The Secret Life Of Benjamin Jones

This is totally new territory for me. I've always liked the show Midsomer Murders and I don't think I'd be good enough to write a new mystery even though I adore whodunnits and crime dramas. OK. I'm lying. I just happen to find Ben Jones (Jason Hughes) hot as fuck and after seeing him showering in two episodes (Oblong Murders especially...SWOON)..well yes.

Only trouble I'm facing is lack of a slash partner for him. Actually...Troy was nice looking...even if he was a bit of a douchebag.

I've not seen a vast amount of episodes so this is set just after one I watched recently - Blood Wedding from 2008. Ben was extra sassy in that episode which I liked ;) Contains references to that episode by the way.

Not affiliated with the long running ITV series or the works of Caroline Graham. Just based upon it purely for entertainment. Only own the short term character 'Mark'.


DS Ben Jones had seen plenty in his time as sidekick to the workaholic yet always easygoing DCI Tom Barnaby. Brutal beatings, crimes of passion, incest, families who off loved ones for money...art forgery...you name it, Ben had seen it. Behind the chocolate box facade of these genteel villages lay corruption and criminality that was worse than inner city London.

Currently he and his boss were investigating three brutal murders involving the aristocratic, old English Fitzroy family in the village of Bledlow. Whilst Cully was getting married. And Ben was getting close to the Fitzroy's shapely housekeeper Sally. Well. He was trying to, mainly to keep up appearances.

As if Ben didn't feel enough of an outcast being Welsh in this most Middle English of English counties, he was also trying to keep his true intentions away from his boss. Tom and Joyce had been so good to him, they were almost like second parents. And he swore Cully treated him like a brother. Not that he was interested in pursuing her. She was blonde, tall and pretty but a) screwing the boss's daughter was an absolute no-no, and b) well, she was getting married.

And Ben wasn't actually interested in women.

Despite kissing Sally.

If he was honest he'd have been more into that younger Fitzroy brother. But this family of upper class pricks were so uncooperative and snotty, especially that Colquhoun (whom Ben took enormous pleasure in winding up by mispronouncing his name on purpose).

Cully's wedding eventually went off almost without a hitch, and Tom managed to be there in time to walk his daughter down the aisle. Ned Fitzroy had been apprehended for the murders of the bridesmaid Marina, his secret half brother and former housekeeper. Ben was still left feeling a bit of an idiot as he'd gone to arrest the other one at the same time...well it wasn't a total waste of time. He'd got to touch him. Closest he'll ever get to a bit of posh. Not that Ben was normally predatory..


At last Ben could chill out at the wedding reception. Lord knows he needed to after this case. He swore that's all the upper classes were about. Money, honour and sex. Better to be a commoner, that's all he'll say. Colky-hun indeed. What a dick.

He was stood at the bar of the hotel, beer in hand, watching the guests at large. He'd even invited Sally as his plus one to complete the image and Joyce just wouldn't stop gushing over what a nice couple they made. She'd already invited them over for dinner whilst Cully and Simon were in New Zealand. She was so predictable. There was a few nice looking guys here that caught his eye.

He was so sick of one night stands though. He was edging closer to forty than thirty now and he really would have liked to have settled down by now. So many of his ex shags had been turned on by doing a copper but turned off by the working hours. He did wonder how Joyce remained so chilled and friendly despite Tom spending more time working than he ever did at home.

"Not going to ask her to dance?" came a voice.

Speak of the devil.

"Oh...hi Joyce," Ben replied.

"She's a lovely girl that Sally," his boss's wife beamed, "Maybe you'll be next to walk up the aisle!"

"I don't think so...not known her that long," Ben said, cheeks rather pink and smiling, "And the boss doesn't approve anyway because I met her on a case."

"Take no notice of Tom," giggled Joyce, "It's about time you got yourself a girlfriend!"

"She might not be into the marrying a copper thing..." Ben trailed off before re-engaging brain, "I don't think she'd be another you..."

