A/N: I started writing this in the morning, and then I had to babysit that night, but the people that I babysit for don't have a TV or WiFi, and the kids go to bed at 7, so I had 4 hours of just silent writing time. And I got this finished. I know I should be working on my other story... but I really wanted to write this.
Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.
The pain he feels is unparalleled, even when compared to her shooting. Barely, but it still doesn't measure up. It's unprecedented, the sick feeling of dread that suddenly appears the moment he jolts awake. But there's nothing he can do to stop it, nothing he can do to help. All he can do is sit there, straining the handcuffs that bind him to the hoop hanging from the ceiling; feel the tears flow down his cheeks as he looks at her lying unconscious on the floor across the dark room. All he can do is relive the horror that is the last few hours and hurt at the fact that she was all alone, knowing, and now he's scared that they'll never get to talk about it.
"Mary, I know that you feel like this is the only option, but you're wrong. There are people that want to help you. There are people that care about you, and there are people that rely on you."
The tension is running high, the immediate feeling of danger every time someone moves.
"Don't- don't lie, there's no one!" Mary screams, stuttering, waving her gun around.
For the detective, it's a warning sign that she's escalating and won't last much longer. It means that they're now all in danger. The detective and the writer are held captive in a dark room somewhere, and Mary is the one keeping them.
"I'm pregnant, did you know that?" Mary is at the height of her rage.
The detective stills, not wanting to have to do what she knows she has to do. "I did not know that, Mary. Congratulations."
"You tell me congratulations," Mary snorts. "It's a boy. Not that the father will care."
"I know how you feel, Mary." The detective semi- hopes that no one will understand what she's getting at.
"You don't. Didn't even know I was carrying his child, and he up and left. For another whore, the bastard. What gives him the right? What gives him the right?"
"I know what it feels like, being the only one that knows. I do know how you feel because I'm pregnant and my husband doesn't know. I haven't told him yet because I don't know how." Kate looks over at Castle, the look of shock in his eyes. Suddenly it's as if she's speaking only to him, like it's the only thing in the world that matters.
"I'm scared. Fucking scared of how he'll react, what he'll think, what he wants…" Kate sees the raw emotion showing on Castle, the tears now streaming over both of their faces. "I never really thought of myself as a mothering type. Never did I think that I'd be a mother. And I'm scared. That I won't be a good mom, that my child will resent me for the hours I work. But most of all, I'm scared that one day I won't come home, and my child will grow up without a mother. Not unlike I did. Granted, I was nineteen, but it's the principle. My mother was murdered, Mary. Stabbed in an alleyway, away from everything she loved, away from her family. Mary, I never got a chance to say goodbye. I got home one night and my life changed forever. I'm scared that that will happen to my little baby. I've already survived a bullet, Mary. Through the heart. It took me years to heal fully. I still flinch at loud noises like fireworks; the fourth of July is now my least favorite holiday. And the worst part- the worst part is: I know that the chances of that happening again are slim to none. But with my job, and my past, my mind goes there whether or not I want it to. Is that what you want for your child, Mary? Do you want that for your little boy? Because if you hurt us, you will go to jail, and then your precious little baby will grow up without his mommy. Or worse, he'll come to visit you in prison. How would that make you feel? Making your sweet little boy come and see you behind bars. You already told me the father left you. That means that your kid will grow up in the foster care system. I'm a cop, Mary; I know how it works. You do not want your kid in there. Not when he could have a perfectly good life if you just let us go. If you don't, more detectives will come and find us. They don't know that you're pregnant, Mary. They will shoot you." Kate's voice in the last sentence suddenly turns from soft, pleading to blunt. Informative, forthright, candid.
"NO!" Mary screams, lashing out. She's violently thrashing about, and abruptly hits Kate over the head with the butt of her gun. Kate falls onto the floor infront of her, unconscious.
Castle yells, all his words muffled by the gag in his mouth. He squirms, trying to wriggle out of the bindings keeping him away from his wife. His pregnant wife lying unconscious on the cold dirty floor in handcuffs with her legs tied together with rope.
"Shut up!" Mary yells at Castle, waiving the gun at him. And suddenly she's leaving, backing out of the room and leaving the two others in there.
Reliving the events of before make Castle's emotional wounds rip open and hurt like they did when they were first made. Kate waking up to an empty darkness hurt him more.
"Rick?" she calls.
"I'm right here, Kate. Don't worry. I'm just over here."
"Did she knock me out?" Kate asks, hazy, but all too aware of her situation.
"She slammed the butt of her gun into your forehead. Are you alright? Do you have a headache?" He knows it's a stupid question, but what else is there to ask about? Other than the baby. That's a conversation for when they get out, because they will get out.
"I'm still really tired," Kate gets out before yawning.
"Kate, you need to do something for me. Don't go back to sleep." Rick's pleading with her.
"I want to stay awake, Rick. But I'm so tired…" and with that, Kate was asleep.
