Never leave me alone
I sat on my bed, facing the wet window as I felt the tears running silently down over my cheeks. No matter what I just seemed to be able to forget about it. How you looked at me with your smile, how you looked at me with your ice cold eyes. You were perfect to me and how could I not have fallen in love with you? I ask myself that question every day.
I looked out of my window it was still raining as always.
There didn't seem to be anymore sunshine.
But that was fine by me.
After you left me, all seemed to have gone black and white, silence and always raining. I can't remember when the last day of sun was. Probably a little few day before you left. I can't remember just as I can't remember how to forget you.
It is impossible.
Even after 3 years you are still here, suffocating me with your cold voice you used on that specific day. I have tried to forget, I have tried to move further, and I have tried to run, but no matter what you always seem to find me in the end of it all. No pleasant night has been given me since last time the sun went down in view. All nightmares about me, about my friends, about my family and about you. Never were they good, only filled with horror and terror, some more than others but the most terrifying was the one which was real.
I remember.
But I wish to forget.
How can I not forget you and this sorrow, when I could forget the sorrow of my parent's death? It pains me to say this to myself because I didn't love you any higher than I loved my parents. In fact sometimes I despised you. You were a narcissistic and always demanding, never did you let go of your ice cold stone face and never did you seem to say thank you. Not even when I found him for you…
But even then I fell for you. I fell in love with your narcissistic character and how you handle everything with a cold but careful hand. I fell in love with how you always seemed to tease me even if your comments sometimes made me sad and a few times even cry. But even then I would give it all to you, my friendship, my tea, my personal stories, heck, even my whole life I would give to you! But even then you didn't seem to notice it..
You never really saw how much I was trying to help. Sure I can't exercise nor am I good at finding information but I tried because I cared. I tried because of the safeness of my friends and myself, I tried because I wanted to impress you, to make you notice me and most of all I tried because I loved you.
But even then, there was nothing… So all I could just was just…
To run away…
And I did it. After all this time I finally found myself in a place where no ghost could hunt me, where no one knew who I was nor my past, where I could be myself. But even then you came. In my thoughts, in my dreams, in my nightmares you were always there, sometimes you were the evil one and sometimes you were the dying one, but never where you at peace and the good one. Never where you the hero of my dreams.
Never were you my hero.
As a thunder cracked outside my window, I felt my eyes go wide. Of course the gods were angry at me. I had been naïve and stupid. Too much of a child to see what was really going on between me and my boss. And now I was a shame to the humanity.
And I think I will always be one.
Another thunder crack and I lay down in my bed again.
I will always be one,
Because you will never leave me alone…
And so I slept.
