DOUGIE POV
He makes me feel worthless
Like he keeps finding all my faults
He punishes me for not being perfect
Says he is only teaching me a lesson
I look at myself in the mirror and see
the cuts,the bruises ,the scars will always
be there .I hate what we have become ,we
used to be so loving,so caring,so respectful,
and then out of the blue when I arrived back from
Tom's he flew into a rage and everything changed
I don't know what to do anymore.
"Doug,are you home?",my boyfriend Harry calls
"In the kitchen"
He comes in and shuts the door behind him "So how was your day?"he kindly asks with a small smile upon his face but something does not feel right at all,what have I done to upset him this time "It was okay"
"Work finished two hours ago but when I tried ringing you there was no answer"
"I was getting a shower"
"Have you spoken to Tom at all?"
"We had small talk just before we were called but that's it.I just want to be cuddled up to you on sofa whilst watching a film,your all I care about,your all that matters .I have made so many sacrifices for you"
"Will you marry me?"
"I'm not sure I'm ready for that"
He pushed me up againist the wall "I'm not enough for you anymore,why can't you just admit it .Tom is the one your in love with".Tom and have shared a kiss but no futher than that as I pushed him away ,since then nothing has been kisses me roughly on my lips,this is different,its also new ,am so scared so I try to make my way to the backdoor as I know it is unlocked but he manages to stop me.
"He's just a friend"
He pulls the bell from my trousers and pulls them down along with my boxers "Harry please",this is not meant to happen ,not without my consent but arguing with him will actually make it so much worse.
"Get your shoes off"
"But I"
"JUST DO IT",so I step out of them and he pushes me face down onto the kitchen table "I'll do anything for you,I love you"I cry in a last desperate bid to attempt to stop then shoved into me ,no warning,and no preparation and I scream but he just thrust into me and its harder and faster each time ,am crying and it hurts so much.
Harry finishes inside of me and kisses me gently on my cheek which makes me flinch "Goodnight my love"he bitterly smiles and heads off upstairs to the bedroom that we have shared for three years,I hate what he is now and he can't see it ,he never will.I get my boxers and my trousers back on then my shoes and I grab my coat that is there and silently walk out of the back door,the door is now locked.I ran and ran until I reach my friends house and ring the doorbell.
"Dougie"Tom says in shock as he answers the front door
"I'm bleeding,he made me bleed"I say quietly whilst staring down so he moves closer to me and tilts my head so that I am facing him.
"What did he do?"
"It hurts"
"Did he take a knife to you?"
"He raped me"
"I can't hear you"
"He raped me"
Tom let out a strangled sound "He raped you"he repeated very slowly
I just nodded "I'll fucking kill him" and he started to move but I grab hold of his arm "Don't,it will anger him more ,he'll do it again".
"Time for you to come inside from the cold yes"
"The blood needs to be washed"
He puts his arm around me to help me in "We will clean it off",he shuts his door and led me up to the bathroom."You need to take off your clothes,do you need help?"
"I do",he gently takes off my top,my shoes and then he removes my trousers and my boxers,he gasps "It hurts so much"I whisper
"Shh,your going to get better",he guided me to the bath and sits me turns on the shower ,waits a few seconds ,he puts his hand under the water to test it and asks me to do the same "Colder please"
"Okay,sure",he turns it down "How about now?" he asks me
"Its fine"
He sprayed the water over my back gently ,the water comes into contact where it hurts the most ,feel like I am on fire ,its soothing to make it a little bit better and it washes away the blood that was spilled by 's hands were really gentle which makes me feel safe,comfortable,he would never do anything to hurt me.I choke out a sob,the shower gets turned off ,Tom puts his arms around me.
"Why are you so lovely to me I don't deserve this,I am so worthless I couldn't stop my own boyfriend from raping me",Tom kisses me on my forehead
"You would have done if it was possible,your not worthless not to me,not to should have told us about the abuse ,you don't deserve this"
"Yes I do,told him I wasn't ready to marry him"
"Don't believe that for one second that you deserved this"he said a bit too loudly that made me jump a little
"He said he just wanted me to lrean,he loves me"
"I love you ,I would never use violence ,or rape to teach you a lesson"
"What?"
"Erm,there's still blood on you"
The next day
I stayed over at Tom's overnight ,slept in his pjs that were a bit too big for me and we cuddled,can't quite believe that he loves me,after breakfast I put on some sweats and make my way back to the house to pack my stuff and to end things with Harry.I walk in confidently through the door ,and grab a suitcase and start throwing my clothes in "What are you doing?"Harry demands
"I'm leaving you"
"Why?"
"I don't like what you have become,you have abused me ,have controlled me and you raped me"
"I didn't rape you"
"I was asking you to stop,was crying and screaming but you continued"
"I'm sorry"
"Sorry isn't good enough.I am a shawdow of how I used to be and I have you to thank for that"
"I love you so much"
"I love you too and that is why I have to go.I can't watch you damage yourself anymore"
"You have nowhere else to go"
"A friend offered me a place",his jaw dropped,I close the suitcase and grab the bag of my dvds and books.I leave behind anything that will remind me of being trapped here.
"Goodbye Harry" and I walked outside straight into the taxi that took me back to Toms.