"Such a sweet boy, I always liked you Ben," the boss' wife replied, clearly alittle merry on the champagne, "You could always impress her with your beautiufl tenor..."

Ben blushed again.

He'll never forget the time she caught him singing in the shower and roped him into joining the village choir contest. OK they won that competition thanks to Bullard moonlighting as a conductor but still...it was what, two years ago now?

"I gotta...go..." he mumbled, eager to escape this interrogation. He made a beeline for the gents.

This was so embarrassing.

How much longer could he keep this up? Sally had twigged him to be gay after their date. She'd even AGREED to be his beard for the wedding! Wonder if he could slip away...go to the Boathouse in Causton...the area's only gay pub. For miles. Unless you headed for Brighton that is. But that'd be pretty crap form, buggering off to Brighton to get a shag because you can't take the heat of your boss's wife asking about your love life..anyway.

Ben studied his reflection.

Hmmm.

Unbuttoned his shirt a little.

He could be in better shape, but being on the job so often meant unlike most other gay men his age he couldn't live in the gym sculpting the perfect deltoids. But he'd never had any complaints. Especially about his arse.

The door opened and Ben pretended to wash his hands, trying not to look like he was hiding in case it was a full of beer and bonhomie Tom.

"I saw you," came a male voice.

"Who wants to know?" spluttered Ben.

He turned to see a man, about Cully's age staring at him. Damn he was nice. Ben had been guilty for checking him out during the speeches. Slightly posh. One of Cully's old pals from uni probably. She did go to Cambridge.

Well kept features, chiselled jaw, piercing blue eyes. Ben smiled apologetically.

"Didn't think there'd be anyone on our bus here," the man smirked, "Certainly not any of the coppers."

"Like coppers do you?" Ben chanced.

"Depends," the man purred. His suit concealed an extremely fit body.

"On what?" Ben said.

"Uniform or plain clothes?" the man asked.

"Plain," Ben said, "Like uniform do you?"

"Well doesn't matter once it's on the floor," smirked the man, getting into Ben's space and stroking his cheek. Ben stared into his eyes.

"You staying here?" he asked.

"Yep," the man replied.

"Can't let them see me leave with you, got a reputation you know," Ben grinned, leaning forward to claim the guy's lips. Damn this guy kissed nice. Fancied himself a bit but who the hell cared?


Gavin Troy had to admit it had been weird to come back to Midsomer after all this time. Cully looked happy. She had been nice (and a good kisser) but not worth straining the good relationship he'd had with DCI Barnaby. And as usual the forbidden girls always were the best looking. Cully suited long hair. Ah well. That was the past.

He wouldn't have missed this wedding for the world.

His second successor...what was his name? Jones? Bit wet if you asked Troy. Nice enough bloke, he supposed. Just a little boring. Nice looking girlfriend he had though. What was her name? Sally? Red hair?

Again she was taken. Never mind.

He hadn't come back to his old boss's daughter's wedding to get laid. He'd gotten married after his promotion but it hadn't worked out. Amicable but his ex wife just couldn't get along with his long hours. Maybe it was best to marry into the force. He headed to the gents to go for a slash.

As he entered the bathroom, whistling inanely to himself, he could have sworn he heard something.

Nah.

The stall was locked.

He heard a stifled laugh.

OK.

Weird.

Maybe someone watching a funny video on their phone.

THinking nothing of it, Gavin went to wash his hands.

As he grabbed some paper towels, he slipped a little and with a loud clatter, his own phone fell from his inside jacket pocket. THe damn thing had only gone and got a hole! ANd he'd paid bloody good cash for this suit and all. Oh well. He kneeled down to retreive his phone which had fallen on the terracotta tiles near the stall. Gavin quickly reached over, not wanting to be caught like this...when he realised those were two pairs of shoes between the partition and the floor.

Yuck.

Fucking bumboys!

Didn't think Barnaby KNEW any?! He knew CUlly had a 'gay best friend' at Uni but that was AGES ago! Well eight years or so but still...seriously? At a wedding? In a hotel bathroom? Classy or what.

