Author's Note: Some of you may remember that this story was posted a couple years back. I had fallen out of love with the story because of poor proof-reading and lack of understanding of my characters, but I have grown as a writer since then. I am going to be using the same general plot line for this story, but filling in a lot of the blanks and making it much more readable and enjoyable. I hope you all enjoy it for first time readers and I hope you'll enjoy it again, for second time readers.

I will be posting re-written chapters once every four or five days.

Trigger warning for physical abuse.


"You are a Black, Sirius. You bear the name of some of the greatest wizards in history and this is how you repay us?"

Sirius glanced from the imposing form of his mother down to the letter on the table. He knew exactly what was written in that letter and had been steeling himself for the consequences it held all summer.

"You will reply to your mother when she speaks to you."

A harsh slap rang across the sixteen year-old boy's face with a sting so forceful it was nearly blinding. Sirius barely flinched. He had learned long ago that it was the reaction his father was looking for, not the punishment itself. Sirius took his time in responding, dragging a sleeve across his mouth where he had bit his lip to buy some time. He tasted iron in his mouth and felt the split in his lip with his tongue while he shifted back into his seat.

"I don't really know what you want me to say, Mother. I am a disappointment; I have been all along. I don't understand why you're still even trying with me." Sirius replied flatly, refusing to look the woman he called his mother in the face.

"You will not use that tone with her." Orion said, leaning forward and gripping the arms of Sirius' chair.

"You can go ahead and hit me again, Father, if it makes you feel better. You know, it really does hurt more when you get me across the cheek instead of in the mouth. Go ahead." Sirius said dryly, staring up into the pitch black eyes of his father.

Sirius saw, with a small note of satisfaction, the nerve starting to twitch in his father's forehead.

"Come on, then. Right here." Sirius said, tilting his head to the side to display his already swollen red cheek.

"Orion!" Walburga cried, slapping a hand against her chest as Sirius was sent reeling from his chair by a swift slash across the jaw by his father's wand.

"Somebody has to teach him, Walburga." Orion said, sweeping his long black hair over his shoulder and pocketing the thin, brown wand he held in his hand.. "If he can't be taught through conventional methods I'm afraid that the only thing that will help him is pain."

Sirius laughed slightly, getting to his feet. His ears were ringing and he could taste blood filling his mouth, but he could not back down. Not now. He had to make his father so angry he wouldn't notice him leaving. For what would certainly be the last time.

"Look, just get it over with. Disown me. Regulus is your perfect son. Your Black family heir." Sirius chuckled, shaking the hair from his eyes. He could hear blood dripping from his mouth onto the floor, but he stared forwards, leaning against the edge of the dining room table.

Orion did not share in Sirius' laughter. His face was dark as he looked from his wife to his son.

"You are no son of mine, Sirius." Orion said quickly before turning on his heel and leaving, his long slate grey robes following him out the door.

Walburga said nothing, staring from the door where her husband had just been to her bleeding son.

"I think it would be best if you left, Sirius." Walburga said, her long-fingered hands clenched tightly in her lap.

"You don't have to tell me twice." Sirius snarled rushing down the hallway and out of sight.

Luckily, Sirius had seen this exchange coming and had already packed his most prized possessions. His broomstick, his school books and robes were all he cared to take from this house. Everything else carried too much of a tie to his family. They could rot here like the rest of them.

Sirius worked quickly, drops of blood trailing behind him as he tied his school books to his broom and swung the window open. He had no other choice but to fly to James' home just outside of London like they had planned. He climbed precariously up onto a desk and from there onto the window sill. He tossed his broomstick onto the flat of the roof outside and threw himself over, landing carefully on his feet just below the window.

"Where are you going?"

Sirius looked up to see the long, thin face of his brother looking down on him. The spitting image of Orion in both appearance and mentality, Regulus Black had very little to do with his brother and had certainly never tried to stop the physical abuse Sirius had endured over the past ten years.

"Where do you think I'm going?" Sirius asked, anger churning in his stomach as he picked up his broomstick.

"To the Potters'?" Regulus asked, leaning his head out the window.

"Why? So you can go tell your precious Mummy?" Sirius asked, the side of his face throbbing.

"No, so I know you're safe." Regulus said.

Sirius let out a derisive laugh.

"Yeah, sure." Sirius said sarcastically, looking up at Regulus, blood still caked onto his jaw and teeth. "The lofty Regulus deigns to look after the poor, less fortunate older brother. Save it."

"Look, Sirius..."

"I said, save it." Sirius growled, swinging one leg over the broomstick and kicking off into the chilled night air.

