After considering everything, I decided it was re-do this story. I needed it.
Warnings! Boys Loving Boys. AU up to I believe part of book five.
Disclaimer: I don't own it.
All changes,
even the most longed for,
have their melancholy;
for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves;
we must die to one life before we can enter another.
~Anatole France
~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~
July 29th, 1996 should have been a happy day. It was only two days away from Harry's birthday, but instead, it was filled with misery. His uncle had been busy yelling at him all day, and by the sound of it, he was now taking his anger out on his wife. As much as he hated to admit it, he hated hearing his uncle yell at his mother's sister. DuDudley, of course would be spared the pain of yelling, being as he was the precious boy of the house. But the fact that Harry was even there was obviously his wife's fault. Shutting the door to his room quietly, it slightly blocked off the screaming.
"It's not my fault!" Petunia screamed at her husband. She was tired of this, because, yes she had taken in her nephew, but her sister had been murdered.
"If your family wasn't a bunch of freaks he wouldn't be here!" Vernon yelled back, shaking with rage. Petunia felt herself begin to shake as well, due to the anger flowing through her. Sure, she did resent magic, but family was family.
"YOUR SON IS APART OF MY FAMILY TOO! DOES THAT MAKE HIM A FREAK?" She was getting hysterical now. Their fights hadn't ever really been this bad. Vernon glared at her and stomped out of the room. Sighing softly, Petunia let her frail shoulders slump. This was getting out of hand, and she couldn't do anything about it. Her husband just wouldn't let it penetrate his thick skull that they had to do this, and there was really no way around it. Looking up the stairs, she saw Harry's door was closed. All she could hope was that he'd stay up there, and not come down. She'd bring him dinner later, but for now, she knew it was best if his presence wasn't around.
~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~
The two days following the fight were quiet, with hardly anyone speaking to each other. Dudley had managed to find a friend to stay with for a while, because even being the brat he was, he could feel the tension in the air. Harry only wished he was as lucky as Dudley was, which sounded strange to him.
It was finally his birthday, but his aunt and uncle both ignored this, not that Harry cared. He figured his friends would make up for it. He had stayed up early this morning, hoping something or someone would show up for him, only to fall asleep at nearly four a.m. Waking five hours later, with still nothing to show, he felt sadness creeping up into him. The one thought that dominated him the entire day was if they'd forgotten him. A small sliver of hope was saying that he'd only have to wait until tonight, and he'd be besieged my presents galore, and while he was ashamed at himself for being selfish in wanting them, he also couldn't help it.
Through out the day, the three people in the house avoided each other. Vernon had work, so he had an excuse, but Petunia and Harry were extra careful to not see each other. They weren't really aware the other was trying as hard as they were in doing so though. Eventually, as the day faded into night, Harry hid himself in his room. He wasn't all that hungry, due to the excitement of possibly getting something from his friends. As the night crept further along, Harry felt his sliver of hope getting smaller and smaller. Before it disappeared all together though, he finally got his wish. An owl waited outside his window, obviously bored. Letting it in, it dropped an envelope on his bed before taking off.
He was disappointed, but was still happy to receive a letter none-the-less. Quickly tearing into it, he was shocked at how little it said. Sure, all his letters from his friends hardly said a word, and were full of small warnings, but...this...
Happy Birthday!
With Love,
And enlisted were the names of his friends and family. And that was it. He had figured that maybe, just maybe, they would have cared enough. They'd always claimed it was Dumbledore who wouldn't let them really talk with him over the summer, but this was ridiculous. It could be for anyone, and it left him with an unsettled stomach. It hurt, more then anything, because he'd been so sure they would have tried harder. He felt his heart harden, as if to protect him. He was done with this mess of a life. Grabbing a few sheets of parchment, he set to work writing two letters. He gave a soft whistle, and heard a rustle of wings near his closet. Looking over, he saw Hedwig sitting there, looking sadly at him. Smiling softly, knowing at least someone cared, he handed her the letters. She saw the first address, and ruffled her feathers. She knew that name, she heard it a lot within the school's owlery, where she tended to stay when Harry didn't need her.
A soft hoot was all she gave before she was gone. She knew how her human was hurting, and she wanted to make him feel better. So, damned what anyone else whispered to their friends.
~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~
The pecking at his window was slowly driving him insane. He was warm and snug in his bed, and if that damned owl thought he was getting up, it was stupid. A sharp screech had him jumping though, because his father was home, and waking him up in the middle of the night was just not to be allowed. Scurrying towards his window, he blinked in shock. Potter's bird was perched on his sill, watching him with beady eyes. Opening the window, he watched as she came in and settled on his bed.
"If you shit on my bed, I will break your beak." Draco mumbled, moving towards the white bird. He jumped back when the snow owl appeared to glare at him and ruffled her feathers, as if trying to telling him 'Get bent.' Dropping her burden, she picked at one of the letters, until he took the hint to pick it up. She glared at him once more before taking off. "Bitchy fuckin' owl." He mumbled under his breath, glaring right back at the bird. Waiting until he couldn't see the white from her anymore, he finally looked at the parchment he held. "What in Merlin's name would Harry bloody Potter write me, this late at night? Honestly." He shook his head in despair, but opened it regardless.
Dear Malfoy,
I know addressing you as such is odd, considering what I'm about to ask,
but I've never really called you anything else, not including some fairly rude names.
I have a slight...favor to ask of you.
You see, I've grown tired of the way Dumbledore has been treating me.
