Hello everyone, it's me the Bio-Devil. I'm here with a new story about Gravity Falls! This is a story that I've been working on for a while now and finally I have enough to at least start it. Now the story will be switching between Bio-Devil style comedy to dark Noir-like themes (I'll be rating this story M just in case those themes are too dark), and sometimes a combination of both. Also keep in mind this is an AU where Wierdmageddon never happened so most changes prior to Wierdmageddon have never happened. For example; the Northwests are still filthy rich and Rumble McSkirmish still holds a grudge against Dipper.

Now here's the prologue to get everyone an idea of what is going to be happening within this story.

I hope you all enjoy it!


Prologue

A custom red muscle car drove down the road towards Seattle. There was no top on the car, at least none anyone could find, and the three men sitting inside were visible to anyone who caught a glimpse of them. In the driver's seat was a young blonde man that wore a red leather trench coat, a black shirt, black leather pants, a studded leather belt, black combat boots, and large sunglasses over his eyes. Next to him was a man with a brown leather jacket, red shirt, white cargo pants, brown leather shoes, and an old faded baseball cap on his head. Behind the two of them was another young man in a yellow and black pyramid themed suit, his wild blonde hair covered his left eye and a black top hat was on top of his head. Since the last one had the entire backseat to himself, he decided to lay across the entire back seat with his arms resting behind his head in a relaxed state. Which was instantly disturbed when the driver hit a pothole and the man in yellow and black nearly bounced out of the car.

"Watch where you're driving, Axel!" the yellow man exclaimed.

"I am!" Axel exclaimed gesturing to the road that he was in fact facing.

"Well, then avoid the potholes! I nearly bounced out of the car!"

"Will, you wouldn't bounce out of the car if you wore your seatbelt," the passenger deadpanned.

"Boss, if I put my seatbelt on then I can't lay back like this," Will explained before mumbling; "Stupid human body…"

"Hey, Will," Axel began. "I got a great idea! How 'bout you sit up straight and buckle up!"

"I got better idea, Axe! How 'bout you drive better and avoid the speedbumps!"

"Like this one?!" Axel jerked the wheel to the side and ran over a speedbump causing the car and Will to bounce.

"That's it!" Will exclaimed as his eye turned black, and his hair and clothes turned dark red. He threw his arm around Axel's neck and forced it to cling to the back of his seat. Will began to squeeze his arm in an attempt to strangle the red cladded driver. Axel retaliated by reaching backwards and grabbing the back of Will's jacket and with no effort whatsoever he lifted Will off of his seat and threw him onto his lap. Will didn't let his new position stop his assault and he punched Axel in the face. Axel let go of the steering wheel and he fought back. He grabbed Will by the neck and began punching him in the face as well. They began to trade blows in a savage manner with no care of how the car was swerving in the street.

The "Boss" just sat in his seat and groaned loudly as his two companions kept fighting. Boss grabbed the steering wheel and steered the car away from the path of an oncoming truck. Axel and Will continued their petty brawl, now just holding onto each other's throats and trying to out strangle each other. It was starting to annoy the Boss. He grabbed Will's head and slammed it into the steering wheel. Will groaned, Axel laughed but was cut off when the Boss slammed Will's head into Axel's disorienting them both. Boss threw Will into the backseat and sent Axel there as well; and then he hopped into the driver's seat and corrected their course before anyone took notice or called the police. Axel and Will sat up in the backseat and brushed off their clothing, both of them were miraculously unharmed and Will's appearance reverted back to normal.

"Now here's what's going to happen next," the Boss stated irritated. "You two are going to sit down and behave until we reach Seattle. Understand?"

"Oh, we understand, Big D," Axel stated as he hopped into the passenger seat. "There just isn't a good chance of us listening." Big D groaned loudly in defeat as he focused on driving down the road. The tension quickly died down, Axel leaned out the passenger door and watched the moving scenery and Will returned to his laid back position and watched the sky fly by.

"Boss," Will began.

"What?"

"I'm bored."

"What do you want me to do about it?!"

"Can you turn on the radio?" Axel suggested.

"It's still broken from our last "business trip"."

