(A player is walking along Lumbridge, past the shops.)

Player: Redberries, Redberries ... I wonder where I get them from.

(Player is doing goblin diplomacy)

Player: Where can I get redberries ... Can someone take me to where redberries are?

Player 2: No, fuck off, noob.

Player: Aww, why does everybody here have to be sore losers.

(Everybody stops and turn to stare at him.

Player: Sore losers ... you know, you're sore from losing the chance to suck, right?

(Everyone resumes)

Player: Phew.

Player 3: Here, I'll get you redberries. Follow me.

Player: Umm ... okay.

(Player 3 takes Player to redberries NW of varrock mining site - the east one)

Player: Oh, thanks. Say, do you have any orange dye? I don't know how to get it, but my friend told me you needed red dye.

Player 3: And yellow dye. Then you mix them to make orange dye.

Player: Oh, must've missed that part.

Player 3: Well, anyhoo, enjoy the Goblin Diplomacy.

Player: How do you know I'm doing that?

Player 3: I'm psychic.

Player: Cool, really?

(Player 3 Bangs his head)

Player 3: How dumb are people going to get?

Player: Will you add me?

Player 3: Ok, been there, done that.

Player: Oh, well all the better, cya.

Player 3: What, you logging off?

Player: No, but I'm going to ... hey, what am I supposed to do next?

Player 3: Get the brown armour.

Player: I thought I needed orange.

Player 3: Once you've got blue armour, you get the brown.

Player: But why get blue armour when I'm supposed to get orange?

Player 3: You get the blue after you've got the orange.

Player: But how am I going to get the orange?

Player 3: By dying goblin armour orange.

Player: How do I get the orange dye?

Player 3: You mix the red and yellow dye.

Player: How do I get the red dye?

Player 3: For god sake, you know how to do that you've already got red dye.

Player: No I haven't.

Player 3: Oh, well you clearly know you need redberries, you've obviously gone to Aggie's.

Player: Aggie's?

Player 3: Who the hell told you about this if not aggie?

Player: My friend, I told you. So, spill it, how do I get red dye?

(Player 3 sighs)

Player 3: 3 redberries and 5 coins.

Player: Where do I get 5 coins?

Player 3: For god sake, how many bloody questions are you going to ask?

Player: As many as it takes for me to understand what on Earth I'm doing.

Player 3: Ok, look, you get orange armour by dying it orange, you get orange by mixing red and yellow, you get red with 3 redberries and 5 coins then give them to Aggie, you get the redberries from here, you get the money from trading, selling or quests, the same goes for yellow dye, where you get 2 onions and something up to 8 coins, give them to Aggie, make yellow dye, dye the goblin armour, and give it to General Bentnoze and Wartface. GOT IT?!

(A long silence follows)

Player: Where do I get goblin armour? And then the blue armour?

Player 3: Goblin armour in some crates in goblin village or dropped from lummy goblins. Blue armour with 3 woad leaves, bring something up to 7 coins or something I dunno.

Player: How do I do the Goblin Diplomacy?

(Another silence follows, even longer. They wait for a while. There is the sound of glass shattering in Player 3's head.)

Player: Don't worry, I'm not really doing Goblin Diplomacy, I did it eons ago. Look, I'm a level 88.

(Player laughs, as he laughs, Player 3 logs out. Player stops laughing.)

Player: Maybe I should have kept him knowing I was doing the Goblin Diplomacy. Oh boy, I really need help.

(Player 4 appears)

Player 4: Oh, I'll help you.

Player: Great, but first, I have a few questions ...

The End. It sure wasn't the end! 9 more side-splitting episodes lie ahead. Journey on, humour seeking reader!