"No Going Back"
Copyright 2007 Penn O'Hara
T
Usual disclaimers apply.
LOCI Canon Timeline: During-ep for LOCI: Season Six "Renewal"
My LOCI Timeline: Post "Wheelin' Car"
A/N: I rewatched this ep with the view to reconcile that story in my Logan/Barek universe, and I think I've done it. If you're interested in how, read on…
oOo
OnePP was quiet, the detectives' desks empty save a few of the overworked catching up on paperwork. The photocopier swished its last request and the detective returned to his desk, flinging the shut folder onto the growing pile stacked there.
A slither and clatter caught Logan's attention and his mouth tightened at the janitor pushing his bucket and mop ahead of him. Logan sighed heavily, his head dropping onto his hand, grappling with the feeling clawing at his gut and pounding in his head.
Another first for him.
He remembered joking while looking at airport security videos during the Livanski case, that he never thought he'd get tired of looking at women. Tonight, he realized he never thought he'd miss a woman.
But he was missing Carolyn now. Although feeling hollow and lethargic, the prospect of going home to their apartment without her in it had kept him working late, long after Wheeler and most of the other detectives had left. He still couldn't muster up any enthusiasm to leave his desk, the work in front of him holding no appeal either.
He was missing her.
Shit!
He was more than missing her. He was in serious danger of catching a taxi to the airport and taking the next plane out of New York.
And it was barely twelve hours since he saw Carolyn last…
oOo
Logan released Carolyn's wrists and let them slide down the full-length mirror at her back. They cut a trail through the condensation that was a combination of the steam from Carolyn's earlier shower and the heat generated by their energetic bodies in the bathroom. He rested his forehead on the mirror's surface, panting slightly, giving his heart time to slow to normal.
"Next time, your back goes to the mirror, hon," Carolyn whispered. "I'd rather have your buns indelibly imprinted on its surface than mine. I'd like the three-D view too." She flopped her hands onto his shoulders and pressed her face to his chest.
Logan often enjoyably attacked Carolyn in her shower, which was big enough to accommodate both of them, but today, he slept in and hijacked her after she'd come out of the stall, the flat surface of the wall-to-floor mirror too appealing to Logan to bypass in his current mood.
He didn't want her to go.
"That was quite… enervating," Carolyn said, dropping a kiss on his shoulder before ducking out from between his body and the mirror. "Now I know what they mean when they say bones turn to water. What got you going this time?"
"You know what." He stepped into the shower and dragged her in with him, turning on the faucets. "Don't try to duck it."
Carolyn shrieked. "Shit! Mike! Turn on some hot!"
He pulled her to him instead, enveloping her in his heat, letting the cold spray turn to steam as it ricocheted off his back.
"I…I have to go," she said, her stretching her neck to give his mouth access belying her statement. "It's part of the job. It probably won't be the last time either—"
"But I don't have to like it," he mumbled against her skin.
Carolyn smoothed her hands over his flanks, their sliding through the streaming water turning the action into an erotic caress. Logan shuddered, his body responding again.
"Oh no, you don't." Carolyn laughed, pushing him away. "You don't have to like it, but making me late to the airport won't achieve anything but a reprimand for me."
Logan watched her step out of the shower and reach for a towel with a sinuous grace that stretched her body and tightened his.
"Getting fired by the Chief of D's is not the end of the world," he said, forcing the words through a suddenly dry throat. "I should know. I've already been there."
"And Bradshaw might consider Staten Island a good place for me too."
"But it has to be more exciting than a five day LEIM conference held in North Carolina, of all places."
Carolyn dipped her eyes in a coy gesture. "I don't know. Southern gentlemen are so much more…well, gentlemen. It might be fun to be feted as a lady—"
Slipping out of the shower, Logan grabbed Carolyn and swung her into him. "You want to be feted as a lady by men with good manners or worshipped as a woman by all that my body can give?"
Carolyn's jaw dropped and her eyes widened. "Hell, when you put it like that—!"
Logan swooped onto her startled mouth and groaned a tortured declaration of love…
oOo
Logan's chest heaved with the rumble of anguish in his throat.
"Fuck!"
Turning his vulnerability into a coarse expletive he slapped shut the file he had been working on and pushed his chair from the desk and headed out. Reliving this morning was making it worse. He wasn't getting any work done, the loneliness weighing him down. He might as well go home, have a few Scotches, have a few more and try to fall asleep. Then he'd only have four more days to get through.
oOo
Prowling around their apartment, Logan's unwarranted sense of abandonment increased. He threw himself on the sofa, picking up the remote to flip through the channels on the TV. Nothing grabbed his interest, so he threw down the remote in disgust. Thumbing through his CD collection was just as pointless, so he finally went for the liquor collection in the kitchen. One shot of Scotch scorched his throat and left a bitter taste in his mouth, convincing him that was a bad idea too, but he refilled his glass anyway.
Succumbing, but hating himself for his weakness, he pulled out his cell and pressed Carolyn's speed dial.
"Hi, hon!" she breezed when she answered the call.
Logan's shoulders dropped as the tension slid from him at the sound of her voice. "Hey babe."
"Missing me yet?" she laughed.
"Shit, yeah," he growled into the phone, surprising himself with his honesty. He intended to play it cool, but the sound of her voice drove away all pretence. "Fuck this, Carolyn. I want you here. How sad is that?"
"Music to my ears, actually," she said, her breathy voice stirring him.
"What am I gonna do? I can't stand it here without you."
He heard her chuckle into the phone. "Go hug my pillow."
He grunted. "That was the first thing I did," he admitted. "Just made it worse. And I'm not goin' anywhere near the shower after this morning."
Carolyn's sigh was long and heavy. "I know what you mean. That was… unsurpassable. Twice."
Logan swallowed painfully, deliberately clamping down on the memory.
"But you're gonna rival one of your homeless snitches if you don't shower for five days," she joked.
"I'm thinkin'…" He took a deep breath, resolve strengthening his voice. "I might go stay at my own apartment. Just while you're gone."
She went quiet, as if thinking it through. "Well…I guess…that'd work. It wouldn't be the first time you've used it as a stop-gap. But if you bring back any more of those old ties—"
"Hey, I got all of 'em last time!"
"That's what I feared. Sorry, hon, I have to go. The boss is ready for our Welcome cocktail party. Bradshaw won't wanna miss it."
"You ain't gonna get drunk and fuck him afterwards, are you?" Logan tried to joke, swallowing hard.
"I don't think anyone could get that drunk."
"What about all the other cops there vyin' for your attention—?"
"Hon, I got the best cop there is, waiting for me at home. I'm not gonna— But I gotta go!"
Logan scrabbled for some way to keep her talking. Keep her at the other end of his phone, but he couldn't come up with anything more original or compelling than…
"I miss you."
"I…love…you."
The connection was cut and Logan stared at the cell in his hand.
I love you, too.
oOo
tbc…
