time for that, Pansy.' I said coldly. Couldn't she take a hint?

'Later then?' she replied. I guess not.

I was saved (not that I'd ever admit it) by none other than Weasly and Granger, who slide open the compartment door at that exact moment causing Pansy retreated back to her own seat.

To say I was surprised would be an understatement. I thought for sure that Dumbledore would choose Potter as a prefect, Weasly didn't seem to me as Prefect material, but I suppose neither did Potter. From the look on his face I could tell he was thinking the same thing about me.

'Malfoy!' he said. Shock engraved onto every line of his face.

I smirked; he literally just walks into it. Granger looked round and stared for a moment.

'Well done, Weasly. Did the Mudblood have to remind you of my name? Or are you just that dim?' I sneered at him. Pansy let out an unnaturally high-pitched laugh, almost making me wince.

I felt slightly guilty about calling Granger a 'Mudblood' I knew she was better than that, but it felt so good to let my frustration out on Weasly and I knew that calling her that would anger him. His reaction made it even better. His ears turned bright red and his teeth clenched together, he was so easy to rill up. How had Potter ever chosen him over me?

'Don't you dare –' he started, taking a step towards me, his hand reaching into his pocket for his wand.

'Stop Ron, he's not worth it!' Granger said. She threw me a scathing look before taking her seat. Weasly remained standing, glaring at me for a moment. I raised an eyebrow challengingly before he threw himself down in the chair next to Granger and looked determinedly out the window.

I hated to admit it but Granger was impressive. At least Potter showed some taste in his friends. Ever since she'd punched me in 3rd year, I had gained this uncontrollable respect for her. My thoughts turned to Potter. I wondered what he was doing without his trusty side-kicks to chat to?

The others followed almost immediately so I had no time to taunt them further.

Professor Mc Gonagall voice, which was usually very good at keeping the attention of the one being addressed, was easy to block out today.

'. . . as Prefect's you are able to give out detentions but only to those who deserve it . . .'

I couldn't help but yawn.

'. . . if I find any of you abusing your position . . .'

Was it me or was it getting much darker in here?

' . . . Your first assignment is . . .'

My arms and legs began to feel very heavy, the only thing keeping me awake was the stinging in my left arm, but it too was slowly fading . . .

Mc Gonagall's voice was becoming fainter and fainter . . .

'Draco!' Came the furious whisper in my ear. I jumped, my head jerking to the side and causing my broken arm to bang against the arm of the chair. My jaw locked. Pansy was so close to my face, I couldn't really make out much else.

'Come on, the meetings over, we have to go! I can't believe you fell asleep, what is wrong with you? Come on!' She raged.

She made a grab for my arm again, but I hit hers out of the way before she could do any more damage.

'I wasn't asleep! And don't touch me! I'm very capable of walking on my own Pansy.' I growled, before pushing her out of the way. Why on earth did I make friends with her? I could just tell that she was huffing behind me. Couldn't she grow up?

I made my way back to our compartment, passing Cho Chang coming the opposite direction, she walked right into my injured arm, as though on purpose. It took all my self-control not to shout at her right there.

'Watch were your going!' I shot, my anger barely contained. She blushed and mumbled something to her feet, before glancing shyly up at me through her lashes and smiling. I blinked.

What on earth was happening? Did I look different? Has everyone lost their minds? I was so confused. This again brought back the memory of the smiling blonde girl. Everyone was acting so strange. I wonder if she knew Chang?

I knew as I sat down that I'd still have my traditional visit to Potter's compartment to look forward to, but for now I enjoyed the banter between Theo, Blaise and Pansy about Quidditch. I didn't join in, knowing that if I did I'd only argue with one of them.

'Come on Draco, back me up.' Blaise said, looking at me hopelessly. I gave a small smile.

'This is your own battle, Blaise.' I said. He rolled his eyes muttering under his breath something that sounded like 'git' and fondness gushed up inside me and I remembered why they were my friends again.