Gavin darted from the bathroom in disgust.


Inside, Ben and his conquest were both gasping, red in the face after being caught out.

"Knew we should have gone to my room!" the posh man said, "Horny little fucker! Suppose being on the job keeps you from getting some."

"Damn right," Ben panted as the man pulled out of him, "Sorry mate. Maybe another time. How long you down here for?"

"Only another day, then back to Cambridge," the guy said, "But...if you want an encore later..."

"Hell yes," Ben smirked, "Only, I should ask what is your name?"

"Mark," the man said, redressing, "And I can't keep calling you copper can I?"

"Name's Ben...Ben Jones," Ben said, "I'll get you a beer...to say sorry."

"With an arse like yours there's no sorry," smirked Mark, playfully spanking Ben's smooth, naked backside, "See you later."

He unlocked the door and left the room as Ben made himself a touch more decent.

He padded to the mirror. A lovebite. Mark was rough. But that wasn't a bad thing. Ben liked to be roughed up. Suppose it came with wearing a suit for the job. Even if it was a 24 hour fling, it was nice. He hastily shuffled his shirt collar up to hide the hickey and exited the bathroom.


Gavin Troy was watching to see who the shirtlifters were...that posh git friend of Cully...thought as much...and wait...that was Barnaby's current sidekick! Did Barnaby KNOW?

Troy wasn't an arsehole, well he liked to think he wasn't. But he just didn't understand poofters. Gays, whatever. He remembered Dennis Rainbird from years ago. God he was a freak. OK he was dead but still, Gavin had been freaked out by him. And Jones to be fair did seem a normal sort of bloke. Not dancing around like Graham Norton. Gavin took a deep breath and headed to the bar just as Ben did.

Ben nodded pleasantly at him.

"Having a good day?" asked Gavin, failing to keep the snark from his voice.

Ben fixed him with a curious look.

"Yeah...Cully looked great," he said, "Didn't you and her..."

"Ancient history mate," Gavin said, "What you getting?"

"Another beer, anything," Ben said, straightening his tie a little, "So...miss all this?"

"What? Same in my current post," Gavin said, "Now tell me, is Joyce's food any better?"

Ben chuckled.

"She tried to impress you with her roast quail as well?" he said.

Gavin also chuckled. This guy wasn't bad. For a bum bandit.

"So, how long you been with your girlfriend?" he challenged.

Ben squirmed. Ouch. Mark was big downstairs. And he guessed instantly Troy was fishing. Being a detective tended to make you recognise this in others.

Gavin spotted the guilty shuffle. OK maybe Jones wasn't such a nice bloke. Playing with men behind his girlfriend's back.

"She's...just a friend," Ben said.

"I saw you holding her hand in the church," Gavin went on, "Nice girl. Well spoken."

"Met Sally on the last case," Ben replied, "SHe was the Fitzroy's housekeeper."

"Oh the impaled maid of honour? The old families are always the worst," Gavin said, "Boss doesn't like hookups with witnesses."

"Interested in my lovelife aren't you...mate?" Ben said.

"Cut the crap, Jones," Gavin hissed, "I know you were bumming in that toilet just now! I dropped my phone and saw you at it! Boss will kill you."

"Bumming? Seriously, are you at school still or something?" Ben was scarlet but defiant.

"Does he know? Does your girlfriend know?"

"Does Barnaby know you still want his daughter?" hit back Ben.

"You're a prick," Gavin spat, "A shirtlifting prick."

Troy and Jones stared one another down. Ben was SO tempted to punch this Northern arsehole right in the smug face. He knew nothing about him!

But a brawl would just be a bad idea.

Ben stormed off to sit down somewhere else; Gavin continuing to glower at him from the bar.

"Where have you been?" asked a female voice as a swish of white floated down next to him.

"Oh hi Cully," Ben said, "Just...mingling."

