A/N Disclaimer: I still don't own Alice in Wonderland or the wonderful characters that are involved. If I had to own one of the characters it would be hands down the Mad Hatter but alas it was not meant to be. This is only the first chapter and I have no idea yet where this story will take me. It may be a while for the next chapter and I have no idea cluehow long the story on a whole will run. We shall see together. I hope you enjoy!
Tarrant could only stare at Alice with a forlorn and disappointed look on his face as the jabberwocky's blood took her back home as she wished it to. She slowly dissolved into nothing, the only thing that seemed to linger were her eyes, eyes that always twinkled with the spark of her muchness. He felt empty as they too disappeared from sight and she was no more, almost as if she had never existed at all, but he knew very well that she existed.
He did not know exactly what he felt for her but what ever it was it made him ache at her departure. He remembered their conversation on the balcony of the White Queen, the one that involved her saying that this was all a dream and that he was not real. If he was a figment of her imagination why did she make him feel this way? But she had also said that when she did leave she would miss him the most, that had to account for something.
He felt like the air was crushing him, that he was indeed mad even though he remembered her telling him in the Red Queen's palace that he was mad but all the best people were. He remembered her hands on his face, hands that were not the right size but he had still liked the feeling of her skin against his. She had smelled like grass in the summer breeze, it had been intoxicating and had snapped him out of his anger almost instantly. Her presence always soothed him, seemed to ground him.
He looked at the place Alice had been standing a moment before and he could swear he still smelled her. The White Queen stood off to the side with the white rabbit and all the other creatures who were on her side. She smiled a knowing smile, a smile that tried to reassure him that things would be all right. He only stared at her blankly asking with his eyes How do you know it will be all right?
She walked over to him, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. With her soft voice full of sorrow for her most trusted and loyal subject she said, "It will be all right Tarrant. You will see. She has learned much here but she still has much to learn. We could not keep her against her will, that would have upset you more."
He knew she was right, if he had forced her to stay as he wished he had, she would not have been happy here, would not have been happy with him. He didn't know which was worse.
Tarrant looked at the White Queen with his huge green eyes that were now flecked with red and yellow. You could always tell how the hatter was feeling just by looking at him, he was an open book if you knew what you were looking at. The White Queen had known Tarrant for a long time and she knew that he was conflicted right now.
He had never been quite right after the day the Red Queen had sent the jabberwocky to destroy his village, all to retrieve the crown that she thought rightfully belonged to her. He blamed himself for the deaths of his people, always saying there was more he could have done, should have foreseen such an attack and no matter what the White Witch said it never did any good.
The White Queen sighed, she knew that Alice would eventually come back to both Underland and him when she was ready, had seen it in the recovered scroll.
Tarrant finally spoke with the smallest hint of a Scottish accent, "Yes your Majesty I know that I could not have kept her here. I tried but she would have none of it as her actions clearly show."
"Tarrant, I swear this is not the end of your story or hers. She will be back some day."
He starting giggling and it soon became his insane laugh, the one that he had used when he had figured out the Red Queen's courtiers were not what they appeared. He couldn't seem to stop laughing at what the White Queen had just said and he didn't know why. He knew that the Queen only spoke the truth, part of her vows, plus she would never hurt him. He suddenly closed his mouth and a strangled sound escaped his lips as he forced himself to stop laughing.
"I'm sorry," he meekly said, sounding very much like a child who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, "I don't know what came over me…"
The White Queen simply smiled and replied, "I think you are relieved to hear such news old friend. There is much that you yourself do not fully grasp yet and the sooner you do the better off you will be."
He looked at her with the confusion written clearly on his face and in his eyes. She smiled mischievously as she walked past him. He followed her movements as she walked up to her mount. Coolly collecting the reins she looked at him and said as if it was an after thought, "I was wondering what you were going to do now."
He had not even thought that far yet. He had been hopping quite vigorously that Alice would have stayed and she would have given him a purpose. His eyes began to turn white as he began to feel frustrated at the thought of him being useless.
But I'm not useless. I can make things. Wonderful things. Even she liked them.
No don't think of her. Put her from your mind or you'll go mad.
I already am mad though. Mad, such a strange word and it starts with the letter 'm'. I'm investigating things that begin with the letter M.
She said I wasn't mad and I believe her.
What if she really did create you?
Then why am I still here when she's not?
Maybe she's dreaming of you right now.
But if she was wouldn't she be here?
Hard to say but you are mad you know.
I am not!
You're talking to yourself.
A lot of people do that.
And they are considered mad.
All the best people are! Alice told me so.
If you insist.
"Tarrant?" the voice was far away but the hand on his shoulder saved him from himself. He slightly jumped at the touch and quickly pulled himself together.
The White Queen could see he was still thinking about the question, all his features were scrunched up but eventually he said, "I don't know what I'm going to do now. There is nothing for me to do is there, what with me being mad and all."
"Tarrant you are not mad. If you have nothing to do as you claim then why don't you become my hatter again. You were always the best."
"I'm only best now because there is no one else left," there was the hint of the accent again and his eyes became darker with the remembrance of that day. He heard screaming on the wind, an echo of that day and he quickly covered his ears trying to block it out.
"So much pain," the Scottish accent was now at its heaviest as he continued, "I can help them, need to help them. That's what I'll do. I'll save them, all of them. But the Queen, she needs me too. So much screaming, so much death. I can't save them, but I will avenge them." His eyes were the deepest orange red that the Queen had ever seen them before, she would never admit it but she was actually afraid of him.
"Tarrant," she slowly started as she approached him cautiously as if he was a wolf who would at any moment attack her. "Tarrant, you have avenged their memory….you helped Alice through her journey which led her to defeat the jabberwocky…the Red Queen is banished….and you live on to uphold their memory…"
His breathing became agitated as he worked through what she had said. The Queen inched her hand towards him, not wanting to startle him. She put her hand on his shoulder and he immediately took in a halting breath. His eyes slowly turned their normal vibrant green and he looked at her with the apology written all over his features.
"Tarrant please be my hatter again," she whispered.
He thought about her offer for a moment but deep down he already knew the answer he was going to give her. He did so enjoy his trade and he would make hats again but this time for someone who would appreciate his craft.
"I would be honored your Majesty," he slightly bowed his head to her.
She nodded her head almost with a smugness that suggested she knew he would never refuse her or the chance to do what he loved. Maybe he would be able to keep himself preoccupied while Alice was away and the pain at her leaving would lessen just a little so he could function day to day.
