Chapter 28-Confessions
I left the Cullen's not to long after Edward and I got back from the meadow. Our Meadow. Soon I would have to break the news to Charlie. That was the difficult part, but I was trying my best not to break my promise to Charlie by telling him what was going on. If i didn't tell him, he would be heartbroken and I would be dishonest. At least this way i wasn't a liar. It was settling into dusk now. I was beginning to ponder what I would make for dinner that would Charlie feel better in about my decision. Stroganoff? Ugh. Well, it's not I would be eating much tonight anyway.
I glanced down at my ring. Elizabeth Masen's ring. The large oval face of the stone shimmered in the setting sun. There were many other smaller diamonds surrounding the face, then a fragile looking gold band. Seeing as I would be wearing this ring for the rest of eternity, I might as well get used to the feel of it. It was gorgeous, no doubt about that, but I felt sort of strange wearing it. It was a good type of strange though. It felt warm, like I could look at it and see my whole future laid out ahead of me. All of that future involving Edward of course.
Charlie's cruiser was already in the driveway when I pulled in with my truck. I took the keys out of the ignition and started nervously to the house. When opened the front door Charlie was rumbling around in the kitchen. I remembered the last time he tried to cook dinner, when he turned simple spaghetti and tomato sauce into a disgruntled looking lump. He also had something to talk about with me. The fact that I shouldn't disregard the rest of my friends just because I wanted to be with the Cullen's and nobody else. In exchange he offered me freedom, so I accepted gladly.
He said that I should try and be friends with Jacob again because he was feeling depressed without me. That whole situation was over with for now though...But when would Jake move on? Since apparently he imprinted on me, and I didn't know if that could ever wear off, he might just turn up on my doorstep any day now, begging for forgiveness. That would be silly though, all I had told him was not to come see me anymore and that I had sided with the vampires...
"Hey Bells."Charlie said, sounding rather uninterested. He probably had a game on in a few minutes.
"Hey Charlie,"
I saw him glance down at my hand and back to my face. First with a look of confusion and then dawning horror. The light must have hit my ring in a strange way to get him to notice. For a minute or two I went on with my usual activities, hanging my coat up and taking off my shoes. Until I could think of noting else to do so I turned to face Charlie. "Dad...don't, don't get angry..." my voice trailed off into nothingness. I don't know why I was telling him this, for all i knew he might not have noticed the ring at all, he might just be giving my hand terrified glances.
" Bella, but...huh?" Charlie's face was starting to turn red with anger most likely, he was stuttering also, which probably meant that he had noticed the ring.
"Oh, um well, this is kind of a long story," I really was starting to hope that there was some big, important game on tonight so that this conversation could wait.
But Charlie just kept looking at me, so I assumed that that wasn't the case at all.
"But...What do you want for dinner?" that was my best defense to keep Charlie from going into cardiac arrest. "Stroganoff?"
"I ordered a pizza" he said through clenched teeth.
"Oh, um okay, I'll just be in my room then...I'm not very hungry." I was really just trying to escape into my room before he popped a vein. I was halfway up the stairs before he stopped me.
Crap.
"Bella, come sit down." I could tell that this was hard for him. There was disappointment coming out of every pore of his body. The emotion was nearly tangible.
I just stared at him. It wasn't a glare. I wasn't mad at him, yet. So I just looked. Like I was waiting for him to lash out at me. The purplish color that his face was turning was making me think about what I was going to say next. He looked like he was going to lash out and yell until he collapsed.
But He didn't.
"Bella..." he had a pained look on his face. I could tell that he didn't want to talk about this."Anything you want to talk about?"
Yeah. I wanted to tell Charlie that I was getting married to Edward about as much as I wanted to tell him that Edward was a vampire and that Jacob was a werewolf. But I knew that I had to say something at the very least, before I left. "Actually Dad, there is, but I'm not...I don't know how to..." I don't know why it was so hard to say. Just spit it out! That's what I would have told Jake...I was silent for a minute, trying to gather my thoughts.
"Is Edward really that bad?" was all I managed to say.
Charlie was silent as well. He was probably trying to sort out what he knew also. After a few minutes he did come up with something,"It's not that Bella, it's just that you're so young, You've got your entire life ahead of you."
"Dad, it's what I want. Positive." I tried to sound reassuring, but because I was so nervous, I'm sure it didn't really work.
After he thought about it some more the thoughts started flowing,"I had a feeling something like this would be happening, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I'm glad that you found someone who you like, and Dr. Cullen is a great man, but have you realized how this will look to the public? I mean you are eighteen Bella.
I was such a sucker for guilt trips.
"Oh C'mon Dad, I will be back, I'm not leaving you forever."