"Well what am I supposed to do until we get to Seattle?"

"How about you make sure we have everything in the bag," Boss replied trying not to snap at Will.

"'In the bag'? What do you mean?"

"Check to make sure we have everything in the duffle bag!"

"...What duffle bag?"

"...The duffle bag with all our stuff in it. It's big, long, green, and should be back there."

"There ain't no bag back here, Boss." It was quiet for a moment. And it was not pleasant.

"Axel…" Big D finally said in an unnerving tone that completely blew over the two passengers.

"Yeah, Big D?"

"I told you to load the bag into the car."

"No, you told me not to touch the bag."

"I told you not to touch what was inside the bag. I figured I could trust you to load it into the car!"

"Well, what do you want me to do?! Stay away from the bag or touch it? Make up your mind!"

"Axel, all of our equipment was in that bag! We need it for this job!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Woah, woah, guys, chill out!" Will exclaimed grabbed the edge of their seats.

"Yeah, Big D! I mean aren't you always packing?!"

"I only have four clips on me, that's not going to last!"

"Boss, relax!" Will exclaimed. "We've done a lot harder jobs, with a lot less. We'll be fine."

"You don't know that! All it takes is one mistake and we're screwed!" Big D accentuated his point by punching the radio hard and making it vomit sparks out of the disc player. Now it was really broken. Will and Axel stayed silent while Big D just brooded as he drove down the highway.

"You're mean today!" Will exclaimed, breaking the silence with a mock look of hurt on his face.

"Yeah, Big D," Axel replied slightly concerned. "You've been on edge recently. What's going on?"

"...*Huff*... It's my sister… She's moving back into town soon…"

"And that's bad…?" Axel asked.

"No, it's not bad… it's just that… *sigh*... I don't want her to get involved with my work. And my sister is going to want to spend time with me whenever and however she can and that might mean she'll want to tag along to our little trip like this."

"Is that such a bad thing?" Axel asked. "I mean you two went on little adventures all the time when you guys were kids."

"That was different! Sure they may have been dangerous but they were still… innocent in a sense, not like nowadays… Especially not with what we're going to do when we get to Seattle!"

"Boss… does your sister know what you do for a living?"

"She… has a basic idea…"

"Oh, come on, Boss!"

"Don't give me that crap, Will! It's better that she doesn't know everything, she's not going to like the… regular tasks of my job."

"Big D, she definitely isn't going to like the fact that you've been basically been lying to her about everything." Axel explained.

"I have not been lying to her! I just haven't told her the whole truth. Look can we forget about my sister for now! We're getting close to Seattle, we need more equipment before we can get to work. I know we've faced a lot worse with a lot less but it wouldn't hurt to be a little more prepared. So do either of you know a place to get reequipped here?"

"I do," Will stated. "Give me the wheel."

The car, now driven by Will, headed into the shady area of the city and pulled up to what looked like a shabby pawn shop. The three walked inside; Big D and Axel had their hands in their pockets while Will walked in brandishing a black walking cane. The inside was filled with shelves and crates filled with random junk including sports equipment, electronics, appliances, instruments, and everything and anything. The man at the counter at the far end of the store was middle aged, had a balding head with frizzy hair surrounding the area around his slightly covered dome. He had a gigantic ugly, caterpillar pasted to his lip that seemed to wiggle while he was reading his newspaper. Big D didn't waste any time, he walked up to the counter to talk to the owner and pulled Will over with him, Axel instantly went over to the instruments.

"Afternoon gents," the man said standing up. "Name's Ignacy Gutierrez but please, call me Iggy. And you are?"

"I'm Mason," Big D replied. "This my friend Will and Axel is the one drooling over that bass you have." Axel was indeed staring hungrily at the bass Iggy had on display for a couple thousand dollars. "We're not buying it, Axel! So don't even start." Axel let out a whimper, sounding like a sad puppy and slumped over to the counter with Mason and Will.

"Anything in particular you boys are looking for?" Iggy asked a bit annoyed that he couldn't get them to buy the bass.

