Hi all, I've had some issues and needed to revise my story. There are n. Majour changes but you may want to reread. Thanks.

She watches, in some sort of shocked horror as the land mine exploded. She doesn't want to watch but can't seem tear her eyes away. It doesn't seem real though until she sees Lew's body fly through the air and Spike collapse on the ground.

Tear fill her vision and she can't breath, can't see. Her hands find Wordy or Wordy finds her and she ends up pressed against his kelver vest, tears pouring down her cheeks wishing it was Lew holding her.

"Jules, breath," he whispers gently.

She struggles to draw a breath in between her sobs.

"Sweetheart take a deep breath, that's a girl," he whispers holding her close.

"Lew," she whispers.

"I know, I know Jules," Wordy soothes rocking slightly.

"Call your family, let them now you're okay," she mumbles suddenly.

"What sweetie?" he looks down at her.

"Call Shelly, she'll be worried," she says and tears continue down her cheeks. "And Ed call Sophie and Spike call your parents and..." Jules is border line hysteric now.

"Jules, shh take a breath, I'm calling Shelly right now okay?" Wordy soothes trying to stop his own tears.

Jules disentangled herself from him and motions for him to walk away. She tries desperately to get her emotions in check.

Julianna Callaghan, you're on the job. Pull yourself together. She commands herself.

After taking a deep breath and wiping her face, silently thanking who ever came up with water proof mascara, Jules has managed to stop her tears. She needs to feel useful so she heads over to where Sarge is attempting to comfort Spike.

"Hey sweetheart," the boss stands up and hugs her, "how are you doing?"

"I'm good boss," she says hugging him back, "Spike doesn't need to be here can I take him back to HQ and maybe Sam if I can find him," Jules says.

"Good idea, Ed, Wordy and I'll meet you back there alright?" he says kissing her forehead and walking back towards Ed and Wordy.

"C'mon Spike, let's go back to HQ," Jules says kneeling beside the distraught man.

Spike wordlessly obeys.

"Spike," she says once back at the SUVs, "I'm going to go find Sam, stay here okay."

No response but Jules heads to find Sam anyways.

She finds him punching the hard, concrete building around the corner.

"Sam, hey you're going to get hurt," she says softly.

"Go away Jules," he says.

"No," she walks up to him, "C'mon we're going back to HQ."

"Jules, it's my fault," he says his voice cracking.

"No Sam, it isn't," she says, "now come on back to HQ."

Sam allows Jules to grab his wrist-not wanting to irritate his bloodied knuckles-and bring him back to the truck. She motions for him to get into the back and take the driver's seat. They drive back in silence all lost in their own, horrible thoughts.

In the passenger's seat Spike's mind is going through the what ifs. What if I hadn't told Lew we were going to do weight transfer? What if I'd done it and it had worked? What if...what if...what if.

Behind Spike Sam is having very different but equally upsetting thoughts. I should have known, I should have been able to save him. I have experience with land mines, I should have been able to save him! It's like Leila all over again. He closes his eyes trying to block out the pictures of the little, 4 year old Afghan girl who JFK2 befriended flying through the air as a result of a land mine.

In the drivers seat Jules is lost in her own thoughts. What will she do without Lewis? Who will rescue her stuff when Spike holds it out of her reach? Who will bring her coffee the morning after a hard call knowing she hadn't slept much? Who will keep Spike's pranks under control? Who will be Spike's voice of reason-her voice of reason? Who will replace him? They need Lew, the world needs Lew. Its not fair! Her thoughts shocks her when she realizes Lew will have to be replaced. That sends fresh tears to her eyes.

They finally reach HQ and head up to the locker rooms.

"Oh god guys he's really gone," Winnie says as they walk in.

Jules nods, "yeah, he's gone," she whispers.

Winnie hugs each of them. "I'm sorry guys."

"Not your fault," Sam replies sharply.

"Sorry," Jules mouths to Winnie who dismisses it with a brief wave of her hand.

"Win, is the briefing room clear?" Jules asks aloud.

"Yeah," she says wiping her eyes.

"Great," she says turning to the two male constables she says, "Spike go have a shower and change okay? Sam, let me bandage your hands. We'll meet in the briefing room after"

Winnie watches Jules interact with her team and realizes that one day the petite sniper will make an amazing sergeant, every bit as good as Greg.