Not just him really. But my friends as well.
I was hoping you'd be able to ask your Lord if I may met with him.
I realize I may be a suicidal fool for asking this,
But I've grown tired of the way my life has been.
A dead fool is better then a depressed fool.
Sincerely,
H. Potter
It took a good few minutes for Draco to register this. Harry Potter, the saviour of the wizarding world, was asking him, Draco Malfoy, to get him in touch with the Dark Lord. The man who'd murdered his parents. The man who'd done horrific things to countless people. He, of course, knew all the reasons behind it. But did Potter? Did he really, and truly know what he was asking? No matter though. If this is what the man wished for, then who was Draco to deny it? He'd send a missive to Lord Riddle in the morning. He knew the man wouldn't be awake at the moment. Getting back into bed, he looked out the window.
"I hope you know what you're doing, Mr, Harry Potter."
~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~
Hedwig soared through the sky, towards Grimmauld place. She didn't know if anyone would actually be up at this hour, and she wasn't too thrilled by the idea of waking anyone else up. To her immense relief, Sirius was awake, and sitting in the library of the old house. Pecking at the window, she saw him look up sharply, only to exhale harshly when he saw her. Getting up to let her in, she noticed on her loop around the room that the shabby couch he had been sitting on also held Remus, who was sleeping. A soft hoot escaped her, a sad apology from tearing him away from his lover. He gave her a smile before taking the letter from her beak. She nipped his finger before finding a perch to sleep on. Her job was over.
Looking at the letter in his hands, Sirius couldn't help but want to cry. How he wanted to do more for the young man who'd sent it to him, but was forbidden by the bumbling old headmaster who he'd blindly followed for so long. He sat back down on the couch, and smiled when Remus curled back up to him. Stroking the soft hair of the man, he opened the letter, hoping Harry wasn't too disappointed in the meager Happy Birthday they'd been allowed to give him.
Dear Sirius, Remus, Ron, and Hermione,
I'm not sure who'll get this first, so I'll make this swift.
You've hurt me. More then I can tell you.
And I thought, I so surely thought none of you would do this to me.
I was obviously wrong.
So, I'm ready to walk into my death, as it were.
I've arranged for a meeting with Lord Voldemort.
I hope you aren't too upset with me...
But really, how could you expect me to just roll over and take this?
I may only be a teenager, but that doesn't mean anything!
You should let me take responsibility and shed some light on my life.
I figure it's the least I deserve, yes?
I don't know why you've done the things you have.
I don't know, or pretend to understand why you code every single thing you send.
I can only hope you'll love me anyway, even after my death stunt.
I sent this...to hopefully see if any of you would be willing to join me.
I know it's foolhardy of me, but I have hope.
I expect a reply by maybe tomorrow afternoon from Draco Malfoy.
I have a foolish hope that at least one of you will be there.
Love,
Harry
Sirius was horrified. What had they pushed this poor teenager into!
"Remus! Wake up! I know last night was the full moon, but I need you to get up." Sirius shook his lover gently, but firmly. After a few minutes, he was finally able to sit his lover up with the note before he took off upstairs to get the other two the letter had mentioned. "Ron, Hermione! I need you two to get up, and get up now!" The black haired man hissed, trying to get the younger ones awake without waking anyone else. It took a good deal more time to get them up then it had his love, but they had no time to waste. Once he'd gotten everyone round up, and they were all up to speed, he watched the horror dawn on all of them.
"What have we done?" Remus was beside himself in misery at inadvertently causing this mess, Ron was hyperventilating, and Hermione didn't look too happy.
"What do we do, what do we do, what do we do?" Ron was near flitting around the room, only held back by the idea that he'd wake someone up. The three males had already talked about the strain they'd put on Harry, although Hermione didn't seem to care much either way.
"Ron, calm down! Harry isn't this stupid. It's probably an empty threat." The sole female huffed, before storming off to bed. The three who remained stared after her, unable to believe that she wouldn't take this seriously.
"After all that we've done to him...we can't leave him to do this on his own. I don't care how much that man goes against everything I stand for...I'm behind Harry. One hundred percent." Sirius decided, hoping at least Remus would back him up. Which he did, nodding furiously, trying to hold back his tears. Ron steeled himself, and nodded as well. "Alright, so let's get some things packed. We'll just...sneak out the window or something." The two aged men nodded to their youth, and silently swept away to get ready, while Ron snuck his way up towards his room. He wasn't sharing it with anyone, but he did share the floor with others, so he had to be silent. Grabbing just enough clothes to last him a few days, he met back up with those he was going to leave with. After a small brainstorm, they figured that if Remus could levitate them down to the ground, he could put a weight-less charm on himself before dropping down, and hoping they'd catch him. He'd shrink down their luggage so they carry it in their pockets.
"I'm putting a lot of faith in you two." He grumbled before getting them out of the window. Sighing softly, he cast the last charm before letting himself drop out the window. Sirius and Ron did indeed catch him, after almost missing him completely. With that crisis averted, they brainstormed again on how to get to Harry. They were fairly stuck on this part before having Sirius transform himself, and having Remus sit on him, still weight-less. Ron trusted the adults to get him there in one piece, and so they began to walk,
~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~
Wow, so uhm I totally pulled this outta my ass, can't you tell? But four or five years later...can you really blame me? -snorts- I fail epically, I know.
By the way, this chapter is totally two times the size the original one...
xoxo and may Hello Zombie feast on your soul,
Miss Hollipop