"We're in need of, "supplies", and I've been told you can help us with it." Iggy looked at Mason. They kept serious faces before Iggy grew a smile and reached for something under his desk. Suddenly all windows were covered with steel sliders and the room went dark for a second. When the lights were turned on, Mason, Axel, and Will watched as gun racks popped out of the walls and ceilings. The guns varied from tiny pistols that can easily be hidden from any security force to big silenced sniper rifles perfect for any quick and untraceable murderers.

"So," Iggy said with a nasty smile on his face. "How can I help a couple of paying troublemakers such as yourselves."

"Ammo," Mason replied calmly. ".50 Caliber, .44 Magnum, .45 Colt, and 12 Gauge."

"How much you want?"

"As much as you've got." Iggy gave Mason a disbelieving look. Mason reached into his coat and placed a thick stack of money onto the counter making Iggy's eyebrows shoot up.

"That's a lot of money," Iggy stated dumbfounded. "I'm afraid to ask where you got it."

"It's better if you don't."

"I will take your word for it." Iggy got up and went into the back. He came back bringing a couple of metal boxes with him. He grabbed Mason's stack and skimmed through it. "This should cover it," he said. Mason knew he was lying just so he could keep the whole thing but he didn't care. He and Axel grabbed the boxes holding the ammo they were going to use, Will didn't use firearms so he didn't need ammo. As they turned around and left Iggy called out to them to get more purchases. "I got plenty of other underground stuff if you guys want it. Fireworks, Drugs, Pornography, you name it! Hey, I got this special piece of work that's really popular, I can guarantee you that the girl is barely twelve!" That got their attention. The trio stopped at the entrance of Iggy's store. Axel and Mason dropped the metal boxes and the three of them walked to Iggy, Mason sporting a stone face and Axel and Will trying to hold back their giddy smiles.

"That's more like it, they cost 40 bucks each. But I can be flexible on the price." Mason took the video and looked it over. The case was the color of cardboard and it had the words "Guilty Pleasure" written in sharpie. Naturally none of the content would be on the case or the disc but that usually wasn't a good thing. "You guarantee the "starlet's" age?" Mason asked.

"Yes sir!" Iggy replied proudly. "I've sampled the merchandise so I know what's inside those "Guilty Pleasures"."

"Thanks for sharing that… Anyway I'm more interested in the people who've made such masterpieces. You think you can point me in their direction?" Iggy seemed to finally get that something was off with the conversation, his eyes shifted to Mason's friends and the disturbing smiles that were about to sprout onto their faces.

"Look, buddy... if you want more then I have more videos in the back that I can sell you…"

"Unfortunately that isn't what I'm looking for but I believe that we can come to an… agreement." Mason reached into his jacket, making Iggy flinch, but he was calmed down when he saw another big stack of cash being placed on the table. Iggy grew a shady smile before slowly taking the stack.

"They film right here in the city. Got a couple of places that act as stores but you'll never tell by looking at them, like the candy store down the block that I bought that one from."

"Thanks for the service," Mason replied as he grabbed the "Guilty Pleasure" and placed it inside his leather coat.

"What?" Iggy began jokingly seeing as they were about to leave. "No tip for the great service?"

"Oh, silly me," Mason said with a childlike smile on his youthful face. "Where are my manners?" Iggy grew a surprised smile as Mason reached into his jacket again. He didn't think he'd get more money from his apparently rich customer but it looked like he was just loose with his money. But Iggy's smile was quickly erased when Mason pulled out a large silver pistol instead of another stack of cash. Before Iggy could react Mason pulled the trigger; creating an ear shattering bang and Iggy's head slammed into the wall behind him leaving a large bloodstain on it. Mason watched Iggy's body slump to the floor with bone chilling calmness while his friends finally allowed their big, sadistic, and psychotic smiles bloom across their faces.

"Displeasure doing business with you," Mason stated coldly before placing the pistol back in his jacket. Mason walked behind the counter and examined Iggy's corpse. He noticed a slight bulge in his pocket. Mason took out a piece of paper that labeled a few more "stores" and even some "filming studios". "We're done here," Mason stated walking out of the store. The three of them walked out of the pawn shop; Mason was looking tired and annoyed, Will looked amused. Axel would have joined Will's side but he knew what Iggy's murder meant. They didn't hear any police sirens so that meant the steel sliders made Iggy's store soundproof. Lucky for Mason, now he doesn't have to explain to the cops why he suddenly shot the shady store clerk. Mason opened the trunk of the car and placed the metal boxes of ammunition inside of it.