"Well, what I don't understand is why you can' t wait until you're a few years older, that's all. You aren't even nineteen yet.
"I'm not getting any younger either." I tried to sound final.
Charlie grimaced,"Well then, you had better call your mother if that's the case." He looked more than disappointed, but I hoped that Charlie would understand how happy I would be.
Seeing that he didn't seem happy in the least, I tried to coax him into it. "Cha-Dad, I'm going to be happy. Happy for the rest of my life. Longer than that, more like an eternity," I smiled at my own private joke."I mean, c'mon dad, It's not like I didn't tell you... We did make an agreement on that you know." I let myself trail off again, because I knew that there wasn't much left to say. Charlie would come around. Whether it be a day, a month, or more than a year, I could wait for him to be happy along with Edward and me. I would wait as long as I had to, but I didn't know who else would...
I snapped myself out of that train of thought and back to the present.
"S'long as you're happy Bells."Charlie muttered, so low that I could barely hear him. Then he added, more clearly, " Call Renee, I'll expect she'll want to know. Then he walked into the living room and turned on the TV.
I grimaced, knowing that she wouldn't be so excited either...
I got the answering machine when I called, she did mention something about a concert in her latest e-mail. "Hey Mom, it's Bella. Um, call me back when you get this, it's important. Bye." I wanted to keep it fairly simple, she would find out soon enough.
I trudged upstairs and into my room. Edward was there, and once again, his beauty took my breath away. It made me feel slightly better, knowing that he would always be there, waiting for me. I cuddled up next to him, laying my head on his cold chest. His chiseled body fitting perfectly to mine.
We looked at each other for a long moment,silent. I knew that he had heard what had gone on downstairs.
It was dark outside now, and I suddenly realized how tired I really was. I thought back to just yesterday when I said goodbye to Jacob. I didn't know if or when I would ever see him again. I wasn't even quite sure if I wanted to. Jake was my best friend, but he just wasn't't content with that. he always want more. Lucky Alice, I thought. She wouldn't be having these problems right know if she was in my shoes. I was getting married to vampire, and I was afraid. Not afraid of Edward or any of his family, but of what I would be leaving behind. I realized then, shocked myself more like, that it didn't matter now. Not at this very moment, here while I was laying with Edward. It didn't help at all to worry. What would come, would come...and we would have to meet it when it did.
I was standing at an altar, holding hands with my perfect Edward. He looked exuberant. I noticed that hands weren't cold. How strange. He looked at me with adoring topaz eyes, repeating what the minister in white robes next to him said. The minister. I glanced down to see what I was wearing. A white lace dress, the same one that Alice showed me from her closet. Edward was wearing a tuxedo...Great, I thought to myself, a wedding, why hadn't anyone told me?
"Through sickness and health," Edward said with a sly smile. There would be no sickness.
I looked around the rest of the room. It was huge. The vaulted white ceiling looked miles away. The arched windows cast light throughout the room, so there was no need for other lights. Decorations were in all the right places, never overdone. It seemed that there were white flowers covering every possible surface, perfect bouquets. That was Alice's doing, no doubt. I looked back to the minister and gasped when I saw my reflection in his glasses. I was beautiful. It wasn't the type of beauty that makeup could accomplish. No, no I was much to perfect for that. My whole face was fit with the contours and crevices of a supermodel. My nose came to a delicate point. My face was much like the one I remembered having, except every feature was extremely beautiful. My eyes were large and brown with super-long black lashes. And the way that I held myself, like I weighed nothing. Of course I weighed something, but you wouldn't have guessed by looking at the natural grace radiating from my body. Then I saw in my reflection, that I had dark circles under my eyes. Right there, putting two and two together, it all clicked. I must be wearing contacts. Edward's hands weren't warm, mine were cold.
"Till death do us part."Edward smiled again, to our own inside joke. There would be no death, just eternity.
The minister turned to me next and asked that I repeat after him."I Isabella Marie Swan, take you, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, to be my lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold,"
I repeated what the man told me with a high, whimsical voice. But with my eyes, I was scanning the people sitting out there, watching the ceremony. The entire church was packed, filled with people I had never met before. There were some I knew though, some cousins out there perhaps...
"Through riches and through poor," the minister said.
"Through riches and through poor,"I was hardly paying attention to what I was saying. The man could have said I would have to jump on one foot for the rest of my married life and I probably wouldn't have noticed. I had to figure out where that smell was coming from...it smelled like flowers. no, not even that could explain. The scent was floral, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I was scanning the first row now, Charlie, Phil...
"Through sickness and health,"the minister told me. I wasn't listening anymore. That scent was infectious, and I wanted it all for myself. That must have been what Edward felt like, the first day that he met me...
