In my dreams I dress in black, the soft layers of coal flowing like silk across my body, dark and enticing.

But in real life I am dressed in the stiff stark white of a virginal, pious, good loving wife of a Vicomte.

In my dreams I see a tall dark figure of mystery, commanding, strong, alluring me towards him, a Knight in black armour.

But in real life I see a tall blonde figure of my husband, sweet, affectionate, giving me everything I could possibly want or need. My White Knight.

In my dreams I live a life of pleasure, the fruits of life offered to me by a serpent in a black mask like velvet, giving in to every deadly temptation.

But in real life I live a life of frivolous balls, laughter, innocent sweets upon my tongue, safe as they are sweet.

In my dreams I am strong, unforgiving as a man, beautiful as a woman, ambitious as can be, devious as the devil.

But in real life I am delicate, kind, merciful as a Queen, pretty as a flower, blasé as can be, honest as an angel.

In my dreams I leave the life of sweet safety I have chosen, I return underground to the devils work with the night as a mask, a mask like black velvet, a mask like his very own. I am masked as he was, I shall forever be masked as he was, is, ever shall be.

And when this mask is removed, it is not only a horrific sight but breaks your heart, my beloved, my husband, I apologise for masquerading myself like this.

It is the only way; I want both and neither, both man and monster, a dilemma worst than your nightmares.

Raoul; sweetness and light, perfection at its best, beauty and safety.

Erik; bitter like chocolate, cloaked in the darkness of night even as the sun rises. He is imperfection at its worst, repulsiveness and danger.

And yet I cannot choose still, though seventeen years have passed and gone since I voiced my own ridiculous choice.

Either choice was ridiculous, neither was rational, I would choose one and forever want the other.

And this is the only way.

In my dreams I dress in black

I'm sorry, I love you both forever, I'm sorry my children; I love you more than life

Christine.