"So," Axel began. "In Seattle, we have to track down a serial killer that has been targeting Myths in the area, stop the spread of Xenonide, wipe out the Companion Trafficking faction in the city, and on top of all of that we now have to take down an underground Pornography circle that is kidnapping and raping children! You know what, Big D, you were right, we'll be needing the extra bullets after all." Mason looked at Axel to reply but stopped when he saw the thousand dollar bass that was strapped to his back.

"Axel!" Mason yelled angrily making him jump.

"Wh-what?!"

"Really?!" Mason exclaimed gesturing to the Bass.

"I-I thought we were robbing him…"

"What made you think that?!"

"You and Will were taking stuff!"

"I was collecting evidence for-" Mason stopped mid sentence and glared at Will, making him jump as well. "-What the hell did you take?!"

"Nothing! I just took back the money we spent," Will replied nervously and displayed the stacks Mason gave to Iggy. He was met with a incredulous eyebrow raise. Will's smile crumpled and he sheepishly added. "...And I may have dipped into the cash register a bit…" Mason slapped his forehead and groaned.

"You know what," Mason said angrily. "I don't care, just get in the car, both of you. As Axel pointed out, we have work to do." The trio entered the car with Mason in the driver's seat. As they drove away Mason started mumbling out a rant about how Axel and Will were driving him crazy and how with the amount of crap he has to do here he won't get back home in time to see his sister.

"He's doing it again," Will stated to Axel.

"I've noticed. Hey, Big D…" No response from Mason, just more frustrating mumbles. "Boss…" Axel tried. He figured if he used that nickname he'd get a reaction from Mason's over perceptive side but he still got nothing. "Mason…?" Axel attempted but Mason just kept rambling. He had one more name try and since it was the last one he figured he may as well yell it. "DIPPER!" That worked, Mason blinked his eyes in surprise. He hadn't heard that name in years and the sudden shouting of it took him by surprise, then again, if Mabel is moving back to Gravity Falls then he's going to have to get used to it again. "Jeez this whole sister situation has you stressed out, doesn't it Big D?"

"You have no idea…"

"Well, whatever happens, we always got your back as always. Right, Will?"

"Right!"

"Heh… thanks guys."

"I can't wait to meet the famous Mabel Pines," Will said. "I bet she'll love me!"

"Just make sure I'm there when you introduce yourself so I can make sure she doesn't mistake you for… you-know-who." Will grumbled and slumped into his seat annoyed, just like how he always gets whenever he is mentioned.

"So what are we going to do first, Big D?" Axel asked in an attempt to change the subject.

"We destroy the pornography ring," Dipper stated without hesitation.

"Didn't you say we had to find the traffickers as soon as possible because the second they catch wind of us means they'll run away and destroy any evidence we could possibly get?" Will asked looking at Dipper.

"I know what I said Will. But I won't be able to focus on anything knowing that this shit is taking place here," Dipper replied waving the "Guilty Pleasure" video he took from Iggy and showed it to his cohorts.

"Ain't no rest for the wicked," Will stated with a tired huff. "Which means there ain't no rest for us either."

"Yeah, no shit. Now unless anyone else has a complaint or a whiny comment, we have work to do."


And that's the start of it! The start of the Supernatural Overseer Bureau!

I hope you enjoyed it and don't mind my Badass Adult Dipper.

Now within the story there are specific terms that'll be used in the story. They'll be explained later in the story but I'll give a brief description of each.

Myths-Nicknames for any and all Sentient Nonhuman Creatures

Xenonide-A deadly poison that is used in multiple Anti-Myth crimes

Companion Trafficking-Just like Human Trafficking but it also includes Humanoid Myths in the "merchandise"

Feel free to leave a review and tell me what you think and also check me out on FictionPress

See you next time, I'm the Bio-Devil!