Sirius had always been more angered by his brother than by anything his father and mother had ever done to him. Orion was a horrible man without a conscience and Walburga wasn't much better. Together they had managed to almost completely ruin his life at Hogwarts, his life with his friends and his relationship with his brother. Somewhere inside, though, Sirius knew that tonight had been the last of it. He never had to speak to any of them again.


Sirius landed about an hour later on the doorstep of Mr. and Mrs. Potter. As soon as his feet hit the ground, the front hall light came on and the door opened.

"Siriuuuu – Oh, shit." James' voice faltered, catching sight of Sirius' blood-soaked face.

Sirius, who had almost completely forgotten, set to frantically rubbing at the gash on the side of his face to remove the blood.

"It's only superficial. Don't worry." Sirius said quickly, smiling to make James feel more comfortable.

"Didn't go so well, then?" James asked carefully rubbing the back of his neck as he ushered Sirius inside.

"Well, you finally got here, eh?"

Sirius looked up to see tall, thin Remus Lupin coming down the stairs wearing a cheeky grin and a fluffy white jumper over a pair of asbolutely hideous plaid pyjamas bottoms. Despite his mood, Sirius could feel a huge smile spreading across his face.

"You're a bit late getting here, mate." Remus said, grinning from ear to ear as he clapped his hands on his friend's shoulders.

Sirius knew Remus noticed the bruise and cut across his face, and mentally gave thanks to his friend's unyielding and omnipresent sense of tact.

"Yeah, well. Running away from home can make a bloke a bit late." Sirius laughed, trying to lighten the mood as he pulled Remus towards him into a hug.

It had been weeks since he had seen, let alone touch, any other person besides his family and the surge of love and relief was almost overpowering. Sirius felt his knees buckle suddenly and dropped his broomstick.

"Let's not act so brave then, shall we?" Remus said kindly, catching Sirius under the arms and pulling him back up.

Sirius nodded and smiled weakly. He was hurt a lot worse than he wanted to admit.

"James, is that Sirius?" Mrs. Potter called from somewhere in the living room.

"Yeah, Mum, but he..." James trailed off, trying to think up an excuse so that his mother wouldn't have see Sirius this way quite yet. "He shat himself on the way over! Don't come in!"

"James!" Sirius and Remus both yelled at once, flabbergasted by their friend's complete and utter lack of improvisational skills.

"James Potter, you watch your mouth!" She called back.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Potter, please don't get up on my account!" Sirius called to Mrs. Potter before climbing the stairs. "Just a quick trip upstairs first!"

"See, James? So polite. You could learn a thing or two." Mrs. Potter chastised her son. "And call me Dorea, Sirius!"

James rolled his eyes and scooped Sirius' broomstick off the ground.

"You better get upstairs before I make those bruises a lot worse." James said, punching his friend in the back.

Sirius laughed, and he knew he was joking, but the way James said it reminded him an awful lot of his father. James had never been able to understand why jokes like that bothered Sirius; James had been loved and adored by his family since the day he was born. Sirius did not have that luxury and never would. It was both a blessing and a curse to stay at the Potters' because he was at once loved and at home there, but he was also surrounded by a family who truly loved each other and it hurt. Sirius' family was an upstanding, pureblood family of distinction. Manners, propriety and duty were of the utmost importance and taking a step out of line meant severe, painful consequences.

"I'm gonna get you some clothes. Just stay here." James said, opening the door to the bathroom for Sirius before running off up yet another flight of stairs to his large attic room.

When Sirius caught sight of himself in the mirror, he recoiled. His face had swollen up severely on one side and dark blue bruising was already starting to form around his mouth and jaw. Blood was still clinging to his neck, lips and teeth. He looked like he had just crawled out of his own grave.

"Sit down on the counter." Remus said, walking over to the linen cabinet and pulling out a small pile of fluffy white washcloths.

"I don't need to be fussed over." Sirius said, turning his back on the mirror and obediently jumping up onto the counter.

Remus ignored him and began running warm water from the tap.

"This would be a lot easier if we were allowed to use magic. These regulations are positively archaic." Remus said, more to himself than to Sirius as he wet a washcloth. "I really have been meaning to write a letter to the Ministry what with everything that's going on these days..."

Sirius winced as the hot cloth came in contact with the wound on his jaw.

"That bloody stings." Sirius said, pulling away instinctively.

"Well, just hold still." Remus said, grabbing Sirius' shoulder hard and holding him in place.

Sirius recoiled immediately at the touch and very nearly jumped off the counter. He hadn't been the recipient of a non-violent touch in nearly two months.

"I'm sorry, Sirius, I should have asked." Remus said, stepping away quickly and crossing his arms. "I should have been more – "

"Naw, Moony, it's okay. I'm just a bit jumpy is all." Sirius said, adjusting his seat on the counter.

He motioned for Remus to come closer.