"Bella?"Edward asked with his velvet voice that brought me back down to earth.
"Oh," I was embarrassed, but shocked more than anything else."S-sorry. Though sickness and, and health," there was a note of hysteria in my voice.
Edward grasped my hands tightly, with a concerned look in his eyes. But more than anything, he looked ecstatic. I didn't want to ruin this for him. Ah, perfect Edward.
Self control. I told myself over and over in my head. It's always difficult at first, every vampire that I knew had said that. I tried to help myself, I honestly tried. I was almost okay when I heard a door close swiftly from the back of the room. A breeze blew gently I my face.
The scent came back to with such force that I could do nothing for a moment but stand there stupidly and look around. Screw self control. I needed that blood. I glanced around to see where it was coming from, just so I could see who was about to lose their life.
It was Renee.
There would be regrets, I was sure of that, she was my own mother, she gave me life. But I needed that blood like a human needs oxygen...
"Till death do us part."I heard the minister say, only distantly.
I looked up at Edward. His butterscotch eyes smoldering at me. How unfair. He would love me, no matter what. I was sure of that much.
Just then Renee blew me a kiss. I was airborne before she could put her hand down.
I woke up in a cold sweat. Edward was cradling me.It was still dark out as I pulled my head away from his chest. I glanced at my alarm clock that cast the eerie green glow across the room. Three forty-seven in the morning. Not early enough to get up without looking conspicuous.
"Bella?" he had the same concerned tone. Just like in my dream.
"Sorry Edward, bad dream"
"What happened?"I hated to see him like this, worrying about dreams that I had.
"I'll tell you in the morning, okay?"I was trying to keep my voice light, I didn't want to worry him further.
"Alright,"he said with a soft chuckle,"get some sleep Bella, I know that Alice has some plans for the two of you later."
I tucked my head back into his chest and feel into a dreamless sleep.
When I woke up, there were streaks of light coming through my window. Ah, I thought to myself, dawn is nice.. Especially when there was the most beautiful creature in the universe holding me in his cold, statue like arms.
Edward was looking down at me. He had a content look on his face. Like he could just lay there looking at me for the rest of eternity. He probably could.
"What are you so happy about?"I asked him with a slightly mocking tone to my voice.
"Oh nothing, I just enjoy watching you sleep, you look so peaceful."
"Ha, I only wish I could say the same thing."my dream was still a vivid as it had been when I had woken up in the night. I could still recall the scent, and I wanted it, but the want was distilled at the moment. I wasn't about to fly to Jacksonville and kill my mom just on impulse.
"Oh yes, do tell me, what was that dream of yours about?"He asked in the same worried voice, so beautiful that I had to remind myself what he was talking about.
"Oh...that. Um..."I was frustrated at myself for not being as straightforward as I would I would've liked to have been."I'm still worried...about what it will be like after," I gulped,"after you change me. I mean, how long will it be before I'm allowed to be by Charlie and Renee without wanting to kill them?"
There was a sad smile on his face."Bella, I can't be sure, it's different for all newborns. A year or two at the most, but then again, I can' t be sure. That' s more of a question for Carlisle than for myself." I could practically see the concern boiling right underneath his topaz eyes. It was going to make me crazy one of these days...
"So," I said, trying to lighten the mood,"You said Alice had some big plans for the day?"
The crooked smile that I loved best flashed across Edward's face.
I ate breakfast alone. Charlie had already left for work, and Edward went back to his house to change and pick up his car. I wondered what Alice had planned for the day. Probably something wedding related. Ugh. I loved Edward, that was for sure. And I also knew that I wanted him forever. I would never change my mind either, ever. So a wedding should be no big deal compared to the rest of forever right? Wrong. I had no idea why I didn't like the idea of getting married to Edward. It was obvious that I wasn't some small town hick who got herself knocked up straight out of high school. No, I was going to become a vampire. I was also going to spend eternity with the most beautiful creature on the planet. I thought about what people like Jessica Stanley would say. I shouldn't care anyway, we would be leaving soon to spend an eternity somewhere completely different, like Alaska.
Eternity. I smiled to my self at the thought.
The morning newspaper was sitting out on our small oak kitchen table. There had been no new murders in Seattle over the last few days. No new leads either. Ha. There never would be. Though it was upsetting to know that all of those deaths were a result of just myself being wanted dead.
I didn't have much time to think about though. Edward pulled into my driveway with the Volvo and was at my side in a matter of seconds. "Miss me?"he said with a low chuckle as he kissed the top of my head.