Jules leads Sam into the briefing room where Winnie supplies her with a first-aid kit. She tried to be gentle as she cleans Sam's bloodied knuckles. "Go have a shower and I'll wrap them after okay?"

Sam nods and wanders off. Jules hurries to have a quick shower and change, not bothering with make-up or doing anything more than a quick French braid with her still damp hair. She thankfully beats both guys out.

She heads into the briefing room needing a moment to think. She hasn't been in there long when Spike comes in looking like a zombie.

"Hey Spike," she stands up and hugs the officer.

"Hi," he mumbles.

"It's not your fault," she assures him softly.

No response.

"Spike, it'll be okay, I know it hurts like hell right now but it'll get better, we'll all get better," she mummers not paying particular attention to her words.

"You mean we'll forget," he mutters icily pushing her away. She grabs his wrists and turns him towards her.

"No! We will never forget Lewis but the pain will fade, I promise," she says.

"How would you know?" he snaps not thinking about his words, "oh god Jules, shit, I'm sorry," he mumbles as he sees Jules's face pale and her eyes well up.

"No, it's okay Spike," she says turning away to wipe her eyes. The tears don't stop though.

"I'm so so sorry Jules," he says putting a hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay Spike," she says wiping her eyes again and turning back.

Sam wordlessly comes in to the briefing room.

"You alright Jules?" he asks.

She nods, "let me wrap your hands now okay?"

Sam allows himself to be lead to the table where Jules wraps his hands with soft, clean linens. "No more punching undeserving objects Sam," she says but the teasing note in gone from her voice replaced by sadness.

"How are you guys?" Sarge asks coming into the room.

"Hey Sarge," Jules forces herself to paste a phony smile on her face knowing Sarge is really worried.

"Hey," Ed and Wordy come into the room.

"Hi guys," Jules responds with fake cheer.

"Sam what did you do?" Ed asks.

"He punched a wall..." Jules says when it is obvious Sam isn't going too.

"Next time, punching bags work better," Ed says gently squeezing Sam's shoulder.

"Okay guys, we're off until Tuesday, 4 days. On Tuesday we'll all have a private and team meetings with a psychologist as well as mandatory psyc evals ," Sarge says.

"That's not long," Wordy speculates.

"It's all we can get. In the meantime I'm going to be checking in on all of you but I'm partnering you up, check in on your partner at least once a day alright. Spike with me, Jules and Wordy, Sam and Ed," he says. Jules notices that each one of the team 'dads' (Sarge, Wordy and Ed-the team members with kids) is paired with one of the 'kids' (herself, Sam and Spike).

Wordy pulls her into a hug as response to the news.

"I need to talk to you after," he whispers before releasing her.

"Okay, if anyone needs to talk we are all here for you, you can call me at anytime. Also the department is happy to schedule a meeting with a psychologist before the mandatory meetings. Also if you need a way to relax please don't turn to the bottle, go to the gym, go to church, I don't care just please don't make the same mistakes I did. Now go home, see your loved ones. I'll call you all tonight okay?"

The team nods and solemnly files out of the briefing room.

"How are you doing sweetie?" Wordy has always been a mentor to Jules but right now he's acting like a father figure and Jules can't say she minds. She actually rather likes the comfort it offers.

"I'm okay," she says, "How are you?"

"I'm good, want some company for a bit? Or a ride home," he offers.

"No I'm okay, thanks a lot though," Jules says realizing Wordy probably needs to see his family.

"Okay, the girls have a P.A day tomorrow so you're coming over, a distraction and some company never hurt," he says.

"Okay," Jules smiles, "thanks Wordy."

"I'll call you later tonight Jules," he says hugging her goodbye as his phone rings.

Meanwhile Spike has already left, the faster he can get out of HQ the better. Everything reminds him off Lou.

"I'll call you tonight Sam alright?" Ed says to the other sniper in the change room.

"Okay thanks Ed," Sam mumbles just wanting to get out of there.

"Call me anytime alright?" Ed says hugging Sam goodbye as they part ways in the parking lot.

"Bye Sarge," Jules pops her head into his office to say goodbye.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" Sarge motions for her to come in.

"I'm okay are you?" Jules walks in.

"Yeah, I am," he says, "go home, relax, I'll call you later okay sweetheart?"

Jules nods and the Sarge kisses her cheek before she leaves stopping briefly to say bye to Winnie