"Come on, Remus, you're such a good nurse." Sirius joked, trying to reassure his friend that it wasn't his fault. "Play doctor with me."

The smile – and a blush, to Sirius' immense satisfaction – returned to Remus' face as he pressed the cloth to Sirius' jaw.

"Not so bad, right?" Remus asked, smiling softly.

Sirius knew this hurt Remus almost as badly as it hurt him. Remus was the only one out of his four friends who truly understood the kind of stress and trauma he had gone through on a regular basis. Remus was the most sensitive to his needs and never tried to force Sirius to talk about what happened after times with his father, but he was also the most empathetic of all of them. Sometimes, Sirius truly thought that Remus felt his pain as if it were his own.

"Not so bad." Sirius replied, smiling up at Remus.

Remus pressed the cloth back against Sirius' face and they were quiet for a moment as Remus washed the blood away. Remus opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by James suddenly and loudly careening down the stairs towards them.

"Alright, friend, I brought you the best pyjamas I could find." James said, offering Sirius a pair of folded, flannel pyjamas as he appeared in the doorway. "Ah, looks like Nurse Remus has got this all under control."

"I have. But he's all done." Remus said, letting out a breath and stepping away to rinse the blood off the washcloth.

"Aw, Remus, Mum's going to kill you!" James gasped, pointing to the blood-stained cloth.

"Oh, I didn't even think of that. I'll tell your mother that I would be more than happy to – " Remus began, but was cut off by James slapping a hand over his mouth.

"Don't bother, Remus, we'll just throw it out." James laughed, "She'll never know."


"This is your bed, and this is mine!" James said lazily, motioning to the brand new double bed that had been slid into the corner of James' room. "Mum even bought you these ridiculous Quidditch sheets. I told her not to but she insisted. She thinks we're all still twelve. Seriously."

Sirius sank slowly down onto his new bed and ran the cotton sheets between his fingers. Chewing the inside of his lip, Sirius for the first time so far this night fought down a lump in his throat.

"No, I love them." Sirius said quietly, tracing his hands over the dancing snitches. He was absolutely touched.

"Good." James laughed, turning to Remus. "Guess you'll have to kip on the floor, mate!"

"Fine by me." Remus said, reaching over and grabbing the sleeping bag by the door.

"Naw, Remus, you can sleep on my bed, if you want." Sirius said, feeling slightly guilty that Remus would be relegated to the floor.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I quite like the floor." Remus said, unfurling the sleeping bag and spreading it on the ground in front of them. "We're quite well acquainted, the floor and I."

Remus was almost comically too tall for his sleeping bag and Sirius suppressed a laugh as Remus tried to squirm inside it.

"Right. Enough about beds and this sleeping nonsense. I've got something I've been absolutely dying to show you." James grinned, reaching behind the bed.

"Is it your arse, James? Because I really would rather not." Sirius exclaimed, throwing a pillow at James' rear end as he leaned over to dig for whatever it was he was looking for between the wall and the side of his bed.

"It certainly is not." James said, his voice muffled by the mattress.

Remus stood up and sat at the end of Sirius' bed, watching James.

"Ta-da!" James exclaimed, sitting upright and brandishing a bottle full of a bright orange liquid.

"Is that..." Sirius leaned forward, trying to get a good look at the label.

"Fire whiskey, James? Really?" Remus asked, astonished.

"You bet your ass, Moony." James said, unscrewing the cap and taking a deep sniff.

"Are you trying to tell me you want us to... drink it? Secretly?" Sirius asked, looking around the room conspiratorially. "Because I am in!"

Sirius couldn't deny that after the summer break he had just had, a stiff drink seemed quite appealing.

"That's what I'm talking about! Come on, Remus." James begged, clasping his hands together and moving towards Remus.

"No." Remus said, crossing his arms. "You two have all the fun you want. I brought a book."

"Oh, a book, Padfoot!" James grinned, looking at Sirius for back up.

"A book, Prongs!" Sirius replied.

"Don't make fun of me." Remus said grumpily.

"It's not like you've never drank with us before." James said, crossing his arms.

"I drank with you once and I was sick for two days!" Remus exclaimed.

"No, I think you were sick because you ate an entire thing of creamed cheese." James said.

"On a dare!" Remus argued.

"It was still your fault, not the fault of the liquor." Sirius said, nodding.

Remus sighed deeply. "I'm just not going to win this. Am I?"

"Nope!" Sirius laughed, getting onto the floor and pulling Remus down with him.


"Look, James, she is just not into you that way! You've been a total jerk to her since first year!" Remus sighed.

"But... But... I only did that because she's so cute!" James said, lying on his back.

"How poetic." Remus supplied, lying on his stomach next to Sirius.