I was guessing that that was a rhetorical question, so I just flashed him a quick smile. I was still skimming the latest Seattle-murder article. There a list of the current deaths: Brain Tessier, Andrew White, Sarah Carlson, Charlie Miller, and Rachel Gilmore...All people with lives, disappearing at random from restaurants, movie theaters, gyms. Places you wouldn't expect to be abducted and killed from. At least I could comfort myself in the fact that there would no more of these killings from any of the same creatures again.
"Alice wants your input on some of the wedding details," Edward remarked with a tone of nonchalance mixed in with a twinge of annoyance."seeing as it is your wedding..."
"Let Alice have her fun," I grumbled, sounding every bit as excited as Edward was at the moment."It's probably been years since the last time she got to put together, such a big ordeal."I still couldn't bring myself to use the word wedding...
Just then the phone rang.
Crap. I thought to myself, that's probably Renee. I gave Edward a pleading look as I went to go answer the phone.
"Hello?" I asked timidly. I could barely hear my own voice over the pounding of my heart.
"Bella? That you?" It was Renee.
"Yeah," I meant to say something else, but all the thoughts orbiting my mind were suddenly pushed straight out of my mind. Well, I thought sarcastically to myself, that sure is convenient.
"What's going on hon? You don't usually call. Is everything all right?" the more she spoke, the more urgent and high pitched her voice sounded.
"No mom nothing is wrong, everything is fine, I just called to tell you that I'm...we're...Edward and I are..."I was stuttering, but I couldn't help it. All of the ideas and thoughts I had lost just moment ago came rushing back into my head.
There was a silence on both sides of the conversation. After about a minute, the silence was broken by a nearly ear-splitting shriek."Bella!" Renee sounded horrified. "You're not, you two...tell me you aren't pregnant!"
Edward burst out laughing beside me. I wanted to hit him, but I knew from experience with Jacob that I would hurt myself much, much worse. So I compensated and glared at him instead.
"No mom, no no no. I am not pregnant." I over emphasized that sentence intentionally. I wanted to crawl into a hole and not resurface until I was thought of as dead. Maybe, I thought, if I just say it really quickly...No, I couldn't do that either. Knowing Renee, she would probably just think I said 'deranged' instead of 'engaged'. Then she would sob about her only daughter being shipped of to a psyche ward.
"Bella, what's going on?" now there was sheer worry coming off of her voice.
Just then there was a knock on the door. Alice was standing right beside me, looking exuberant." C'mon Bella, we've got a wedding to plan!" She yelled so loudly that I was almost positive that Renee could hear.
An awkward silence followed. Even worse than the first. I looked around the kitchen, trying to distract myself momentarily. Looking to Edward first, I was sure that he would laugh. He didn't. He gave me such a look of sympathy, understanding, and compassion that I wanted to kiss him. I will later I thought to myself. By that time it seemed that Alice had realized what she had done. She looked horror struck. Alice kept looking at the phone, then back at me. I tried to convey the whole life-sucks-sometimes-but-we'll-get-through-it type of look, throwing in a half smile to make her feel better.
By that time Renee seemed to compose herself."But you're only eighteen Bella, don't make the same mistake I did." She was only whispering, but I could sense the same disappointment that I saw in Charlie.
"It's not the same mom, not at all. I love Edward, more than anything." The volume of my voice matched hers, but mine was filled compassion and understanding rather than disappointment.
"But eighteen Bella, you don't need to rush yourself. You have your whole life ahead of you." Renee was practically begging now, as if that would change anything.
"Think about it this way mom, I have always acted beyond my years, always watched over you, watched your life play out. I'm not going to make any of the mistakes you did...Think of it as your daughter starting a new, happy chapter in her life. The Cullens make me happier than I've ever been in my life, Edward especially, and he invited me to spend the rest of forever with him. You've met him, and you know how hard it is to say no to him"I said the last part with a soft chuckle, trying to lighten the mood before I got off the phone, "I have to go now mom, um, e-mail me if you need anything, okay? And tell Phil that Bella says hi. Love you"
"Love you too Bella." There was a tone in her voice signaling that she had lost the war. And I had taken her by surprise, cornered her. She was trapped in a cable car with nowhere left to turn...What a great daughter I was.
I was such a sucker for guilt trips.
"I'm so so sorry Bella," Alice said as I hung up the phone."I had no idea you hadn't told her yet, I just saw that you were telling Renee how happy you were...I feel awful!" She was nearing hysterics with her musical voice.
"Alice, it's alright. I had no idea how I was going to tell her, so I'm actually glad that you were able to say it for me." I smiled weakly, trying to be convincing.
"Are you sure?" Alice asked precariously.
"Positive." I tried to sound final and upbeat at the same time."So, you said something about a wedding?"
Alice grinned enthusiastically and grabbed my hand to pull me out of the house with Edward following closely behind.
