\Title: Masquerade
Chapter 1: breakdown
Author's Note: Hey all readers I had a fun time writing this emo fic, with many thanks to my friend who wants to be acknowledged for doing the vetting for this story. So I hope you have fun reading it, with of course appropriate responses, haha.
Disclaimer: CLAMP owns ccs which is cool, but I own my tub of Ben and jerry's ice cream which is cooler!! Haha get it!! I know that was totally lame, but if you suffered trauma because of it, I can assure you the rest of the story is not that taxing on your 'lame jokes' radar.
The breeze moved through the trees, and fanned across the faces of two young ladies talking excitedly. The wind lifted the tendrils of their hair, as they laughed in delighted tones, occasionally covering their blushing faces with the elegant fans imported from China.
It was getting boring, and the wind was contemplating about moving on, before it heard something interesting.
The girl in the blue dress, and heavy makeup said, 'Hey have you heard, the new heir of the Kinomoto kingdom is finally making an appearance after living in seclusion for seventeen years! Can you believe it, he's inviting everyone girl in the kingdom, it is obvious that there're looking for a bride for him. You want to take your chances there?'
The other girl who wore a cheap perfume, which seemed to clog up your sense of smell with its heavy flowery scent, answered 'Of course! There's no better chance. How does he look though? Is he…ugly?' She cringed slightly.
'The thought! Didn't you see the posters they put up? He's…very good looking…well, he's very pretty; he has a sort of grace, and charisma. You can just imagine him sweeping you off your feet with those brilliant green eyes… And I swear I haven't seen such a shade of auburn before, it looks so soft, his hair that is…he's every girl's perfect prince charming!' The first girl exclaimed.
'Ooooh, he sounds so dreamy… what's his name?'
'Touya Kinomoto.'
The wind carried this conversation back to the prince, as he stood on the balcony enjoying the afternoon breeze. A slight smile was playing across his lips, as he leaned his elbows upon the rail, and he closed his eyes, listening to the conversation that was in actual fact, being carried hundreds of miles to the palace.
He tilted his head back, and let the wind caress his auburn hair. As he recalled Windy back into the card again, the wind died down instantaneously. This was one of the few places he could actually be himself; it was his sanctuary from his responsibility.
The sunlit balcony was her refuge from being Touya. He was actually a She. She was Sakura Kinomoto, currently masquerading as her brother, who ran away from the palace when he was a kid with the chief mage's son, Yukito. There had been a great search for him of course, but only in the dead of the night. The happy citizens of the kingdom need not know of the crisis that involved their beloved prince going missing, or rather, had escaped from the palace.
The secret police were dispatched to bring the young prince back, and spies all over the countries were alerted, but to no avail. The only lead was that he was sighted along the coast of Shinko before he seemed to disappear altogether.
With Touya's disappearance, the kingdom was left without an heir, and seclusion was declared. The palace would live apart from the common people, and for seventeen years this was so. Though Fujitaka claimed it was to help the Nadeshiko recover from her deadly illness, and the child she was carrying was announced to have died, in actual fact the child did live; but it was unfortunately a girl when they needed a boy. Thus, she was trained into becoming Touya Kinomoto, and hence Sakura Kinomoto did not exist.
She was living someone else's life, while her brother ran off, leaving her to clean up the mess he created, saddling her with this responsibility even before she was born.
Damn him. Damn it all.
She hated him. She hated him for his absolute selfishness, for his reckless behavior, for his courage. Truly, she did. Yet sometimes in the middle of the night, when she was all alone in her bed, staring up at the dark ceiling, with a sense of being suspended in space, the inky darkness closing in ever so slowly on her...
She admired him, for his absolute selfishness, for his reckless behavior, for his courage. She could understand his desire to flee the palace, to be rid of the critical eyes in the palace that tracked your every move, evaluating your worth as heir. They were more binding than chains could ever be, but she had been taught how to wriggle out of chains, for with her flexible and lithe body, it was an easy trick to master. Yet chains could restrict your movement and though your imagination could fly over the sea, out of the chains; but those cold hard eyes, kept you there, killing you slowly, softly but surely.
She would have gone mad if not for the cards; they looked like an ordinary playing deck, but if you looked carefully, you would see a thin line running down the middle, and if you were smart, you would wonder why it was there. If you were perceptive enough, you would realize that the outside of the card could be peeled off like a sticker, revealing the ancient cards. These were cards of such power that many had been unable to wield it, and a prophecy of such darkness that many had been afraid to unleash it. However, Sakura didn't know that. They were her only friends in this crazy, lonely world.
She sighed, and wondered about the upcoming ball. It was held for the specific purpose of introducing Touya Kinomoto to the world, after their long period of seclusion. Many important rulers, and more importantly, the people behind the rulers would be coming, with all the ladies of the kingdom of course. That was an added feature, an incentive for the other princes to come and flirt with all the pretty ladies assembled there.
She had no interest in that.
Her role was to be the perfect prince. Charming, gentlemanly, confident, well-educated and well updated on the current affairs, be it fashion or politics.
She smiled bitterly. She would make a good actor someday, for she had fooled people for seventeen whole years, and she had played the role of Touya kinomoto to perfection.
And, she was, in fact, very, very tired.
She could feel her smile slipping from her face, her jaw muscles relaxing. Her face now reflected what she truly felt inside: despair and numbness. It was as if the afternoon sun darkened with her mood, as she slowly sank to her knees, a wave of exhaustion overwhelmed her.
It had been two days since she last slept, preparing for the ball, and making sure her attire was ready, as well as practising her swordplay and all the other stuff princes are supposed to be good at. Her mind was stuffed with all the latest news, what scandals had happened, which country was facing drought, as well as who was the man behind the spineless king of Hokkario.
She couldn't take it anymore.
She could feel her mask slipping, her façade falling to pieces.
In that hot and lonely afternoon, the princess masquerading as the prince sat down and hugged her legs to her chest feeling very alone. She began to cry, as she stuffed her fist into her mouth; she could feel her numbness slipping away, to be replaced by the heart wrenching pain of this moment. Hot silent tears trickled down her face, and the huge gulping sobs came and once again took away her pain, washed away by the tears.
It came again, like the waves, high tide or low tide; it did not matter, not anymore.
She was crying tears…tears that princesses don't cry.
Far off, she heard someone calling her name, she stood up slowly. The tears stopped, and she stepped back into the palace, returning to her reality. She was now a He.
He stopped in front of a mirror and brushed his hair tidily, there were no tears stains on his face, and it was as if he had never wept so brokenly a few seconds ago. A charming smile in place, he swept into the hall. The maids greeted him with a low bow, and he returned them with the empty courtier smile.
No one heard her crying inside. No one heard her heart breaking, and mending, breaking and mending, and breaking and mending.
They only saw her smile. Her beautiful smile that meant nothing, nothing at all.
Author's Note: this first glorious first chapter has finally ended many thanks again to my sweetfriend for vetting it.
