I almost drop the bottle when Steve walks in on me.
This wasn't suppose to happen.
Goddammit this wasn't suppose to happen!

"Steve listen I- I'm sorry."
I know it sounds pathetic but so what? That's what I am.
"I just, um, shit Steve, just- please don't leave."

I don't know what's worse. Steve leaving or him staring at me like that.
Staring at me with so much disappointment I feel filthy and need a shower in boiling water to wash it all away.

"Here look I'll- I'm pouring it now. Okay? See look Steve there it goes down the drain!"
Still no reaction.
fuck

"I'm sorry."
I know it's not enough but it's all I got.

"I need to go."

No, nononoonnononononono please no!

"Steve!"
Before I realize what I'm doing I'm suddenly across the room gripping Steve's arm like a life line.
Truth be told, he sort of is for me.
"Let me go Tony."
"No!"
"Tony I swear to god if you don't I'll- fuck! I don't know but you won't like it!"
"Anything's better than you walking out that door right now."
I hate how small my voice sounds right now but I can't help it.
And if it gets Steve to stay I'll continue with it.

"No Tony the best thing right now is for me to walk out that door."

I can feel the burn of tears building up along with a lump forming in my throat.
"Please."
Steve for a second looks like he will say okay. He'll stay. He will come in, sit on the couch, maybe cuddle me and tell me it's going to be alright.
I know it's not going to happen and that's only a dream now.
I'm aware there is no chance of Steve forgiving me this time.
"I'm sorry Steve."

It in that moment I see Steve snap. No more like feel it happen because I'm now sprawled out on the floor by Steve shoving me.
"Sorry is not good enough Tony! Not anymore!"
I try to keep the tears from flowing but it's becoming unbearable.
"You can't keep doing this to me! I can't watch this continue! Tony what's wrong with you?"
I can see the pain in Steve's face loud and clear.
It burns me with guilt and I feel like absolute shit.
"What happened to staying clean for me?!"
I can't find a response and a tear slips down my cheek.
"Tony you promised me! You promised me I wouldn't find you like this again!"
Once the tears start I can't control them anymore. They flow against my will and there's nothing I can do to stop.

Steve has stopped yelling but he looks like he's having trouble staying quiet.
I can't breathe and I realized I'm about to have a panic attack.
I try to force myself to calm down but now I'm sobbing.
Steve looks disgusted.
Steve leaves.
Steve doesn't come back

I grab a bottle.


ahahahahahahahaaa fuck happy endings