As much as Castle wants to protect her, there's no way for him to get free. He struggles with his handcuffs unsuccessfully, but eventually falls to sleep too.
When he wakes, it's to loud yells of "Clear" as cops raid the building. The first thing he thinks is about Kate getting medical attention. He opens is eyes, only to see paramedics above him, scooping him onto a stretcher. He wants to be aware, but his vision is blurry, and there is a disconnect between his brain and his mouth. He wants to yell, tell them to get over to Kate, but all that comes out are moans. And honestly, he knows that there are already other people helping his wife.
Once they're in the ambulance, Castle and the paramedics, they start to bandage up all his major cuts. Castle squirms the whole time, wanting only to see Kate.
When he finally manages to break free, he jumps out of the ambulance, running along the street.
"Kate!" he yells, listening intently for her reply.
And then he sees it, the other ambulance. Hopping around a beam on the street, he runs up.
"Kate!" he yells again, getting closer. And this time she hears him.
Shedding her blanket right as he jumps into the ambulance, Kate rushes into his arms. "I'm sorry," she whispers, but is cut off by a kiss from her husband. Returning it more intensely, Kate wraps her arms around Castle's neck, holding on as hard as she can. Castle brings his hands up to her face, brushing away the hair that had become loose during the ordeal. Holding her face in his hands, he pulls away. Out of the kiss, but still close enough for it to be extremely intimate.
"Don't be sorry. Don't you ever be sorry. This wasn't your-" He's cut off by Kate.
"I didn't tell you. I'm so sorry. All I could think was 'what if I never get to tell him properly?' I love you." Kate kisses him again, gentle, just an affirmation that she's there.
"I love you too. We're having a baby," Castle whispers, the smile on his face comparable only to the day they were married.
"Yeah, we're having a baby. I'm pregnant." She kisses him again, tender, compassionate.
The two remain like that, completely oblivious to the outside world, caring only about each other and how they feel in that exact moment. Exchanging light kisses until Castle reaches down and puts his hand over Kate's abdomen. "Hey, little one," he says, "you're gonna have the best mommy in the whole entire world. She's going to take such good care of you, and we already both love you very much."
He reaches up to wipe away the tears that are now flowing freely down her cheeks. "How long have you known?" It isn't accusatory or interrogational; it's simply a genuine interest in knowing.
"I've thought so for about a week, but I've known for sure for a few days." Kate smiles, taking Castle's face in her hands. He looks tired, but he's not complaining. "Rick…" she starts, but she trails off.
"Let's go home," he says, not having a care in the world about protocol or SOP.
Their night isn't much. As soon as they get home, they fall through the door, shedding their coats. Well, the ones given to them to stay warm. They say NYPD on them so Castle supposes that in some way, they are Kate's.
Continuing through the loft, they make their way to the bedroom, changing into their pajamas faster than imaginable. Not bothering to brush their teeth, they fall into bed, nearly already asleep.
Castle wakes up in the middle of the night to the sound of crying. It takes him only a moment to realize it's Kate. Wordlessly scooping her up into his arms, Castle rocks her back and forth. "The uni that drove us home was telling me that Mary's OK. She didn't get shot. She's going to prison, but she'll be alright."
When Kate doesn't say anything, Castle realizes that it's not Mary that she's thinking about. He's about to open his mouth when he hears her voice, not commanding like it normally is, but small and vulnerable.
"Hostage negotiation rule number one. Never lie to the suspect. Everything I said back there is true, Rick. I'm scared as hell. I don't know how to do this. I'm scared that I'm gonna be terrible at being a mother. I'm scared about… everything." Kate bursts out crying, something that makes Castle feel horrible. Just because she's hurting.
"Kate, no one knows how to be a mother. That's the experience. I hate to bring this up, but do you really think that you could do any worse than Meredith?" After a pause, Castle continues. "Sorry, that wasn't funny. Point is, not only will you not be terrible, but you'll be great. If you love our kid half as much as you do already, they'll grow up with the best parents they could ask for."
Kate suddenly blurts out, "If it's a girl, I don't want to name her Johanna. I always thought that if for some inane reason I ended up with a daughter, I would want to name her Johanna. But I don't, now. It would be too painful."
"That's okay," Castle affirms, and it really is. He wouldn't want to see her hurt everyday if the wonderful life they created together makes her heart ache. "We don't have to think about names yet, you know. We still have months. Do you want to find out the gender, or keep it a surprise?"
Kate doesn't answer until after she calms a bit, stops crying. "I haven't gotten that far, yet, honey."
The uncommon use of a pet name tells Castle just how tired she is, so he settles himself down a bit more in bed. Holding his wife in his arms, he rocks her gently to sleep. He hasn't a doubt in his mind that everything will work out just fine. They love each other and they love the baby growing in Kate's stomach.
For now, that's all that matters.
A/N 2: Incase anyone didn't figure it out, the middle flashes back.
REVIEW PLEASE? I really want feedback on this story.