"Yeah, only because you've never tried to get with a girl ever." James retorted.

"I've got other things to do, okay?" Remus laughed.

"Sure, mate, sure." James said, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, just because I don't go around leaping on every girl I see doesn't mean I'm not interested... I just have... standards." Remus tried to explain, his words slurring together.

"Standards, James, unlike yourself." Sirius said, laughing to himself. "I'm funny. I'm just so, so funny. Aren't I, Remus?"

Remus looked up at his friend. "You are the most funny."

"Do not become a comedian, Sirius." James hiccoughed. "It's not in your... stars."

Remus and Sirius let out a simultaneous, thunderous groan.

"The worst, James. The worst." Sirius said, trying to get to his feet before tripping and collapsing onto the floor.

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed, pawing at Sirius' head on the floor. "Don't die, Sirius..."

"I'm not dead." Sirius groaned, already feeling where a huge bump would be in the morning.

"You are clumsy, clumsy." James said, reaching over blindly and joining in with the pawing of the back of Sirius' head.

"Will you stop?" Sirius said, leaning his head against the pawing, closing his eyes and letting out an exaggerated moan.

"You enjoy that far too much, mate." James said, snapping his hand back in disgust.

"Sirius, you're pathetic." Remus sighed, pulling his hand away.

"Hey, not you, Moony. I didn't tell you to stop." Sirius said, grabbing Remus by the wrist and dragging him back. "Come on, right behind the ears. You know the place."

Remus gave a loud sigh, feigning complete and total exasperation, as he ran his fingers down through Sirius' hair to the back of his neck and scratched his way up along his head. Sirius let out a noise halfway between a moan and a purr.

"Is this something you two do often?" James asked, eyeing them both as if they were two beings from another dimension. "You two are honestly the weirdest people I know."

"Ohhhhhhhh yeah." Sirius growled as Remus rubbed behind his ears and along his temples.

"Okay, stop it!" James exclaimed, his lip curling. "You're doing this to me on purpose."

"Maybe." Sirius and Remus said together, pausing mid-motion and turning to James in unison.

James grabbed his pillow and walloped Remus across the chest.

"Hey!" a voice hollered from the bottom of the stairs.

"Get to bed!" James said quickly, stumbling to his feet, grabbing the bottle and flinging himself into bed.

Sirius and Remus both dove for Sirius' bed at the same time. Wrestling one another for supremacy, Sirius finally managed to squirm his way under the covers. Remus grabbed a pillow and smashed him repeatedly over the head with it until Sirius let him in, too.

"You have your own bed!" Sirius hissed as Remus squirmed his way in.

"I don't." Remus lied, laughing quietly to himself.

The door cracked open to the attic and Sirius quickly began snoring.

Remus was still laughing quietly and so Sirius slid a hand up over his friend's mouth.

"You boys know it's 3:00 in the morning?" Mr. Potter's deep, friendly voice chuckled as he peered into the room.

"Yes, sir." Sirius replied, suddenly scared that Mr. Potter might get angry with them.

"You boys having a good time?" Mr. Potter asked, raising his voice over James' absolutely horrific fake snoring.

"Um, yes, sir." Sirius replied again, determined not to move his hand even as the severely drunk Remus began licking him.

"Alright, you keep having fun, but just remember Dorea needs help with the garden in the morning and you won't be very happy doing that if you're tired. You have a good night, Sirius." Mr. Potter said.

"You, too, sir."

"Don't call me sir, Sirius. It's Charlus." Charlus said, smiling before shutting the door and walking back down the stairs.

"Gross!" Sirius yelled out as he finally unclapped his hand from Remus' mouth.

Remus laughed wildly to himself before falling quiet.

"You're a drunk mess." Sirius said.

"No, you are." Remus said, looking up at Sirius from under the sheets. He reached a hand up and touched his bruised cheek. "A mess."

Sirius tensed up slightly under Remus' touch.

Sirius cleared his throat. "Remus, you sure you want to sleep up here? I snore."

"Maybe I should." Remus said, fluffing up his pillow and pulling the covers up around his chin.

"Like a fog horn." Sirius said, yawning.

"Nope." Remus said, shutting his eyes.

Sirius sighed and turned on his side. "Just don't put your bony, cold feet on me."

"Mmhmm, whatever you say." Remus yawned.

Sirius lay awake for a few more minutes, listening to the sound of James' breathing and Remus'. He was having trouble thinking straight and the more he thought, the harder it was to stay awake. He realized that he had almost completely forgotten about the gash on his face before Remus had... before Remus had touched it. Sirius turned on his side against the wall, grabbing the pillow and pulling it against his chest. Remus is a touchy-feely drunk, Sirius thought sleepily as he sunk into sleep.