"See you've met Gavin," she said, "He can be a bit...abrupt. Barks worse than his bite, Dad always said. Never forgave him for kissing me but that was ancient history!"

"Did you know a guy called Mark at Uni?" asked Ben.

Cully giggled.

She didn't need to do too much maths to work this one out.

"Oh come on Ben, out with it," she said, "You told me, you surely need to tell Dad by now."

"But what's it got to do with work? He thinks I'm going out with Sally Fielding now and doesn't ask questions."

"I wondered where Mark had gone...bad boys," giggled Cully, "He does like policemen. That's how we made friends..."

"He wasn't after your dad surely?" Ben was shocked.

"He likes older men," Cully said, "Except that I said that no way would I let that happen. He always was a bit of a bad boy."

"What does he do?" asked Ben.

"Don't suppose you got down to that stage did you?" scoffed Cully, "He's a hotelier for one of the nicest hotels in Cambridge. I should warn you...he's a player. He's one of my best friends. But he's a player. Don't expect marriage."

"Not looking for marriage right now," Ben shrugged.

"Surely soon, right?" Cully said, "At least act like you are...keeps mum from nosing. Bless her. See you later."

She got to her feet and went to go mingle with some more guests. Ben glanced across the tables and spotted Mark. Who caught his eye and winked. Ben should have given him his number.

Ben grinned back.

Mark made a subtle gesture with his hand.

Ben gaped.

Mark made it again.

"I can't!" mouthed Ben.

Yes he could. He was off duty. He'll make an exit. Finish what they started in more comfortable surroundings. He got to his feet and shuffled across the dance floor, past the buffet table and towards the exit, mainly before his boss or Joyce spotted him and asked questions. He tapped a text to Sally.

Hey. Met someone. If boss asks make something up. Thanks 4 coming. See you soon x

Sally replied instantly.

Trust u! Fine OK. Don't wear yourself out Xx

Ben chuckled to himself. He had a few months of frustration to work out so that was no problem. That was the downside of being a sergeant. Playtime was somewhat limited. He slipped into the foyer. Mark wasn't there.

The man appeared a few minutes later.

"Good boy," he smirked.

"Watch it," Ben said, "I'm older than you, remember."

"Truncheon away copper, you're off duty," smirked Mark.

He was so cheesy but Ben liked that. Made light of the darker moments of being in CID. He followed this well groomed and hot posh guy up the stairs until they located Mark's hotel room. Immediately Ben's lips were claimed and he was fiercely kissing back, making fast work of Mark's suit...damn...toned pecs, defined abs...Ben was starting to feel self conscious. He undressed anyway and allowed Mark to pull him onto the bed where they ground their bodies together fervently.

Ben crawled down the toned, muscled body and took his hookup's length into his mouth.


Next morning Ben awoke to his mobile ringing.

He rubbed his eyes.

He hadn't slept much.

And his arse was pleasantly sore.

Mark was a brute.

Just what he needed.

He took his phone and pushed answer.

"Jones.." he grumbled.

"Jones! Where the hell are you?" barked Tom's voice.

"Sir...sorry...must have slept in late..." Ben mumbled guiltily.

"You were expected at the station half an hour ago!" Tom snapped, "I hope that Sally Fielding isn't going to be making you late!"

"Sorry sir...I'll be there," Ben said, insides burning with guilt. Ooops. Still at least that prick Troy hadn't blabbed to Barnaby about him. He found his briefs (yes, so what, you couldn't see them under his work clothes) and slipped them on. Actually, where was Mark?

No sign of anything.

As Ben dressed he realised he had a text message.

He opened it.

Hi copper ;) Had a great night. Like to see you again sometime. Had to dash off early, rota cock up. Sorry x

Charming. Fucked him and then fucked off. Wasn't the first time that had happened. Ben hurriedly dressed before leaving the hotel room. At least a chambermaid didn't catch him asleep or something. How embarrassing would THAT be?