Some things never change.

The closer we got to Hogwarts, the faster my heart began to race. I resisted the urge to jump up and whoop for joy as the train stopped. I left my friends far behind as I got off, still holding my injured arm to my stomach I set off towards the carriages. The air was cool and calming against my face and the slight drizzle felt like Heaven on my skin. No one bothered me, it was easy to walk through the crowd to an empty carriage, and as I got closer a genuine smile leaked onto my face.

The threstals were really quite beautiful. With their gleaming black fur and peaceful demeanour, I loved being around them, it made me feel like time had stopped for a moment. I've been able to see them since first year, there mystical white eyes glowing through the darkness suddenly reminded me of the blonde girl's eyes staring through the smoke and almost as if by magic I saw the same hair disappear into another carriage out of the corner of my eye. I stared for a minute, hoping the girl might show herself unaware that I was stroking the silky fur of the creature's neck.

'Who is she?' I whispered to it, turning back to face it. I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity. The first sign of madness, talking to animals. I turned back and caught Potter staring at where my arm was stroking, his incredibly green eyes met mine quizzically. Even through the space between us I could see that they were green. The most intense green I'd ever seen.

But why was he looking at me like that, and with a pang of pity I realised that he could see them now, he had seen Diggory die. Potter had been through a lot, too much. I disguised my pity as a glare and raised eyebrow which was returned with a look of pure loathing and disappointment? I guess he was still sour about the incident on the train.

'Draco, what are you doing?' Theo's smooth voice said. I hastily dropped my arm and turned round, trying to push back the embarrassment.

'Waiting of all of you of course. What took you so long?' I replied.

'Not all of us are as fast as you mate.' said Blaise, 'and what's up with your arm? You've been clutching it all day.'

They all looked at me curiously, except Crabbe and Goyle who looked like they hadn't understood a word of what Blaise had said, must have been too big a sentence for them.

'Nice of you to worry, but nothing's wrong.' I straightened my arm, trying to keep my face casual. I must have failed though because a suddenly concerned looking Blasie lifted my arm gently and began to pull back the sleeve. The others crowded round and I felt blood rush to my cheeks.

'Just- just leave it- it's nothing . . . really . . .' my pathetic excuse was lost as they saw the huge black and blue bruise around the swollen fragment of arm that used to be my elbow. I was even a bit shocked at the damage.

There was a moment of silence.

'Fuck Draco, this looks broken! What happened?' Blaise questioned giving me an appalled look. The others seemed to have lost interest and where now boarding the carriage. Blaise was my only true friend, I knew I could count on him for anything, but I still hadn't told him about my 'lessons'.

'It's nothing, really!' I added, seeing the look on his face, ' Madam Pomphery can heal it when we get to Hogwarts.'

'Then what's these?' he said. I glanced down and I felt dread sink down into my stomach followed by panic racing through my heart.

He had noticed the small white scars on my wrist, five of them now shown clearly in the strange light. All the carriages suddenly started to move and I jumped on board, glad to take my arm back. Blaise was right behind me. I took my seat and watched as Hogwarts slowly came into view. I could tell Blaise was looking at me but I didn't want to talk right now. How was I going to explain that my wrists where cut by the chains my father put on me while teaching? How could I suddenly tell my deepest darkest secret to the world? The answer was simple.

I couldn't. Inside my head it was safe, outside . . . if I ever told . . . I couldn't even think about the staring and whispering that would happen. I wouldn't be able to handle it. They'd all think I was dirty, a monster. They'd ignore me worse than ever and I don't think I could survive if Blaise stopped talking to me.

Why did I have to be me?

Well that's the start. It took my 6 days to write this so you better review, please? Wow, re-reading it makes me sad, why am I even putting this up? Oh yeah, because I love DRARRY! Oh and if you don't like Drarry then please don't read. Thank you! Oh and this is not Draco/Luna. Luna belongs with Neville but Luna does come into the story soon . . .