He rushed down into the foyer and out into the car park, looking for his grey Ford Focus. He couldn't drive to Causton fast enough. At least he'd missed the rush hour traffic. Ben parked up, sprinted through the doors and hurrying to CID. The place went quiet. He was never late. And certainly never showed up unshaven and in last night's clothes...

"Ah, Jones, nice of you to drop in," snarked Tom.

"Sir," mumbled Ben, sinking into his seat.

"A word if you don't mind?" Tom's deadpan tone failed to mask his annoyance. He'd expected so much more of Jones than to gallivant around with young pretty housekeepers. Unbecoming of a detective sergeant. But then was everyone as workaholic as him? He supposed he was getting old.

Like a schoolboy off to see the headmaster, Ben skulked behind his boss into Tom's office and shut the door.

He could feel the snickers of their colleagues boring through the glass. Especially Gail Stephens who nursed a crush on Ben and was pigsick with jealousy when she'd found out he'd got with Sally Fielding and taken HER to Cully's wedding.

"What is the meaning of this?" demanded Barnaby.

"Overslept that's all, sir."

"You got into a fight with Troy at Cully's wedding and all," Barnaby hissed.

"Hardly" scoffed Ben.

"It doesn't help that there's been rumours flying around the station all morning," Barnaby went on.

Ben gulped.

What rumours?

He'd tried to slip out of the reception as discreetly as he could last night. And it wasn't his fault Mark was such good sex he'd decided to stay to enjoy room service and then a sexy shower...and then round two much later...OK maybe it was.

"Rumours, sir?"

"Never mind," snapped Barnaby, "You were supposed to be in at ten to write up the Fitzroy case. I don't want you seeing that Sally Fielding anymore. You're thirty-six years old and a detective sergeant, not a teenager. Not to mention she was a witness. What if it had been a crime scene?!"

"Sorry sir. Won't happen again."

"I should think not. Now get on with the writeup."

"Any developments since Sir Edward's arrest and charge sir?"

"No. He's given a statement and case is closed. Now get back to your work Jones."

"Sir."

Ben left, face burning. Well and truly told off. At least his boss...for now...didn't know the truth. That he'd been up most of the night being shagged by his boss's daughter's old Uni friend. Male uni friend. Ha.


The writeup took longer than it should. Ben's mind kept drifting away to Mark. Would he be able to see Mark again? Causton was hardly a big pond of available fish. It was idyllic other than that problem. Which was why Ben was craving a long term partner. He was sick of travelling to Brighton or surrounding counties after cruising on Gaydar. But he couldn't keep all his eggs in one basket. Small rural towns were gossip haven.

At last Ben finished the write up. He saved the file and printed it. Just in time for lunch.

Once he'd filed it and labelled it in the correct manner, he padded nervously to Barnaby's office. Feeling once more like the kid handing his homework to the teacher.

He knocked.

"Come in."

"Sir...the Fitzroy case all written up."

"Thank you Jones. Fancy a pub lunch?"

"Er...OK sir.."

"The tired cheese sandwiches get a bit samey don't you think Jones?"

Tom did have a strange wit sometimes. But he wasn't the most adventerous diner. Still if they served chicken pie at this pub...

"Er...sure sir."

"SKipping breakfast isn't the best practice either."

"Any reason for this pub lunch sir?"

"Just a catch up with an old colleague."

Ben scowled.

Not that prick Troy?

"Problem, Jones?"

"Not at all sir."


Fairly pleased with how this went. You can see possibly where this is going. I've only touched upon what Ben is like outside of policing (maybe I should watch more episodes...I know he's also a former Freemason) and that's obviously totally invented by me. I like to imagine he's a bit of a naughty boy in the sack as well ;) The OC Mark won't appear again, he was just a device to show how Ben gets his man. I thought I'd just tie him in loosely by making him an old uni friend of Cully. I like the idea that Cully is Ben's fag hag!

Been easier to write than I first thought! Seen enough episodes to write in the quirks of the characters, like Joyce not being the best cook, Tom being a meat and two veg sort of guy etc.